Can I Give You Some Money?

I’ve always found it pretty easy to make money. Lots and lots of money. I made my first million at 12 years of age selling Ice Cold Lemonade at the Minnesota State Fair. I had so many return customers that I got to know them by name and I soon discovered that the more I used their name, the bigger the tips I seemed to receive.

It took several more years but even with the normal teenage chores of grass-cutting and homework I was able to parley that first million into nearly 10 million dollars by the time I graduated from high school. Truth be told, it would have been exactly $10,000,000 if I hadn’t had to repay my dad for the $12 in seed money he loaned me to start the lemonade stand.

I mostly invested that money during my college years but some of those investments really paid off and by the time I had a college degree I also had 25 millions dollars to go with it.

Speaking of college, I watched my classmates invent stuff for something called “the Internet” and World Wide Web and I had no idea what that was. It just didn’t seem like something that would catch on to me and I’m still wondering if the whole Internet thing isn’t just a passing fad.

They laughed at me when I invented a little blue pill in the science lab but I got the last laugh…. I sold that formula for 100 million and still get royalties for it to this very day. It was supposed to help improve posture by stiffening the spine but… 

Sometime in my twenties it became apparent that I would always have more money than I would ever need, so I started giving it away. I figured I’ve given away almost 300 million so far. I’ve given money to almost every “cause” you can think of.

I gave 20 million to a guy in Australia that I met on a plane. He was doing research to determine if it was possible to use ants to turn turbines that would generate enough energy to power Sydney without the additional use of energy from the power grid.

I’m not sure how that worked out, but when I was in Sydney I had electricity in my hotel room so maybe he pulled it off.

I gave a college kid out east named Mark something 50 bucks several years ago to start some social networking thing on a computer … He called it Face something or another…. I wonder how that turned out for him?

Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio say that Donald Trump inherited 100 million from his father and I know for a fact that isn’t true. The truth is, I loaned my friend Donald his first 100 million to get his start his business. Every time I see him he tells me he is going to pay me back tomorrow… that Donald, he is such a kidder.

I still give away loads of money today. As you can imagine there are lots of people who need help. So many in fact that I just can’t verify the legitimacy of their requests. Because of those limitations I limit what I will give to an initial amount of $500,000. If they do well with the initial investment I give them more. If they don’t make money with it or let me know how they are doing I can get very stingy in a hurry. They won’t get much more from me.

My one regret is that it can take a while for me to respond to everyone. Sometimes it can take a week or more. So if you have a request please be patient and in the meantime, have a wonderful April Fools Day!

4 thoughts on “Can I Give You Some Money?

  1. Very interesting read, I doubted a lot of the declarations but it was so well written that I felt obligated to read it to the end. I noticed one people have made their plea for some of that ‘cash’ and doubt they’ve actually taken the time to read the article!
    It was too good to be true

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