Ditch the Resolutions

Want more success in 2017? Then ditch the New Years Resolutions and replace them with a mentor. 

There is so much evidence that New Years Resolutions have no lasting impact that I won’t even bother with explaining why they are almost always a complete waste of time.

There is also ample evidence that having a mentor does have long term impact on the mentees future success. If you truly want greater success in the coming year then your first step is to get yourself a mentor. 

I’ve been blessed throughout my career with mentors who cared as much about me as they cared about their own success. That perhaps is the single greatest attribute a mentor must have, they really need to care about the person they are mentoring.

I get asked on average at least once a week to mentor someone and one of my biggest regrets is that I have to say no. I’m mentoring a few people already and I couldn’t truly be effective mentoring more. Mentoring is serious stuff and requires a serious time commitment on the both of both the mentor and the mentee. 

If you’re serious about having a mentor in 2017 then look for a person who is willing to share their knowledge, skills and expertise. Sadly, too many people in organizations see passing along their knowledge and skills to be a risk to their job security. In fact, nothing is further from the truth. If you have the ability to help others grow then you will always be needed somewhere.

Your mentor needs to be a person who will take a personal interest in you and who desires a personal relationship with you. They must invest themselves in your success. If your mentor frequently needs to cancel or change the time of your meeting then you likely need a different mentor. 

Your mentor needs to be someone who cares enough about you to offer you constructive feedback. They have to have the courage to potentially tell you some things that you may not want to hear. They also need to have the compassion and communication skills to tell you it in such a way as to allow you to hear it, understand it, believe it, and act upon it. 

A good mentor is a person who sets a good example. They regularly achieve their own goals, they are respected by others and they demonstrate successful habits. They “walk their talk” while challenging their mentees to do the same. They never ask someone else to do something that are unwilling to do themselves.

Regardless of your age or level of success you’ll be better off in 2017 if you have a mentor. A real mentor. Formalize a mentoring relationship with someone who can help you grow personally and professionally and see for yourself the difference it will make in your level of success in the New Year!

Do the Right Thing

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is this: when you don’t know what to do just do the next right thing. 

It might be a small thing, it might not get you far and it might seem like it doesn’t matter. But it does!

Doing the right thing, however small very often leads directly to doing the next right thing and a few “right things” in a row can add up to something very good, very very good.

Even when we can’t see the big picture, even when we don’t know exactly what to do, we can almost almost find some little “right thing” and that’s the thing to do. It’s called progress; sometimes we make progress in big steps and sometimes in small steps but this much is clear; successful people are almost always making some sort of progress.

If you truly don’t know what the next right thing is then ask. This is where having a mentor in your life can make a huge difference. Ask your mentor for their opinion on the next right thing. 

You need, yes NEED, a mentor who cares enough about you to be honest. Your mentor should have no ulterior motive for helping you. The best mentors help people because for them, it’s the next right thing to do.

If you don’t have a mentor then ask someone who you trust, someone you see as successful, someone who you see yourself becoming, to be your mentor today.

I know that doing the next right thing sounds very simplistic but all too often it is anything but easy. Doing the right thing can be very hard, especially when compared to doing the easy thing. 

The easy way seldom brings any real value into your life but the right thing almost always does. Doing the right thing is always better then doing nothing and it is way better than doing the wrong thing. 

Do the next right thing, do it for the right reasons and you’ll soon discover that you can never go wrong by doing right.

Why You Need a Mentor

I am darn near perfect. The only thing that keeps me from just outright declaring my perfection is that I am also very humble. If other people could see my perfection the world would indeed be a better place!

I remain perfect pretty much right up to the time someone who cares about me talks some sense into me… then I see a little different me.

You don’t see yourself the way others see you. You may not think you’re perfect but because you’re human you likely hold yourself to a somewhat different standard than you hold others. It is much easier to state your principles than it is to live them.

The person that talks some sense into me is called a mentor. (or my wife but that’s a different post) They are a truth teller. They see my world from the outside, without the fog of ego, defensiveness, shame, and the need to be liked.

