Tag Building Relationships

Associating With People You Just Don’t Like

Steve Keating Leave a comment

President Abraham Lincoln once said of a person, “I do not like that man; I must get to know him better.”

Lincoln knew that actually knowing, and then understanding a person, would make it much less likely that you would not like them. These days, we often make snap judgments about people. We base them on little information. Then hold on to that opinion, virtually forever.

We then tend to avoid those people as much as possible. The challenge with that, of course, is that it limits our ability to expand our own horizons. When we associate only with people who we like, we limit ourselves. The most likely reason we like them is because they are a lot like us. They think like us, they talk like us, they might even dress like us. They know and believe the same things we do.

That’s great except it’s unlikely that they will be able to help us grow. Growth most often comes when we are uncomfortable. Associating with people who are different from us, people we may not like, makes us uncomfortable. That’s why we tend to avoid them.

But truly, having the opportunity to reach our full potential most often requires being uncomfortable on a regular basis. That includes associating with people we would rather stay away from.

Associating with and even actually getting along with people you don’t naturally click with can be challenging. But it’s a valuable skill for both personal and professional settings. Here are some ideas to help you build that skill.

Adjust Your Perspective
Try not to focus on the traits you dislike. Instead, find something to appreciate in them, no matter how small. This shift can help you see them in a more neutral, less emotionally charged way.

Empathy and Understanding
Sometimes people act in ways that reflect their own challenges, insecurities, or past experiences. Imagining the world from their perspective can help you see where they’re coming from and reduce frustration.

Set Clear Boundaries
You don’t need to become close with people you don’t like. Maintain clear, respectful boundaries so you have control over the level and type of interactions you have with them.

Focus on the Task, Not the Person
If you’re working together, focus on the objective instead of the relationship. This can help keep things professional and ensure that you accomplish what needs to be done without getting sidetracked by personal feelings.

Limit Reactivity
Avoid reacting emotionally to things that bother you. Take a deep breath, pause, and remind yourself not to take things personally. Staying calm and neutral can defuse tension and prevent situations from escalating.

Practice Patience and Tolerance
Remind yourself that you don’t have to agree with someone to be polite and civil. Tolerance can allow you to engage without emotionally investing in their quirks or irritating habits.

Keep Interactions Short and Purposeful
If you really struggle to be around someone, limit the duration and scope of your interactions. Stick to the essentials, and give yourself space to recharge afterward.

Communicate Directly but Respectfully
If there’s a specific behavior causing conflict, address it with kindness. Speak in “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory and focus on how their actions affect your needs or goals rather than criticizing them directly.

Develop a Sense of Humor
Laughing things off or seeing the humor in a situation can help lighten the mood and make interactions feel less strained. Just be careful to avoid humor that could come across as mocking or sarcastic.

Focus on Self-Improvement
Difficult interactions can actually be opportunities to work on your own patience, empathy, and communication skills. View these interactions as a chance to grow and improve.

Generally speaking, I think it’s worth the effort to try and at least develop a professional relationship, even with people who you could never be friendly with. But there are exceptions. Some people, I hope a very few, are just too morally bankrupt to invest time and effort with. That’s a sad fact but a fact nonetheless.

But don’t let those very few prevent you from making an effort to turn an unfriendly relationship into a productive one.

Why Listening Well is Such a Big Deal

Steve Keating 3 Comments

People who listen well do well. They do well in most every area of their life. They do especially well in their relationships. Whether it’s professional or personal relationships you’ll be more approachable when you make the effort to listen to others intently. 

Here are some ways that listening well can help build and maintain relationships.

When you listen well, it shows the other person that you care about their thoughts and feelings. This can help build trust in the relationship, as the other person feels heard and understood. Many times when someone asks for help the only “help” they need is for someone to listen to them. Really listen. 

That’s why focused, active listening is often one of the kindest things you can do for someone. All it takes is an open heart, a good ear, and an investment of time. 

Good listening skills can help prevent misunderstandings by ensuring that you have a clear understanding of what the other person is saying. This can help you avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on incomplete information. If your reply to what another person says is “yes but” then it’s likely you weren’t completely listening to them. It’s probable that you were at least partially planning your reply while they were still talking.

Listening well requires you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can enhance your empathy for them and help you better understand their feelings and experiences. Empathy is a skill that can be developed through practice. Empathy is vital to relationships with people who are different than you because once you understand their emotions and life experiences you’ll find you have far less need to judge them. 

Active listening is an effective tool for resolving conflicts. It allows both parties to express their feelings and concerns in a supportive environment. By listening well, you can work together to find common ground and come up with solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

Good listening skills help deepen your connection with the other person. It shows them that you value their thoughts and feelings. This can lead to a stronger and more meaningful relationship over time.

