It is a sad reality that more people have “settled” for the life they have than have chosen the life they want.
People “settle” for less than they could have in many areas of their life. They settle on a unrewarding and unchallenging job. They settle on being paid less than they deserve for doing that job they don’t love. They settle on friends that hold them back. Sometimes they even settle on a life partner that doesn’t truly care about them.
I have heard all the reasons, or actually excuses, for why that happens. Once in a great while I’ve even used those excuses myself. Fortunately I’ve resisted using those excuses far more often than I’ve taken the easy way and settled.
Here’s the difference between settling and busting through the easy way to earn what you actually deserve… the uncertainty and discomfort of breaking through eventually ends, the never ending tinge of sadness that comes with knowing that you’ve settled doesn’t. It’s like you’re haunted by the ghost known as “what if.”
I’m all for a compromise now and then but using your hopes and dreams to build that compromise is like building your home in quicksand. Sooner or later you’ll come to regret that kind of compromise and it’s far more likely to be sooner.
Refusing to settle is hard work. That’s why I so often recommend having a coach or a mentor who cares enough to hold you accountable for achieving your goals. Good mentors will not allow you to settle.
You must have goals before you can be accountable to achieve them. The most successful people take the goal setting process very seriously. They set goals that mesh with their core values then they develop an actionable plan to achieve them. Highly successful people rarely settle for less than they believe they deserve.
Goalless people won’t like this but it’s the lack of clear goals that makes it so easy to settle. Since they have no particular destination in mind they “rest” at the first convenient place that comes along. Before they even realize it, they have settled.
The good news is they don’t have to stay settled.
If you find yourself living a settled life then get a coach or a mentor. Find someone who cares enough about you to disrupt your settled life. Allow them to make you a little more uncomfortable than you think you can stand.
You may hate it at first but that will pass. You’ll eventually be grateful that your motivation to achieve greater success was dislodged from under your settled life.
Mistakes happen, everyone knows that. Everybody makes mistakes, even you, even me as a matter of fact. I actually never go too long between mistakes. Most are small and I’m the only one who knows about them. Some are large and lots of people find out about them and every once in a while I make a mistake in front of large groups of people. The mistakes in front of groups are almost always the result of talking and then thinking of what to say later.
Your next mistake might be just around the corner. I’m sure you don’t like to think about making mistakes but here’s a couple of thoughts that may help you avoid making one of the most common mistakes of all.
The first thing to keep in mind is that it is not a mistake to make a mistake. My dad used to tell me that the only people that never make a mistake are the ones who never try. Mistakes provide us with a real learning opportunity. They can show us what not to do and sometimes provide us with clues on what we should do.
An absolute key to learning from a mistake is to admit the mistake to ourselves. No one has ever learned from a mistake they were unwilling to admit to themselves. If that sounds like a cliche it’s because it is. Like most cliches however it is rooted in fact. Since we haven’t admitted a mistake we’re much less likely to review our actions to see where we went wrong. People who refuse to even acknowledge their mistakes can’t ask for help because that would require admitting a mistake.
Here’s the second key to “mistaking well” – when you make a mistake, and have admitted to yourself, then admit it to others also. Don’t hide it. Accept personal responsibility for it then and there. If you’re honest with yourself, a key to success all by itself, you know when you’ve made a mistake. The sooner you admit it to others the less likely you are to make a second mistake by blaming someone else. So admit it to yourself and then admit it to others too. Don’t kid yourself they may have even known about the mistake before you did.
Denying your mistake or even worse, blaming your mistake on someone else almost always makes things worse. It eliminates your chances of getting help to fix the mistake. It makes you look like a knucklehead to everyone who knows it’s your mistake. Denying a mistake often causes you to make even more mistakes when you’re trying to cover up the mistake you don’t want people to know you made.
Never make this common mistake of not admitting your mistake. Admit your mistake and reach out for help. People admire people who have the confidence to admit they can be wrong and the confidence to admit that someone else may know something they don’t.
If you have the confidence to mistake well then it’s also likely that you have the confidence you need to eventually succeed.