Tag Kindness

How to Be a Difference Maker

Steve Keating 2 Comments

I recently left a company I had worked at for many years. I had fully intended to work there at least a couple more years, but I decided it was best to leave instead. I left for one main reason: I was no longer able to make a difference there.

The values of the company had changed dramatically over the last couple of years. There were lots of new faces and attitudes. I was shocked at the willingness to cut corners on ethics and at the unwillingness of newer people to learn the principles that had made the company great for over 100 years.

At that stage of my career, my main goal was to help others succeed. Once I determined that was no longer going to happen there, I knew it was time to go. I needed to be somewhere I could have an impact.

One of my strengths is that I’m actually a pretty average person. That means I think like most people, act like most people, and want the same things as most people. Since I want to be a difference maker, it’s likely most other people do as well.

If you fall into that category, then this post is for you.

Making a difference for people often starts with small, meaningful actions. Here are some ways that you can create a positive and lasting impact on the lives of others.

1. Practice Empathy and Listen Actively

Take the time to understand others’ perspectives without judgment. Sometimes, listening and making people feel heard is powerful on its own. It will take time to do this but giving some of your time to others is perhaps the greatest gift you can give. That’s because once you give someone else your time, you can never get that back. Giving someone your time is a powerful sign that you care enough for them to truly want to help.

2. Share Your Skills or Knowledge

If you have expertise in a certain area, offer to help others develop those skills or solve problems. Mentoring or tutoring can empower others and boost their confidence. This is an excellent way to leave a part of yourself behind once you’re gone.

3. Volunteer for Causes You Care About

Engage with organizations or community projects that align with your values, whether it’s helping the homeless, supporting education, or protecting the environment.

4. Support People Emotionally

Being there for friends, family, or coworkers in times of need can be one of the most meaningful ways to make a difference. Small acts of kindness, like offering a compliment or checking in, can have a BIG impact.

5. Be Consistent in Your Support

True change often comes from sustained efforts. Show up regularly and be reliable in your efforts to help others. This builds trust and can inspire long-term improvement.

6. Advocate for Positive Change

Speak up to bring attention to issues that matter. This might mean raising awareness about inequality, advocating for policy change, or simply educating those around you on topics they may not know about. Stick up for those who may not be able to stick up for themselves. If you can’t think of a reason to do that, try this… it’s simply the right thing to do.

7. Practice Compassionate Leadership

If you’re in a position of influence, lead in a way that puts people first. Encourage fairness, and respect, which can create a more positive culture for everyone involved. This doesn’t mean you have to go all woke. It means being the kind of person you’d like other people to be.

8. Be a Role Model

By living with integrity, kindness, and responsibility, you inspire others to do the same. Small, positive behaviors can create a ripple effect that encourages others to make a difference too. Strive to always be the best version of yourself possible. People are always watching; be an example of excellence for them, and yourself.

You do not have to be a superhero to make a difference. You don’t have to be famous, and you don’t need a position of authority. You just need to be you. Who you are today is more than enough to make a difference in this world. You only need to decide what kind of difference you want to make.

Making a difference doesn’t require grand gestures; sometimes the most impactful changes come from everyday acts of compassion and commitment. You have it within yourself to do this; the only question is… do you have the will to do it?

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Beware of the Takers

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I love giving people. Givers are those who freely give of themselves without expecting a thing in return. They simply love being helpful to others. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we had more pure givers in it. Unfortunately, we also have people who are predominantly takers.

Truth be told, there are people who both give and take. This post isn’t about them. This post is about people who take, take, and take some more. They use people. They get what they can from other people and then leave them in their dust. They ghost people with not a care in the world for any emotional damage they may have caused. They take advantage of anyone they can.

Being taken advantage of can feel frustrating and disempowering. Takers can make you feel insignificant, and they can rob you of your self-respect. The good news is that there are steps you can take to set boundaries and protect yourself from them.

Here are some ideas to help you make sure the takers of the world don’t take too much from you.

1. Recognize the Signs

Over-commitment: Constantly saying “yes” to favors, even when it’s inconvenient.

Unfair exchanges: Others benefiting more from your kindness or work than you do.

Feeling resentment: Regularly feeling drained, unappreciated, or obligated.

2. Build Self-Awareness

Understand your patterns: Reflect on why you allow people to take advantage of you. It might stem from a desire to be liked, fear of conflict, or people-pleasing habits.

Know your worth: Recognize that your time, effort, and feelings are valuable. When you value yourself, it becomes easier to say no.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Define limits: Decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you in terms of time, effort, and emotional energy.

Be firm and direct: When someone asks for too much, say “no” without guilt. You don’t need to explain yourself excessively; a simple, respectful refusal works.

