Month February 2024

How to Lead Yourself

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Most leaders have had less than 5 hours of formal training in their entire careers. Upon ascending to a leadership role they assume that their title or position makes them a leader. That is by far the most common mistake people new to a leadership role make.

It is also one of the most costly mistakes they will ever make. It costs them the opportunity to truly have a positive impact on the people they could actually lead. It costs the organization untold amounts of productivity and turnover. It costs the people who miss the chance to work for an authentic leader the opportunity to reach their full potential. Perhaps to even develop into authentic leaders themselves.

The second most common mistake by new leaders is they waited until they were in a leadership position to learn to lead. That’s true even though they had the opportunity to practice their leadership skills on a real live human being 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The person they could, and should, have been practicing with is themselves.

Authentically leading others is an awesome responsibility. It requires a completely different set of skills than managing a business. It requires a high degree of integrity, excellent communication skills and unparalleled judgment. All of that takes time, effort and practice to master.

The best way to acquire and develop the skill set of an Authentic Leader is to practice leading yourself exceptionally well. Before you attempt to lead others.

If your goal is simply to earn a chance to lead others then you can skip the rest of this post. If your goal is to truly lead, to have a positive impact on the lives of the people you lead, to build a legacy as a difference maker, then read on. Because this post is for you.

Leading yourself well involves key principles. Each is unique, but together they offer you the chance to make a difference in your life and, later, in the lives of those you lead.

• Self-awareness. Understand your strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals. Regularly reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors to gain insight into yourself.

• Setting goals. Establish clear, achievable objectives that align with your values and long-term aspirations. Break them down into smaller, manageable tasks to maintain motivation and track progress.

• Time management. Prioritize tasks based on importance and urgency. Use tools like calendars, to-do lists, or productivity apps to organize your schedule and ensure you allocate time effectively to different activities.

• Continuous learning. Cultivate a growth mindset and seek opportunities for personal and professional development. Read books, attend seminars, take courses, and learn from experiences to expand your knowledge and skills.

• Self-discipline. Develop habits and routines that support your goals and values. Practice self-control and perseverance, even when faced with challenges or distractions.

• Emotional intelligence. Understand and manage your emotions effectively. Develop empathy and interpersonal skills to navigate relationships and communicate assertively.

• Adaptability. Be flexible and open to change. Embrace uncertainty and learn to adapt your plans and strategies as circumstances evolve.

• Resilience. Build resilience to bounce back from setbacks and failures. View challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, and maintain a positive attitude even in difficult times.

• Accountability. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Hold yourself to high standards of integrity and ethics, and learn from mistakes to improve future performance.

By integrating these principles into your daily life, you can effectively lead yourself. You can not only earn a leadership position but you can earn the right to truly lead others. When you help even one other person accomplish great personal and professional success you won’t merely have helped to change that person, you will have potentially changed the world.

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday

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How to Work With a Know It All

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I had an “interesting” conversation with someone a week or so ago. I’ve known this person for a while and have found them to be difficult to help. I have even described them as virtually uncoachable.

But I’ve kept trying and my effort led us to a conversation that explains why they are so difficult to help. This person is somewhere in their early 50’s, at least that’s my best guess. In talking with them they explained what they called their “learning philosophy.” They said that “all you need to know to be a success you have learned by the time you’re 40.” If you haven’t learned it by then, you’re pretty much out of luck because no one learns anything after 40.

He shared with me that he was one of the fortunate few who had indeed learned all he needed to know by his 40th birthday. I almost felt blessed to be in his presence.

But for me, it was also a very “clarifying” conversation. It explained to me why he was such a challenge to coach. It also told me that he fit the classic definition of a know it all. When I suggested to him by the way that he sounded a bit like a know it all he became very defensive. He fully admitted he didn’t know it all…he just knew all that he needed to know.

That was even more informative for me, it explained why he so aggressively dismissed all my suggestions on what he may want to learn, or do, to be more effective in his work. He didn’t want his brain cluttered with all the worthless information that rolls around in mine.

