Month December 2023

How to be Honest with Yourself…Honestly

Steve Keating 11 Comments

Oh no, what are you going to do now? You told yourself, and likely others, that you would do “it” next year. You said to yourself, “next year will be the year I take control of my future.” You told yourself that “next year will be different.”

Well now you, and anyone else you told, are about to find out if you were being honest with them…and yourself. You see that’s one of the biggest problems with lying to yourself, it causes you to lie to other people too. Even if you don’t intend to.

Self-improvement begins with you being 100% honest with yourself. No hedging, no compromises, no BS. Until you are completely honest with yourself you’re very unlikely to have the life that you want and deserve.

Being honest with yourself is a crucial aspect of personal growth and self-awareness. It involves acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, and actions without self-deception or rationalization. Here are some steps to help you be more honest with yourself.

Self-reflection

• Set aside time regularly to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

• Consider keeping a journal to document your experiences and insights. I’ve said this before but the journaling app on the iPhone is a great tool. It’s perfect for self-reflection.

Identify your values

• Understand your core values and principles. This will serve as a foundation for evaluating your actions and decisions. If you’re not sure what core values are then Google it. Don’t think for a minute that you don’t have core values because you certainly do. It just takes time to identify them and bring them to the top of your mind so you can live accordingly.

Acceptance

• Embrace all aspects of yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses. Avoid judgment and self-criticism.

• Accept that everyone makes mistakes, and view them as opportunities for learning and growth. No one has ever learned from a mistake they refuse to admit… don’t be a no one.

Challenge your beliefs

• Question your assumptions, beliefs, and preconceived notions. Are they based on evidence, or are they influenced by bias or wishful thinking? The most successful know better than to believe everything they think.

Seek feedback

• Ask for honest feedback from trusted friends, family members, or mentors. They may provide valuable perspectives you might not have considered.

Be accountable

• Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Avoid blaming external factors or other people for your circumstances. If you’re good at making excuses it will be highly likely that you’re not good at making anything else.

Set realistic goals

• Establish achievable and meaningful goals for yourself. Regularly assess your progress and adjust your goals as needed. It is okay to occasionally set a big stretch goal, just don’t do it so often that it prevents you from achieving more realistic goals.

Listen to your intuition

• Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. These can provide valuable insights into your true thoughts and emotions.

Admit when you’re wrong

• Be open to admitting mistakes and learning from them. This requires humility and a willingness to grow.

Learn from failures

• View failures as opportunities to learn and improve. Analyze what went wrong, and use that knowledge to make better choices in the future.

Practice self-compassion

• Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Understand that nobody is perfect, and self-improvement is a continuous journey.

Being honest with yourself is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness and a commitment to personal growth. Regularly reassess your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs to ensure alignment with your values and goals.

That creates an easy, constructive and completely honest conversation with yourself and that’s the beginning of honest conversations with everyone.

How to Communicate More Effectively

Steve Keating 2 Comments

There are so many challenges in life that have their origins tied to poor communication that it would be almost impossible to list them all. Wars have literally been started as the result of miscommunication. Relationships have ended and businesses destroyed by misunderstandings caused by poor communication skills.

If you only have the opportunity to develop one skill then 100% of the time I’d recommend that skill be communication. Absent effective communication you will also struggle to make a meaningful connection with other people. Every relationship you have will be stronger when you improve your communication skills.

Like all skills if you stop working to further develop your communication skills they begin to decline. So even if you believe yourself to be an excellent communicator today that’s no guarantee you’ll continue to be an effective communicator tomorrow… unless you continue to hone your skills.

Here are some key principles and tips to help you communicate more effectively.

Active Listening

• We can’t discuss communication without beginning with a look at listening. ALL successful communication begins with focused listening. Pay full attention to the speaker, listen as if at that moment they are the most important person in the world because in the moment they are speaking to you, they are.

• Never interrupt the person speaking with you and do not begin formulating your response until AFTER they have finished speaking. It’s okay to have a moment of silence while you contemplate your response. A thoughtful response is always better than a fast one.

