Tag Valuing Differences

Leading People Who are Different Than You

Steve Keating 1 Comment

All leaders, ineffective and effective leaders alike, have the same two problems. Problem might not be the right word but they all have the same challenge. The first challenge is that they are human. The second challenge is that the people they lead are human too. 

Humans don’t automatically like all other humans. We somehow find it easier to connect with people we like. We tend to stay closer to them. We talk more with people we like than people we don’t. I’m no psychologist but it seems to me we are more drawn to people who look like us, act like us, who have the same backgrounds and the same beliefs. While that may be normal it seldom helps us grow and develop. 

We need the diversity of backgrounds, beliefs and life experiences to broaden our thinking and open ourselves up to new opportunities. Leaders who hope to excel need that same broadening of their thinking. It is particularly important for leaders to embrace that diversity. Leaders must care for their people before they can effectively lead them. If you’re a leader who doesn’t truly know and value the people you are supposed to lead then it will be almost impossible for you to lead them. 

If leaders aren’t careful and intentional about how and where they invest their time they will naturally invest a disproportionate amount of their time with those members of their organization that they are most like.

But Authentic Leaders understand that it is their responsibility to lead and develop their entire team, not only the teams members they like the most and not only the team members who are most like them. 

Authentic Leaders are aware of their biases, both conscious and unconscious. They put processes in place to make certain those biases don’t get in the way of developing their people. Any of their people. 

They schedule time with every member of their team. That time includes discussions about work but also about the person. They ask questions to understand the entire person. They want to know about the person’s goals and what help they could use to achieve them. 

As a leader it is incumbent upon you to make judgments about your people. It is also important that you do that in a non-judgmental way. You can do neither of those unless you get rid of any biases you may have and the only way to rid yourself of those biases is to know and understand the person. 

I have been personally challenged in my life to overcome some of those biases. Years ago our daughter brought her new boy friend over for dinner. I’m almost embarrassed to say I was shocked by his appearance the moment he walked in the door. I had all the doubts that a parent would have. I questioned how we raised her and where we went off track. I wondered what our family and friends would say if they ever met him. 

But I’m kinda proud to say I pushed myself to expand my thinking. We had a good conversation, a nice dinner and even played a few games after. As different as he looked when he walked in the door I barely even noticed the Green Bay Packers jersey as he left. 

You may find that funny but it’s a realistic example of how unfounded biases can impact how we deal with people if we’re not careful. As a leader you are the example of successful behavior for ALL your people. If you want more open communication, better sharing of ideas, increased sharing of best practices, and more overall collaboration then you need demonstrate the value of diversity within your organization. You can talk about the value of diversity all you want but your people will do what you do far faster than they will do what you say. 

Leading people who are different than you can be very challenging. It can also be incredibly rewarding. It’s all in how you look at it. I hope you focus on the rewards rather than the challenges. 

Why I’m Different Than You

Steve Keating 3 Comments

I’m not different than just most of you. I’m different than every single person reading this post. Even if every person on the planet read this post I’d still be different than every other person reading this post. 

Just different. Not better. Not worse. Just different. 

You’re different too. Different than every other person on earth. Not better. Not worse. Just different. 

When we learn to appreciate those differences magical things can happen. Sadly, it took me longer to learn that than I wish it had. But as they say, better late than never. 

I did a Sales and Leadership class a couple of years ago, literally days before the pandemic started, with a group of sales professionals from around Asia and Indonesia. If I recall correctly there were Chinese, Vietnamese and Indonesians in the class. This group couldn’t have been more different from me if they were from another planet. 

I think, I hope, that I taught them a lot. But I know they taught me more than I taught them. I learned a lot about sales from them and I learned a lot more about leadership from them too. But there were two things in particular that I learned that still stand out. 

One was that the challenges they faced in selling were very much the same as anywhere else in the world. The buyer/seller relationship is incredibly important whatever culture you might be selling in. 

But the biggest thing I learned was that no matter how different people might be from me, those differences are nothing when compared with what we have in common. Yes, there are certainly cultural differences but those are differences based on where we happen to come from, they are not based on who we are. 

Most of the differences I have from other people are created from my “life lens.” I may have experienced everything that you have experienced but my upbringing, my environment, my family and friends will all shape my life lens. That’s how I view each experience. Unless you’re actually me, you couldn’t view every experience exactly as I have. 

The statement, “if I were you I’d feel exactly the same” is a very fair statement to make. If you had their life lens you would feel exactly as they do. But you have a difference lens based on your personal experiences than every other person on earth. You can have a very similar life lens, but not an identical one. 

Once you understand that, the differences between you and other people will matter a whole lot less. Once you understand that, you open yourself to learning about and seeing the world through the lens of other people. 

When you learn through the life lens of other people you begin to value those differences and the diversity that comes with them. You understand that even though there may be some significant differences we’re all vastly more similar than we are different. 

