The Value of Being Interested in Others

It’s the kiss of death in sales, and it’s the kiss of death in networking. It is pretty much the kiss of death whenever we are trying to build a relationship. It’s when we talk too much. 

 

Often, in our desire to tell everything we know, we go on and on without letting the other person participate in the discussion. The truth is, if you’re doing most of the talking, you’re not as successful as you could be in your sales career. Your likely not as successful as you could be in life either. 

 

Here’s an idea to try. This week pay particular attention to the amount of time you spend talking versus the amount of time you spend listening. It makes no difference if your conversation is in person or on the phone. It makes no difference if it’s a work conversation or you’re talking with a friend. After each conversation make note of the percentage of time you spoke — and the percentage of the time the other person spoke. This is just for you so be brutally honest.

     

If you find yourself dominating the discussion, make a conscious effort to listen more and talk less. In a sales conversation you should be letting your customer do about 70% of the talking. In a personal conversation aim for at least a 50-50 split. 

 

In either case remember that when you’re talking you’re only repeating what you already know. When you’re listening you have the chance to learn something new. 

 

As a salesperson when you let others speak, you’ll discover your customer’s wants and needs. Your sales presentations will be more on target and others will feel that you are knowledgeable and competent. Most important, you’ll make more sales.

 

Dale Carnegie said that we can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than we can in two years by trying to get people interested in us. 


One of the fastest ways to demonstrate your interest in other people is to listen to them. Really, really listen. Put down the phone, focus on them, make them feel that they are the most important person in the world. After all, in the moment they are talking with you, they are. 

Trust Goes Both Ways

Years ago, many years ago actually, I was calling on a candy manufacturer in the Eastern United States. They generously offered me a tour of their building and since there were bowls of my favorite candy all over the place I quickly accepted their offer. 

 

The tour somehow felt a little weird from the start but I couldn’t figure out why. As the tour continued it dawned on me that none of the offices or conference rooms had doors. There were door frames and you could see that at one time there were doors but they had all been removed. 

 

That struck me as very odd so I asked what happened to the doors. One of the founders of the company was giving me the tour and his answer was confusing too. He simply said that “they” didn’t like rumors. 

 

He went on to say that information is the enemy of rumor so they share as much information as they possibly can. He also made a point to say that nearly all information is shareable. He felt that most companies needlessly withhold information from their employees and that is how rumors begin. 

 

When I asked about information such as recipes and other intellectual knowledge he said they share as much of that as possible too. I mentioned something about needing a lot of trust to do that and his instantaneous response was that they didn’t hire people they couldn’t trust. 

 

Considering that trust is a necessary ingredient for leadership that statement has stuck with me for all these years. I think everyone would agree that a leader needs to have the trust of the people they hope to lead. 

 

But what about the other direction? Does a leader need to trust their people in order to truly lead them? 

 

Before you answer that question think about this…do you find it easier or harder to trust someone who doesn’t trust you? If you’re like most people you find it harder, much harder. Maybe even impossible. 

 

That would mean that a leader who doesn’t trust their people is a leader who isn’t trusted by their people. That means that they aren’t a leader at all. 

 

I go back to my conversation with the candy maker who wouldn’t hire people that he couldn’t trust. I’d bet one of the reasons the company has flourished since 1941 is that incredible level of two-way trust.

 

So what about you. Are you hiring people who you can’t trust? I’ve asked that question to leaders face-to-face and they always tell me “of course not.” But they share very little information with them. They allow them to take minimal if any risks. They are not allowed to deviate even a little from long established processes and procedures. These leaders claim to “empower” their people but they don’t trust them enough to let them make a single change.

 

They are trusted in word only. Every decision and action indicates that they are not trusted in practice. But the organization’s leadership expects the trust of their people. 

 

It doesn’t work that way. 

 

Trust is a two-way street. Either start hiring people you can trust or start trusting the people you’ve already hired. 

 

The fastest way to make someone trustworthy is to trust them. If you’re waiting for them to trust you first then perhaps you’ve forgotten that YOU’RE the leader…you go first. Show that you trust your people because if you don’t it’s unlikely that they will ever trust you. 


Trust goes both ways or it doesn’t go at all! 

Ask For The Order

I had a salesperson who worked for me years ago who was outstanding at building relationships with prospects. She had a way of genuinely connecting with people that built instant trust and credibility. 

 

She valued her relationships with her prospects above all else. Even above asking them to buy something from her. She couldn’t bring herself to ask for the order. She honestly felt it could damage the relationship if the prospect saw her as a salesperson. 

 

She didn’t work for me very long. I had a requirement that my salespeople made certain that all prospects knew full well that they were there to sell them something.

 

I understand it can be uncomfortable to ask people for their money. However, too many salespeople put their proposals and presentations out there and wait. Very often they end up walking away with no sale.