We all know that listening well is an essential skill for building and maintaining healthy relationships. By taking the time to truly listen to others, you can build trust. You reduce misunderstandings. You enhance empathy. You resolve conflicts, and even stop them before they start. You strengthen your connections with others in very significant ways.

Listening is a skill you can develop over time. Funny thing is, it’s a very challenging skill to learn while holding a cell phone in your hand. It’s almost like a cell phone is Kryptonite to listening skills. So the first two steps to become a better listener are one, find the off button on your cell phone. Two, use it. 

Not only will you be a better listener, you’ll be amazed at how many other positive differences that will make in your life too.

Want more of LeadToday? I’m changing things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. On March 2nd I began publishing two videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $5 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month. 

If you’re interested in taking a look head on over to my Twitter profile page. If you’re not a follower yet just hit the follow button. It will change to a subscribe button and once you hit that you’re on your way. You can cancel at any time you’ve decided you have nothing left to learn about leading the people who you count on for your success. 🙂

Here’s the link to my Twitter… https://twitter.com/leadtoday 

Customer Relationships

Steve Keating 5 Comments

I recently was asked by a business if I could help them determine the strength of the organization’s relationships with their customers. 

 

I said yes and then told them I could tell them the strength of those relationships immediately. They seemed puzzled until I told them their customers didn’t have a relationship with the organization. 

 

I could say that because no customer, not ever, has had an actual relationship, in the truest sense of the word, with a business or organization. Human beings only have real relationships with other human beings. (and pets of course) 

 

Businesses that think otherwise do so at their own risk. Successful businesses understand that customers only build relationships with people.  

 

That’s just one reason, albeit a major one, why organizations must take care of their employees. If you’re running a business then you must understand that you cannot have solid customer relationships when your employee relationships are nonexistent. 

 

Businesses that have a philosophy that says employees are interchangeable likes parts of a machine believe that the business “owns” the customer relationship. They believe that their people don’t matter. It’s a “organization first” philosophy. 

 

That philosophy shows itself in many ways. The quality of the product or service the company offers is reflected in that “organization first” thinking. The quality of customer service in an “organization first” business is always substandard. 

 

Turnover and recruiting expenses are often through the roof in an “organization first” company. So by the way is customer turnover. 

 

You will never, and yes I know never is a very strong word but I’m using it anyway. You will never find an organization that is decades old or even older that has an “organization first” philosophy. 

 

Those companies that have survived in good times and bad have a “people first” philosophy. They invest in their people. They build strong relationships with their people. They help their people grow. They know it’s their people who will build those vital relationships with their customers. 

 

If you’re running a business today don’t bother investing a dime to determine the strength of your customer relationships until you’re certain of the strength of the relationships with your own people. 


Building relationships with your people leads to your people building relationships with your customers. It’s the only way to sustain and grow your business.

Compromising Relationships

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I’m pretty certain that the biggest challenge when it comes to compromising stems from the fact that no one wants to lose. Ever! 

 

What most people fail to realize however is that true compromise is not about winning and losing. It is about allowing both sides of the compromise to maintain self-respect. A compromise can be found in any situation and it can, in fact it must, be found without sacrificing core values. 

 

If you’re truly interested in finding a compromise in difficult circumstances then you must stop trying to always be right. Admitting you are wrong about something, whether it is a fact, an opinion or some emotion driven thinking is not a loss. It is not a sign of weakness or stupidity. It is a sign of courage and emotional strength. The moment you realize that you are wrong about something admit it and move on. 

 

To find compromise you must be willing to let some things go. Humans say and do the most regrettable things when they are emotional. You most certainly have and it’s likely that you are willing to cut yourself a fair amount of slack for saying or doing whatever. You cut yourself that slack because you realize that you were emotional. You must also realize that the other party to your compromise is an emotional being as well. Cut them some slack!

 

You may enter into a discussion with one set of expectations but that doesn’t mean your expectations can’t change as a result of the discussion. Be willing to change your expectations, again that is not a sign of losing. It is a sign that you’re strong enough to realize that sometimes the only way to get something is to give something. 

 

Hiding your true feelings when searching for a compromise does not work. Share how you feel and value the other person’s feelings as much as you want them to value yours.

 

Finding a compromise requires that both parties keep an open mind. Personally I try to remember that I can be wrong about most anything at almost any time. That’s probably true for you too. 

 

Relationships are what make life worth living. When we forget that we put every relationship we have in grave danger. A long time ago a great friend of mine gave me some life changing advice. I was struggling with some issues with our daughter and this very wise man asked me a simple question.

 

He asked what was more important, proving I was right or my relationship with my daughter. That simple question changed my approach to every relationship I have.

 

There is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time you interact with another human being you leave them feeling either better or worse about themselves and their life situation. Every single time!


Find a compromise that makes them…and you, feel better about each other. You will never regret it!