Tag Stress

Surviving the Toxic Throne

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the sad realities of working for a living is that not all bosses are a joy to work for. Some are downright miserable. It almost feels like some of these terrible bosses hate the world and are determined to make the people who work for them hate it too.

They are truly bosses from hell.

A job should be a place where your skills are valued, your efforts are recognized, and your professional growth is nurtured. But if you’re working for a boss from hell, it’s most definitely not that kind of place. Because rather than supporting you, your boss is an emotional drain, a professional bully, or simply a jerk who makes every workday a chore.

Working for a cruel and uncaring boss is one of the most stressful professional situations you can face. It erodes your confidence, impacts your mental health, and can even compromise your physical well-being. If you find yourself reporting to a “toxic throne,” you need a strategic plan to protect your sanity, your career, and your future.

Here’s a plan that might work for you.

Step 1: Establish an Emotional Barrier

The first, and perhaps most crucial, step is to stop taking it personally. Cruel and uncaring behavior in a boss is rarely about you as an individual; it is a reflection of their own insecurities, poor management skills, or personal issues.

View Them as a Problem to Be Managed: Shift your perspective. Instead of viewing your boss as a mentor or leader, treat them like a difficult variable in a professional equation. Your goal is not to gain their approval or affection, but to deliver the required output while minimizing contact and emotional injury.

The Gray Rock Method: This is a technique where you become as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible when dealing with a difficult person. Your responses should be brief, factual, and emotionally flat. Do not share personal details, do not react to their barbs, and do not offer them any “supply” for their drama.

Step 2: Document, Document, Document

In a high-stakes, toxic environment, documentation is your greatest defense. When an uncaring boss’s actions or words could have a negative impact on your performance review, promotion, or even employment, you need a meticulous record.

Keep a Log: Maintain a private, detailed log (outside of company servers, such as a secure cloud document or physical notebook). Record dates, times, and specific details of incidents. Use direct quotes if possible. Note any witnesses.

Example: “Nov 15, 2:30 PM: Boss publicly criticized the budget report as ‘third-rate and amateurish’ in the team meeting, despite the numbers being correct. Witnesses: Sarah K. and Tom V.”

Insist on Email: When receiving assignments or performance feedback, try to get it in writing. This prevents them from later denying instructions or shifting goalposts. If they give a verbal instruction, follow up with an email: “Just confirming the instruction we discussed: you want me to prioritize Project X and delay Project Y until Friday. Please let me know if I misunderstood.”

Step 3: Master the Transactional Relationship

Cruel bosses often thrive on making others feel inadequate or stressed. Your goal is to become impeccably professional and strictly transactional.

Focus on Measurable Results: Concentrate 100% on delivering on your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and job duties. An uncaring boss has a harder time criticizing quantifiable success. Make sure your output is pristine.

Create Distance: Where possible, communicate in ways that are less personal, such as email or collaborative documents, rather than face-to-face meetings. If you must meet, keep the conversation focused only on work tasks. If they deviate into personal or unprofessional territory, gently steer the conversation back: “I appreciate that, but regarding the Q4 report…”

Step 4: Seek Support and Plan Your Exit

You cannot sustain a toxic work environment indefinitely. While you are implementing the survival strategies above, you must also be actively planning your exit and seeking the necessary support.

Rely on Your Network: Talk to trusted colleagues (outside of the office, if necessary), friends, and family. External perspective is vital to remind you that the problem lies with your boss, not with you. Consider speaking with an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) counselor if your company offers one.

Explore Internal Options (With Caution): If your boss is truly crossing the line (harassment, ethical violations, discrimination), you may need to go to HR or a higher-level manager. Proceed with extreme caution. HR’s primary goal is to protect the company, and reporting a high-ranking toxic boss can sometimes backfire. Only take this route if your documentation is solid and you are prepared for the potential fallout.

The Grand Escape: Ultimately, the best way to deal with a cruel and uncaring boss is to leave them behind. While documenting and protecting yourself, dedicate energy to updating your resume, networking, and applying for new roles. A toxic environment is a catalyst—it’s a clear sign that you deserve a better place to use your talent. Make your survival strategy a waiting game until you can close that final chapter and move to a healthier professional environment.

Bad bosses suck. That doesn’t mean your life has to suck because of them. Stay strong, stay focused, stay yourself. By establishing boundaries, meticulous documentation, and a clear exit strategy, you can minimize the damage and emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient, ready for a respectful and supportive workplace.

