Working With Disingenuous People

Dealing with people who use “alternate facts” can be a difficult and complex task. Sometimes the alternate facts are meant to “protect” the person they have been shared with. Other times the alternate facts are small in nature, these are often called little white lies. Occasionally, your relationship with the “truth challenged” individual is so insignificant that it doesn’t matter if they are living in some alternate universe.

But sometimes being lied to is a big deal. It severely, and many times, permanently damages your relationship with the disingenuous person. In those cases the worst thing you can do is ignore the lie, and the liar. Both must be dealt with in a timely and straightforward manner.

But calling out disingenuous people and exposing their lies is not an easy or comfortable thing to do. Here are a few tips that may help.

  1. Recognize the signs: The first step in dealing with a liar is to recognize that they are lying. Look for inconsistencies in their stories, changes in their body language or tone of voice, and any other signs that they may not be telling the truth. You could of course also wait for their pants to catch on fire but unfortunately that doesn’t happen in real life.
  1. Stay calm: It can be tempting to become angry or confrontational when you catch someone in a lie, but this can often make the situation worse. Try to stay calm and avoid getting defensive or aggressive.
  1. Confront the liar: Once you have recognized that someone is lying, it is important to confront them about it. Be direct and specific about what you believe to be untrue, and give them a chance to explain themselves.
  1. Listen to their side: While it is important to be clear about what you believe to be untrue, it is also important to listen to the other person’s side of the story. They may have a legitimate explanation for their behavior or actions.
  1. Set boundaries: If someone has lied to you repeatedly or about something significant, it may be necessary to set boundaries in your relationship with them. This could include limiting your contact with them or ending the relationship altogether.
  1. Seek outside help: If you are dealing with a chronic liar or a particularly difficult situation, it may be helpful to seek outside help. This could include therapy, mediation, or involving a third party such as a counselor or trusted friend.

Ultimately, the best way to deal with liars is to be aware of the signs, stay calm, and confront them directly. By setting clear boundaries and seeking outside help if necessary, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of lying and maintain healthy relationships with those around you.

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