But frankly, I see little difference between a know it all and someone who believes they already know everything they need to know. So from this point forward both the tone and substance of our conversations will change. I think I can navigate the situation more gracefully and maintain a positive relationship with this person. Ya never know, maybe I can increase my influence with them enough to even help them grow. Here’s how I’m going to move forward. I think you can work with similar individuals in the same manner.

• Acknowledge their knowledge. Recognize their expertise and knowledge in certain areas. This can help in building rapport and showing respect, which might mitigate their need to constantly prove themselves.

• Stay calm and composed. Know-it-alls can be frustrating, but it’s important to remain calm and composed when interacting with them. Getting defensive or confrontational will likely escalate the situation. I’ve discovered calling them an idiot, as tempting as that may be, doesn’t really help either.

• Listen actively. Even if you feel like you’re being bombarded with unnecessary information, try to listen actively. Sometimes, know-it-alls just want to be heard. Acknowledge their points before offering your own perspective.

• Choose your battles. Not every interaction with a know-it-all needs to turn into a debate. Pick your battles wisely and decide when it’s worth challenging their knowledge or when it’s better to let it go.

• Offer constructive feedback. If their behavior is negatively impacting the team or project, offer constructive feedback in a respectful manner. Focus on the impact of their behavior rather than attacking their personality.

• Redirect the conversation. If the know-it-all tends to dominate discussions, find subtle ways to redirect the conversation or involve others. Encourage different perspectives and contributions from everyone involved.

• Set boundaries. If the know-it-all’s behavior becomes too disruptive, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Politely let them know when their behavior is inappropriate or when you need space to express your own ideas.

• Lead by example. Show humility and openness in your own interactions. Lead by example by admitting when you don’t know something and being receptive to learning from others.

• Focus on the task at hand. In group settings, keep the focus on the task or project rather than on individual egos. Remind everyone of the common goal and the importance of collaboration.

The biggest challenge when dealing with a know it all, or their close cousin, “I know all I need to know” is that they have no way of knowing that they do have a lot to learn. That is very frustrating for the people who have to deal with them.

Remember, your interactions with these individuals requires patience, empathy, and tact. By approaching the situation with understanding and professionalism, you can navigate these interactions more smoothly while maintaining a positive working relationship.

How to Develop Empathy

Steve Keating 2 Comments

The benefits of developing a deeper level of empathy are many. When you understand your own emotions you can better understand the emotions of others. When you understand the how and why of their emotions you can communicate much more effectively. You’ll make better decisions. Managing our emotions, and understanding why others may not be able to manage theirs, will lower our stress levels. We can think more logically.

Understanding the emotions of others helps us be less judgmental. That helps us build better, more meaningful relationships. The more empathetic you are the higher your Emotional Intelligence will be. You’ll be more willing to go beyond saying you care to actually showing you care.

Developing empathy involves understanding, sharing, and connecting with the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of yourself and others. It takes effort and intentionality but if you’re up for the rewarding challenge here are some steps you can take to cultivate empathy.

Active Listening. Practice active listening when someone is speaking to you. Give them your full attention. Keep eye contact. Focus on understanding their perspective. Don’t interrupt or think about your response.

Put Yourself in Their Shoes. Try to imagine yourself in the other person’s situation. Consider how you would feel and react if you were experiencing what they are going through. This helps you gain perspective and understand their emotions better.

Ask Open-Ended Questions. Encourage others to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. This allows for deeper conversations and helps you understand their experiences more fully.

Practice Non-Judgment. Avoid making assumptions or judgments about others based on their experiences or emotions. Instead, strive to understand the reasons behind their feelings and behaviors without imposing your own biases.

Be Mindful of Body Language. Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. These can provide valuable insights into how someone is feeling, even when they don’t explicitly express it.

Validate Emotions. Acknowledge and validate the emotions of others, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their perspective. Let them know that you understand how they feel and that their emotions are valid.

Practice Empathetic Communication. Use empathetic language and expressions to show that you are listening and understanding. Phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “That must be really difficult for you” demonstrate empathy and support.

Cultivate Curiosity. Take an interest in learning about different perspectives and experiences. Talk to people from diverse backgrounds and cultures. This will broaden your understanding of the world and grow your empathy.

Reflect on Your Own Experiences. Think about times when you have felt similar emotions or faced similar challenges. Reflecting on your own experiences can help you relate to others on a deeper level and foster empathy.