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The Power of Perspective: How to Keep Life’s Challenges in Check

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that everything seems to set us off. A tough critique at work, a spat with a friend, a never-ending to-do list—suddenly, the world can feel like it’s crashing down. But the truth is, most of what stresses us out are just small pieces of a much larger, more complex puzzle.

Learning how to keep things in perspective isn’t about ignoring problems; it’s about developing a mindset that prevents minor setbacks from hijacking your overall well-being.

I’m a big believer in living in what Dale Carnegie called, “Day-Tight Compartments.” Living each day in its own 24 hours. That means not allowing yesterday’s “stuff” to impact today’s efforts. It means not over-worrying about tomorrow’s events at the cost of today’s happiness and productivity.

Living in Day-Tight Compartments is the superpower that lets you navigate storms without sinking your entire ship.

Here are a few practical strategies you can use to zoom out and regain your footing when life feels too big and your Day-Tight Compartment starts to get a little leaky.

1. The 10/10/10 Rule

When you’re facing a stressful decision or a major upset, try asking yourself these three simple questions:

How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? (Immediate impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 months? (Mid-term impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 years? (Long-term impact)

Most of the things that cause immediate distress—that awkward email, a spilled coffee, a missed deadline—will have zero emotional weight in 10 months or 10 years. This exercise instantly shifts your focus from the current drama to the long-term reality, often shrinking the problem down to its true, manageable size.

2. The “Worst-Case Scenario” Check

Our minds are masters of catastrophizing. When we feel anxious, we often jump straight to the most dramatic, scary outcomes without checking the facts.

Next time you feel a worry spiraling, take a moment to define the absolute worst-case scenario. Write it down. Then, ask yourself two more questions:

How likely is this truly to happen? (Be honest, not fearful.)

If it did happen, what is the absolute minimum I could do to recover?

By confronting the “worst” and creating a fallback plan, you strip away its power. You realize that even if the worst happens, you would be okay, and you have the resourcefulness to handle it. You move from panic to planning. This will take a ton of weight off your shoulders.

3. Embrace the “Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence”

This concept, popularized by Stephen Covey, is critical for reducing stress over things you cannot control.

Circle of Concern: Everything you worry about—the economy, the weather, what others think of you, a coworker’s bad mood.

Circle of Influence: The things you can actually do something about—your effort, your attitude, your boundaries, and how you spend your time.

When stress hits, identify what part of the problem falls into your Circle of Influence. Don’t waste energy fretting over the weather (Concern); focus on bringing an umbrella (Influence). By dedicating your time and energy only to what you can control, you become more effective and less burdened.

4. Practice Gratitude Daily

It sounds almost silly, but a consistent gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools for perspective. When you focus on what you lack or what went wrong, you narrow your vision. Gratitude forces you to widen it.

Take three minutes every morning or evening to list three specific things you are genuinely grateful for. It could be your morning coffee, a good night’s sleep, or the support of a friend.

This simple act reminds you that even on a bad day, your life is filled with existing good things—and the minor setback you’re currently facing doesn’t invalidate any of them. It puts your troubles into a richer, fuller context, which tends to shrink them.

A Final Thought: You Are More Than Your Problems

Remember that you are not your immediate circumstances. Hope is the understanding that our current circumstances are very unlikely to be our permanent circumstances. A bad day is a single data point, not a complete picture of your life. That means we always have hope. When you feel trapped by a current challenge, step back, breathe, and use one of these tools to zoom out.

The ability to keep things in perspective isn’t a trait you’re born with; it’s a skill you build, day by day, worry by worry. Start practicing today, and watch how much smaller and easier to manage your challenges become.

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Understanding the Consequences of Procrastination

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Sooner or later, (pun intended) we all procrastinate. We put off that important task for tomorrow, convincing ourselves there’s still plenty of time. A little delay never hurt anyone, right? Unfortunately, procrastination is more than just a bad habit. Over time, it can quietly erode our productivity, damage our reputation, and rob us of peace of mind.

If you don’t think that’s true, then it’s likely you’re in denial about what your delays are costing you. Understanding the real consequences of procrastination is the first step toward breaking free from its grip.

Missed Opportunities

Procrastination often causes us to miss out on valuable opportunities. Whether it’s applying for a job, submitting a proposal, or starting a business idea, delays can close doors that might never open again. Time-sensitive opportunities don’t wait, and when we postpone action, we often lose out by default.