They see me the way others see me and they paint me a picture so I can see it too. 

That helps me be a better me. If you want to be a better you then you need a mentor. If you don’t want to call them a mentor then call them a coach. You can call them whatever you like but they need to care enough about you to invest in your growth by being honest with you. Even when “honest” hurts. It’s okay to be friendly with them but they don’t necessarily have to be a friend, it might be better if they weren’t. 

You can hire a professional coach or select someone that you admire and that most people see as successful… however you define successful. Whether your coach/mentor is paid or not that best way to repay them is by following their advice. Listen, REALLY LISTEN, to what they have to say, linger on their words until they sink in. If you’ve picked the right mentor then they are telling you the truth. If they are telling you the truth then you NEED to listen. 

Regardless of your current level of success you will be better off with a mentor. Even if you’ve reached the pinnacle of your career you will be better off with a trusted sounding board. 

A coach or mentor will not tell you what your principles are, they just help you live them.

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Once upon a time there lived a lovely princess named Snow White. Her vain and wicked stepmother, the Queen, feared that some day Snow White’s beauty would surpass her own. So she dressed the princess in rags and forced her to work as a maid. Each day the vain queen consulted her magic mirror, “Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?”… and as long as the mirror answered, “You are the fairest of them all,” Snow White was safe from the Queen’s cruel jealousy.

Wouldn’t we all like a mirror that would tell us each day just how great we are. The thing is, some people really do seem to have one. They look in the mirror and the image they see is far different than the image they project to other people.

When we see ourselves we are most often crystal clear on exactly what we meant to say. We make good, appropriate decisions and when we look in the mirror we see somebody worth far more than they are being paid and someone not fully appreciated for the greatness they bring into the world everyday. We know precisely how to leverage our strengths and how to eliminate our weaknesses.

Or perhaps you look into the mirror and the person who looks back adds no value to their world, they are misunderstood and are destined to just wander through life until their time on earth is done.

It’s very likely that neither of those “reflections” is accurate. They are not accurate because hardly anyone sees themselves in the same way others see them. Their mirrors are not providing a reflection that truly shows the reality of their life.

So as we near the end of 2014 here is the best advice I could ever give anyone for a better 2015: get yourself an accurate mirror.

That “mirror” I’m talking about is actually a mentor or coach. Your mentor should be someone who cares about you enough to be open and honest with you about your strengths and weaknesses.

Your mentor needs to be self-reflective because if you want someone to share their wisdom with you, they need to have wisdom to share. Some people simply don’t spend much time thinking about their own experience. You’ll want a mentor that can explain what worked in their life AND why it worked. Your mentor can’t pass along what they don’t know so self-reflection is a key.

If you want a mentor that trusts you then you must be able to trust your mentor. In a good mentor relationship, you need to be able to be honest about your own life and circumstances – and you need to be certain that what you share won’t go beyond your mentor. If they can’t be trusted to keep confidences, your relationship will be superficial at best – actually damaging at worst.

If you’re brave enough to ask your mentor for advice then your mentor needs to be brave enough to give you a straight answer. Don’t look for a mentor who will sugar-coat the truth. Take your advice straight-up, with no sweetness and no politically correct wishy-washy coaching added.
Look for a generous, giving mentor, a mentor who truly wants the best for you. A true mentor will never feel threatened by your success. A generous mentor will invest the time required to help you become your very best. Your success will actually be a priority for them.

Some individuals may choose to hire a coach or a mentor. The same requirements apply; the one big difference is a professional coach may work with you for a predetermined amount of time, on one area of your life in particular or to help you achieve one big goal. Hiring a professional coach is not an expense, it is one of the best investments you can make, it’s an investment in yourself.

Either way you should know this: you will be more successful with someone to help you smooth out life’s bumps then you will ever be by going it alone.

I’m not sure I was clear enough with that so let me repeat it: you WILL be more successful with a coach or a mentor in your life than you will be without one. No matter how successful you are today you WILL be more successful when you add a coach or mentor to your life.

