Tag Relationships

Developing Positive Human Interactions

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I’m pretty certain there is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time, every single time, we interact with another human being, we leave them feeling either better about themselves or worse. They do the same for, or to, us.

Sometimes it’s a lot better or a lot worse, but most of the time it’s just a little. Very often it’s so little that it’s almost imperceptible. But it’s there. It’s a feeling; after we talk with someone, we feel a little less stress, a tiny bit happier, or a tiny bit more stress or anxious.

But we don’t feel exactly the same as we did before the interaction.

And the interaction doesn’t even have to be a full-fledged conversation; it can simply be a smile, frown, or some kind of gesture. It can be a simple acknowledgment of their presence or intentionally ignoring them.

But if you’re like me, I’ll bet you seldom, if ever, ask yourself what kind of impact you want to have on someone after they interact with you.

If you want to make a positive impact and help others walk away from interactions with you feeling better about themselves, it’s all about intentionality, empathy, and authenticity. Here’s a guide to creating those feel-good moments that linger long after the interaction or conversation ends.

1. Listen Actively and Fully

Nothing makes someone feel valued like being truly heard. Active listening goes beyond nodding along—it’s about engaging with what they’re saying without planning your response while they’re talking.

How to do it: Maintain eye contact (without staring), nod to show understanding, and ask follow-up questions that dig deeper into their thoughts. For example, if someone shares a story about a tough day, say, “That sounds really challenging—how did you handle it?” This shows you are invested in their experience.

Why it works: When people feel heard, they feel validated, which boosts their sense of worth.

2. Offer Genuine Compliments

A sincere compliment can light up someone’s day, but it has to be specific and authentic. Generic praise like “You’re great” doesn’t hit the same as noticing something unique.

How to do it: Pay attention to what stands out about them. Maybe it’s their creativity in solving a problem or the way they always make others laugh. Say something like, “I really admire how you always find a way to make everyone feel included.” Be specific and tie it to something they’ve done or who they are.

Why it works: Genuine compliments affirm someone’s strengths, reinforcing their positive self-image.

3. Practice Empathy, Not Judgment

Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings without criticism. When people feel judged, they shrink; when they feel understood, they grow.

How to do it: If someone shares a struggle, resist the urge to offer quick fixes or comparisons like, “Oh, I’ve had it worse.” Instead, validate their emotions with phrases like, “I can see why you’d feel that way—that sounds really tough.” Even if you don’t fully relate, show you’re trying to understand.

Why it works: Empathy creates a safe space where people feel accepted, which naturally boosts their confidence.

4. Encourage Their Strengths

Sometimes, people don’t see their own potential as clearly as others do. Pointing out their strengths or encouraging them to lean into their talents can be a game changer.

How to do it: If you notice someone excels at something, let them know and encourage them to keep going. For example, “You have such a knack for explaining complex ideas—I bet you’d be amazing at teaching or presenting.” Offer to support them, like brainstorming ideas or connecting them with opportunities.

Why it works: Highlighting strengths helps people recognize their value and inspires them to pursue their passions.

5. Be Present and Positive

Your energy is contagious. If you’re distracted or negative, it can drag others down. Being fully present and bringing a positive vibe can make someone feel like they matter.

How to do it: Put away distractions like your phone, and focus on the moment. Share a smile, a laugh, or an optimistic perspective. Even small gestures, like saying, “I’m really glad we got to catch up,” can leave them feeling appreciated.

Why it works: Positivity is uplifting, and being present signals that they are worth your time.

6. Avoid One-Upmanship

It’s tempting to share your own stories or achievements when someone else is talking, but this can unintentionally make them feel overshadowed. Keep the focus on them.

How to do it: If they share an accomplishment, celebrate it without pivoting to your own. Instead of, “That’s awesome; I did something similar last year,” try, “That’s incredible! Tell me more about how you pulled that off.” Let them shine.

Why it works: Keeping the spotlight on them reinforces their sense of importance and accomplishment.