• “Show” your listening skills through non-verbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact.

• Summarize or paraphrase what the speaker has said to ensure understanding.

Clarity and Conciseness

• Be clear and concise in your communication.

• Avoid unnecessary jargon or complicated language, especially if your audience may not be familiar with it. Don’t use a bigger word than necessary to get your message across. It’s far more important to be smart than to sound smart.

• Organize your thoughts and choose your words BEFORE speaking or writing to ensure a logical flow.

Body Language

• Non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, and posture can convey a lot.

• Be aware of your own body language and try to interpret others’ cues accurately.

Empathy

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their perspective. Listen for common ground and try to avoid rejecting their message before they are even done presenting it.

• Acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree.

Feedback

• Provide constructive feedback when necessary, focusing on specific behaviors or actions rather than making personal attacks.

• Be open to receiving feedback and use it as an opportunity for growth. Never simply reject the feedback as wrong or destructive criticism. Remember, an open mind communicates more effectively than a closed mind in every instance.

Be Aware of Tone

• The tone of your voice or the tone conveyed in written communication can significantly impact the message. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask if you were them, how would you receive the message and change your tone if required.

• If the conversation is emotional in nature then adjust your tone to be as empathetic as possible. Remember, it’s your responsibility to make your message easy to hear and understand.

Choose the Right Medium

• Different situations may call for different communication mediums (e.g., face-to-face, email, phone, video call). Don’t “chicken out” and deliver bad news via text or email. Put your grown up pants on and either call the person or deliver the message face-to-face.

Ask Questions

• Seek clarification when needed by asking open-ended questions. This shows interest and helps ensure that you’ve understood the message correctly. If your goal is to truly be an effective communicator then you must accept responsibility for the clarity of both sides of the communication. You must be certain what you said was understood and you must make certain you understand what the other person said.

Remember that effective communication is a skill that can be developed over time. By incorporating these principles into your interactions, you can enhance your ability to communicate more effectively and build stronger connections with others. You’ll avoid misunderstandings, arguments and lost productivity.

Almost every part of your life will be better when you make the effort to communicate effectively. But as with all parts of life, the choice to do so is completely up to you.

How to be More Appreciative

Steve Keating 2 Comments

What’s the first thing you do every morning? Is it checking your email? Maybe it’s checking your text messages. How about perhaps checking your thinking? Yep, I said thinking!

While I understand how tempting it is to grab the phone and check messages if you want a happier and more productive 2024 I highly recommend resisting that temptation. Instead check the first thought that’s in your head. If you’re lucky, that first thought will be about something you appreciate. If it’s not then I suggest you instantly replace that thought with one about something or someone you do appreciate.

When your first thought of the day is one of gratitude and appreciation the rest of your thoughts that day will be better because of it. How you begin your day really does impact the rest of your day. There will certainly be days where it feels as if your life is out of your control but there will never be a day that you can’t begin with a grateful heart.

But yes, I am once again aware that this is often easier said than done. But it is not impossible. Appreciating what you have instead of always wanting more is a mindset that involves cultivating gratitude and mindfulness. Here are some practical ideas to help you develop this perspective. Its a perspective that will not only change how you look at things, it’s likely to change the things you look at.

Practice Gratitude:

• Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. Consider starting a gratitude journal where you write down three things you’re thankful for every day. This can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. The new journal app on iPhones makes this super easy to do.

Think the Here and Now:

• Engage in thinking that brings your attention to the present moment. This can help you appreciate the current state of your life rather than getting lost in thoughts about the future or past.

Reflect on Achievements:

• Remind yourself of your accomplishments and the progress you’ve made. Reflecting on your achievements can provide a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

Set Realistic Goals:

• While having goals is important, ensure they are realistic and achievable. Setting unattainable goals may lead to a perpetual feeling of discontent. Celebrate small victories along the way.