Got it? Then get one!

What Would You do to Succeed?

I would do anything in order to _____________________. Go ahead and fill in the blank for yourself. Have you ever said that to yourself or to someone else? I’ve said it when it was clear to the people around me that it wasn’t true. When I took the time to reflect on what I had said it became obvious to me as well that it wasn’t true. 

That statement is said so often it has almost become just a throw-away line. Something we say when we’re envious for example. It’s something we say when we wish we had the skill, accomplishment or success that someone else has. 

Lots of people say they would give anything at all to succeed. But when you watch them for a while it appears as if they actually wouldn’t give anything at all. They are not willing to do anything to help themselves succeed. When they say they would “do anything” it’s simply not true.

They want a skill, accomplishment, fame, or success but what they don’t want is the effort and commitment it takes to acquire it. 

Lots of people also say they are committed but others see no evidence of that commitment. If I or another coach or trainer were to observe you for a week would we see any outward signs of your commitment? Would we see you doing anything, anything at all, that would indicate you’re serious about making an effort to achieve your coveted goal?

Commitment Requires action! Action, action that leads to success anyway, requires a plan.

Do you have a plan? Have you made a personal investment? Have you made a personal sacrifice? Have you in fact done anything at all to succeed other than want success? I hate to be so blunt but wishing for and complaining about what other people have does not get you anything worthwhile. The reality is if you just sit on your behind and wait, hope and wish you’ll never get close to reaching your potential and earning the success available to you.

If you’re not willing to give anything up or do anything different then you shouldn’t expect anything different or better in return. The truth is, not only would you not “give anything,” apparently you wouldn’t give anything at all.

You need to make a plan, you need to set some goals, you need to have a timeline. You need to have a coach or mentor who will hold you accountable to all of the above.

Time can be your greatest asset or your biggest enemy, it all depends on whether you use it or waste it. Don’t let another day, hour or even minute go by without making a real commitment to take action. 

You can achieve your goals, you can accomplish great things. People and “things” will seem to conspire along the way to try and stop you. Never, never, never become a co-conspirator with them. 

Let other people spout the “I’d give anything” talk while you’re taking the steps required to succeed in your quest.

That’s how successful people do it!  

Mountains to Climb

great-smoky-mountainsMountains are beautiful from a distance, especially when we don’t need to hike over them to get somewhere else.

Imagine what the mountains meant to the early pioneers traveling across the vast prairie in search of the Great Northwest. They were not a welcomed sight, but rather, the very definition of hardship. It took days to travel even a few miles. The journey was rugged, the work exhausting, the progress minimal. Joy in passing through the rugged range rested completely upon the attitude of the pioneer.

Trials and hardships in life are like mountains. They are inevitable, challenging, unwanted obstacles, and much more beautiful when looking back on those recently conquered.

Today, many of us live in the midst of mountains. And so the question must be asked – how is your attitude?

I speak often on the importance of maintaining control of our attitudes. The ability to “set the tone” for your day, everyday, is critical for success in the face of the mountains that challenge us each day. It is difficult; to say the least, to remain positive when it seems as if every light at the end of the tunnel is just another train on it’s way to running you over. It might even be impossible to do it alone.

So….I’d like to offer a small suggestion – don’t try to do it alone. Simul-climb! Simul-climbing is a technique used by experienced rock climbers to move up a rock wall with a steady pace, it also allows the peak to be reached much faster.

Simul-climbing is basically two climbers roped together climbing at the same time. While it offers many advantages there seems to be one big shortcoming, if one falls, they both fall. This causes simul-climbers to be very selective when choosing a partner.

Pick a partner, or mentor, that will help you maintain control over your attitude and someone that you can help as well. This is a person who you can share your challenges with, one that offers advice and encouragement and accepts the same from you. Tie yourself to this person and attack the mountains that stand in the way of your eventual success. Remember, if you fall and your attitude goes south on you, you will be taking someone else with you.

So don’t fall!