7. Follow Up and Show You Care

A quick follow-up after an interaction shows that you genuinely value the connection. It could be a text, a note, or a mention the next time you see them.

How to do it: If they mentioned a big meeting or a personal goal, check in later: “Hey, how did that presentation go? I was thinking about you!” It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just show you remember.

Why it works: Following up makes people feel significant and strengthens their trust in the relationship.

8. Be Authentic

People can sense when you’re being fake or overly performative.

How to do it: Share your thoughts and feelings honestly (while staying kind), and don’t try to impress or exaggerate. If you’re having a rough day, it’s okay to say, “I’m not at my best today, but I’m really glad to see you.” Authenticity builds trust.

Why it works: Authenticity makes others feel comfortable being themselves, which boosts their confidence.

Final Thoughts

Helping others feel better about themselves doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about small, intentional actions that show you see and value them. Listen deeply, celebrate their uniqueness, and create an environment where they feel safe to shine.

When you make someone feel understood, appreciated, and capable, you’re not just brightening their day—you’re helping them see the best in themselves. And that’s a gift that keeps on giving.

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Developing More Meaningful Human Interactions

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Here’s a thought most people never consider: there is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time we interact with another person, we leave that person feeling better about themselves and their situation… or worse. It’s either one or the other.

They might not even be able to say exactly why; many describe it as almost imperceptible, but it’s there. Things look a bit better or a bit worse. But sometimes it IS a big difference.

Here’s a recommendation for you. Before you call someone, meet with someone, or leave home just to hang out with friends, ask yourself if at the end of the call, or at the end of the meeting, or at the end of the day, do you want people feeling better or worse about themselves? Do you want to be the individual who helped make that happen?

To ask and answer those questions takes just seconds. However, the mere act of asking them can cause you to speak and act differently. This could help you become a source of uplifting energy for those you come into contact with.

In essence, you become a magnet for more meaningful human interactions.

Having more meaningful human interactions comes down to being present, showing genuine interest, and making an effort to create deeper connections. Here are some key principles to help you achieve that lofty goal.

1. Be Present

Why it matters: People can sense when you’re distracted or just going through the motions. Being fully engaged signals that you value the interaction.

How to do it: Put away distractions (phone, wandering thoughts) and focus on the moment. Make eye contact, nod, and respond to what is being said rather than planning your next reply.

2. Listen Actively

Why it matters: Most people listen to respond, not to understand. Active listening builds trust and opens the door to deeper conversations.

How to do it: Reflect back what you hear (“It sounds like you’re saying…”), ask follow-up questions (“What happened next?”), and resist the urge to interrupt or pivot to your own story unless it’s truly relevant.

3. Ask Meaningful Questions

Why it matters: Surface-level chit-chat (weather, small talk) rarely leads to depth. Thoughtful questions invite vulnerability and insight.

How to do it: Go beyond “How’s your day?” Try “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What’s something you’ve been excited about?” Tailor it to the person and context—specificity shows you care.

4. Share Authentically

Why it matters: Depth is a two-way street. If you want others to open up, you need to offer something real about yourself.

How to do it: Share a feeling, a struggle, or a hope—not just facts. Instead of “Work was busy,” try “Work’s been overwhelming, and I’m figuring out how to handle it.” Vulnerability invites reciprocity.

5. Embrace Silence

Why it matters: Pauses give people space to think and feel, often leading to more honest responses.

How to do it: Don’t rush to fill every gap. If someone hesitates, let them process. Silence can be uncomfortable, but it’s where depth often emerges.

6. Show Empathy

Why it matters: People connect when they feel understood, not judged. Empathy bridges the gap between experiences.

How to do it: Acknowledge their emotions (“That sounds tough”) without trying to fix it unless they ask. Avoid one-upping (“I had it worse”) or dismissing (“It’s not a big deal”).

7. Be Curious, Not Agenda-Driven

Why it matters: Interactions feel shallow when they’re transactional—like you’re fishing for something specific. Curiosity keeps it organic.