Limit Social Comparison:

• Avoid constantly comparing yourself to others, especially in terms of material possessions or social status. Everyone’s journey is unique, and external markers of success may not necessarily bring happiness.

Thoughtful Consumption:

• Be mindful of your consumption habits. Consider whether the things you desire are driven by genuine needs or societal pressures. Practicing thoughtful consumption can lead to a more intentional and fulfilling life.

Volunteer or Give Back:

• Engaging in acts of kindness or volunteering can shift your focus from what you lack to what you can give. Helping others can provide a sense of purpose and gratitude.

Savor the Moment:

• Take time to savor the simple pleasures in life. Whether it’s a beautiful sunset, a delicious meal, or a moment of quiet reflection, appreciating these small moments can enhance your overall sense of contentment.

Cultivate Contentment:

• Make a conscious effort to cultivate contentment in your life. This involves recognizing and accepting the present moment without constantly yearning for something more.

Regular Reflection:

• Periodically reflect on your life, values, and priorities. This self-reflection can help you align your desires with what truly matters to you, fostering a greater sense of appreciation for the present.

Appreciating what you have is an ongoing practice that requires effort and self-awareness. By incorporating these ideas into your daily life, you can shift your perspective and find greater satisfaction in the things and people you already have in your life. It’s entirely possible you’ll discover that you’ve already achieved a level of success beyond what you imagined could.

The Actual Differences Between Managing and Leading

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It has been a while since I’ve written on this topic. Considering the hefty increase over the last few months in subscribers to this blog it feels like it’s time again. The terms “managing” and “leading” are often used interchangeably, but they represent distinct aspects of organizational and team dynamics. While there is some overlap, they emphasize different roles and functions within a group or company.

Simply put, we manage “stuff” and we lead people. “Stuff” includes everything that isn’t people. Things like spreadsheets, buildings, inventory, equipment, budgets and a ton of other “stuff.” Leadership is about people and it’s only about people. People will always resist being managed because it’s human nature to resist being treated like a piece of equipment.

People insist on being led. That might not be a conscious insistence but it’s as real as can be. Most of what HR professionals would describe as “personnel issues” stem from trying to manage people who insist, whether consciously or subconsciously, on being led.

The sustainability of an organization depends on both sound management and effective leadership. It also depends on understanding the unique characteristics of each.

Here’s a breakdown of the actual differences between managing and leading:

Focus and Scope:

• Managing: Primarily focuses on tasks, processes, and resources. Managers are responsible for planning, organizing, and controlling day-to-day activities to achieve specific objectives. Their focus is often on efficiency, coordination, and problem-solving.

• Leading: Primarily focuses on people. Leaders inspire and motivate individuals or teams to achieve a common vision or goal. Their focus is on aligning people with the organization’s mission, values, and long-term objectives.

Role and Authority:

• Managing: Involves the allocation and coordination of resources, making decisions, and ensuring that tasks are completed efficiently. Managers typically have authority based on their position within the organizational hierarchy.

• Leading: Involves influencing and inspiring others to follow a shared vision. Leaders may not always have formal authority, as their influence can stem from personal qualities, vision, or expertise.

Orientation:

• Managing: Tends to be more task-oriented. Managers are concerned with how to achieve specific goals, meet deadlines, and efficiently use resources.

• Leading: Tends to be more people-oriented. Leaders focus on building relationships, fostering collaboration, and creating a positive organizational culture.

Timing:

• Managing: Often involves short-term planning and execution. Managers deal with immediate issues, problems, and operational aspects of the organization.

• Leading: Often involves long-term vision and strategy. Leaders look ahead, setting the direction for the organization and navigating it through changes and challenges.

Control vs. Inspiration:

• Managing: Involves control mechanisms to ensure that tasks are completed as planned. Managers use authority, rules, and systems to maintain order.

• Leading: Involves inspiring and motivating others. Leaders appeal to emotions, values, and aspirations to encourage commitment and engagement.

