We’ve all met them. It’s even possible that some of us are them.

The colleague who insists that the project is “almost done” when the demo crashes every third click.

The family member still explaining in 2026 why that political figure “actually won” two election cycles ago.

The friend who, after three layoffs in two years, continues to swear that the problem is always “the market” or “jealous bosses” — never their own skill set or approach.

These are not always malicious people. Many are genuinely suffering. Their minds have built a beautiful, protective fortress around a version of reality that hurts less than the one standing right in front of them.

The difficult truth: you usually cannot force someone out of that fortress.

But you can decide how much of your time, energy, and emotional real estate you are willing to let them occupy.

Here are the most realistic, battle-tested strategies for dealing with chronic reality-deniers without losing your mind (or your relationships).

Get Extremely Clear on Your Goal

Before you say another word, ask yourself one ruthless question:

What do I actually want from this interaction?

Realistic answers usually fall into only three categories:

• I want to protect myself / my team / my money / my children

• I want to maintain a workable relationship (family, co-parenting, key business partner)

• I want them to change their mind and see reality

Pick one.

You almost never get #3 without getting #1 or #2 first.

Trying to achieve #3 as the primary goal is the fastest way to waste years of your life.

Stop Debating in the Arena of Facts (Most of the Time)

When someone is deeply invested in a false reality, facts feel like personal attacks.

A more effective sequence is usually:

Concern → Boundary → Consequence

(not Evidence → More Evidence → Frustration → Anger → Explosion)

Examples that usually work better than arguing:

• “I can see this situation is really painful for you. I need to make decisions based on what I can observe happening right now.”

• “I’m not going to be able to keep discussing whether the market is rigged against you. I’m happy to talk about what steps we can take from here.”

• “I love you and I’m worried about where this path is leading. I can’t financially support this direction anymore after [date].”

The goal isn’t to win the argument.

The goal is to move the conversation from “Who is right about reality?” →

“What are the concrete next steps and natural consequences?”

Use the “Two Realities” Frame

This simple linguistic move preserves relationships while protecting your own sanity:

“I can understand how you see the situation that way.

From where I’m standing, what I’m seeing is ____.

We seem to be looking at two different realities right now.

I’m going to need to make decisions based on the reality I can observe.”

It’s non-accusatory, acknowledges their experience, but plants your flag firmly in observable reality.

Set Hard Time & Energy Boundaries

Reality-resistant people tend to be energy black holes.

They thrive on long, circular conversations that never resolve.

Practical boundary phrases that have surprisingly high success rates:

• “I’ve got 15 minutes to talk about this today. After that, I have another commitment.”

• “I’m not available for this conversation after 8 pm anymore.”

• “I can listen, but I’m not going to debate whether [thing that already happened] happened.”

• “I’m stepping out of this conversation now. We can pick it up again tomorrow if you’d like.”

Every time you enforce a boundary calmly and consistently, you train both of you that your attention is a finite resource.

Know When to Shift from “Help” to “Harm Reduction”

There comes a point where continuing to engage is no longer helpful — it’s enabling.

Classic harm-reduction moves:

• Stop rescuing them from natural consequences

• Stop loaning money with vague “someday” payback plans

• Stop pretending everything is fine when it visibly isn’t

• Stop attending every family event where the same delusional narrative is repeated for hours

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is allow someone to hit the wall they keep running toward — at a distance that keeps you safe.

The Nuclear Option: Radical Acceptance + Emotional Distance

When nothing else works and the relationship is important enough to keep:

Accept that this is who they are right now.

Not who they could be.

Not who they should be.

Who they are choosing to be today.

Then love them (if you can) from whatever distance feels emotionally survivable.

This is not giving up.

This is refusing to let their distorted reality distort yours too.

Bottom Line

You cannot save someone from a reality they are still choosing.

The best you can usually do is:

1. Protect your own clarity

2. Protect the people/things that depend on you

3. Leave the door cracked open for the day they decide the fortress is more painful than the truth outside

Until that day comes — if it ever does — your job is not to demolish their walls.

Your job is to stop letting those walls be built on top of your peace of mind.

You’ve got your own reality to live.

Live it fiercely.

Even when — especially when — someone you care about refuses to do so.