How to do it: Let the conversation flow naturally. Explore what they care about without steering it toward your own goals or preconceptions.

8. Respect Boundaries

Why it matters: Pushing too hard for depth can backfire and shut people down.

How to do it: Pay attention to cues—if they deflect or pull back, ease off. Depth builds over time, not in one forced moment.

Practical Example

Imagine you’re talking to a friend who mentions they’re stressed. Instead of “Yeah, me too,” try: “That sounds heavy—what’s been weighing on you the most?” Listen fully, then share something like, “I get how that can pile up—I’ve been feeling stretched thin lately, too.” Let the exchange unfold naturally from there.

Final Thoughts

Deeper interactions aren’t a one-off trick—they grow with trust and repetition. Be consistent, patient, and intentional. People will start to associate you with sincere connection, and that’s when the magic happens.

If you’re willing to make the effort to develop truly meaningful relationships with the people who you come into contact with, it can change lives. Your life for sure but very possibly the lives of the people around you as well.

You can do it; you simply need to decide that you will.

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Dealing With Manipulative People

Steve Keating 4 Comments

People come in all shapes and sizes, and most of them are great folks with good hearts. They’re a joy to be around, make wonderful friends, and great colleagues.

But unfortunately, there are some folks who aren’t so pleasant to deal with. That group includes manipulative people. And let me tell you, dealing with manipulative people can be tough. But the worst part? Not realizing they’re trying to manipulate you.

Dealing with manipulative people is usually a challenge, but if you use some smart strategies, you can protect yourself and keep your boundaries healthy. Here’s how to handle even the most manipulative people like a pro.

1. Know What Manipulation Looks Like

Pay attention to common tactics like guilt-tripping, gaslighting, playing the victim, or using flattery to control you.

Trust your gut. If something feels off or fake, it probably is manipulation.

2. Stay Calm and Cool

Don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Manipulators love to stir up drama.

Take a moment to think before you respond, especially if you feel pressured.

3. Set and Stick to Boundaries

Be clear about what you are okay with and say it calmly but firmly.

If someone crosses a line, remind them of your boundaries and stick to them.

4. Don’t Play Games

Don’t try to outsmart or argue with a manipulative person. This usually gives them the upper hand.

If the conversation gets too heated or unproductive, politely excuse yourself.

5. Ask Questions

Don’t be afraid to ask questions when something is unclear or vague.

This helps clear things up and can stop the manipulation.

6. Use Simple Language

Avoid using overly emotional or defensive language, which manipulators can use to their advantage.

Stick to the facts and keep your tone calm and professional.

7. Keep a Record

Keep a record of your interactions with manipulative people. This can help you remember what happened and how you handled it, especially if they happen in a professional setting or involve serious issues. This can be helpful if you need to report them or seek support later on.

Job one when dealing with manipulative people is to take care of yourself. That may well mean limiting your interactions with manipulative individuals in the first place. Protect your own well-being by surrounding yourself with supportive and respectful people. If someone consistently attempts to manipulate you and refuses to change, it’s okay to distance yourself or cut ties altogether for your own good.

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Associating With People You Just Don’t Like

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President Abraham Lincoln once said of a person, “I do not like that man; I must get to know him better.”

Lincoln knew that actually knowing, and then understanding a person, would make it much less likely that you would not like them. These days, we often make snap judgments about people. We base them on little information. Then hold on to that opinion, virtually forever.

We then tend to avoid those people as much as possible. The challenge with that, of course, is that it limits our ability to expand our own horizons. When we associate only with people who we like, we limit ourselves. The most likely reason we like them is because they are a lot like us. They think like us, they talk like us, they might even dress like us. They know and believe the same things we do.

That’s great except it’s unlikely that they will be able to help us grow. Growth most often comes when we are uncomfortable. Associating with people who are different from us, people we may not like, makes us uncomfortable. That’s why we tend to avoid them.

But truly, having the opportunity to reach our full potential most often requires being uncomfortable on a regular basis. That includes associating with people we would rather stay away from.

