Tag Choices

The Challenge of Change

Steve Keating 10 Comments

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction” Winston Churchill

The above quote from the great Winston Churchill is truth in it’s purest form. The question for leaders in every type of organization is this: How do you know if you’re changing in the right direction. That’s a big question but even that is not the challenge of change, the real challenge of change is this: people resist change even if it is in the right direction. 

There are two types of people in the world: those who say they love change and honest people.

I exaggerate a bit with that comment but only a bit. Most people are challenged by change for one simple reason: all change comes with some sort of loss. Every time something changes in your life you lose something, even if you initiate the change. You accept a new job and you “lose” many of the relationships that existed with the old one. You buy a new house and you miss some of your old neighbors. You may not even be aware of the “loss” but it affects you anyway.

I’m actually okay with change so long as it doesn’t effect me personally. I know of many things and many more people who need to change. Thankfully, I’m not one of them. I know there are people who think I do need to change but it’s actually their thinking that needs to change, not me. 😏

I suspect most people are like me, I have no real interest in changing or dealing with change and if the world would just sit still for a minute I’d be just fine with that.

But the world won’t sit still.

That’s why it’s so important that like change or not, we learn how to manage it and even use it to our benefit. 

One key to successfully managing change is to acknowledge the loss. We need to realize that it’s okay to feel a little distress with the loss, it’s normal and it doesn’t make you any less effective as a person or a leader.

Once you acknowledge the loss you can replace it. There is something in the “change” which will replace the loss, something new, something that might take getting used to, but the void of the loss will be filled.

Once the loss is acknowledged and replaced it becomes much easier to move forward. Change experts (which I am certainly not) would even say to celebrate the passing of old into new as a way of getting closure out the loss and embracing the new.

Here’s a fact that all successful people know: you don’t have to like change to make it work for you. You do need to understand it, you do need to accept it, you do need to realize that it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not.

The real question is whether it will happen to you or for you. That’s a choice and it’s a choice only you can make.

You’ve Chosen Your Life

Steve Keating 7 Comments

You’ve chosen your way to the life you have.

To those who would say they have not chosen their life, that their circumstances and events outside of their control have chosen their life I say to you: excuses, excuses, excuses.

The more you allow circumstances to control your life the less control of your life you have. If you’re allowing circumstances to control your life you’ve undoubtedly forgotten about the incredible power of you. You, like every other person on the planet can have more control over your life just by taking it.

Successful people control the circumstances of their life, they put themselves in a position to succeed. They use the circumstances of their life to their benefit, regardless of what those circumstances happen to be.

You make choices every day, and every choice has a consequence. It could be a positive consequence or it could be a negative consequence but no choice in life goes unnoticed.

Perhaps the most important choice you make every day is the choice of a positive attitude. A positive attitude makes everything in life easier. Some days you’ll need to make that choice more than once but never allow others to make that choice for you.

You choose the friends and people that you allow into your life and these friends and people have a major impact on the direction of your life. If you choose to spend your life with negative people, chances are you’ll be a negative person. If you choose to spend your time with unmotivated people it’s likely you won’t be motivated either. 

The people in your life are there because you allow them to be there, you may not realize this is a choice you’ve made but it is one of the most important choices you can make in life. Choose very carefully!

Victor Frankl, author of the life changing book, “Man’s Search for Meaning, ” says “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” When you accept that challenge to change yourself then you begin to control your life through better choices. 

I believe that we all are born with a purpose in mind. Something that makes our life worth living, something that makes our life matter. It’s something important. Once you have determined that important thing in your life you can live your life on purpose for a purpose. You no longer live your life just for today and take what comes, instead you make what comes.

You may not like where you are in life, but it’s your choices that have put you there. If you desire to be someplace else in life then make different choices because you choose your way to the life you have.