Increased Stress and Anxiety

Putting things off rarely makes them go away. In fact, the longer a task is delayed, the more it weighs on our minds. What starts as a small to-do item can quickly grow into a source of overwhelming stress. Deadlines loom larger, responsibilities pile up, and the mental burden becomes harder to bear. Chronic procrastination leads to a constant state of anxiety that affects both work and personal life.

Lower Quality of Work

When tasks are rushed at the last minute, quality suffers. We don’t give ourselves enough time to plan, think critically, or make necessary revisions. The result is often subpar work that doesn’t reflect our true potential. Over time, this can damage our credibility and limit growth opportunities. Now, some of you will say that you work better under pressure—there is no research to support that assertion. You might just be kidding yourself.

Damaged Relationships

Procrastination doesn’t just affect us—it affects the people around us. When we delay tasks that others are depending on, we let them down. Missed commitments and broken promises can strain relationships with colleagues, friends, and family. Trust is easy to lose and hard to rebuild.

Reduced Self-Confidence

Every time we procrastinate, we reinforce a cycle of avoidance and regret. This can lead to a negative self-image, where we begin to see ourselves as unreliable or incapable. Over time, this undermines our self-confidence and motivation, making it even harder to take action in the future.

Stunted Personal and Professional Growth

Progress requires consistent effort. When we procrastinate, we stall our development. Goals take longer to reach—if they’re reached at all. Skills go unrefined, and potential remains untapped. Procrastination is a silent thief of time and growth.

Breaking the Cycle

The good news is that procrastination isn’t a permanent trait—it’s a habit that can be changed. Start with small steps:

Break large tasks into manageable parts.

Set clear deadlines—even self-imposed ones.

Remove distractions from your environment.

Reward yourself for progress.

Practice self-compassion and don’t let past procrastination define you.

The sooner you act, the more control you regain over your time, energy, and future.

Procrastination might feel harmless in the moment, but over time, its consequences compound. Recognizing the cost is the first step toward reclaiming your momentum—and your life.

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How to Stay Calm in Crazy Times

Steve Keating 2 Comments

I saw a story this past weekend about a guy who had foolishly lost everything—his house, his business, and his entire 401k—betting on NFL football last season. I felt bad about his house and business; I really hope he didn’t have a family that he caused to be homeless.

But when it came to his 401k, my first thought was “lucky SOB.” I’ll bet he’s not worried about what tariffs are doing to his retirement accounts. I say that only half-jokingly because lots of people are pretty freaked out about what’s going on with the stock market. Others are concerned about inflation ramping back up. People looking to buy a home or a new car are worried about what interest rates may or may not do.

It’s a whole lotta chaos everywhere you look, kinda like the world has gone crazy.

Worse yet, it seems like most of the chaos causing “stuff” is self-inflicted.

We won’t get into the good and bad of tariffs and their effects on the world economy. This post is more about avoiding panic, stress, and anxiety in the face of news stories that are all of those things.

Staying calm when everything looks, feels, and kind of is chaotic can be tough. But tough is not impossible; in fact, it’s very doable with some practical strategies.

First, focus on what you can control—your own actions, thoughts, and reactions. The world might be a mess, but you don’t have to let it dictate your thoughts, actions, and attitude. Start by slowing down your breathing: inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four. The simplicity of that seems weird, but it really does work to calm your nerves.

Next, limit the “noise.” If the chaos is coming from news or social media, get away from it. You don’t need a constant stream of insanity—check in once a day if you must, but don’t drown in it. Replace that with something grounding: walk outside, listen to music, or focus on a task like cooking or fixing something. Physical activity burns off worry and stress, so even pacing around your room can help.

Your mind will try to spiral—catch it. When you notice yourself catastrophizing, ask: “What’s the next thing I can do?” Keep it small, something you can do without help if possible. And something you can do immediately. Chaos thrives on overwhelm; you fight it with focus. Talk to someone steady if you can—a friend who’s not losing their head, for instance. Perspective helps.

Finally, accept that some craziness is just part of life. You don’t have to fix the world to keep your own head straight. It’s about carving out your own pocket of calm, no matter what’s raging outside.

In his best-selling book, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living,” Dale Carnegie recommends that in times of excessive stress we “live in day-tight compartments.” What he meant by that is that we should not borrow worry from yesterday, tomorrow, or even the next hour. Focus on the task at hand; worry about what comes next when “next” arrives.