Once we understand all that we become less likely to judge other people and more likely, far more likely, to simply try to understand and appreciate them. 

On a another subject…I’m trying something new over on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day, people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than regular Twitter followers. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

My goal with SuperFollowers is to build a better connection, one where I can perhaps help more and have a greater impact. I’m hoping it gives me a chance to mentor to a wider audience. It’s still new, we’ll see how it works. It’s a $5 dollar investment that may just be the extra “push” you need to get to where you want to be. I’d be honored to be able to help get you there. 

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, and if you are, be sure to let me know how I’m doing and how I can be of even more help.

Expand Your Circle of Acquaintances

Steve Keating 4 Comments

Remember when you were a kid, maybe even an older kid, and making friends was easy. Anyone you came across was a potential new friend. We didn’t prejudge them, heck, we didn’t even judge them after we knew them. 

Sometimes it turned out we didn’t like them so they didn’t stay friends for long. But that was determined by how we got along with them, not how they looked, dressed or talked. 

It seems like with every passing year it becomes more difficult to make new friends. Research shows most adults haven’t made a new friend in over five years. A friend is defined as someone you willingly share a good deal of time with outside of work experiencing common interests.

That lack of new and varied relationships tends to make us stale. It also makes it difficult for us to accept new concepts and thinking that is different than our own. 

When we do make new friends they tend to be people who think, talk, act, and even look like us. That just solidifies our stale thinking. 

So push yourself out of what people who know about this kind of stuff would call your comfort zone. Push yourself to strike up a conversation with people you normally wouldn’t. The opportunities to do that are limitless if you’re open to them. In line at the grocery store. Waiting at the doctors office. A networking event…speaking of networking events I’m always amazed at people who go to networking events and only talk to people they already know. Stop that!

Don’t worry about looking like a knucklehead, remember, they don’t know you so it really doesn’t matter.

Make yourself listen to different opinions. Really really listen. Then consider them. Don’t automatically dismiss them because they may be different than your own. People with “fresh” thinking are always willing to consider the possibility that they could be wrong. 

Expanding your point of view doesn’t come from knowing more people. It comes from knowing more people who are not your philosophical identical twin. 

Expand your circle of acquaintances until your next social gathering looks like a mini United Nations meeting. You’ll know more and even if your opinions haven’t changed they will be better informed opinions. 

Facts and Opinions

Steve Keating 9 Comments

I should warn you right up front…this post is going to contain some shocking information. I won’t leave you hanging wondering what it is, I’ll get it out of the way right up front so you don’t have to wonder what it is any longer.

Not everything you read on the internet, and particularly in Social Media, is true. There it is! I said it! I mentioned the unmentionable! 

That’s not new information by the way, many of the things we see online and in social media have always been a little sketchy. It’s just that it’s so much more prevalent lately. It also has spilled over into the media. It used to be safe to assume that if it was reported in a newspaper or a network news program that it was an absolute fact. That may or may not be true anymore. 

Some of you may say that “my network is absolutely true, it’s the “other side’s” network that promotes lies.” That only proves my point…the facts reported on any network may or may not be true.

Anything you see or read on the internet or social media, especially social media, may or may not be true. 

So maybe we ALL need to apply a little more common sense to our beliefs and a tad bit less emotion. 

If you’re like me you tend to believe what you want to believe. If you’re like me you tend to believe things that are told to you by the people you hang around with…the ones who think like you. If you’re like me then when someone you don’t particularly like says something or tells you something you’re incredibly skeptical. So much so that you almost instinctively know they are likely wrong. Or lying. 

People like me and my friends never exaggerate or “create” a statistic or “fact” that helps to prove our point. Only “other” people do that. 

A study done by the University of Massachusetts found that most people lie in everyday conversations when they are trying to appear likable and competent. The study found that 60 percent of people lied at least once in a 10 minute conversation. 

I don’t know this for sure but I’m going to guess that many of those “lies” the study found wouldn’t be considered lies by the person who told them. But they weren’t facts either. They were not supported by any kind of evidence. So if they weren’t facts supported by provable evidence then what exactly were they?

I’m kinda working overtime right now to be more skeptical about the information pouring in from every direction. I’ll eventually decide for myself what’s true or not and I’ll decide with the help of actual evidence, the kind you can see and hear for yourself. I’m working really hard to be okay with being unsure about everything for a day or two until that evidence makes an appearance. If, after a while, no evidence appears then I’ll believe what I want to believe…with the clear understanding that I may be wrong.

That clear understanding that I may be wrong will also cause me to realize that a person who believes differently than me may be right. 

That means someone can be wrong without being a liar. Someone can believe something different than me without being my enemy. Someone can believe something that turns out to be untrue without being an idiot. 

Beliefs without evidence used to be called opinion. We were always told that people were entitled to their opinions but today we act as if there are no opinions, there are only truths and lies. But hanging a sign on a cow that says “Horse” doesn’t make that cow a horse. Believing a different opinion is a lie doesn’t make it a lie either. It’s still an opinion and people are still entitled to their opinions.