 

If a prospect doesn’t quickly see the value of the salesperson’s products and jump right in to buy the sales opportunity may be lost.

 

Asking for the order is a vital part of the sales process. It is the logical conclusion to a professional sales presentation. Prospects expect to be asked.

 

Researchers asked people who were not persuaded to buy why they didn’t go ahead with whatever it was they were offered. Interestingly enough, the most common answer was that they were never asked. In some cases, they were convinced of the value of the offering and would have gone ahead, but nothing happened. The salespeople didn’t ask them to make a commitment or to part with their money, so they didn’t.

 

Don’t ever let the fact that you didn’t ask someone to make a buying decision be the reason a buyer doesn’t move forward. It can be as simple as saying, “How would you like to handle the investment for this?” Practice saying it in a business-like manner. It works fine when delivered with confidence.

 

Knowing when to ask, however, is every bit as important as doing it. Sometimes salespeople wait so long to ask for the sale that the right time to ask passes them by. To get past this timing challenge, use trial closes to take a prospect’s buying temperature.

 

You do this by simply putting the word “if” in front of your usual order asking questions. For instance, “IF you were to go ahead with this how would you handle the investment for the purchase?”

 

It’s designed to take the temperature of the sale. If the prospect is warm enough, you would move to asking your final order asking question about delivery date, paperwork, etc.


Asking for the order doesn’t always work, but this much is certain; it works a whole lot better than not asking. So ASK!

Can a Leader Over Communicate?

A few weeks back the local newspaper in Minneapolis published a story on the best companies to work for in Minnesota. There were big companies, medium size and very small companies listed. 

 

They were from a variety of industries with many of the companies having a very diverse workforce, even the smaller ones. Some had leaders who had been at the helm a long time while others had newer leadership. There were many differences in the various organizations. 

 

But there was one thing that all, that’s all, as in every, organization seemed to have in common. When employees of organizations on the list were interviewed they all spoke of the importance of communication. 

 

A good work environment is dependent upon many factors. None are more important than open, consistent, and honest communication. 

 

“Work” is a vital part of most people’s lives. They spend, or hopefully, invest, a large percentage of their waking hours there. People have this space within them that holds the information they deem vital for their lives. Since work is vital they must have as much information as possible about where they work. They need to know how the organization is doing, if it’s stable, if it’s growing and what the future holds. If that information isn’t supplied for them then they fill the gap themselves, often with rumor.

 

Information is the enemy of rumor. If you don’t like rumors running around your organization then the fastest way to smother them is with accurate information.

 

I’ve known many people in leadership positions who believed and still believe that information is power. They believe that knowing something that their people don’t makes them more important. Some believe it makes them smarter and more indispensable. Others believe that “secrets” must be kept because it’s “best” to keep employees guessing. I knew a senior leader years ago who literally told me a key part of his job was to keep his people guessing about what he wanted from them. That’s crazy!

 

There is little information that must be kept secret. Yes, there are some legalities involved, especially for publicly held companies. But overall there is a lot more information withheld from an organization’s people than needs to be. 

 

Leaders should never withhold information from their people only for the sake of withholding it. Most leaders are very good about not being careless with information that must be protected. Most leaders are also very very careless about sharing information that their people need to know. They mindlessly forget how important the organization is to their people. Sometimes they simply lack the empathy needed to understand the importance of communication.

 

There have never been more avenues of communication available for leaders of organizations than there are today. Depending on the size of your organization you can email a brief weekly newsletter to your team or post a weekly blog on your company intranet. You can develop your own social media site for your organization. You can create a podcast for senior leaders to update people on what’s happening with the business. 

 

The key is consistent, regular and frequent, very frequent, communication. The younger your employees the more they crave that communication. Once a year or even once a quarter does not get it done anymore. 

 

There is no excuse for not communicating with your people. Unless of course you’re simply too busy. If that’s the case and you’re too busy to connect with your people then you need to realize that your also too busy to lead.


The answer to the question that makes up the title of this post NO, a leader cannot, absolutely cannot, over communicate.

Do You Have the Trust of Your People?

Emerson said, “Every great institution is the lengthened shadow of a single person. An individual’s character determines the character of the organization.” Is your’s the shadow that Emerson was talking about? 

 

If you’re in any leadership position you should know that you cast a large shadow on those who follow you. Your shadow can either shade them from difficulties or make their work environment a very dark place. 

 

It all depends on the level of trust YOU create with your people.

 

Only 45% of 400 managers in a Carnegie-Mellon survey trusted their top management. A third distrusted their immediate bosses. I truly hope your people trust you but you can’t lead by merely hoping you’re trusted. You must work intentionally, every day, to earn the trust and respect of the people you lead.