Staying calm when the world feels like it’s spinning out of control is hard—but totally possible. It’s about keeping your personal balance when everything, and everyone else, feels off balance.

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Lowering Stress in Turbulent Times

Steve Keating Leave a comment

The exit polls from last year’s presidential election in the United States showed a large majority of people voting for change. And not just change, substantial, radical change. People were beyond tired of the status quo and wanted something different, and they wanted it immediately.

I am not sure that in the emotionally charged environment of the last election, they thought through that “immediate” part. Immediate change almost invites chaos. And chaos, across much of the government, is exactly what we have. The amount of change from day to day is staggering.

While I certainly agree with many of the changes, I’m thinking they didn’t all need to happen overnight. I also understand the theory behind the “ripping off the bandaid” philosophy. I suppose either way the substantial changes were going to bring chaos. So it was a “deal with it all now” and get it over with or have a drip, drip, drip of chaos over a long period of time. It’s a kind of “pick your poison” decision.

But either way, whether you support Team Trump or not, we are all living in some of the most turbulent times in many years.

And with turbulence comes stress. The good news is that you can lower your stress level by making some simple changes in your daily routine. Lowering stress levels during turbulent times requires a combination of mindset shifts, practical strategies, and self-care habits. Here are some key ways to manage stress effectively.

1. Control What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t

Focus on what is within your power—your actions, attitude, and response to challenges.

Accept uncertainty instead of resisting it; adaptability reduces stress. This is really hard, one of those “easier said than done” things. Try anyway; hard to do does not mean impossible to do.

2. Set Boundaries with News and Social Media

Limit exposure to negative news that heightens anxiety.

Consume information intentionally rather than reactively.

3. Maintain Healthy Routines

Prioritize sleep, exercise, and a balanced diet.

Keep a daily schedule to create structure and stability. Maintaining control over your calendar has a surprisingly calming, stress-reducing effect on your life.

4. Stay Connected to Supportive People

Talk to friends, family, or mentors who uplift you. You definitely want to avoid nattering nabobs of negativism if at all possible.

Social connections act as a buffer against stress. The more time you spend alone, the more likely you are to create stress by focusing on the negative stuff in life.

5. Use Physical Movement to Reset Your Mind

Walk, stretch, or engage in activities like yoga to release tension. I even know people who run, like A LOT. They say it’s good for them, but I’m thinking they just haven’t figured out the Uber app.

Physical movement helps regulate emotions; this is well known and proven. When you feel the stress building up, get moving.

6. Reframe Challenges as Opportunities

Ask: “What can I learn from this?” rather than “Why is this happening to me?” Avoid the victim mentality. I can assure you, the world is really NOT out to get you, no matter how rough it is treating you at the moment.

Shifting perspective creates resilience.

7. Practice Gratitude

Focus on what’s good in your life, even amidst difficulty. It takes a bit of effort, especially on particularly tough days, but there is ALWAYS something good happening to you.

Writing down a few things you’re grateful for can shift your mindset. I especially recommend doing this very early in the morning.

8. Take Breaks and Breathe

Step away from work or stressful situations to clear your mind. Do NOT eat lunch at your desk; get away from work, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

Use breathing techniques like the 4-7-8 method to calm your nervous system.

9. Seek Guidance if Needed

Coaches and mentors can provide valuable tools and perspectives. Find one that you trust and who cares about you, and they can change your life.

There’s no shame in seeking help when stress becomes overwhelming. Everyone—and I mean EVERYONE,—can use a little help now and then.

We’re living in disruptive times; no one likes uncertainty, and most of us are at least somewhat prone to worry. But most of us have also survived and even prospered in times like this in the past. So we know we can do it.

Keep your head about you; failing to do so could mean losing your head, and that might mean losing your a—. And nobody wants that to happen.

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How to Worry Less

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Worrying is worthless! So don’t worry. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that simple?

Controlling worry and the stress that accompanies it is anything but easy. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re human. That means you worry, at least sometimes.

The more you can control worry in your life, the better your life will be. As hard as it is, it is possible to reduce the amount of worry we allow into our lives. First, you must understand that you are not powerless over worry. You can make a conscious decision to limit its impact on your life.

To worry less, you’ll likely have to change your mindset and develop some new habits. The kind of habits that help you manage stress and anxiety more effectively. Here are some strategies you can use to accomplish that and live a less stressful life as a result.

