Tag Accepting Responsibility

How to Stop Playing the Blame Game

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Somebody way smarter than me once said that when you blame others for your mistakes, you lose the opportunity to learn from the mistake. I’ve discovered that you also lose the opportunity to correct the mistake.

Nothing, I repeat, nothing good comes from denying our mistakes. You may think you’ve fooled someone and “gotten away” with something, but sooner or later, you’re going to be found out.

It’s then that you’ll discover that blaming someone, or something else, for a mistake you made is a bigger mistake than the mistake you’re trying to cover up.

To truly succeed in life, you’ll need to accept responsibility for your mistakes, no matter how big they are. I dare say you must accept them even if they are, in hindsight, gigantically stupid. Like most things worth doing, accepting responsibility for your mistakes is easier said than done. But if you are willing to make the effort you can break free from the habit of blaming others for your mistakes. When you make that break you’ll be on your way towards personal growth and better relationships. Here are some ways you can stop the blame game in its tracks.

Be Self-Aware: Take a look at situations where you tend to blame others. Write down what happened and think about your role in it. Ask yourself: What was under my control? What could I have done differently?

Take Responsibility: Blaming others is often a way to avoid feeling uncomfortable. But growth comes from owning your actions, decisions, and their consequences. Instead of saying, “It’s their fault,” try saying, “What can I learn from this?”

Change Your Perspective: Everyone makes mistakes. Blaming others comes from a fear of looking weak or not good enough. Instead of seeing challenges as something to be ashamed of, view them as opportunities for improvement.

Be Grateful and Empathetic: Instead of focusing on others’ perceived faults, focus on their efforts, intentions, or positive qualities. Try to understand their circumstances and remember that everyone faces their own struggles.

Manage Your Emotions: Blame often comes from frustration or anger. Practice mindfulness, or just take a breath to calm down when you feel these emotions. Take a moment to think before you react. Is assigning blame really helpful?

Have a Growth Mindset: Embrace the idea that mistakes are a natural part of learning. See failures as stepping stones to success, not as a sign of your worth. Read about people who turned failures into opportunities to learn more.

Get Feedback: Ask trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues for constructive criticism. They can help you see where you might be at fault and offer valuable insights. Be open to hearing where you might be wrong without getting defensive.

Forgive (yourself and others): Let go of grudges or resentment. Blaming often comes from unresolved feelings toward others or yourself. Remember, perfection is a myth, and forgiving yourself and others can strengthen your relationships.

Take Action: Once you spot areas for improvement, make a plan to change them. Focus on what you can do to make things better. Celebrate your small wins as you grow and improve. Remember, all progress, big or small, is progress!

Blaming others for your mistakes and poor decisions might seem like a quick fix, but it keeps you stuck. By focusing on yourself and taking responsibility, you’ll find more freedom, peace, and a sense of power. You’ll also actually make fewer and less costly mistakes.

You’ll live a better, more productive, and happier life. Stop playing the blame game and start being the best version of yourself; you’ll be glad you did.

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How to Admit a Mistake

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Some people don’t like admitting a mistake. It might even be that MOST people don’t like admitting them. Some people dislike admitting a mistake so much that they will deny them, even to the point of lying or placing the blame on someone else.

What they fail to realize is that by not accepting responsibility for a mistake they give up the opportunity to learn from it. They likely lose the chance to avoid the mistake in the future. They also often lose a whole lot of time trying to cover up the mistake rather than just admitting it.

While it’s never exactly fun admitting a mistake, it does show a level of maturity and confidence that less successful people often lack. It’s an important aspect of personal and professional growth. So, in the unlikely event that you should ever make a mistake in the future here are some ideas you can use to make your admission a little less stressful.

• Acknowledge the mistake: Take a moment to reflect on what happened and recognize that you made a mistake. Avoid denial or defensiveness, as it can hinder the resolution process.

• Take responsibility: Accept full responsibility for your actions. Avoid blaming others or external factors. Acknowledge that you were in control of the situation, and your choices led to the mistake.

• Be prompt: Address the mistake as soon as possible. Delaying admission may exacerbate the situation and erode trust. It shows maturity and accountability when you promptly acknowledge and rectify your errors.