It may seem to you that others can force their choices on you but when you begin each day with the choice of a positive attitude you’ll have more choices than you could have ever imagined. No one, absolutely no one, can force their attitude on you. Frankl says that the choice of our attitude in the last of human freedoms, meaning “they” can take everything else from you but they can never take away your choice of a positive attitude.

Wherever you are in life today, your first step to being someplace else is to acknowledge that you put yourself exactly where you are. Acknowledge that you’ve done that, your choices have done that, the decisions you’ve made have done that. When you acknowledge that your choices in life have consequences, then you begin to control your life and it’s then that you begin to make your success.

Some days I’m happier than others and on the days when I can force myself to be honest about it I realize that it’s my choices that have determined my level of happiness. Successful people find a way to force that honesty upon themselves more days than not.

When you’re willing to accept 100% responsibility for who you are, what you are, and where you are then you’ll discover the power to change any part of your life that you desire.

You’ll also discover that you’ve had the power all along. Don’t waste another day of it! 

Is Your Life TBD?

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Your life, at least everyday going forward is “to be determined.” The only question is, who will determine it. 

It’s a vital question. The answer likely determines both the level of your happiness and success. 

Here’s a few questions to help you become more aware of exactly who is determining your future:

Are you waiting for your life to happen? Do you wait for something to happen while successful people are making something happen? Are you waiting for your “big break” while successful people are making themselves a big break? Are you working hard or hardly working? Do you have goals and a plan? Do you go with the flow or create your own current?

One final question … Can you be honest enough with yourself to answer those questions truthfully?

No matter the circumstances surrounding your life, the economy, your education, where you live or where you grew up or your past experience, no matter what, your future will be determined by YOUR actions. Your actions are mostly determined by your attitude. Your attitude is completely your choice and by extension, so are your actions.

Even if a great opportunity does just “happen” along you still must have to courage to reach out and grab it, you must have to courage to take action.

Do you have an attitude of “can’t” or an attitude of “can?” When you hear yourself saying “I can’t” you best ask yourself one final question. Do you really mean “I won’t?”  I’d personally bet on the “I won’t” because the fact is, you almost certainly can.

There will always be excuses available to those who are willing to accept them but here’s another fact: the most successful people do not need excuses and they will not accept them when available. They simply outwork the need for excuses.

While hard work is good, hard work with goals and a plan is great. If you don’t have goals, true goals, then you reduce your chances of success ten-fold. The creation of goals leads to the development of the plans required to achieve them. In nearly every instance the lack of a plan leads directly to the lack of success.

If you’re blaming “them” or blaming “they” for your lack of success then think again. Until you accept responsibility for where you are you will never do what needs to be done to get yourself where you want to be. You and only you can put yourself somewhere else. When you accept the excuses available you surrender the awesome power of YOU! You allow other people and other stuff to determine your level of success and often, your level of happiness.

Bob Hope, the great American comedian and actor said: “I’ve always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.” That’s a great quote, I especially like the part where he says “I steered myself there.” You can do that too!

It’s unlikely that you would buy the car of your dreams and then only allow other people to drive it. Why let other people steer the course of your life with their excuses for you?

Step up this week and step out into the light of harsh reality. You may not like where you are but in all likelihood you put yourself there. You are the only person in the world who can put yourself somewhere else.

I’ve used the word success quite a bit in this post but so far I haven’t really defined what true success is. I won’t define it for you because I can’t. Never let anyone but YOU define your success or tell you if you are happy or not. YOUR success and happiness can only be defined by YOU. If others don’t believe you’re successful enough or happy enough that’s their problem not yours. 

If you’re happy with “where you are in life” then by all means stay there. If you’re not happy with where you are, then by any and all means possible, get moving in the direction of your dreams.

Start today! 

The Lost Art of Punctuality

Steve Keating 10 Comments

I’m apparently old. I know this because I can remember when being on time mattered. Punctuality was considered proper and showed manners. When you showed up on time it sent a message that you were considerate of other people’s time. It showed a certain level of professionalism and organizational skills that could help differentiate people.