Example: “I’m sorry, I can’t help with that right now.”

4. Practice Assertiveness

Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too many responsibilities” is a non-confrontational way to set boundaries.

Stick to your decisions: If you’ve said no, stand by it. Some people might push your limits, but consistency is key.

5. Stop Apologizing Excessively

Avoid guilt-tripping yourself: Don’t feel the need to over-apologize when you set boundaries. You have the right to prioritize your needs and time.

6. Know When to Distance Yourself

Reduce contact with chronic takers: If someone continues to disregard your boundaries or exploit your kindness, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them.

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Seek mutually respectful relationships: Focus on building relationships where there is a healthy balance of give and take. People who respect your boundaries will support you in your growth.

8. Learn to Delegate or Say “No”

Prioritize your commitments: Not everything requires your involvement. Delegate tasks when appropriate, or say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or well-being.

9. Develop Emotional Resilience

Recognize emotional manipulation: Stay alert for guilt trips, pressure tactics, or emotional blackmail. Recognizing these strategies helps you resist them.

Stay calm in conflict: Emotional resilience allows you to assert yourself without feeling overwhelmed by others’ reactions.

Don’t become a victim of a taker. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to. I realize sometimes it’s very hard to say no; sometimes it is very hard to stand up for yourself. Takers are very good at making it hard to say and do what’s necessary to protect yourself. But you can stop them. You may need to work on your self-respect, practice your assertiveness, and make conscious decisions about how you allow others to treat you.

But all of that is within your control IF YOU make the decision to control it. Take control of those areas of your life, and the takers of the world will take a whole lot less joy from your life.

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But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

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How to Deal with Cruel People

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I’ve been very blessed to seldom find myself in a situation where I have to interact with a truly cruel person. You know the type. Those people who actually take pleasure in causing pain and anguish in someone else’s life.

Whether it’s mental anguish, physical pain, or just wreaking havoc in someone’s life, they delight in seeing other people struggling. And if they are truly a cruel person they are pretty darn good at making life miserable for others.

But like it or not, there will likely be a time when we will have to interact with that type of individual. I think dealing with cruel people will always be challenging. That’s because, hopefully, we never get enough practice to get good at it.

But when we do come across a cruel person, here are some strategies that might help you deal with them a little more effectively.

1. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Don’t be afraid to enforce these boundaries. Limit contact or walk away from toxic, cruel people and the situations they create.

2. Stay Calm: Cruel people often try to provoke a reaction. By staying calm and composed, you maintain control of the situation and avoid giving them the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

3. Don’t Take It Personally: Often, cruelty stems from the other person’s issues rather than anything you’ve done. Remember that their behavior reflects their character, not yours.

4. Respond with Empathy: Sometimes, responding with kindness can disarm a cruel person. It may not change their behavior, but it can help you maintain your integrity and avoid escalating the situation.

5. Avoid Retaliation: Responding with cruelty can perpetuate a cycle of negativity. Instead, focus on constructive ways to address the situation or remove yourself from it.

6. Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you navigate difficult situations more effectively.

7. Protect Your Well-being: Prioritize your mental and emotional health. If the cruelty is persistent and affecting you deeply, consider seeking professional help to cope.

8. Know When to Walk Away: Sometimes the best response is to remove yourself from the situation entirely. If someone is consistently cruel, it may be best to distance yourself and focus on healthier relationships.

There will certainly be people reading this who would take a different approach than any of these. Those are the “fight fire with fire” kinds of individuals. I know those kinds of people because at my core I’m one of them. I’d seriously just as soon nuke a cruel person into oblivion, but time and experience have taught me that’s a losing proposition.

Being the bigger, kinder, smarter person is a much better approach. So I take a breath and remind myself that when the fire department fights fires, they typically use water, not more fire.

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How to Become a Kinder Person

Steve Keating Leave a comment

First off, let’s make sure we all understand the difference between being nice and being kind.

Being nice is easy. It doesn’t cost us a thing. It involves simple things like saying hello, saying thank you, smiling at others. Very simple things to do, although it does require that we be mindful of all the opportunities we have each day to “be nice.”

Being kind, on the other hand, takes effort. It can cost us something, either time, money, or both. Extending kindness can even mean doing something we’d prefer not to do; but we do it anyway because, well because we are kind.

Helping someone move. Helping someone paint their house. Helping someone overcome some type of challenge. All of those are acts of kindness. And there are many, many more, some of them actually quite small. Even the small acts of kindness can make a very big difference.

While being nice is relatively easy, being kind involves developing empathy, practicing patience, and taking actionable steps to positively impact others. Here are some practical ways we can consistently be a bit kinder.

