Tag Losing

Overcoming Major Disappointments

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Overcoming major disappointments can be a challenging and emotionally taxing process, but it is essential for personal growth and well-being. Here’s a bit of a news flash for some people reading this post… men are emotionally affected by disappointments every bit as much as women. They think they have to “man up” and hide the emotions.

That’s not only silly, therapists would tell you it can be dangerous. It’s definitely unhealthy. Sooner or later everyone will face a significant disappointment in their life. Especially if you’re a New York Jets fan. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope with and move past major disappointments.

• It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Yes fellas, you too. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, or frustrated. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss or setback. Suppressing your emotions can lead to long-term issues.

• Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about what you’re going through. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide emotional relief and offer different perspectives on the situation.

• Take time to reflect on the disappointment and try to understand the root causes. What led to this outcome? What were your expectations, and were they realistic? This self-reflection can help you gain insights and learn from the experience. Its important in this step to keep in mind the difference between “reflect” and “dwell.” “Reflect” comes with some healthy time limits. “Dwell” can become a trap that’s very hard to escape.

• Some disappointments result from circumstances beyond your control. Accept that there are certain things you cannot change. Focus on what you can control and work on adapting to the new reality.

• Use the disappointment as an opportunity to reassess your goals and priorities. What do you truly want to achieve in the long term? Set new, achievable goals if necessary and create a plan to work towards them.

• Disappointments can be valuable learning experiences. Consider what lessons you can take away from the situation. How can you use this knowledge to make better decisions in the future?

• Maintain a positive mindset as much as possible. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more optimistic ones. Surround yourself with positive influences and focus on the things that make you happy.

• Be kind to yourself and avoid placing blame solely on yourself or others. Disappointments often involve a combination of factors, and it’s rarely one person’s fault. Self-blame can hinder your ability to move forward.

• Overcoming major disappointments may take time. Break down your recovery into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small it may seem.

• Healing and moving on from a major disappointment is a process that varies from person to person. Be patient with yourself, and understand that it may take time to fully recover. People who tell you to “just get over it” may mean well but they probably aren’t helping.

• If you find it challenging to cope with a major disappointment, consider consulting a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance, support, and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. There is absolutely, positively no shame in asking for help, if fact when you do you’re showing strength and courage that other people will envy.

Remember that everyone faces disappointments at some point in life, and it’s how you respond to them that matters most. I encourage you to use these strategies to build resilience and come out of the experience stronger and wiser. You’ll be glad you did.

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Keeping Score

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I was recently invited to join a Saturday morning golf league. I’ve never been asked to join this type of very unique league before. What made it so unique was that they don’t keep score. Apparently not keeping score is supposed to make the game more fun. 

I know there will be people who disagree with this but I see no point to playing golf…or any sport if you’re not going to keep score. I kind of understand the people who say that very young kids should be allowed to play sports without the “pressure” of keeping score but I’m not entirely bought into the idea. 

But for adults I believe keeping score in most areas of life is essential. 

Professional sales people who don’t know their percentage of wins vs opportunities have no way of truly knowing if their approaches are effective. Companies who don’t track their market share have no idea if they are gaining or losing customers. Retailers who do not track the amount of customers entering their establishments have no clue if their marketing and advertising is working. 

The “score” is simply a reference point on your journey to ultimate success. If you don’t track what actions and tactics are working for you then you’re very likely to get lost on that journey. 

How often do you stop to check your personal success score? Do you invest time to reflect on what’s working in your life? What’s not working? 

Most everyone I talk to claims to want a better tomorrow. They seek improvement in many areas of their life. But many of them want the improvement to come without making any changes. They want to do the same thing today as they did yesterday but they want a better result. That is not very likely to happen. 

Improvement doesn’t come from making changes. Improvement comes from making the right changes and the only way to know what changes will be the right ones is to keep score. 

The “score” is your result. Measuring results informs our decisions on what we need to change in order to have that better result we seek.

One more point, when you keep score make sure you’re being honest with yourself about what’s working and what’s not. Accepting responsibility for your actions or inactions is step one on the road to improvement. 

Denial might get you down that river in Egypt but it won’t get you far on the road to success.

So…do you know your score?

I HAVE to add this very last point. Keeping score in relationships is a losing game. It’s a losing game because believing you can “win” an argument with someone is a fool’s errand. The sooner you realize that fact the sooner your relationships in life will begin to improve. Sorry for kinda tacking that on to the end of this post but I felt it had to be said.