Associating with and even actually getting along with people you don’t naturally click with can be challenging. But it’s a valuable skill for both personal and professional settings. Here are some ideas to help you build that skill.

Adjust Your Perspective
Try not to focus on the traits you dislike. Instead, find something to appreciate in them, no matter how small. This shift can help you see them in a more neutral, less emotionally charged way.

Empathy and Understanding
Sometimes people act in ways that reflect their own challenges, insecurities, or past experiences. Imagining the world from their perspective can help you see where they’re coming from and reduce frustration.

Set Clear Boundaries
You don’t need to become close with people you don’t like. Maintain clear, respectful boundaries so you have control over the level and type of interactions you have with them.

Focus on the Task, Not the Person
If you’re working together, focus on the objective instead of the relationship. This can help keep things professional and ensure that you accomplish what needs to be done without getting sidetracked by personal feelings.

Limit Reactivity
Avoid reacting emotionally to things that bother you. Take a deep breath, pause, and remind yourself not to take things personally. Staying calm and neutral can defuse tension and prevent situations from escalating.

Practice Patience and Tolerance
Remind yourself that you don’t have to agree with someone to be polite and civil. Tolerance can allow you to engage without emotionally investing in their quirks or irritating habits.

Keep Interactions Short and Purposeful
If you really struggle to be around someone, limit the duration and scope of your interactions. Stick to the essentials, and give yourself space to recharge afterward.

Communicate Directly but Respectfully
If there’s a specific behavior causing conflict, address it with kindness. Speak in “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory and focus on how their actions affect your needs or goals rather than criticizing them directly.

Develop a Sense of Humor
Laughing things off or seeing the humor in a situation can help lighten the mood and make interactions feel less strained. Just be careful to avoid humor that could come across as mocking or sarcastic.

Focus on Self-Improvement
Difficult interactions can actually be opportunities to work on your own patience, empathy, and communication skills. View these interactions as a chance to grow and improve.

Generally speaking, I think it’s worth the effort to try and at least develop a professional relationship, even with people who you could never be friendly with. But there are exceptions. Some people, I hope a very few, are just too morally bankrupt to invest time and effort with. That’s a sad fact but a fact nonetheless.

But don’t let those very few prevent you from making an effort to turn an unfriendly relationship into a productive one.

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How to Rebuild Trust

Steve Keating Leave a comment

If you’re human and you’re reading this (if you’re not human and you’re reading this, please by any means possible let me know) then sooner or later you will do something that will cause someone to lose trust in you.

As has been said many times, trust takes a long time to build and only seconds to destroy.

But the destruction does not have to be permanent. If you’re willing to make the effort then over time you can rebuild the trust you once had. It’s not easy and it will take time but it can be done. Do not expect the other person, the one who’s trust you lost, to rebuild it. If you’re the trust breaker then you’re 100% responsible for rebuilding it too.

Rebuilding trust is a process. Here are some steps you can take to begin that process today.

Acknowledge the breach. Recognize and take responsibility for the actions or behaviors that led to the loss of trust. This demonstrates honesty and accountability. There can be no “but” in your acknowledgment. No “sorry but.” No, sorry if you’re offended “but” I didn’t mean it. By the way, if you really said something you didn’t mean that’s actually an indication that you’re so careless with your words or actions that you probably shouldn’t have been trusted in the first place. Think about that little tidbit a while.

Apologize sincerely. Offer a genuine apology, expressing remorse for any hurt or harm caused. Be specific about what you’re apologizing for and show empathy towards the other person’s feelings. And this should go without saying, but in case it needs to be said… if it’s not a sincere apology then don’t bother in the first place.

Communicate openly. Encourage open dialogue about the situation. Listen attentively to the other person’s concerns and feelings without becoming defensive. Be transparent about your intentions and actions moving forward. This is another step where there can be no “buts.” You offended someone, you may have even hurt them. When they tell you why they feel the way they feel don’t you dare respond with a “yes but.” That is a clear indication that you likely do not value their feelings.