One of the things I’ve learned over time is that the people who are “different” than me aren’t really that different. We all have far more in common than our differences would indicate. Find that commonality and you’ll likely find a friend as well.

And who couldn’t use a few more friends in these turbulent times.

Listening is Free

Steve Keating 7 Comments

I’m not sure if anyone has noticed but the world, yep, not only the US but the entire world seems divided right now. Never in my lifetime has the divide between different groups of people been wider.

Even in times of World Wars the divide was not as great as it is right now. Even during the World Wars people agreed on more things than they do today. Governments started those wars, not the people of the countries that were dragged into them.

But today is different. The universal language is one of hate. We throw the word hate around as if it almost has no real meaning. People claim to hate people who hate. “We” all hate all the hating going on these days.

We make slogans and signs about who and what matters. We talk about what must change and who must change. I’m struck by the number of people who “demand” immediate change yet refuse to look in the mirror to see if there is any change they could make personally.

Abraham Lincoln is famous for saying many things but one thing he said might be more applicable today than even the day he said it. When commenting on someone he was not particularly fond of he said, “I do not like that man. I need to get to know him better.”

Lincoln knew what too many people today seemingly have forgotten. That is that we human beings have far more in common than we give ourselves credit for. We can focus on the things that draw us together or we can focus on the things the push us apart. That’s a choice.

But that won’t happen until we do something else that seems to be a thing of the past.

That “thing” is called listening.

I mean real listening. Not reading someone’s social media posts. Not hearing some filtered version of what somebody thinks or what someone said someone said someone said. It’s a sad commentary on the world we live in but if you didn’t hear someone say it yourself then you might want to have some doubts about whether or not it was actually said.

Plus…don’t only listen to people who agree with you! Invite conversations with people who have vastly different views and life experiences than you. Do not think them wrong simply because their views are different than yours. Don’t talk to them, talk with them to determine where your views overlap. Build on that overlap!

I take great comfort from talking with people who share my views and beliefs. I like talking to my family and friends. But whatever growth I experience at this point in life comes from talking with people who frankly might not be my first choice to talk with.

You and I do not have to like the people who see the world differently than we do but we do need to understand how they view their life. We need to understand that if our life experiences were identical to theirs that our views would likely be identical too.

Most of all we need to get to know them better. The more we know about people the less chance there will be that we judge them. I want to say that again….the more you know about someone the less chance there is that you will judge them.

Listen more. Listen with your heart and your mind WIDE open. Listening is free but it just might be that it liberates you from hate. Listening is one of those things that while free it is also priceless!

Listening, really listening to different views could save you great pain. It could save your Country severe turmoil. Listening, truly truly listening to one another might even save the world.

Why Different is Good

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Being better tomorrow than you are today requires that you do something different today than you did yesterday.

 

I think most of us, I know it’s true for me, are creatures of habit. I like doing the same things with the same people pretty much all the time. The people I like the most are the people who are just like me, they believe the same things I believe, the say the same things I say and they like to do the same stuff I like to do…or at least mostly. One thing not everybody I know likes to do is embrace different viewpoints. 

 

Now truth be told I don’t know if I actually “like” embracing different viewpoints but I do need to. I need to because I have a hunger to learn. I am a student of people and that means I need to understand them…no matter how different their life might be from my own.

 

Here’s the reality, and it’s not just my reality, it is your reality too… As much as I like being around people who are just like me I don’t learn very much from them. We are in agreement on most things, someone in the group says something and everyone nods their head in agreement. “You got that right” is a common refrain. 

 

It isn’t that I like disagreement or being disagreeable but often times it is in that discussion that follows disagreement that you learn. If, and it’s a big IF, if you are open to learning. If you honestly work to truly see things from the other person’s point of view. If you don’t just automatically think they are wrong because they don’t think like you or your friends.

 

It’s pretty tough to learn something new from people who are just like you. It’s even harder to learn something new from people who think exactly as you do. 

 

Never underestimate the fact that you could be wrong, about most anything. You might be the smartest person in the room, you may hold the loftiest position in your organization but that doesn’t automatically make you right about everything.

 

Search out people different than yourself. Invest time in understanding them. Don’t prejudge someone just because they “aren’t like you.” Listen to them and listen to understand them rather than listening for the sole purpose of responding. Understand that there isn’t anyone on earth who doesn’t have or know something they can teach you.

 

Read books with viewpoints you disagree with. Have lunch with someone you wouldn’t normally have a beer with after work. Watch FOX News AND CNN. (That’s almost like living in two different worlds) Genuinely try to see multiple sides of every argument. 


Don’t sacrifice your core values and principles but do try to understand where other people are coming from. Your may discover that if you were them you would think and act just like them. You’re likely to still disagree but at least you’ll understand why. You’ll almost certainly learn something about them and the odds are very good that you’ll learn even more about yourself.