Risk-Taking:

• Managing: Generally focuses on minimizing risks and maintaining stability. Managers often work within established procedures and protocols.

• Leading: Involves taking calculated risks to pursue innovation and change. Leaders are more likely to challenge the status quo and encourage experimentation.

In practice, effective leadership often requires a combination of management skills. Successful organizations recognize the importance of both managing and leading and may seek individuals who can balance these roles to achieve overall success and sustainability.

How to Maintain Your Self Esteem

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the greatest First Ladies the United States has ever had, Eleanor Roosevelt, said that “no one can make us feel inferior without our consent.” Sadly, at one time or another it seems we’ve all given our consent.

But the most successful people don’t give it for long. They pick themselves up, look in the mirror and see someone (themselves) with the potential to accomplish anything they want. They believe in themselves, even if no one else does. Especially when no one else does.

Odds are that many of you would tell me that believing in yourself is easier said than done. I’d respond by reminding you that almost everything worth doing is easier said than done and yet, successful people do it anyway.

Maintaining self-esteem is crucial for overall well-being and a positive mindset. It is also vital for your success. If you find yourself sometimes fighting the battle of low self-esteem here are some strategies you might find useful for winning the war.

Practice Self-Compassion:

• Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in difficult times.

• Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s a part of being human.

Positive Self-Talk:

• Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.

• Focus on your strengths and achievements rather than dwelling on perceived failures.

Set Realistic Goals:

• Break larger goals into smaller, achievable tasks.

• Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, to build a sense of achievement.

Learn from Setbacks:

• View mistakes and failures as opportunities to learn and grow.

• Analyze the situation objectively and identify what you can do differently in the future.

Surround Yourself with Positivity:

• Build a supportive network of friends and family who uplift and encourage you.

• Limit exposure to negative influences and environments.

Take Care of Yourself Physically:

• Exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and maintain a balanced diet.

• Physical well-being can positively impact your mental and emotional state.

Develop and Maintain Boundaries:

• Learn to say no when necessary to avoid overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed.

• Establish and communicate your personal boundaries with others.

Focus on Personal Values:

• Identify and prioritize your core values.

• Align your actions and decisions with these values to foster a sense of authenticity and self-worth.

Learn and Grow:

• Embrace opportunities for personal and professional development.

• Continuous learning and improvement can boost confidence and self-esteem.

Practice Gratitude:

• Regularly reflect on and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.

• Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus toward the good things.

Engage in Activities You Enjoy:

• Pursue hobbies and activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment.

• Doing things you love can enhance your overall sense of well-being.

Remember that building and maintaining self-esteem is an ongoing process. It requires consistent effort and self-reflection. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way. Above all, when you begin to doubt your ability remember just how incredible you actually are. Remember all you’ve already accomplished. Remember you’re loved. Remember you’re special. Remember that you matter and remember you make a difference in the lives of those around. Never doubt a single one of those absolute facts!

Finding Your Purpose in Life

Steve Keating 2 Comments

I’ve always believed that the best lived lives were those that were lived on purpose for a purpose. The challenge with that of course is that most people can’t tell you with any specificity what their purpose in life is.

That causes them to live a somewhat “reactive” life. A life lived helping other people achieve their purpose. That’s not necessarily bad, it’s just not as fulfilling as living YOUR life for YOUR purpose.

But finding your purpose in life is a deeply personal and introspective journey. Other people can help you find your purpose but no one can or should tell you what your purpose in life is. If you’re interested in living a more purpose driven life this post might help. While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach, here are some general steps that can you discover how you can make the most of your time on this earth.

• Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your values, passions, and interests. What activities make you lose track of time? What issues or causes resonate with you? Understanding yourself is the first step to discovering your purpose.

• Identify your strengths: Consider your skills, talents, and strengths. What are you naturally good at? What activities bring out the best in you? Aligning your purpose with your strengths can lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable path.

• Explore new things: Be open to new experiences. Trying different activities, hobbies, or volunteering can expose you to new ideas and perspectives. Sometimes, your purpose emerges through unexpected avenues.

