Month January 2022

A Guaranteed Wrong Decision

Steve Keating 3 Comments

I was asked years ago to do a Goal Setting workshop for a group of High School Seniors. We were talking about short term goals and I asked how many of the students were planning on attending college in the fall. 

The answers were varied but one stood out. The student said they had not yet decided about attending college in the fall so they were taking a year off school and then they would decided. I replied “so you’ve decided to not attend this fall.” They again said that had not yet decided about college in the fall so they were taking a year to “review their options” and then decide. So I gave the same reply. I added that by not deciding they had decided. They would not be attending college in the fall. 

The young student was frustrated with my answer. They were certain that they had not yet made a decision. But in fact the decision had been made. 

You may be tempted to cut the student a little slack given their age of lack of experience with making big decisions. Except the inability to make decisions has little to do with age or experience. 

It has to do with confidence. It has to do with being okay with failing once in a while. It has to do with the willingness to suffer the consequences of make wrong decisions. It has to do with with having the discipline to try again. And maybe again and again. 

People who can’t make a decision, or more likely, won’t make a decision, fail to understand that not making a decision IS a decision. It’s a decision to not change, to not take action, or it’s a decision to cling to a past mistake because you invested so much time in making the mistake. 

Not making a decision is guaranteed to be a wrong decision. I maintain actually making a decision that turns out to be wrong is often easier to fix than no decision because at least you’re now certain what doesn’t work. 

When you’re making a big decision and you’re not sure what to do then break the big decision into a series of smaller ones and do the next right thing to do. No matter how little that “right thing” is you’ll be creating momentum towards the big decision. You’ll be making progress and progress is always a good thing to make. 

If you think you truly can’t decide between a couple of options then simply flip a coin. I can promise you when that coin is in the air you’ll know exactly how you want it to land. Then, regardless of how the coin actually lands, you’ll know which option to choose. 

That may sound silly but it works amazingly well. But in order to find out for yourself you do have to decide to try it out. 

Yes, You DO Have Time

Steve Keating 5 Comments

There’s only one thing I don’t have time for. It’s people who tell me that they don’t have time. Everyone has enough time to accomplish all of their priorities. What many people don’t have is priorities. 

The reality is that without priorities time doesn’t matter. When everything is of equal importance then nothing is important. People without true priorities finish up their day and wonder where the time went. People with priorities and goals that align with them know exactly where their time went. It was used precisely where they intended to use it. 

So please don’t tell me you don’t have time. Tell me you can’t manage your time. Tell me you have no ability to prioritize. Tell me you just don’t know what to do next but don’t tell me you don’t have enough time.

Now I’m no time management expert. I don’t actually believe there is such a person. To manage time you would have to be able to stop it, to add to it, or borrow it from someone else. As far as I know, none of that is possible. 

So stop taking time management courses, most of the are just another waste of your time. Instead, start managing the events that use up your time. Managing the events that make up your day becomes much easier when you learn to use one word. It’s a tiny word, it’s a word than many people are offended by. It’s a word that many of us struggle to say, especially when we most need to. 

The word is NO. 

I say no to a hell of a lot of people and even more things. I, just like you, have 1440 minutes in each day. Unlike many of you, I alone decide how they will be used. I know that each day will have time devoted to family. Each day will have time devoted to work. Each day will have time set aside for fun. (Yep, each and every day) 

Some days I set aside time to do nothing. Some people don’t seem to be able to understand that particular concept. They call and ask what I’m doing on Saturday. I say I’m doing nothing. They say great, let’s do this. I reply that I can’t, I’m doing nothing on Saturday. They are very confused. For me, doing nothing is something and it’s pretty great.

I don’t blame them for being confused. One of the greatest stress producing beliefs that too many people have is that you must be doing something every waking minute of the day. Folks, I’m here to tell you that just ain’t so. 

I also have me time. My me time usually starts around 4:00am and ends around 5:00am. It’s only an hour but for me it’s an important hour. I’ll bet it would be for you too. In that hour I write stuff like this post. I do most I my social media efforts in that hour as well. I skim a few newspapers most days in that hour and it’s my time alone. No one is up in the house so I’m not taking time away from my family for me. My co-workers haven’t thought of getting out of bed yet so I’m not affecting them by focusing on me. 