I attended a Catholic Military High School. One of the very first lessons you learned was to be on time. When you weren’t on time bad things happened. Very bad things. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw the same person be late twice in four years. I never saw the same person be late three times. Never!

It makes me think that being on time is still possible if it’s important enough to you. In high school it was important to me because I didn’t like to bleed. There were absolutely no excuses accepted for being late. Punishment was swift and severe. You quickly learned the value of controlling your schedule and always leaving early enough to ensure that no matter what, you would be on time. You might get some place way early but that was very much preferred over being a second late.

You learned the importance of time management and effective planning. You learned just how bad procrastination can affect your chances at success. You learned that it really is possible to always be on time if you really really want to be on time. It’s just a question of priorities.

Today it seems as if punctuality matters less. Heck, if we’re running a little late we can just call from our cell and tell the person we are meeting with that our time is more important than theirs. I know we wouldn’t actually say that but don’t kid yourself, whether you say it of not, they may well be thinking it.

Being “fashionably” late has become socially acceptably and society is worse off for it. Business is worse off for it and you are worse off for it. 

Live for one week as if being on time was of major importance and you’ll be on time. I’m not talking about just work stuff, I’m talking about family and social events too. People who are chronically late are chronically late for everything. 

You can separate yourself from your professional competition by always being on time and you can show respect for family and friends by never making them wait on you.  

If you need to be somewhere in 60 minutes then give yourself 70. Not only will your punctuality improve, your stress levels from “just making it there” will go way down.

Punctuality is a choice, I encourage you to make it your choice today.

When to Take a Mulligan in Life

Steve Keating 2 Comments

I’m tempted to begin this post with a sentence saying that I play golf. That might be a bit of an overstatement. I spend time on golf courses hitting a small white ball. I hit it too often to call what I do playing golf. Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson play golf, I play a round. 

My regular golf buddies and I fully understand the rules of golf and we mostly follow them completely. We play for large amounts of money, I once had a very good day and won almost 6 bucks! Even with the high stakes the weekly game is always friendly, and forgiving. On the first hole of a round we “allow” a mulligan. A mulligan is a “do-over” with no penalty. If your first shot is less than you had hoped for you just hit another one. No harm, no penalty!

It’s too bad life doesn’t offer mulligans. In golf there is no consequence for a bad first shot when you take a mulligan. When we mess up a part of our life there frequently are consequences. We, or someone, generally pays for our mistakes.

Just because there are consequences however doesn’t mean we don’t get a do-over. If your life isn’t heading in the direction you would like then by any and all means possible, change direction. 

If a change of direction isn’t enough then take a life mulligan. Start over. 

The starting point for your do-over is wherever you are today. Take from the past only the experiences which will help you in the future. Leave behind your regrets, mistakes, and failures. Above all, leave behind the fear that causes so much hesitation and doubt.

You may also need to leave behind those things and sadly, people who do not provide you with the positive influence you need to succeed. It’s not easy to start over, but most successful people have done it once, twice, or even several times before they found their ultimate success.

In golf when you take a mulligan you (at least I) rarely try something different. You just tee up another ball and hope for a better result. Sometimes it works and most times it doesn’t.

In life, doing the same thing and expecting a different result is a pretty good definition of insanity. If you’re taking a life mulligan only to do the same things the same way then just skip it. You’ll only end up at exactly the same place you started. 

Set new goals, make new plans, get a mentor, educate yourself, and leave much of the old you behind. You’re never too young to begin again and you’re never too old to become the person you’ve always wanted to be. 

I’ll take a mulligan! 

Make Peace With Your Decisions

Steve Keating 5 Comments

“There is no more miserable person than the one in whom nothing is habitual but indecision.” William James

Life is a series of seemingly unimportant decisions, many of them small, inconsequential and quickly made. We put little thought into most of them and many of them truly have little impact on our lives.

Or do they?

When we add up the small decisions of our life it turns out that cumulatively they make a real difference in our life. And we make many of them without regard to the long-term effects they will have on us.