• Choose the right setting: Find an appropriate and private setting to discuss the mistake, especially if it involves sensitive or confidential matters. This allows for a more open and honest conversation.

• Be honest and transparent: When admitting your mistake, be honest about what happened. Provide a clear and concise explanation without exaggeration or downplaying the situation. Transparency builds trust.

• Offer a solution: If possible, suggest a solution or plan to rectify the mistake. This proactive approach demonstrates your commitment to fixing the error and minimizing its impact.

• Learn from the mistake: Show that you understand the consequences of your actions and express a commitment to learning from the experience. Discuss steps you will take to prevent similar mistakes in the future.

• Apologize sincerely: Offer a genuine apology without making excuses. Express remorse for any negative consequences or harm caused by the mistake. A sincere apology goes a long way in rebuilding trust.

• Seek feedback: Encourage open communication and ask for feedback on how to improve or prevent similar mistakes in the future. This demonstrates your willingness to learn and grow from the experience.

• Follow through: Once you’ve admitted the mistake and discussed a resolution, take the necessary actions to correct the error. Demonstrating follow-through reinforces your commitment to addressing the issue.

Everyone makes mistakes, only the most successful people admit to them quickly and honestly. The key is to handle them with humility, responsibility, and a commitment to learning and improvement. Admitting mistakes is not a sign of weakness. It can actually strengthen relationships and contribute to a positive and growth-oriented environment.

Do Your Best…Because You Deserve It

Steve Keating 1 Comment

We’ve all likely heard lots about the great resignation or great reshuffle or whatever you want to call it. I hear one of the reasons is that people seem to be searching for something better. Something that will keep them engaged. Someplace where they will matter.

Organizations that do a poor job of keeping their people engaged risk losing them. Or worse, they risk having them stay while remaining disengaged. You can find tons of articles about what companies and organizations should do to keep their people engaged. I don’t disagree with any of them. 

But I have a different idea. It’s pretty old fashioned. Some would say very outdated. More still would say it’s completely unwoke. But I don’t care, even if I’m the last person who thinks this way. 

The idea is that people who accept a paycheck from a company should figure out for themselves how to stay engaged. 

They should realize that accepting that paycheck obligates them to keep themselves engaged. Perhaps they need to accept responsibility for giving their very best effort even on the days they don’t feel like it. 

The very best companies with outstanding leadership are very intentional about working with their people to help them stay engaged and motivated. But most companies aren’t the best and many lack even mediocre leadership. 

If you’re in one of the companies not blessed with outstanding leadership and you’re waiting on your boss or leader to keep you engaged then you’re gonna be waiting a real long time. 

If you’re waiting for your company, boss, or anyone besides yourself to make you happy and feel fulfilled then I have bad news for you…or maybe it’s good news… you must develop the attitude of “If it’s to be then it’s up to me.” 

You have within you the power to keep yourself engaged. You have the absolute ability to motivate yourself. It’s great when you get some help along the way but don’t count on it. Stop looking out for the “stuff” that will keep you motivated and engaged. Start looking within because that’s the only guaranteed source of motivation. 

There would be far less movement of people in the workforce if more people accepted responsibility for their own results. Blaming someone else because you’re a crappy employee or poor team member is a sure sign of galactic irresponsibility. 

It is your responsibility to always give your best effort. It’s your responsibility not only for the company paying you. The fact is YOU deserve the satisfaction that comes with knowing you did your best. No matter what anyone else thinks. 

If you find yourself in a situation where it simply requires more effort than you can give to keep yourself motivated then you need to understand that it’s your responsibility to separate yourself from that situation. As soon as possible. 

If you continuously find yourself in those situations no matter where you’re working then perhaps changing jobs isn’t the change that’s needed. If you can’t determine what needs to change I’d suggest you consider investing in a mirror and looking there. 

On a completely different subject…I’m trying something new out over on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day,  people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than regular Twitter followers. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, I can’t promise it will last for a long time but I can promise the content will be helpful as long as it does.

Weak Leaders – Part Three

Steve Keating 3 Comments

I think it’s safe to say that most, likely all, successful people accept full responsibility for their actions and decisions. So then do Strong Authentic Leaders. 

