I’ve done plenty of things in my life for which I needed forgiveness. Sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn’t. Obviously I feel worse about the things for which I wasn’t forgiven. But I don’t feel worse only for me, I got over it a long time ago. I made peace with my screw-up, I vowed to not make the same mistake again and I moved on.
I feel worse for the person who didn’t forgive me. They may still be holding a grudge and that’s a terrible burden to carry around. I feel terrible that the original cause of that grudge was me, something I did or something I said. But when someone offends us we have two choices, we can forgive and get on with our lives or we can carry that offense around with us like an anchor.
Anchors are heavy, they slow down and often completely stop our journey towards success.
It is important that we understand that while forgiveness may be good for the forgiven it is vital to the forgiver. Forgiveness frees us to live in the present. Forgiveness allows us to move forward in life without that anchor of anger or energy sapping contempt slowing us down.
Forgiving does not mean condoning whatever wrongdoing was directed our way. It doesn’t even mean forgetting what was done to us. It just means we are not going to allow that offense to steal one additional minute of our happiness.
Forgiving someone flushes the anger, hatred, hurt and resentment out of our system and gives us back the power to control our emotions and our lives.
When someone hurts you in some way tell them. Tell them why you feel the way you do and explain why it’s not acceptable. That’s an important step in forgiveness because in that moment you’re teaching that person what you will accept and what you won’t. Tell them as well that you forgive them, whether they think they need forgiveness or not. Remember, this is more for you than it is for them.
There is tremendous power in forgiveness but you must forgive in order to experience it. When you experience the pain of wrongdoing YOU have to make the choice of carrying that pain with you or letting it go.
Holding on holds you back, let it go and set yourself free!
Steve,
I couldn’t agree more. Great topic and good suggestions.
Paul B. Thornton
Thanks Paul, I appreciate your comment!
Great post here! I really like how much you acknowledge that attaching to something like a grudge can ultimately be unhealthy for us. That is why I believe wholeheartedly that forgiveness can be beneficial for individuals in their lives and for those around them. I write about this in my own post titled “parables and positive psychology,” in which Jesus preaches on forgiveness. I then support this claim with findings in the field of positive psychology, which is the scientific study of well-being and happiness. I think you would find the content interesting, and so feel free to check any of the posts out if you get a chance. I also welcome and contributions you have to the content. I hope to see you there but if not, I hope you are doing well!
Thanks, I will check it out.
Great topic. Can’t get enough of this piece as it captured my heart.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. Good thing that forgiveness sets your heart free. 🙂
Wow, great post here Steve. I especially like the part where you mention:
“When someone hurts you in some way tell them. Tell them why you feel the way you do and explain why it’s not acceptable”.
I think you have captured it well. The Bible even says it in Matthew 18:15
Matthew 18:15:
“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back”.
So, we aren’t required to simply pretend that we like a situation that we do not like. However, sometimes talking to the other person is not possible, or we just know it won’t work. I find that people struggle with unforgiveness because they haven’t healed from the pain that the person caused them. If the victim thinks about it and everytime that they remember the situation it feels like a fresh wound everytime, that is where the problem lies. I have found that healing comes from the Lord.
The Bible says in Psalm 147:3
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”
The Bible says in Psalm 30:2
“O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me”
The Bible says in Malachi 4:2
“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall”.
It is a process but definitely something that we owe to ourselves.
To anyone interested in connecting with God, I have a post that can help here:
https://christcenteredruminations.wordpress.com/2018/08/29/how-to-build-a-relationship-with-god/
You can check out the blog post above. If the information is too overwhelming for you, then you can start slow and work your way up gradually. If you want to stay updated and you want more posts from me, you can follow my blog. I post about God, faith and Christian Spirituality.I
May God’s peace be with you, Amen. 🙂
Thank you for an excellent comment. I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. A good friend of mine says that when we’ve been hurt by someone we need a healing conversation with the person who has hurt us. If that’s not possible than the healing conversation can be with God, He is always available to us, we only need to ask for His help to heal.
Thank you Steve for this response.