5:00am to 5:30am I look at the days events and divide up my time according to the priorities my goals have set for me. Some days the number one priority might be a lunch with a colleague who needs my help. Other days it might be something I’d really rather not do but I know it must be done. There is even open time on my calendar that I allow other people to fill with their priorities because helping others is a priority for me.

Having a clear set of priorities each day will eliminate much of the day-to-day stress most people experience. Even on the days life throws you a curve and your priorities go out the window you’ll have less stress than others because you’re still in control of your time more days than not. 

So remember, when you start feeling stressed over time it’s likely of your own doing. Or more likely it’s because of what you didn’t do. You didn’t say NO!

Accepting the Inevitable 

Steve Keating 3 Comments

No matter when or where you’re reading this it’s going to get dark out at night. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s likely to happen sometime after the sun goes down. Assuming of course that the sun does indeed go down.

Try not to be too upset when the darkness arrives because I’m equally confident that light will return the next day. That’s very very likely to happen shortly after sunrise. 

I can predict those things with great confidence because they are inevitable. A short definition of inevitable is “sure to happen” or “unavoidable.” So while some people may not think it’s much of a prediction, others will act as if I can see into the future. 

That’s because some people cooperate with the inevitable and some people fight it as if they can somehow change the unchangeable. The most successful people know what is inevitable and what isn’t. They change what they can and when faced with the inevitable things of life they accept them. They adjust their attitudes about them in order to focus on those things they can control and change.

Less successful people don’t always distinguish between what they can control and what they can’t. They spend precious time, sweat and tears, often lots and lots of tears, trying to change things that are not changeable. Frequently they try to change other people too. Generally speaking, trying to change other people is the biggest waste of time and effort. You can try to help people change themselves but if they don’t see a need to change, they ain’t changing. The fact that some people will never change is perhaps life’s greatest inevitability.

It is inevitable that there will be parts of most jobs that people won’t like. If you’re in a customer service roll there will be some very difficult people to deal with. If you’re in a sales roll there will be people who won’t buy from you…ever. If you’re a doctor there will be people who pay good money for your diagnosis and then ignore your advice. If you paint lines on streets there will inevitably be some knucklehead who will immediately drive over your newly painted line.

Those things are just gonna happen. Allowing them to negatively affect your attitude or ruin your entire day is as crazy as getting upset when it gets dark out at night. 

Never allow things beyond your control to upset you to the point that you don’t control the things you can. Especially the one thing you and you alone have complete control over, your attitude. 

Don’t be surprised when the inevitable happens, smile and say to yourself, “yep, I saw that coming about 100 miles away.” Then go about your day as if you did indeed see it coming, because you should have. 

Some readers of this post will find it useful some will not…I’m okay with that because I know it’s inevitable. 🙂

The Absolute Unimportance of…Almost Everything 

Steve Keating 6 Comments

A former colleague of mine used to get himself worked up over the littlest things. But just when you thought he was about to blow his top he would stop, take a breath, and say out loud, “Well, the heck with it, this won’t matter in a hundred years so why worry about it now.” 

After hearing him say that about 100 times it got me to thinking what exactly will matter 100 years from now. The answer I came up with was “almost nothing.” I mean that seriously, unless I find a cure for cancer or discover life on a planet in a distant solar system most anything I do today will be long forgotten in 100 years. 

I mean this seriously too…do not take what you do too seriously. Most of us are not that big of a deal. Most of what we do is just not very important. 

Most people would disagree with that because they confuse urgent things with the important things in life. A former United States President, Dwight Eisenhower once said he had two kinds of problems, urgent and important. About those problems he said, “The urgent are not important and the important are never urgent. 

Too many people spend their time on the urgent things of life. They do so at the expense of the important things of life. If you’re not sure of the difference let me tell you how I look at it. 