Weak leaders tend to play the blame game. They look for someone else to dump responsibility on when things go wrong. Or they make excuses. My favorite is the combo responsibility dump/excuse of miscommunication. The leader communicated well, the person on the receiving end wasn’t bright enough to understand. 

That “combo” covers both bases. The leader has no responsibility for the mistake and the blame is firmly shifted away from the leader, except it really isn’t. 

Just a side note here…Authentic Leaders accept 100% responsibility for all communication. They know it is their responsibility to make certain the other person completely understood what was said. 

Not accepting responsibility for your actions and decisions leads to an entire set of consequences, whether you’re a leader or not. 

The first, and I think the most serious, is an exaggerated sense of self. If you believe your excuses it makes it difficult to build relationships with others. You are seen as less trustworthy. You likely become more critical of other people. Your feelings of infallibility increases your expectations of others. You become unrealistic, intolerant, and demanding. 

Your attitude becomes a repellent to other people making it nearly impossible to lead. You may not realize it at first and weak leaders may never realize it, but you’re not fun to be around. All because you can’t, or won’t, accept responsibility for your actions and decisions. 

The most common reason for not accepting responsibility is a sense of insecurity. People, especially weak leaders think admitting to a mistake or a poor decision makes them look weak. In reality, having the courage to admit mistakes gives the appearance of strength to a leader’s followers. 

Strong Authentic Leaders see accepting responsibility as a measure of their self-worth. Their strength and self-confidence allows them to do something weak leaders can’t do…learn from their mistakes. 

Ask yourself when was the last time you may have fallen short as a leader by placing blame for your actions on someone else. Ask yourself why you did that. Be honest with yourself. That’s the first step in growing your self-confidence to a level where you’re comfortable owning your actions and decisions. 

If you struggle with accepting responsibility then start paying attention to a leader you respect. You’ll likely see them do it on a regular basis. If you want to move from the weak side of leadership to the strong side do what they do. 

You may not see a difference in yourself right away but you’ll see a difference in how people respond to you. They may even start acting as if you’re a leader! 

Cry or Try, The Choice is Yours

Steve Keating 11 Comments

This is a bit of a challenging post to write. It will also perhaps be a challenging post for some people to read. It is a challenge in both directions because without seeing my facial expressions and hearing my tone of voice some people will think this post is uncaring.

My intent however is the absolute opposite of uncaring.

I’m writing this specifically for people who feel like crying during difficult circumstances. Notice I didn’t say I am writing this TO you, I am writing this FOR you. This is a message you need to hear.

In every difficult circumstance there are two kinds of people. Those who cry over their circumstances and those who try to improve them. Even people who cry about their circumstances know that the people who try to improve their circumstances have a much better chance to succeed.

But they don’t believe they can do anything about their own circumstances. The crying group wears the mantle of victimhood like a $5000 suit or a custom made ball gown. It is a very comfortable fit.

Even with a life full of far more comfortable options they have convinced themselves that they have nothing else to wear.

The trying group on the other hand will wear anything. They don’t care if their plaid pants don’t go with their striped shirt. They will try anything. They know that no matter how poorly their attempt might turn out the only way they can truly fail is to not continue trying.

The trying group believes in themselves. They trust themselves. They know they have what it takes to succeed.

That belief and trust in themselves is all that is separating them from the crying group. The trying group does not have vastly greater skills than the crying group, they just make a choice to use whatever they have.

Trying is hard work. Crying is just hard. Trying gets you somewhere. Crying traps you right where you are. Trying creates hope. Crying creates more crying.

The good news is that the price for moving from the crying group into the trying group is low.

All you need to do is to make a choice. A choice that says I’d rather try and fail 1000 times than to sit here and cry with no chance to improve my situation.

A choice that says I may or may not have what it takes to succeed but I’m going to use everything I do have and see where it leads.

My mom used to tell me to not cry over spilt milk. Yet I spilt my milk all the time and would invariably cry over it. Until I decided that crying wasn’t going to solve my spilling problem. I decided on the solution right then and there…. I haven’t had a glass of milk since.

In any circumstance you can choose an attitude of “Woe is me” or you can chose an attitude of “Wow is me.” Which one you choose sets your life on either a path of success or a path with puddles of spilt milk.

Choose wisely.