1. Practice Empathy

• Listen Actively: Pay full attention to what others are saying without interrupting.

• Understand Perspectives: Try to see situations from others’ viewpoints.

2. Be Present

• Engage Fully: When interacting with others, put away distractions and be mentally and emotionally present. This alone might be one of the kindest things we can do for someone.

• Show Interest: Ask questions about their feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

3. Communicate Positively

• Use Encouraging Words: Offer sincere compliments and positive reinforcement.

• Express Gratitude: Thank people for their help, time, and kindness.

4. Perform Acts of Kindness

• Start With Small Gestures: Hold doors open, offer your seat, or help someone with heavy bags.

• Volunteer: Offer your time and skills to help others in need.

• Random Acts: Pay for someone’s coffee, leave kind notes, or donate to charity.

5. Be Patient and Understanding

• Practice Patience: Give others time to express themselves and don’t rush or pressure them.

• Forgive: Let go of grudges and be quick to forgive mistakes.

6. Show Compassion in Difficult Times

• Offer Support: Be there for others during their tough times, whether through listening, helping with tasks, or simply being present.

• Show Empathy: Acknowledge their pain and offer comfort.

7. Be Self-Aware and Reflective

• Reflect on Your Actions: Regularly consider how your behavior affects others and make adjustments as needed.

• Seek Feedback: Ask friends and family for honest feedback on your kindness and how you can improve.

8. Model Kindness

• Lead by Example: Show kindness in your actions and words consistently.

• Encourage Others: Promote a culture of kindness within your community by recognizing and rewarding kind acts.

9. Be Kind to Yourself

• Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to others.

• Self-Care: Take time to care for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

10. Learn and Grow

• Educate Yourself: Read books, attend workshops, or take courses on kindness, empathy, and emotional intelligence.

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in practices like meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, which can help you respond more kindly to others.

By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you can become a kinder person and positively impact those around you. Plus, being kind to others is one of the nicest things you can do…for yourself.

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How to Deal With Ungrateful People

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It sure does seem as if there are some people who you just can’t make happy. There are people who, no matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough. In fact, it feels as if the more you do, the less they appreciate it. All that can be incredibly frustrating.

The first thing to realize is that they have a problem, not you. Their low EQ or narcissistic behavior is their problem. Their unappreciative nature while frustrating to you, will cause them to miss out on many opportunities in life, both their personal life and their professional lives. When you stop and think about it, which is hard to do sometimes, but when you stop and think about it, it’s really sad for them. They miss out on the joy created from a grateful heart. They don’t get to experience the pleasure of knowing that there are people in the world who care enough for them to help them, while expecting nothing in return.

Ungrateful people miss some of the best parts of life.

But knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it easier for you to help ungrateful people. So here’s a few ideas to overcome the challenges of dealing with ingratitude.

Adjust Expectations. Recognize that not everyone will express gratitude in the same way or at all. Adjusting your expectations can help minimize disappointment. One of the principles from Dale Carnegie’s all time best seller, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” says to “Expect ingratitude.” That way when someone shows appreciation or displays a grateful heart, it’s a bonus. When they appear to take your kindness for granted you can just shake it off and maintain control over your positive attitude.

Focus on Intentions. Don’t seek validation. Focus on your intentions and the joy of helping others. Their response doesn’t matter. If you were doing the right things for the right reasons then someone else’s ingratitude can’t change the “rightness” of what you’ve done. Never let someone else’s ungrateful heart still your joy of serving others.

Practice Self-Validation. Remind yourself of your worth and the value of your actions, even if they go unrecognized by others. Part of “giving” is expecting nothing in return, not even a thank you, although that sure is nice. If you are doing something with the expectation of receiving something in return, then you might be making a trade but you aren’t truly giving.

Communicate. If ingratitude becomes a pattern in a relationship, consider calmly expressing how it makes you feel. Discuss ways to improve communication and appreciation. The key word here is calmly. That means no sarcasm and no snarky comments.

Set Boundaries. If ingratitude becomes toxic or abusive, you may need to reassess the relationship. Set boundaries to protect yourself. Sooner or later we all have to realize that enough is enough. Needing some validation that what you’re doing for someone else is worthwhile, doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

Gratitude Journaling. Cultivate gratitude within yourself by keeping a journal where you write down things you’re grateful for. This will help you focus on the positive aspects of life. Include the things you’re able to do for others. Just because someone else may not be grateful for the things you do, doesn’t mean you can’t be grateful for those things.

You do the right things for the right reasons. Remind yourself of that. Then, you’ll be better prepared to deal with people who struggle to show appreciation. Just never forget, their apparent lack of gratitude is a reflection of who they are, not you and the effort you’ve put forth.