Important things are activities that have an outcome that leads to us achieving our goals, whether these are personal or professional. Urgent activities are those things that we think demand immediate attention. They are usually associated with achieving someone else’s goals.  They are often the ones we concentrate on and give immediate attention to because the consequences of not handling them can be immediate. 

The most successful people have a longer view of life. They balance the important with the urgent much more effectively than less successful people. Of course one of the reasons less successful people struggle in this area is because they lack formal goals to guide them in their decision making. 

Few things in life I can guarantee more than this…if you lack real goals in life then you will spend your life helping people who do have real goals achieve theirs. 

So here’s a few of questions I’d encourage you to ask yourself on a very regular basis. How much will what I’m about to do matter in 30 days? How much will it matter in a year? How much will it matter in five years? 

Then act accordingly.

Let me give you one little example that my wife taught me many years ago. You have company coming over. The company are some friends from work. Your two toddlers have made a mess of the house. You HAVE to get the house cleaned up before the company arrives. Your kids WANT you to read them a story.

Which one is urgent and which one is important? Which one will matter down the road? When you change jobs in a few years you may not ever see those work friends again. But you’ll never get those 30 minutes of story time back again. 

The mess in the house will wait. The kids will not. 

I am always fully aware of the absolute unimportance of almost everything I do. That in no way makes me less important as a person. It in no way demeans what I do. It does allow me to have better balance in my life. It allows me to consciously make decisions to at times sacrifice the important for the urgent. But I know I’m doing it and I know why. 

I know for a fact that this post won’t matter in 100 years. But I hope it matters to someone today and I hope for your sake, that someone is you. 

The Importance of a Mentor

Steve Keating 1 Comment

I’ve admittedly been very fortunate to receive an excellent education. Sometimes I took advantage of the excellent opportunities to learn and sometimes I didn’t. I suppose I wasn’t that different than most students; I did better at subjects I liked and not as good at the ones I didn’t. 

My education made it possible for me to make a living. It didn’t really do much to help me make a life. 

Making a life required a whole different level of education. A level that can only come from a mentor. As fortunate as I was to have a formal education, I have been, throughout my life, blessed to have excellent mentors. 

Knowing what I know now, if my younger self had to choose between a formal education or a series of outstanding mentors I’d go with the mentors every time. That’s because working to make a living often doesn’t open a door to making a life. However, working to make a life often opens the door to earning a living. 

You can make resolutions forever and accomplish nothing. You can set squishy goals and mushy plans til the end of time and they will lead to nowhere land. Or…

You can get serious about building the life that was meant for you. The first step in that process is getting yourself a mentor. A good mentor. A mentor who cares about you. A mentor who cares so much that they will be honest with you. Even when it hurts. 

As you begin your search for  mentor here are a few things to keep in mind.

Your mentor should be enthusiastic about being a mentor. They should be passionate about helping others, namely you. The reward they seek should be in seeing you grow and become successful. Don’t attempt to drag someone into a mentoring role, if they aren’t all in from the beginning it’s likely they will never be all in for you. 

A good mentor should help lead you where you want and need to go. They should align with your needs, your desires and your talents. They should not push you to be a clone of themselves. They should be focused on helping you be the best version of yourself. 

A good mentor will push you out of your comfort zone. They know that “comfortable” is the enemy of growth. They will encourage you to try new things, to experiment and even to fail. 

Your mentor will need to know you, maybe even better than you know yourself. That means they will be an excellent listener. They will not allow themselves to be distracted when listening to you and they won’t be afraid of a little silence while they are considering what you’ve said. 

Good mentors provide great feedback. They “tell it like it is.” They may not always provide you with the feedback you were hoping for but that’s actually a sign of a mentor who cares. 

The best mentors I’ve had in my life seldom told me straight out I was wrong. They asked question after question to open my eyes so that I could see I was wrong without being told. Those were the “lessons” that really stuck with me. 

When you’re mentor “shopping” look for a person with those traits and abilities. When you find one ASK them about their willingness to mentor you. Ask if they would be willing to help you grow into the person you’re capable of becoming. 

You may be able to go it alone but you are FAR more likely to reach your full potential if you have a little help along the way. 