Set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries and expectations to prevent similar issues from arising in the future. This could include agreeing on specific behaviors or actions that are off-limits. Once the boundaries are set do not cross them… no matter what.

Demonstrate consistency. Consistently follow through on your commitments and promises. Your actions should align with your words to build credibility and reliability. Rebuilding trust is not a part time process. You must honor 100% of your commitments, 100% of the time. Whether you feel like it or not.

Be patient. Rebuilding trust takes time, so be patient and understanding. Allow the other person space to process their feelings and gradually rebuild their trust in you. Remember, it’s wrecking trust that happens fast, rebuilding it will take longer than it took to build it in the first place.

Seek feedback. Regularly check in with the other person to see how they’re feeling about the progress of rebuilding trust. Be open to feedback and willing to make adjustments as needed. You may need to ask a few times to get an answer but the mere asking of the question can help rebuild trust.

Show genuine remorse. Continuously express genuine remorse for the hurt caused and demonstrate your commitment to making amends. Actions often speak louder than words, so be consistent in your efforts to rebuild trust.

Obviously it’s way better not to do or say things that cause someone to lose trust in you to begin with. But we’re human and sometimes we do things we wish we hadn’t. But whether you’re able to rebuild trust with someone or not, simply going through the process will make it less likely that you’ll make the same mistake again.

That’s called improvement and I call that a very good thing.

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Living According to Your Core Values

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Many people struggle with setting meaningful goals for their life. Many of those same people find it difficult to make decisions, especially big, life altering decisions. A good number of those same people have relationship issues throughout their lives. They can’t quite seem to find their “match.”

All of those challenges have one underlying cause. That cause is Core Values.

Just to be clear, it is not a lack of Core Values. It is a lack of understanding exactly what their Core Values are. I believe everyone has Core Values, those values that are life defining. Values that are worth fighting for. Even values that are worth dying for.

But through the years I’ve come to realize that most people, perhaps even the vast majority of people, have invested scant time thinking and reflecting on what their Core Values actually are. Those Core Values are buried deep within them but not so deep that they don’t impact their thinking. Their ever present Core Values inform their thinking but they do so subconsciously.

When people know and understand their Core Values they bring them to the surface. Once surfaced their Core Values help them make better and bigger decisions. They inform them as to what goals truly matter long term. Their Core Values help them find and keep a person who will be their partner for the rest of their lives.

Core Values are a very big deal. They are an even bigger deal once you’ve determined your Core Values and decide to consciously live your life accordingly.

Determining your Core Values involves reflecting on what matters most to you in life. Start by considering experiences, beliefs, and principles that have consistently guided your decisions and actions. Ask yourself probing questions about what brings you fulfillment, what you stand for, and what you couldn’t live without. Write down a list of potential values, then narrow it down to the ones that resonate with you the most deeply. Your Core Values should reflect your authentic self and serve as a compass for making choices aligned with your true priorities.

Core Values vary from person to person, but some common examples include:

1. Integrity: Being honest, trustworthy, and acting with moral principles.

2. Respect: Treating others with dignity, empathy, and understanding.

3. Responsibility: Taking ownership of one’s actions and obligations.

4. Excellence: Striving for the highest quality and continuous improvement.

5. Compassion: Showing kindness, empathy, and care towards others.

6. Courage: Facing challenges with bravery and perseverance.

7. Equality: Believing in fairness and justice for all individuals.

8. Gratitude: Appreciating the blessings and expressing thankfulness.

9. Authenticity: Being true to oneself and living with transparency.

10. Collaboration: Working together and valuing teamwork and cooperation.

These are just a few examples, and individuals may prioritize different values based on their personal experiences, beliefs, and aspirations.

Actually living according to your Core Values involves aligning your actions, decisions, and behaviors with the principles that matter most to you. Here’s how you can do it.

Identify your core values. Reflect on what truly matters to you and define your core values. Write them down to have a clear understanding of what they are.

