Wishers and Wanters

A whole bunch of years ago I was attending a Dale Carnegie Convention. I was surrounded by hundreds of amazing people from all around the world. A large majority of the people attending were excellent speakers and the best of the best presented to the entire audience.

I remember one particularly incredible presentation where the speaker was playing the harp WHILE giving a presentation on an entirely different subject. I mentioned to the person sitting next to me that I really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument.

I had never met this person before so I was a little surprised by their response. They said “No you don’t.” I reiterated that I really really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument. They again said that I didn’t.

They explained that while I apparently “wished” I could play a musical instrument I obviously didn’t really want to. He went on to say if I truly wanted to I likely would already be able to. I understood what he was getting at but I was still a little miffed at some guy telling me what I did and didn’t want.

It would be a long time before I truly understood the profound psychological and practical gap between a wish and a want. While they often start in the same place—a spark of desire—they travel in completely different directions.

One lives in the imagination; the other lives in the calendar.

A wish is essentially a fantasy without a price tag. When we wish for something, we are focusing entirely on the outcome without considering the process.

Direction: Inward. It’s a daydream that provides a temporary hit of dopamine.

The Cost: Zero. Wishing doesn’t require sacrifice, change, or risk of failure.

The Language: “I hope,” “If only,” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”

The Trap: Wishing can actually become a form of procrastination. We feel a sense of accomplishment just by thinking about the goal, which can trick our brains into feeling satisfied without ever taking the first step. 

“Wanting it enough to earn it” transforms a passive desire into a commitment. At this stage, you aren’t just in love with the trophy; you have accepted the sweat, the early mornings, and the inevitable setbacks.

Direction: Outward. It moves from the mind into physical action.

The Cost: High. It requires trading your most valuable resources: time, energy, and comfort.

The Language: “I will,” “I am,” and “What is the next step?”

The Filter: This is where most people drop off. As the saying goes, “Everyone wants the prize, but few want the process.”

The difference between the two usually boils down to a single moment of honesty. To move from wishing to earning, you have to ask yourself: “Am I willing to endure the ‘boring’ parts of this goal?”

If you wish to be a writer, you enjoy the idea of a finished book.

If you want to earn the title of writer, you enjoy (or at least tolerate) the act of sitting in a chair and typing when you’d rather be doing anything else.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Wishing is a great starting point—it’s the “why.” But earning is the “how.” The world is full of people who wish for change; it is moved by the people who decide to pay the price for it.

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Learning to Lead Before You Are a Leader

Most people (and by most I mean almost all people) buy into what John Maxwell calls the “Destination Myth.” They wait for someone to give them the title of leader before they even attempt to learn how to lead.

They believe real leadership begins the day someone hands them a promotion, a team, or the corner office. What they fail to realize is that while you can be given the title of leader, you must earn the opportunity to actually lead.

Leadership, authentic leadership, is something you choose long before anyone gives you permission.

The best leaders I know weren’t waiting for their moment, a promotion, or a title. They were quietly creating their opportunity to lead every single day in small, almost invisible ways. Here are the key ways high-potential people practice leadership before they ever carry the title—and how you can start doing the same today.

The moment you start saying “That’s not my job” is the moment you stop leading.

Future leaders treat the whole mission as their responsibility, even when no one asked them to. They volunteer to close the loop, follow up on the loose ends, and make sure the customer/client/team isn’t disappointed—even when it’s technically someone else’s area.

Look around at your current role today:

• What problem keeps getting kicked around?

• What small thing, if fixed, would make everyone’s life easier?

Fix it. Own it. No announcement is required.

You don’t need a conference room to influence direction.

The most powerful pre-title leadership happens in casual conversations.

• Suggesting a better way during a 1:1.

• Asking thoughtful questions in team huddles.

• Sharing an article/resource that moves the thinking forward.

• Giving credit to others publicly.

These micro-moments compound. People start associating your name with forward movement, clarity, and generosity.

Leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room. It’s about making other people better.

Start coaching, teaching, and developing people now—even when you’re not the boss.

• Help the new person understand the unwritten rules.

• Offer to walk someone through a process you have mastered.

• Give constructive feedback in a way that builds confidence instead of crushing it.

The irony? The fastest way to grow your own leadership capacity is to help someone else grow theirs.

Want to know the fastest way to become the kind of leader that people want to follow?

Start acting like that leader today, even when no one is watching.

• Stay calm when things go sideways.

• Say “I was wrong; here’s what I learned” first.

• Celebrate other people’s wins louder than your own.

• Show up prepared and on time—every time.