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How to be More Patient With Yourself

Steve Keating 2 Comments

I have heard it said that patience is a virtue. Many of the world’s greatest thinkers have emphasized the importance of patience. For Aristotle, patience was bitter but the fruit it bore was sweet. Tolstoy said it was one of the two most powerful warriors, with the other one being time. Lao Tzu believed it was one of the three greatest treasures to have along with compassion and simplicity.

Patience is a big deal!

Many of us pride ourselves on being patient with other people. We allow them to learn at their own pace. We cut them “slack” when they make mistakes. We forgive them when they are a little slower to master a skill that we think we would have mastered much sooner. By and large, most people are pretty patient.

Except with one person. That person is most often themselves. This is especially true of highly motivated people who are in a hurry to succeed. I think that’s called “the rat race.” For those of you unfamiliar with the term it comes from experiments in the late 1800’s where two rats are trying to outrun each other to get a piece of cheese. These days it’s an expression describing a way of life in which people compete with each other for power and money.

Some people thrive while running the rat race but most are slowly burning themselves out. So slowly that they don’t often realize it until it’s too late.

The vast majority’s of people living their best lives have learned to be more patient. They cut themselves the same slack they cut other people. They find the balance required to push themselves without burning themselves out.

Finding that balance requires intentionality and focus. You have to work for it. You’ll likely have to make some changes in your life. You’ll possibly have to make some sacrifices too. But you will also discover that granting yourself more patience is one of the kindest things you’ll ever do for yourself.

Being more patient with yourself involves several steps. Some of these are easy, some not so much but all of them will help you live your very best life.

1. Acknowledge Imperfection. Understand that nobody is perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes or not meet your own expectations all the time.

2. Set Realistic Goals. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable tasks. This allows you to track progress and celebrate small victories along the way.

3. Practice Self-Compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend who is struggling. Acknowledge your efforts and progress, even if they are small.

4. Pay Attention. Stay present in the moment. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This helps you become more aware of negative self-talk and allows you to respond to yourself with more kindness.

5. Learn from Setbacks. Instead of being hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned, use setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning. Ask yourself what you can learn from the experience and how you can improve in the future.

6. Practice Gratitude. Focus on the things you are grateful for and the progress you have made, no matter how small. This helps shift your perspective from what you lack to what you have accomplished.

7. Seek Support. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who encourage and uplift you during challenging times. And do whatever it takes to separate yourself from negative people who attempt to suck the patience right out of you.

By making these practices part of daily life, you can cultivate greater patience and self-compassion. You’ll find yourself leading to a more fulfilling and balanced life. That my friends is worth every bit of the effort it will take achieve, no matter how long it takes you to achieve it.

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A Big Challenge

Steve Keating 5 Comments

This is a little post with a big challenge. The challenge comes from one of Dale Carnegie’s first books. While not as well known as his all time best seller, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” it is perhaps the book that has changed more lives than any other book he authored. 

The book is entitled, “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” The “challenge” is actually one of the principles from the book. The principle says “Forget your unhappiness by creating happiness for others.” 

One way to do that is to commit each day to do something kind for someone and not let them find out it was you who did it. 

A couple of points before I send you off on your challenge.

You must understand the basic difference between being nice and being kind. Being nice is easy, it requires no real effort on your part. Being nice includes things like saying thank you, please and your welcome. Think of being nice more like having good manners. 

Being kind on the other hand requires some effort on your part. It might be offering a ride to someone on your way to the store. It is especially kind if where they are going is not on your way. That’s very kind of you but it doesn’t meet the challenge requirements because they will obviously know you give them a ride. 

Here’s an example that would definitely meet the challenge. Let’s say someone has broken something that they have treasured for a long time. They can’t fix it themselves or they can’t afford to have it fixed. So you secretly have it repaired and put back in it’s place. 

Doing the kind thing by having it repaired on the sly doesn’t meet the challenge either. But you’ve at least met the first half of the challenge. Quietly putting it back in place and NEVER mentioning that you took care of it will complete the full challenge. 

It’s a challenge because it’s human nature to want to get “credit” for our good deeds. I do kind things for people but then I tend follow them around like a lost puppy until they notice the kindness. When they ask if I did that, I just smile. I didn’t tell them I did it but I’m always open to accepting their gratitude. 

It’s hard not to seek recognition for the good things we do. But when we are successful it is a great feeling. 

Like all things worth doing, being kind and not seeking recognition for it is easier said than done. But if you want to do something incredibly special for someone…and yourself, you’ll do it anyway. 

Now, get to it, there is a kindness waiting to be done.