It sure does seem as if there are some people who you just can’t make happy. There are people who, no matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough. In fact, it feels as if the more you do, the less they appreciate it. All that can be incredibly frustrating.

The first thing to realize is that they have a problem, not you. Their low EQ or narcissistic behavior is their problem. Their unappreciative nature while frustrating to you, will cause them to miss out on many opportunities in life, both their personal life and their professional lives. When you stop and think about it, which is hard to do sometimes, but when you stop and think about it, it’s really sad for them. They miss out on the joy created from a grateful heart. They don’t get to experience the pleasure of knowing that there are people in the world who care enough for them to help them, while expecting nothing in return.

Ungrateful people miss some of the best parts of life.

But knowing that doesn’t necessarily make it easier for you to help ungrateful people. So here’s a few ideas to overcome the challenges of dealing with ingratitude.

Adjust Expectations. Recognize that not everyone will express gratitude in the same way or at all. Adjusting your expectations can help minimize disappointment. One of the principles from Dale Carnegie’s all time best seller, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” says to “Expect ingratitude.” That way when someone shows appreciation or displays a grateful heart, it’s a bonus. When they appear to take your kindness for granted you can just shake it off and maintain control over your positive attitude.

Focus on Intentions. Don’t seek validation. Focus on your intentions and the joy of helping others. Their response doesn’t matter. If you were doing the right things for the right reasons then someone else’s ingratitude can’t change the “rightness” of what you’ve done. Never let someone else’s ungrateful heart still your joy of serving others.

Practice Self-Validation. Remind yourself of your worth and the value of your actions, even if they go unrecognized by others. Part of “giving” is expecting nothing in return, not even a thank you, although that sure is nice. If you are doing something with the expectation of receiving something in return, then you might be making a trade but you aren’t truly giving.

Communicate. If ingratitude becomes a pattern in a relationship, consider calmly expressing how it makes you feel. Discuss ways to improve communication and appreciation. The key word here is calmly. That means no sarcasm and no snarky comments.

Set Boundaries. If ingratitude becomes toxic or abusive, you may need to reassess the relationship. Set boundaries to protect yourself. Sooner or later we all have to realize that enough is enough. Needing some validation that what you’re doing for someone else is worthwhile, doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

Gratitude Journaling. Cultivate gratitude within yourself by keeping a journal where you write down things you’re grateful for. This will help you focus on the positive aspects of life. Include the things you’re able to do for others. Just because someone else may not be grateful for the things you do, doesn’t mean you can’t be grateful for those things.

You do the right things for the right reasons. Remind yourself of that. Then, you’ll be better prepared to deal with people who struggle to show appreciation. Just never forget, their apparent lack of gratitude is a reflection of who they are, not you and the effort you’ve put forth.