People don’t remember what you said nearly as much as they remember how you made them feel. When you consistently make people feel capable, respected, and inspired, they’ll follow you anywhere—even before you have the title.

Long-term successful organizations don’t promote potential. They promote demonstrated leadership. The people who get the early opportunities are rarely the ones who waited the longest. They’re the ones who stopped waiting years ago and started leading in place.

So here’s your challenge this week:

Pick one leadership behavior from above and do it deliberately every day for the next 7 days.

No title required.

No permission needed.

Just make a choice to LeadToday.

Because the most dangerous place to be in your career isn’t being a leader without a title…

It’s being a titled leader who never learned to lead.

The future belongs to the people who are willing to lead before the world tells them they can.

Will you be one of them?

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How to Deal with People Who Can’t (or Won’t) Accept Reality

We’ve all met them. It’s even possible that some of us are them.

The colleague who insists that the project is “almost done” when the demo crashes every third click.

The family member still explaining in 2026 why that political figure “actually won” two election cycles ago.

The friend who, after three layoffs in two years, continues to swear that the problem is always “the market” or “jealous bosses” — never their own skill set or approach.

These are not always malicious people. Many are genuinely suffering. Their minds have built a beautiful, protective fortress around a version of reality that hurts less than the one standing right in front of them.

The difficult truth: you usually cannot force someone out of that fortress.

But you can decide how much of your time, energy, and emotional real estate you are willing to let them occupy.

Here are the most realistic, battle-tested strategies for dealing with chronic reality-deniers without losing your mind (or your relationships).

Before you say another word, ask yourself one ruthless question:

What do I actually want from this interaction?

Realistic answers usually fall into only three categories:

• I want to protect myself / my team / my money / my children

• I want to maintain a workable relationship (family, co-parenting, key business partner)

• I want them to change their mind and see reality

Pick one.

You almost never get #3 without getting #1 or #2 first.

Trying to achieve #3 as the primary goal is the fastest way to waste years of your life.

When someone is deeply invested in a false reality, facts feel like personal attacks.

A more effective sequence is usually:

Concern → Boundary → Consequence

(not Evidence → More Evidence → Frustration → Anger → Explosion)

Examples that usually work better than arguing:

• “I can see this situation is really painful for you. I need to make decisions based on what I can observe happening right now.”

• “I’m not going to be able to keep discussing whether the market is rigged against you. I’m happy to talk about what steps we can take from here.”

• “I love you and I’m worried about where this path is leading. I can’t financially support this direction anymore after [date].”

The goal isn’t to win the argument.

The goal is to move the conversation from “Who is right about reality?” →

“What are the concrete next steps and natural consequences?”

This simple linguistic move preserves relationships while protecting your own sanity:

“I can understand how you see the situation that way.

From where I’m standing, what I’m seeing is ____.

We seem to be looking at two different realities right now.

I’m going to need to make decisions based on the reality I can observe.”

It’s non-accusatory, acknowledges their experience, but plants your flag firmly in observable reality.

Reality-resistant people tend to be energy black holes.

They thrive on long, circular conversations that never resolve.

Practical boundary phrases that have surprisingly high success rates:

• “I’ve got 15 minutes to talk about this today. After that, I have another commitment.”

• “I’m not available for this conversation after 8 pm anymore.”

• “I can listen, but I’m not going to debate whether [thing that already happened] happened.”

• “I’m stepping out of this conversation now. We can pick it up again tomorrow if you’d like.”

Every time you enforce a boundary calmly and consistently, you train both of you that your attention is a finite resource.

There comes a point where continuing to engage is no longer helpful — it’s enabling.

Classic harm-reduction moves:

• Stop rescuing them from natural consequences

• Stop loaning money with vague “someday” payback plans

• Stop pretending everything is fine when it visibly isn’t

• Stop attending every family event where the same delusional narrative is repeated for hours

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is allow someone to hit the wall they keep running toward — at a distance that keeps you safe.

When nothing else works and the relationship is important enough to keep:

Accept that this is who they are right now.

Not who they could be.

Not who they should be.

Who they are choosing to be today.

Then love them (if you can) from whatever distance feels emotionally survivable.

This is not giving up.

This is refusing to let their distorted reality distort yours too.

Bottom Line

You cannot save someone from a reality they are still choosing.

The best you can usually do is:

1. Protect your own clarity

2. Protect the people/things that depend on you

3. Leave the door cracked open for the day they decide the fortress is more painful than the truth outside

Until that day comes — if it ever does — your job is not to demolish their walls.

Your job is to stop letting those walls be built on top of your peace of mind.

You’ve got your own reality to live.

Live it fiercely.

