Tag Values

How to Determine Your Core Values

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Our last post focused on setting and achieving real goals. But we didn’t invest a lot of time in an essential step in the goal setting process. That step is determining your core values.

Your core values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions, actions, and ultimately, your life. They reflect what truly matters to you—your priorities, beliefs, and what you stand for. But how do you find these values, especially when life’s noise can make it hard to hear your inner voice? This post will guide you through a practical, introspective process to determine your core values and start living in alignment with them.

Why Core Values Matter

Core values act like a compass. They help you navigate tough choices, set boundaries, and pursue goals that feel meaningful. Without clarity on your values, you might feel lost, unfulfilled, or pulled in directions that don’t resonate with who you are. Knowing your core values empowers you to live YOUR LIFE and make decisions with confidence.

Step-by-Step Process to Identify Your Core Values

Here’s a clear, actionable approach to uncovering your core values. Grab a notebook, set aside some quiet time, likely lots of quiet time. Determining your core values is serious business, give it the time it deserves. Now, let’s dive in.

1. Reflect on Peak Experiences

Think about moments in your life when you felt truly alive, fulfilled, or proud. These could be personal achievements, meaningful relationships, or even small, quiet moments that left a lasting impact.

• Questions to ask:

• What was happening during those moments?

• Why did they feel so significant?

• What about these experiences made you feel aligned or “at home”?

Example: If you felt most alive while volunteering, values like service, compassion, or community might be at play.

Write down 3-5 peak experiences and jot down the feelings or themes that stand out.

2. Identify Moments of Discomfort or Conflict

Sometimes, your values become clear when they’re tested. Think about times when you felt frustrated, angry, or out of sorts—moments when something just didn’t sit right.

• Questions to ask:

• What was happening that felt “off”?

• What boundary or belief felt violated?

• What would have made the situation feel right?

Imagine you felt uneasy when someone pressured you to compromise your principles at work. What are your core values? Integrity, honesty, or something else?

List a few situations that bothered you and note the underlying issues.

3. Explore Your Role Models

Think about people you admire—family, friends, public figures, or even fictional characters. What draws you to them?

• What qualities or behaviors do they embody?

• Why do these traits resonate with you?

• How do their actions reflect what you want to stand for?

Example: If you admire someone’s courage to speak their truth, values like authenticity or bravery might be important to you. Write down 2-3 role models and the qualities you respect in them.

4. Brainstorm a Values List

Now, start creating a list of potential values. Here’s a short sample of common ones: honesty, freedom, growth, family, creativity, justice, adventure, security, kindness, respect, achievement, balance.

Look at your notes from steps 1-3. What words or themes keep popping up?

Don’t overthink it—write down any value that feels relevant, even if it’s vague.

Aim for a list of 10-20 values to start. You’ll narrow it down later.

5. Narrow Down to Your Top 3-5 Values

A long list of values can feel overwhelming, so let’s refine it. Your core values are the ones you’d fight for—the non-negotiables that define you.

Group similar values: For example, if you wrote “honesty,” “truth,” and “integrity,” combine them into one.

Prioritize: Ask yourself, “If I could only choose one value to live by, what would it be?” Then the next, and so on.

Test them: Imagine a scenario where you have to choose between two values (e.g., security vs. adventure). Which one feels more “you”?

Aim for 3-5 core values that feel deeply true. For each, write a sentence explaining what it means to you.

Example:

• Value: Growth

• Meaning: I’m all about learning, growing, and stepping out of my comfort zone to become the best version of myself.

6. Check in with Your Life

Take a look at your current life—your relationships, career, hobbies, and daily choices. Do they match your chosen values? If not, where’s the disconnect?

• Questions to ask:

• Where do I feel most connected to these values?

• Where am I compromising them?

• What small changes could bring me closer to living these values fully?

This step isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. When things don’t align, it often means there are areas where you can make intentional changes.

Putting Your Values into Action

Once you’ve figured out your core values, they become a guide for making decisions and growing. Here are a few ways to live them out:

• Set goals aligned with your values: If “connection” is a value, make sure to spend quality time with loved ones or build new relationships.