 

That trust can only come from a consistent display of integrity. Your integrity comes from your actions, not your image and not the statements you make. Your people will do what they see you doing far faster than they will do what you ask them to do.

 

When what you say doesn’t match what you do then you can be certain they will do what you did and not what you said to do.

 

When thinking about the quality of your own integrity consider these questions.

  • Are you the same person no matter who you are with?  
  • Do you make decisions that are best for others when another choice would benefit you?  
  • Do recognize others for their efforts and contributions to your success? (In writing?) 

Image is what people think you are, integrity is what you really are.  Asking yourself these three questions can help keep you on track and ensure that your image matches your level of integrity. 

 

Here is one reason integrity is so important for a leader: Integrity has huge influence value. If you have the ability to influence others then your ability to lead is unlimited. Integrity helps a leader be credible, not just clever.

 

Integrity is a hard-won achievement; it takes a long time to establish it with your team and you never fully complete the task. You must work on your integrity every day because while it’s a long process to earn it, you can lose it overnight.

 

It’s also a good idea to seek input from others about your integrity. You won’t always see yourself the same way that others may see you. So ask someone who knows you well, in what areas of your life they see you as consistent. (you do what you say) In what areas they see as inconsistent (you say but don’t always live.) 


If you don’t like their answers remember, you can change. You can become the leader you want to be, but also remember, you will only become what you are becoming right now.

 

 

 


If at First You Don’t Succeed….Quit!

Yes, you read that right. I know the popular thinking says to try again but really, what’s the point. It’s terrible advice. Actually the popular thinking says to try and try again but that’s even worse advice.

 

If you want to succeed then stop when you fail. Stop until you can figure out a better plan and then and only then should you try again. It’s possible the failure was even caused by not having a plan at all. 

 

I know planning isn’t fun for most people but it is an essential part of all long-term success. Successful people know that they aren’t “spending” time when planning, they are “investing” time. 

 

Even when the plan fails they get a return on their investment. The return comes from being able to pinpoint the cause of the failure and build a better plan for their next attempt. 

 

Despite what you may have heard and despite what you may have been told, there is nothing wrong with quitting. It can actually be healthy just so long as you begin again. Sometimes the fastest way forward is to take a step or two backward so you can rethink and regroup. 

 

That rethinking MUST include revisiting your plan to determine what needs to change before you try again. Never mindlessly try again. Trying again while doing the same thing is terrible advice. At least have some idea what went wrong. Why it went wrong and what needs to change to eliminate the cause of that particular failure from happening again. 

 

You may not succeed with your next attempt but at least you will not fail for the same reason. Successful people call that progress!

 

Somebody smarter than me said “If you always do what you’ve always done then you’ll always get what you’ve always got.” I know that’s true. I learned the truth in that statement when I tried and tried again without stopping to rethink and regroup. 


Don’t make the same mistake. Fail and then quit. Quit long enough to consider why the failure happened. Consider also what needs to change to prevent it from happening again. Once you have a better plan then by all means possible begin again because success is often just one better plan away. 

Do You Know What’s Really Going On?

Not everyone in a leadership position is actually in touch with the “realities” of their organization. They think they know what’s going on but as Mark Twain said it’s not what they don’t know that gets them in trouble, it’s what they know that just ain’t so. 

 

There are a lot of reasons that happens but regardless of the reasons, if the situation continues for too long a time those leaders end up with an actively disengaged team. Yep, actively disengaged, not only do they look for ways to unplug, they try, even subconsciously, to help those around them disengage too. 

 

So, how about you, do you really know what’s going on in your organization?      

 

Can you list at least five challenges your front-line employees currently face, and what’s being done to resolve them? If you can’t it might be a sign that you’re not in touch with the people in your organization who really know what’s going on. The good news is that an easy fix exists for that situation… get out from behind your desk and go and talk to them. Skip the org charts, bypass their boss and their bosses’ boss, go directly to the source. Ask them!

 

Can you think of three recent examples of someone below you in the organization disagreeing with you? If not then they may not have the courage to speak up. That could be because of you or it could be because of them. Either way you need to find a way to encourage them to speak up. If you can’t then you may never know what is really going on in your organization. 

 

If you were asked could you share several examples of how your thinking has changed due to employee feedback. No can do? Then it’s likely there’s a gap between what you say about the importance of employee feedback and what you actually do to encourage it. If you’re not receiving feedback from a very wide variety of people in your organization then it’s very likely that you don’t really know what’s happening in your organization. 

 

Every leader has an occasional lapse in awareness. You can minimize yours by frequently using these checkpoints to keep yourself plugged into reality. You will never know what’s really going on in your organization if you’re only communicating with your other top leaders. They may be just as unaware as you. 


If your team knows you “get it” your credibility goes way up and your ability to lead and their willingness to follow goes way up with it.