Even when — especially when — someone you care about refuses to do so.

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Embracing Yourself: How to Be More Comfortable in Your Own Skin

In a world bombarded with filtered images and unrealistic standards, feeling truly at ease with who you are can seem downright impossible. Being “comfortable in your own skin” means accepting yourself—flaws, strengths, quirks, and all—without constant self-judgment.

Embracing yourself is not about perfection; it’s about self-acceptance, which research links to better mental health, reduced stress, lower depression risk, and greater overall well-being.

Self-acceptance isn’t innate for most of us; it’s a skill we build over time.

The good news? There are practical, evidence-backed steps to get there. Here are some powerful ways to start your journey.

Negative self-talk is a common barrier. Start by noticing it—then challenge it. Replace harsh thoughts with kinder ones, as you would for a friend. Positive affirmations in front of the mirror can literally rewire your mindset. Try daily affirmations like: “I am worthy just as I am” or “I deserve respect.”

The daily part is key here. You want to make this a habit, a daily habit. This I can assure you will be life-changing. Daily affirmations are like body armor against the negativity that is thrown your way all too often. Don’t leave home without your body armor!

Surround yourself with positive people and media. Unfollow social media accounts that trigger comparison. One of the most destructive things you can do to yourself is compare yourself to others. If you must compare, then compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Compare the current version of yourself to your ideal version of yourself and then take steps to close whatever gaps there may be. Surround yourself with people who accept you as you are and will help you become the very best version of yourself that you can be.

Appreciate your body for what it allows you to do—hug loved ones, explore the world, experience joy. Focus on who you are becoming rather than what you look like. Every day, take a few moments to appreciate the incredible miracle of you! That mindset helps you build a deep level of self-respect.

Humor lightens the load—laugh at imperfections. Express your true self through style or hobbies. If past experiences or deep insecurities linger, you may want to consider therapy that can provide tools to help you be more accepting of yourself.

Here are two additional pieces of advice that have served me exceptionally well. First, remind yourself, frequently, that other people’s opinion of you are their probe, not yours. They have never walked in your shoes; they likely have no idea what your goals and challenges are. Few people really, really, know you. So don’t put much weight on what they say or think.

Second, never accept criticism from someone who you would not accept advice from. If their advice is meaningless to your life, then so is their criticism. Pay it zero attention. Do not allow it a moment of consideration.

Remember, fully accepting yourself is a practice, not a destination. Some days will be harder, but consistency compounds. By embracing self-acceptance, you’ll not only feel more comfortable in your skin but also live with greater freedom and joy.

What small step will you take today? Start with one affirmation, one mindful moment, or one kind thought. You deserve it; never forget that everlasting fact.

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Being More Productive as We Begin 2026

A new year has a way of resetting our perspective. As 2026 begins, productivity isn’t about doing more for the sake of busyness—it’s about doing what matters with clarity, intention, and sustainability. The past few years have taught many of us that burnout is easy to reach and hard to recover from. This year, productivity should feel supportive, not exhausting.

Here are practical, realistic ways to be more productive as we step into 2026—without losing ourselves in the process.

Productivity is often mistaken for constant motion. In reality, it’s about progress. Being productive might mean completing one meaningful task instead of ten shallow ones. It could mean resting so you can show up stronger tomorrow.

As you begin the year, ask yourself:

What outcomes actually matter to me this year?

What activities move me closer to those outcomes?

What can I let go of?

When productivity is tied to purpose, it becomes easier to focus—and easier to say no. So never allow yourself to think that being busy is the same as being productive. I would submit to you that if you didn’t get closer to a goal on any particular day, then no matter how busy you were, you were not productive that day.

There’s a temptation at the start of a new year to set ambitious, packed goal lists. The problem? Too many goals compete for your attention and dilute your energy.

Instead, choose:

One primary focus for the year

Two or three supporting goals

This creates direction without being overwhelmed. You can always add more later, but starting small increases your chances of follow through.

Motivation is unreliable. Systems are dependable.

Rather than asking, “How can I stay motivated?” ask:

How can I make this easier?

What routine supports this habit?

What reminder or structure keeps me consistent?

For example, instead of relying on motivation to work out, place your workout time directly after an existing habit, like waking up or finishing work. Productivity grows when actions become automatic.

One of the simplest productivity habits is planning for tomorrow today.

At the end of each day:

Write down your top three priorities for tomorrow

Identify the most important task and plan when you’ll do it

Clear mental clutter by writing everything else down

This allows you to start your day with intention instead of reaction. You’ll spend less time deciding what to do and more time actually doing it.

Time management matters, but energy management matters more. Pay attention to when you feel most focused, creative, or alert.