• Set goals: Define short-term and long-term goals for yourself. These goals should align with your values and interests. Working towards meaningful objectives can provide a sense of direction and purpose.

• Learn from experiences: Reflect on past experiences, both positive and negative. What did you enjoy or dislike about certain situations? What did you learn from challenges? Your life experiences can offer valuable insights into what truly matters to you.

• Seek inspiration: Read books, watch documentaries, or listen to talks that inspire you. Learning about the experiences of others who have found their purpose can provide guidance and motivation.

• Connect with others: Engage in conversations with people who share similar interests or are on a similar journey. Networking and building relationships can offer support and different perspectives on life’s purpose.

• Consider your impact: Reflect on the impact you want to have on the world. How do you want to contribute to society or make a difference in the lives of others? Thinking beyond personal satisfaction can add a greater sense of purpose.

• Embrace change: Be open to change and adaptation. Your purpose may evolve over time as you grow and learn more about yourself. Don’t be afraid to reassess and adjust your goals.

• Seek help if needed: If you find it challenging to navigate this journey on your own, consider seeking guidance from a life coach or mentor. They can provide valuable insights and support.

Finding your purpose is a continual process. It’s okay if it takes time, and your purpose may evolve as you go through different life stages. Stay patient, stay curious, and stay true to yourself.

Handling the Pressures of the Holiday Season

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It has been said, and sung, many times and many ways, that this, the Holiday Season, is the most wonderful time of the year. Unfortunately, for some it’s not so wonderful. They may associate the holidays with the loss of a loved one. They may see the holidays as an “obligation” that requires them to spend time doing things with people they would rather not be around. And they may think of the holidays as a time they “have to” spend money they just don’t have.

It’s good for us to realize that just because this is the most wonderful time of the year for most people, not everyone feels that way. Don’t try to force your joy onto someone who just isn’t into it. But even for those of us who truly love this time of year there are “pressures” that can build up that rob us of the joy of the season.

Handling those pressures can be challenging. They often involves a mix of social, financial, personal stressors and more. So here are a few strategies to help make sure The Grinch doesn’t get ahold of your holiday spirit.

• Set Realistic Expectations: Be realistic about what you can accomplish and what you expect from others. Understand that not everything will be perfect, and that’s okay.

• Budget Wisely: Create a budget for holiday spending and stick to it. Financial stress can be a significant pressure during the holidays, so planning ahead can help alleviate this.

• Plan Ahead: Start planning early to avoid last-minute stress. This includes gift shopping, meal preparation, and travel arrangements.

• Learn to Say No: It’s okay to decline invitations or additional responsibilities if you feel overwhelmed. Focus on what is most important to you and your well-being.

• Prioritize Self-Care: Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and make time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

• Delegate Tasks: Don’t be afraid to ask for help or delegate responsibilities. You don’t have to do everything on your own.

• Focus on the Meaning of the Holidays: Remember the true meaning of the holidays. It’s not just about material gifts but also about spending quality time with loved ones and expressing gratitude.

• Create Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your time and energy. This may involve limiting the number of commitments or politely declining certain invitations.

• Celebrate in a Way that Works for You: Tailor your holiday celebrations to match your preferences and values. It’s okay to break from tradition if it means reducing stress.

• Connect with Others: Reach out to friends and family for support. Share your feelings and concerns, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed.

• Learn to Let Go: Understand that not everything will go as planned, and that’s okay. Learn to let go of perfectionism and focus on enjoying the moment.

• Create Meaningful Traditions: Establish traditions that bring you joy and fulfillment. These can be simple activities that align with your values.

• Seek Professional Help if Needed: If the holiday pressures become overwhelming, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and coping strategies.

For many of us, but not all, the holiday season is about joy, connection, and celebration. By prioritizing your well-being and being intentional in your choices, you can navigate the pressures more effectively and perhaps bring a little joy to those who struggle this time of year too.