Integrate values into decision-making. When faced with choices or dilemmas, consider how each option aligns with your core values. Choose the path that resonates with your principles, even if it’s challenging.

Set goals aligned with your values. Define short-term and long-term goals that reflect your core values. This ensures that your actions are directed towards what you find meaningful and fulfilling.

Practice self-awareness. Regularly evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions to ensure they are consistent with your values. Adjust your behavior if you notice any discrepancies.

Communicate your values. Be open about your core values with others, including friends, family, and colleagues. This helps create authentic connections and fosters mutual understanding.

Stay true to yourself. Resist the temptation to compromise your values for external approval or short-term gains. Stand firm in your beliefs, even in the face of adversity.

Learn and grow. Continuously seek opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement that are in line with your core values. Embrace challenges as opportunities to strengthen your commitment to what matters most to you.

By consciously integrating your Core Values into your daily life, you can lead a more authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling existence. You will make better decisions, choose better friends, and set meaningful goals that motivate you to achieve your full potential. In short, you’ll live your very best life and you’ll know exactly how, and why you’re doing it.

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The Art of Diplomacy

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Life will always include some amount of conflict. Many people, including people in leadership positions, will go to great lengths to avoid engaging in conflict. Anything that is, except engaging in diplomacy.

Diplomacy makes it possible to resolve a conflict by working with people to find an outcome acceptable to all sides.

You may not believe that you are diplomatic enough to find middle ground with people of differing opinions. But it’s entirely possible you could be. Diplomacy is a skill and as I’ve written many times, skills can be developed through effort.

Being diplomatic involves managing communication and relationships well. It’s about navigating sensitive or contentious situations with tact, empathy, and consideration for others’ perspectives. If you’re interested in improving your diplomacy skills, here are some tips on how to make it happen.

Listen attentively. Understand the concerns, views, and feelings of others. Do so by actively listening without interruption. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Most importantly, listen with an open mind.

Choose words carefully. Use language that is neutral, respectful, and non-confrontational. Avoid inflammatory or accusatory language that could escalate tensions. It’s completely acceptable to have a few moments of silence in a conversation as you think about what you’re about to say. Never forget, once it’s said it can’t be unsaid. I’d rather people think I’m a slow thinking, slow talking individual than to say something I can’t unsay.

Focus on common ground. Find areas of agreement or shared goals. They will build rapport and a positive foundation for discussion. Even the smallest point of agreement can be a building block for a future resolution.

Acknowledge differences. Respectfully acknowledge differing viewpoints without dismissing or belittling them. Validate others’ perspectives even if you disagree. Remember, if you were them, with an identical upbringing and background, you would likely think exactly as they do. It’s not that they are necessary wrong, it’s just that they think different, based on their different upbringing.

Stay calm and composed. Maintain a calm demeanor, even in challenging situations. Avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally, as this can escalate conflicts. Think of it this way, if you lose control of your emotions, you lose.

Seek understanding. Ask clarifying questions to understand others’ concerns and motivations. This demonstrates your willingness to listen and collaborate.

Avoid blame and criticism. Instead of blaming or criticizing others, focus on solving problems and finding solutions.

Offer solutions. Propose compromises that address everyone’s concerns. Be open to negotiation and flexible in finding mutually beneficial outcomes.

Consider timing and context. Be mindful of when and where discussions take place. Choose appropriate settings and timing to have sensitive conversations. If someone doesn’t have time to talk then it’s best not to try and make them talk.

Maintain confidentiality. Respect confidentiality when discussing sensitive matters. Avoid sharing private information without permission. As they saying goes, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. So when you’re told something in confidence, keep it confidential.

Build trust. Show truth, honor, and reliability in your actions. This will build trust over time.

After reaching agreements, follow up. Check that commitments are honored and that any issues are addressed.

By practicing these diplomatic strategies you can use diplomacy to resolve issues without starting a war. You can handle tough situations well. You can also build better relationships. This will create a more positive and productive environment.

It’ll build a happier you and in all likelihood, a happier “them” as well.

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and living your best life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday

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