Practice Self-Compassion. Finally, don’t forget to extend empathy to yourself. Be kind and understanding to yourself. Do this, especially when you make mistakes or face difficulties. By practicing self-compassion, you can become more empathetic towards others as well.

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How to Mend a Broken Relationship

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I suppose I should start with something of a disclaimer here. That disclaimer is that not all broken relationships should be mended. Not every person in your life today is meant to be in your life forever. It’s okay, and in fact necessary, to let some people pass through your life when neither of you are helping the other be the best version of themselves.

But there are relationships that are broken prematurely and some relationships that shouldn’t be broken at all. Those are the relationships we would say are “meant to be.” It’s a shame to allow those relationships to wither away when they could could be saved, and even improved with effort and intentionality.

It will also require patience, understanding, and a strong commitment from both parties involved. Here are some ideas to get you started if you’re willing to make that commitment to save a relationship that’s worth saving.

• Reflection and Understanding. Take some time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. Understand your own role in the conflict and acknowledge any mistakes you may have made. Similarly, try to empathize with the other person’s perspective and understand their feelings and needs.

• Communication. Open and honest communication is key to repairing relationships. Initiate a conversation with the other person, expressing your desire to mend the relationship. Use “I” statements to take responsibility for your feelings and actions without blaming or accusing the other person.

• Listen Actively. Give the other person a chance to express their feelings and perspective without interruption. Practice active listening by paying attention to what they’re saying, validating their feelings, and showing empathy.

• Apologize and Forgive. If you’ve hurt the other person, offer a sincere apology, acknowledging the impact of your actions. Be specific about what you’re sorry for and avoid making excuses. Similarly, be willing to forgive the other person for any wrongdoing and let go of resentment.

• Work on Trust. Rebuilding trust takes time and consistent effort. Be reliable and keep your promises to demonstrate your trustworthiness. Avoid behaviors that may erode trust, such as lying or betraying confidences.

• Set Boundaries. Establish clear boundaries to prevent repeating past mistakes and protect the relationship. Communicate your needs and expectations openly, and respect the other person’s boundaries as well.

• Seek Compromise. Recognize that both parties may need to make compromises to find common ground and move forward. Focus on finding solutions that benefit the relationship rather than insisting on being right.

• Practice Patience. Healing takes time, and it’s essential to be patient throughout the process. Avoid rushing or pressuring the other person to reconcile before they’re ready. Allow the relationship to progress at its own pace.

• Counseling or Mediation. If the issues are particularly complex or deep-seated, consider seeking the help of a therapist or mediator. A neutral third party can facilitate communication, provide guidance, and offer tools for resolving conflicts effectively.

• Consistency and Commitment. Stay committed to repairing the relationship, even when faced with setbacks or challenges. Consistently demonstrate your willingness to work on the relationship and prioritize its health and well-being. And if you’re tempted to quit trying just remember why you’re making this effort in the first place.

Remember that not all relationships can or should be repaired, and it’s essential to prioritize your own emotional well-being. Sometimes, the best course of action is to accept the end of a relationship and focus on personal growth and healing.

One last point. It can often take as much courage to remove yourself from a harmful relationship as it does to try and mend a “meant to be” relationship. If you’re in a harmful or potentially dangerous relationship and can’t get yourself out of it then ask for help. Run to help. Ask anyone and everyone for help. There is zero shame in doing so and if you can’t do it for yourself then do it for the loved ones in your life. But do it today!

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday 

How to Make Difficult Decisions

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I was in a meeting several years ago when someone in a very high leadership position asked “how do you teach someone to make a decision?” I responded by saying “you let them make decisions, sometimes even bad ones.”

I’m not sure that was a very well received answer, especially the “even bad ones” part. But it’s still true today, there is no better way for anyone to learn how to make decisions than to make them. It’s kind of like riding a bike. You can watch videos on bike riding, you can read a book on how to ride a bike but at some point, the only way to learn how to actually ride a bike is to ride one. Even if that means falling off a bunch of times.

But managers in organizations have a very difficult time allowing other people, particularly people lower than them in the organization, to make decisions. They “empower” them to make decisions but they seldom enable them. That prevents even empowered people from exercising that power. And that’s just fine with most managers.