Ask yourself:

When do I do my best thinking?

When do I feel drained?

What tasks require high energy vs. low energy?

Schedule demanding work during your peak energy hours and reserve lighter tasks for slower moments. Productivity improves when your schedule works with your body, not against it.

In 2026, distractions are more refined than ever. Notifications, endless content, and constant connectivity quietly drain attention.

Simple steps can make a big difference:

Turn off non-essential notifications

Set specific times to check email or social media

Create “focus blocks” with your phone out of reach

You don’t need more willpower—you need fewer interruptions.

Rest is not the enemy of productivity; it’s the foundation of it.

If your schedule is packed with no margin, productivity will eventually collapse. Build in:

Breaks throughout the day

Days without heavy commitments

Time to reflect and reset

Rest allows your mind to process, your creativity to recharge, and your motivation to return naturally.

Productivity isn’t something you set once in January and forget. It’s something you refine.

At the end of each week or month, reflect:

What worked well?

What felt draining or unnecessary?

What needs adjusting?

Small course corrections throughout the year lead to big improvements over time.

As 2026 begins, remember that productivity isn’t about perfection. You will have slow days, off weeks, and moments when plans fall apart. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.

Choose progress over pressure. Choose clarity over chaos. And most importantly, choose a version of productivity that supports the life you want to live—not one that consumes it.

Here’s to a more focused, balanced, and intentional 2026.

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Finding Joy During the Holidays—Even If You Don’t Enjoy Them

They say this is the most wonderful time of the year. For many people, that’s a true statement. The holidays are painted in bright, glittering colors: laughter-filled rooms, perfectly wrapped gifts, and an endless supply of cheer.

But for others, the season feels heavy. Maybe the holidays bring grief, loneliness, financial stress, family tension, or simply exhaustion.

If you’re in that second group and you don’t enjoy the holidays, you must know that you’re not broken—and you’re not alone.

Joy during this time doesn’t have to look like forced smiles or nonstop celebrations. It can be quieter, smaller, and far more honest.

One of the hardest parts of the holiday season is the pressure to feel happy. When everyone else seems to be celebrating, it’s easy to believe that something is wrong with you. There isn’t.

Joy doesn’t require pretending. Sometimes joy begins with permission—permission to feel sad, indifferent, overwhelmed, or numb without guilt. Letting go of expectations creates space for something gentler to take root.

Joy isn’t the same as excitement or cheerfulness. It doesn’t have to be loud or visible. Joy can be:

A quiet morning with a warm drink.

A peaceful walk when the world feels still.

Saying no to plans that drain you.

Allowing yourself to rest without explanation.

When you stop measuring joy by holiday standards, you may notice it in unexpected places.

You don’t have to embrace every tradition to find meaning in the season. Instead, choose one or two small rituals that belong only to you. Light a candle at night. Watch a favorite movie. Write a letter to yourself reflecting on the year. These moments can ground you when the season feels overwhelming.

Joy often grows from consistency, not spectacle.

Holidays can magnify strained relationships and emotional fatigue. It’s okay to protect your peace. Boundaries are not a rejection of others—they’re an act of care for yourself.

You are allowed to:

Leave gatherings early.

Skip events altogether.

Limit conversations that feel triggering.

Spend time alone if that’s what you need.

Choosing yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary.

If this season is hard, speak to yourself with kindness. You don’t need to “make the most of it” or “be grateful anyway.” Compassion sounds like, This is difficult, and I’m doing the best I can.

Sometimes joy isn’t about adding more—it’s about softening the weight of what already exists.

The holidays are just days on a calendar. They don’t define your worth, your relationships, or your year. If joy doesn’t arrive now, that doesn’t mean it won’t come later.

Joy has its own timing.

You don’t have to love the holidays to find moments of light within them. And you don’t have to find joy every day to live meaningfully through the season. Even neutrality is okay. Even survival is enough.

If nothing else, let this be your reminder: it’s okay to experience the holidays in your own way—and that, in itself, can be a quiet form of joy.

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How to Control Your Anger When You’re Rage-Baited on Social Media

Social platforms are incredible tools for connection, creativity, and community—but they’re also tailor-made for emotional flare-ups. Algorithms reward outrage, bad actors exploit it, and an offhand comment can feel like a spark tossed into dry brush. If you’ve ever felt your pulse quicken after reading a snide reply or a deliberately provocative post, you’re not alone.

There is on X, a… well, it could be called a movement, or an initiative, or maybe just an attempt, to rein in what are known as “rage-baiting” accounts. These are typically rather large accounts that post with the sole purpose of enraging people who read them. The vast majority of these accounts appear to be liberal accounts attempting to enrage conservatives, enrage them to the point that they will respond in some way to the account.