1. Focus on What You Can Control

• Identify what you can and cannot control: Worry often comes from focusing on things beyond your control. Shift your energy toward what you can actually change or influence.

• Let go of what you can’t control: Accepting uncertainty helps reduce stress and keeps your attention on practical actions.

2. Take Action

• Problem-solve: Instead of dwelling on problems, take action where possible. Break tasks into smaller steps and address one issue at a time.

• Create a plan: Having a plan can make worries seem less overwhelming. Write down possible solutions and steps you can take to mitigate your concerns.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts

• Recognize distorted thinking: Worry often stems from irrational thoughts. Notice patterns like catastrophizing (assuming the worst will happen) or all-or-nothing thinking (seeing things as only good or bad).

• Reframe negative thoughts: Replace exaggerated worries with balanced, realistic thinking. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is that?”

4. Set Time Limits for Worry

• Create a “worry time”: Set aside a specific time each day to worry. When anxious thoughts arise outside that time, remind yourself to deal with them later.

• Limit the duration: Give yourself 10-15 minutes to focus on your concerns. Once the time is up, move on to something productive.

5. Develop Healthy Habits

• Exercise: Physical activity is a great stress reliever. Regular exercise helps to lower anxiety and boost your mood.

• Get enough sleep: Lack of sleep increases worry and stress. Prioritize good sleep practices by establishing a bedtime routine and creating a restful environment.

6. Limit Overthinking

• Distract yourself with positive activities: Try hobbies, spend time with loved ones, or focus on meaningful tasks. These will shift your mind away from negative thoughts.

• Practice gratitude: Regularly reflect on what you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus away from worry and help you see the good in your life.

7. Seek Support

• Talk to someone: Sharing your worries with a trusted friend or family member can offer perspective and reduce your burden.

• Join support groups: Connecting with others can provide comfort and useful coping strategies.

There will always be some worry in your life. But by practicing these techniques, you can train yourself to worry less and handle stress more effectively. This will take some effort, but consider all of life’s joys that worry steals from you.

You can recapture all of that and protect it in the future by deciding that YOU will control the worry you allow into your life, not other people or random circumstances.

The only question is… will you make that choice?

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Dealing with Frustration

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Lots of “stuff” can cause frustration. But only if we let it. People can frustrate us too. But only if we allow them to. Frustration is a natural reaction to circumstances when we believe those circumstances to be beyond our control.

But to some extent being frustrated really is a choice. We can allow frustrating circumstances to get the better of us or we can choose to get the better of those same circumstances. It’s an important choice because frustration can have various damaging effects on a person. Both mentally and physically.

Mentally, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression over time. Physically, it may manifest as headaches, muscle tension, or even chronic health issues like high blood pressure. Frustration can also impair decision-making abilities and strain relationships. Overall, it can significantly impact your well-being and quality of life.

So it pays to make an effort to minimize frustration in your life. Making the effort to deal with frustrating circumstances involves specific steps.

1. Acknowledge your emotions. Recognize and accept your feelings of frustration. You can deny frustration all you want but it is what it is. Denying that your frustrated will not eliminate the negative consequences.

2. Take a step back. Pause and take a deep breath to calm yourself. It’s amazing what separating yourself from the source of your frustration, even if only for 30 seconds, can do for you.

3. Analyze the situation. Identify the specific cause of frustration and assess if it’s within your control.

4. Focus on what you can control. Direct your energy towards factors you can influence or change. Trying to control the uncontrollable only adds to your frustration, it does nothing to minimize it.

5. Seek solutions. Brainstorm possible solutions or ways to improve the situation. Just the process of brainstorming can lessen the stress of dealing with frustration.

6. Take action. Implement the best solution and adapt as needed. Nothing kills frustration like doing something about it. Taking action gives you back a feeling of control. Control and frustration cannot coexist. The more control you exercise over your circumstances, the less room there is for frustration in your life.

7. Practice self-care. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge. This is the same concept as “put your own oxygen mask on first.” You’re not helping anyone or anything if you’re so stressed out you can barely think.

8. Seek support. Talk to friends, family, or a colleague if needed for guidance and encouragement. I’m not necessarily a big fan of “venting” but sometimes blowing off a little steam takes the pressure of frustration off too.

It’s normal to encounter frustrating circumstances. It’s how you choose to respond to the frustrating circumstances that will make all the difference. Choose well!

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