Are You a Model of Success?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

One of the things that frustrate many people in leadership positions is their people not doing what they are told to do. They don’t follow directions and frequently ignore what the leader says. 

It’s kinda true that many people don’t listen to what their leader says. That’s because they are too busy watching what their leader does. 

Authentic Leaders know that their actions speak louder, much louder, than their words. They know that people will do what their leader does about 1000 times faster than they will do what their leader says. Authentic Leaders know that they are the model for the behavior of their people. Not only are they the model for behavior, they are the model for their attitude as well. 

If you’re in a leadership position then you must be hyper-aware that your people are watching you. Always. They watch to determine if what you say is what you mean. If your actions match your words then they will do what you say. If your words say one thing and your actions another then they typically discard your words and do what you did. 

They know that while they may misinterpret your words they can clearly see what you’ve done. Doing what you do is “safer.” What you do likely helped put you into a position they would like to be in one day. It only makes sense that they would follow the example you set for them. 

You confuse them when you get frustrated because they did what you did. You may not realize that you’re leading by example but you most certainly are. Whether you intend to or not. 

Whatever behavior you “model” for your people is the behavior your people will give you. 

It works the same with the attitude your people display. If you demonstrate a negative attitude to your people then don’t be surprised when your people demonstrate one to you. If you’re leading a group of people with a negative attitudes the source of that attitude most likely looks back at you from the mirror every morning. 

Most people in leadership positions don’t like it, or agree with it, when I say that. They believe they are the sunshine in everyone’s day. Let me encourage you to look at yourself again. Maybe hit record on your smartphone and “listen” to yourself for a few hours. You may be surprised at how negative you sound…if you listen with an open mind. 

As a leader, do you cultivate an atmosphere where negative attitudes go to die or do you allow an atmosphere where negative attitudes can thrive? 

Authentic leaders know that when it comes to behavior and attitudes they will most likely get what they give. That’s why they work to consistently model an attitude of success and the behavior that goes along with it. 

The Most Important Part of Communication 

Steve Keating 3 Comments

I used to sell a training course on communication. The course was literally world famous and is still taken by thousands and thousands of people each year all over the world. Most of the people who sign up for the course claim to want to become better communicators but what they really want is to be better speakers. 

There is a big difference between being a better speaker and a better communicator. They learn the difference in the very first week of that 12 week class. They discover that there are two parts to communication. Talking, which is what they signed up to learn, and listening, which they think they are already good at. 

The best communicators understand the difference between a dialogue and a monologue. They know that when they listen they learn. They linger on the words of the person speaking until they are certain that they understand their intent. 

The best communicators listen more than they talk. They know that saying something is no guarantee that it was heard. So they ask checking questions to ensure the person they are communicating with both heard and understood what was said. 

Great communicators don’t talk to another person, they talk with them. The difference in word choice and tone of voice allows for the possibility of real communication to take place. 

When I hear someone say that they learn a lot by talking to other people I immediately question (to myself) their communication skills. That’s because no one learns anything by talking. When we talk we are repeating what we already know, or think we know. It is when we stop talking to listen that we actually learn. When I hear someone say they learn a lot by listening to other people that’s when I know I’m talking with a good communicator. 

Here’s one surefire way you can be a better communicator this very day… put down the darn phone. I know it’s called a smart phone but if it was really smart it would shut itself off when it detected another life form within 3 feet of you. 

The number one cause of poor communication is distraction. The biggest distraction most of us deal with day in and day out is the hunk of electronics almost permanently attached to our hands. 

You cannot text and listen. You cannot watch videos and truly listen to another person. You can’t play whatever game you’re currently fascinated with and give another person’s words the attention they deserve. 

You cannot communicate if you’re not listening. Listening is the most important part of communication. Listening is the key that unlocks the words you need to use to deliver your message in a way that will be heard. Sometimes listening to another person speak is all you need to do to make a significant difference in their life. 

When you become a better listener you become a better person. You become better informed. You become a better friend, spouse and parent. 

You can be better in all those areas by making a decision to talk less and listen more. You may even discover that when you listen with complete attention you actually have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation. That’s when you know you’re truly a great communicator.