I say “appear” to be liberal accounts because it’s impossible to tell if they really are. You can’t go by what they post because they will say anything, true, false, or totally made up, just to get a response.

There is also no way to know if they enjoy what they are doing; it may be like a job to them. But this we do know: these accounts are making money on X. A lot of money. Tons of money, in fact. Every response increases the amount of their payout from the ad revenue that X shares with their monetized accounts. (Full disclosure, my X account is monetized as well.)

“Rage bait” is practically a genre now, engineered to pull you into an emotional reaction you didn’t consent to. These rage-baiting accounts are like an infection. They make X a sick platform. They bury the excellent content that is posted to X every day. They need to be stopped.

So this movement on X, called Starve the Grift, was started in the last week. It encourages, urges, almost begs for people to stop interacting in any way, with these rage-baiting accounts. The fewer interactions, the smaller their payouts from X will be. If the interaction are small enough, they will be starved.

But I can tell you from my personal experience that ignoring these accounts is easier said than done. They are good at what they do. They seem to know just what to write to enrage their readers. It’s hard to just let it go.

But if we’re going to starve the grift, let it go, we must.

Learning to manage your anger in those moments when you come across rage bait doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings or excusing awful behavior. It means protecting your mental clarity, your time, and your well-being. Here’s a thoughtful, practical approach to staying grounded when someone is clearly trying to push your buttons on social media.

Rage bait works because it feels personal. The key is learning to identify the pattern quickly:

The comment is disproportionately hostile or sarcastic.

The poster shows no interest in real conversation.

The goal is clearly to provoke, not to understand.

Once you see it, you have power over it. Instead of reacting from the gut, you can respond from awareness. Think of it like someone honking aggressively in traffic: loud, distracting, but completely optional to engage with.

That moment between impulse and action is where your self-control lives. When you feel your blood pressure rising, do something small and physical before you respond:

Take three slow breaths.

Unclench your jaw and shoulders.

Put the phone down for 30–60 seconds.

This tiny pause interrupts the emotional momentum and lets your logical brain catch up. Often, the urge to fire back fades surprisingly fast when you give it a little space.

Before you type anything, check in with your intention:

Do you want a real discussion?

Do you want to clear up a misunderstanding?

Do you just want to “win” the moment?

If the answer is the third one, that’s a sign the bait is working. Most rage-bait interactions have no productive endpoint—only a cycle that drains your energy. Redirecting your intention toward something constructive helps you avoid getting pulled into an emotional trench.

Depending on the situation, one of these approaches can preserve your sanity:

Ignore and Move On:
Not every battle deserves your bandwidth. Letting the comment sit unanswered is often the strongest choice.

Use Neutral, Brief Replies:
If you must respond, keep it factual and calm. A short, steady tone often deflates the other person’s fire.

Mute, Block, or Restrict:
Tools exist for a reason. Curating your digital environment is not weakness—it’s boundary-setting.

Report When Necessary:
If the comment crosses into harassment, threats, or bigotry, reporting protects you and others.

Anger is a signal, not a flaw. But online, the signal can get amplified beyond what the situation deserves. After an upsetting interaction, give yourself something real and grounding:

Step outside or touch something in your physical environment.

Talk to a friend who helps you recalibrate.

Engage in an activity that reconnects you to your values—music, exercise, work, or a hobby.

Returning to the physical world reminds your brain that a comment section is not your whole universe.

This is the deeper work—training your mind not to hand strangers control of your mood. A few habits can strengthen that resilience:

Limit doom-scrolling. Reduce your exposure to content designed to upset you. There is nothing wrong with blocking rage-baiters to protect yourself from their negativity.

Curate your feed toward people and communities whose values align with yours.

Practice mindfulness to cultivate the skill of observing emotions without acting on them.

Set time limits for apps that spike anxiety or frustration.

When you build a healthier relationship with social media in general, individual rage-bait moments lose their power.

Remember: You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Emotional Labor

It’s easy to feel trapped in a digital argument, especially if it starts publicly. But you’re not responsible for fixing a stranger’s worldview, defending your worth, or educating someone who is committed to misunderstanding you.

You are always allowed to disengage—quietly, quickly, and without apology.

Closing Thought

Your attention and your emotional energy are precious. Rage bait thrives only when people surrender both. By pausing, grounding, and choosing intentional responses, you reclaim control not just of your anger, but of your digital presence as a whole. And in a world engineered to provoke, that’s a skill worth cultivating.

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