Leaders however both empower and enable their people to make decisions. They offer suggestions, they coach and they provide feedback but they seldom overrule a decision made by someone they empowered. Even at times when they know the outcome will be less than optimal.

They won’t allow their people to make large, expensive mistakes but they know allowing the small, less costly mistakes from time to time might be the best investment they can make in the development of their people.

Once the mistake is realized they coach their people to “solve” the problem on their own…that’s the “learning” part of how to make better decisions.

But making big and difficult decisions can be daunting, whether it be in business or our personal lives. If you have difficult decisions to make here’s a process that may help.

1. Gather Information. Collect all relevant information about the decision at hand. This could include pros and cons, potential consequences, and any available data or insights. You may never have all the information you’d like to have but that’s okay, some of the additional steps below can help you fill in the blanks.

2. Define Criteria. Determine the criteria that are important for making the decision. This could involve considering your values, goals, priorities, and any constraints or limitations.

3. Explore Options. Brainstorm and explore different options or alternatives. Be creative and open-minded, considering both conventional and unconventional paths.

4. Evaluate Options. Assess each option against the criteria you defined earlier. Consider the potential outcomes, risks, and benefits associated with each option.

5. Consider Consequences. Think about the short-term and long-term consequences of each option. Consider how each decision could impact your life, as well as the lives of others involved. The best decision makers I know consider not only the consequences of a decision but the consequences of the consequences of the consequences. They are often a step or two ahead of everyone else involved in the decision making process. This is the level you should work towards.

6. Trust Your Instincts. While it’s important to analyze and weigh your options carefully, sometimes your gut feeling can provide valuable insight. Trust your intuition, especially if all options seem equally appealing or unappealing. That “intuition” is often a learning from a past experience you’ve had that your conscious mind doesn’t remember but your subconscious mind does.

7. Seek Advice. Talk to trusted friends, family members, mentors, or professionals who can offer different perspectives or insights on the decision. Sometimes an outside opinion can provide clarity.

8. Make the Decision. After thorough deliberation, make a decision. Trust that you’ve considered all relevant factors to the best of your ability.

9. Take Action. Once you’ve made a decision, take action to implement it. Be prepared to adjust your plan as needed based on new information or changing circumstances. You would be surprised by how many people execute those first 8 steps flawlessly and still somehow miss this step. It is not really a decision unless some action is taken as a result of it. That means if you skip step nine you have NOT actually made a decision.

10. Reflect and Learn. After the decision has been made and implemented, take time to reflect on the process. Consider what went well, what could have been done differently, and what lessons you can apply to future decisions.

Making decisions can be challenging, making difficult ones is even more challenging. It’s okay to feel uncertain at times. Trust in your ability to navigate through the process and learn from the experience, regardless of the outcome.

By following this process, the more decisions you make the better your decision making will become. There will always be another difficult decision to make in your life, there won’t however be a decision you’re not prepared to make.

How to Block Naysayers From Your Life

Steve Keating Leave a comment

There was a Vice-President of the United States back in the late 1960’s or early 70’s who had a love hate relationship with the press. Okay, that’s not exactly accurate, it was more of a hate, hate, some more relationship but that’s not the point here. He called the media a bunch of “Nattering Nabobs of Negativism.” I have no idea as to whether or not that was an accurate description of the media back then but I think it’s a pretty funny line.

I also think it indeed accurately describes much of the media content, particularly the social media content we absorb today. The most successful people and, perhaps more importantly, the happiest people do not let negativity seep into their minds. They effectively block it out. That requires both discipline and intentionality. Here are some steps you can take to keep those nattering nabobs of negativism outta your head.

1. Identify the naysayers. Recognize the individuals in your life who consistently bring negativity, doubt, or pessimism into your interactions. Once you identify these people you may want to ask yourself why you allow them to be in your life.

2. Evaluate the impact. Reflect on how their presence affects your mental well-being, confidence, and goals. Consider whether their opinions hold value or are merely hindering your progress. Once you understand the damage these naysayers can do to your life you may want to ask yourself why you continue to allow them to be in your life.

