I’m pretty certain that the biggest challenge when it comes to compromising stems from the fact that no one wants to lose. Ever!
What most people fail to realize however is that true compromise is not about winning and losing. It is about allowing both sides of the compromise to maintain self-respect. A compromise can be found in any situation and it can, in fact it must, be found without sacrificing core values.
If you’re truly interested in finding a compromise in difficult circumstances then you must stop trying to always be right. Admitting you are wrong about something, whether it is a fact, an opinion or some emotion driven thinking is not a loss. It is not a sign of weakness or stupidity. It is a sign of courage and emotional strength. The moment you realize that you are wrong about something admit it and move on.
To find compromise you must be willing to let some things go. Humans say and do the most regrettable things when they are emotional. You most certainly have and it’s likely that you are willing to cut yourself a fair amount of slack for saying or doing whatever. You cut yourself that slack because you realize that you were emotional. You must also realize that the other party to your compromise is an emotional being as well. Cut them some slack!
You may enter into a discussion with one set of expectations but that doesn’t mean your expectations can’t change as a result of the discussion. Be willing to change your expectations, again that is not a sign of losing. It is a sign that you’re strong enough to realize that sometimes the only way to get something is to give something.
Hiding your true feelings when searching for a compromise does not work. Share how you feel and value the other person’s feelings as much as you want them to value yours.
Finding a compromise requires that both parties keep an open mind. Personally I try to remember that I can be wrong about most anything at almost any time. That’s probably true for you too.
Relationships are what make life worth living. When we forget that we put every relationship we have in grave danger. A long time ago a great friend of mine gave me some life changing advice. I was struggling with some issues with our daughter and this very wise man asked me a simple question.
He asked what was more important, proving I was right or my relationship with my daughter. That simple question changed my approach to every relationship I have.
There is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time you interact with another human being you leave them feeling either better or worse about themselves and their life situation. Every single time!
Find a compromise that makes them…and you, feel better about each other. You will never regret it!
4 thoughts on “Compromising Relationships”
Reblogged this on Gr8fullsoul.
I’m quite certain you’re familiar with The late Stephen Covey’s “Third Alternative.” It’s really what you’re describing – better for both parties involved (I’ve often called it the “Better Alternative” – which is more correct language-wise when there are more than three parties / positions being proposed. Yea, I know, messing with a giant in the field …). Covey’s solution is that all parties come together to find an ‘alternative’ that each party honestly believes is better than the one that party was proposing / defining / promoting / defending before the parties came together.
IMO, this is your ‘compromise where all parties feel things are better.’ Have you read Covey’s “The Third Alternative” Book?
I have not read that but I will now. I spoke on a panel discussion many years ago with Stephen Covey, truly an amazing thought leader.
Stephen Covey is probably the first person (so long ago, dirt was clear then – not even dirty yet … I know, I know, silly!!!) that got me thinking about things that, many years later, has evolved into my notion of Personal Servant Leadership. Love his books, videos, … Was on my bucket list to see him I’m person but of course that won’t happen. But you were on a panel with him. Wow …