So much of the “luck” attributed to successful people comes from sound, long-term decision making. Bob Hope, the great American comedian always told people that he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. He also was always quick to add “of course, I steered myself there.” 

He steered himself there with great decisions. He had what I like to call “judgcernment,” that rare combination of great judgment and equally great discernment. He knew his decisions mattered…always.

If you want a better life I’d suggest you make better decisions. It really does come down to that simply fact. Consider the implications of your daily choices; the people you associate with, the words you use, the clothes you wear and many other decisions. 

I’m not here to say what the right decisions are, I just want you to know that almost every choice has an impact on you life.

Goals are essential for solid decision making; without knowing what you want out of life it will be nearly impossible to get it. Your goals, just like your decisions don’t need to be set in stone. Your core values must be rock solid but you can adjust your goals and change your decisions to match as often as you like.

Only a fool never changes their mind. Circumstances change and so does a healthy mind.

Many decisions lead to change and whether we realize it or not there is loss associated with almost all change, even good change. Most people fear or dislike change and the bigger the change, or the bigger the decision the bigger the fear. Fear stalls more decision making than any other single thing.

Ben Franklin was a legendary decision maker. He often shared his method for making big decisions with those who asked for his advice. He said that “all reasons pro and con are not present to the mind at the same time….”

Then he would share this method: 

My way is to divide half a sheet of paper by a line into two columns; writing over the one Pro and over the other Con. Then during three or four days’ consideration, I put down under the different heads short hints of the different motives, that at different times occur to me, for or against the measure. When I have thus got them altogether in one view, I endeavor to estimate their respective weights; and where I find two, one on each side, that seem equal, I strike them both out. If I judge some two reasons con equal to some three reasons pro, I strike out five; and thus proceeding, I find where the balance lies; and if after a day or two of further consideration, nothing new that is of importance occurs on either side, I come to a determination accordingly.” –Benjamin Franklin

It’s a simple method but it works. The next time you are struggling with a big decision I’d suggest you try Ben’s idea.

You will have a great decision and you’ll have peace of mind to go along with it.

How to Change Your Life

Steve Keating 7 Comments

You have many choices to make each day. What you eat. Who you spend your time with. What you wear. What time you go to bed. Where you work. What route you drive to work. What kind of car you drive that route in. The list is truly endless. 

Some people will dispute even the items on that very short list above. They will say “I have no choice but to work where I do, there are no others jobs available.” They will complain that they “have so much to do” that their bedtime is NOT their choice, they are often up later than they want to be.

Most of the examples that people would use to dispute even my short list above are just excuses. They are the excuses that people make in order to avoid taking charge of their life. 

I am constantly amazed at how easily people surrender the right to make choices that have a profound impact on their lives. They simply fail to realize that when they give up their right to choose they give up the opportunity to choose their life.

All of the choices that people give up, none is more devastating than giving up the choice of their attitude. Everyday people let other people and events determine whether they are in a “good mood” or not. Where folks, that “mood” as you call it looks a lot like an attitude to the people around you.

You’re kidding only yourself when you say you have a great attitude but you’re just moody. There is very little difference between the two.

You cannot control the attitude of everyone you come into contact with. You cannot always control the events that make up your day. What you can and must control is how you respond to them. THAT will determine your attitude. 

Here’s your choice, and it’s one you get to make everyday and multiple times everyday. Will your attitude be a thermostat that sets it’s own “temperature” or will it be a thermometer that simply reflects the temperature of those around it?

The most successful people understand this profound fact: No one and nothing can take your positive attitude away from you unless YOU let it happen. 

It’s your choice. 

The choice to maintain a positive attitude in the face of difficult people and difficult challenges will do more to improve the quality of your life than any other single thing you can do. 

Some days it will be a fight to maintain that attitude. Some days it may seem like a war. It’s a fight worth fighting for anyone who truly wants to control their life. Do You?