3. Set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries with naysayers to limit their influence on your life. This might involve reducing the time you spend with them or minimizing the topics you discuss with them. It may also be a good time to determine whether or not they should be allowed into your life at all.

4. Surround yourself with positivity. Seek out supportive and encouraging individuals who uplift and inspire you. Surrounding yourself with positive influences can counteract the negativity from naysayers.

5. Practice assertiveness. Communicate your boundaries assertively but respectfully. Let naysayers know that you appreciate their perspective. However, you prefer to focus on constructive and optimistic discussions. This might be a great time to ask yourself why you are so pleasant and accommodating to people who perhaps shouldn’t be in your life at all.

6. Stay focused on your goals. Keep your attention on your goals and aspirations, regardless of the negativity others may project onto you. Remind yourself of your strengths and capabilities, and don’t let the doubts of naysayers derail your progress. Remember, their opinion of your goals and aspirations are their problem, not yours.

7. Cultivate self-confidence. Build it by acknowledging your achievements, learning from setbacks, and developing a positive mindset. Confidence acts as a shield against the negativity of naysayers.

8. Limit exposure to naysayers. Avoid certain social gatherings or conversations where their negativity prevails. Never never never join in the negativity just to get along. Negativity is contagious, keep your distance whenever possible.

9. Seek support. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or mentors. They should believe in you and your abilities. Lean on them for encouragement and guidance when facing challenges or doubts.

10. Practice self-care. Take care of your mental and emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment. Prioritize self-care to maintain resilience in the face of negativity.

There will always be times when we are forced to interact with nattering nabobs of negativism. But being forced to interact does mean mean we’re forced to absorb the negativity. Remember your personal greatness and ability to overcome any challenge. Positivity is choice and it’s one of the most important choices you can make. So make it often, very very often.

How to Overcome Fear

Steve Keating 4 Comments

Our mind can play all kinds of tricks on us. It can fool us into believing things that aren’t true and disbelieving things that are. The “experts” say the only place fear exists is in our minds. I’m not so sure about that, it seems very real to me at times.

But then I think about watching a scary movie and jumping out of my seat as if the scary thing can get to me. Obviously, that kind of fear is only in my mind. The experts say there is no other kind of fear, it’s all in our mind.

I’ve often heard it said that courage is not the absence of fear, it’s moving forward despite the fear. When you ask courageous people how they overcame their fear they will frequently respond with some sort of comment about blocking it out of their mind.

So there you go… fear indeed seems to be a mind thing. No matter how real it seems.

But blocking fear from you mind is far easier said than done. When we manage to pull it off however, it’s pretty darn rewarding. Here are some strategies that can help us stop fear from damaging our progress towards success.

• Understand Your Fear: Take some time to identify what exactly you’re afraid of and why. Understanding the root cause of your fear can help you address it more effectively. You may even figure out on your own that your fear is indeed a mere mirage.

• Educate Yourself: Sometimes fear stems from ignorance or misunderstanding. Educating yourself about the object of your fear can help demystify it and make it less intimidating.

• Face Your Fear Gradually: Instead of avoiding what you fear, try facing it in small, manageable steps. Gradual exposure can desensitize you to the fear over time. You’ll be surprised how well this works, so surprised that you may wonder why you ever let fear take hold in the first place.

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Fear often feeds on negative thoughts and beliefs. Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they’re rational or if there’s evidence to support them. If there’s no evidence then you’ll know your mind is tricking you.

• Seek Support: Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends or family for support. Talking about your fears with others can help you gain perspective and find solutions.

• Visualize Success: Spend some time visualizing yourself overcoming your fear and achieving your goals. This can help build confidence and motivation. For a long time I thought this visualization stuff was all mumble jumble. But I’ve met a heck of a lot of very successful people who swear by it.

• Set Realistic Goals: Set small, achievable goals for yourself related to overcoming your fear. Celebrate your progress along the way to keep yourself motivated.

• Stay Persistent: Overcoming fear is often a gradual process that requires persistence and determination. Keep pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, even if progress feels slow at times.

Remember that everyone experiences fear at some point in their lives. It’s a normal part of being human. The key is not to let fear control you or hold you back from living the life you want.