• Use them to say “no”: If something—like a job or commitment—goes against your values, give yourself permission to say no.

• Check in regularly: Revisit this process every year or during big changes to stay true to yourself.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

• Choosing “should” values: Don’t pick values because society, family, or culture expects them. Choose what feels authentic to you.

• Being too vague: If a value like “happiness” feels too broad, dig deeper. What kind of happiness? Joy through creativity? Peace through balance?

• Ignoring trade-offs: Living by your values can mean tough choices, like leaving a comfortable but unfulfilling job. Be ready to prioritize what matters most.

Final Thoughts

Determining your core values is a personal journey, but it’s one of the most rewarding steps you can take toward a meaningful life. By reflecting on your experiences, narrowing down what truly matters, and aligning your choices with those truths, you’ll build a foundation for authenticity and purpose.

Remember, take your time with this process. The key is to start, trust yourself, and let your inner compass guide you.

What’s one value you think might be at your core? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Consider supporting my efforts with a donation!

Hey everyone, I’m passionate about sharing insights on life and leadership through my blog. If you’ve found value in my posts and wish to see more content like this, please consider making a donation. Every little bit helps in continuing to provide quality guidance and inspiration.

But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

Thanks for your support!

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I once had the opportunity to hear Steve Jobs speak. He was talking about focus and said, “When fishermen cannot go out to sea, they repair their nets.” He also said, “In simple terms, even when you can’t do your main thing, always do something that relates to your main thing.”

I thought, and still think, that it is amazing advice. But through the years I’ve discovered one major problem with that. The problem is most people, and I do mean most, have almost no conscious idea what their main thing is.

That means, of course, that they have no way of knowing if what they are doing at any given time relates to their main thing. It’s that lack of focus on their main thing that prevents them from reaching their full potential and living their best life possible.

So how can someone determine their main thing? Well, it requires knowing the purpose or priority that drives you. Discovering that purpose most often involves a good bit of self-reflection and focused attention to your natural inclinations. Here are some things to pay attention to as you seek your own “main thing.”

Alignment with Core Values: Your “main thing” usually aligns closely with your deepest values. If you value creativity, your main thing might involve artistic expression. For those who value service, it could be about helping others.

What Energizes You: When you’re doing your main thing, you tend to feel a unique kind of energy or flow, even if the work is hard. It might feel like time flies by or that you’re at your most effective.

Recurring Interest or Skill: Sometimes, a consistent theme in your interests, talents, or natural skills is a clue. If you find yourself drawn to similar projects, activities, or areas of study over and over, that could be pointing you toward your main thing.

What You Prioritize: Even if life demands a lot from you, notice what you naturally protect in your schedule. If there’s something you prioritize despite being busy or tired, it likely matters deeply.

Internal Reward: Your main thing tends to feel rewarding internally rather than because of external validation or rewards. You may not need a lot of external encouragement to keep at it.

Feedback from Others: Sometimes, those close to you can see patterns that you don’t. They may recognize your main thing in ways you haven’t yet, especially if they see how it impacts you or how often it comes up in your life.

Long-Term Fulfillment: If you think about the future, does it feel satisfying to picture yourself doing this for a long time? Your main thing typically offers fulfillment over the years rather than moments.

People who focus on their main thing are more successful. That’s good, but what’s even better is that they are happier, more confident, more fulfilled, and less stressed out.

But there can be no focus on the main thing until you know the main thing. Put some effort into determining your main thing, and it will pay great dividends. Not only for you but for the people in your life.

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Consider supporting my efforts with a donation!
I put a significant amount of time and effort into writing a couple of blog posts each week. My primary goal is simple, to help other people. That doesn’t mean a little financial support isn’t appreciated. If you’ve benefited from my efforts and think my posts are valuable, I’d certainly appreciate whatever support you might be able to offer.
But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Why Being Indifferent Can Make a Positive Difference for You

Steve Keating Leave a comment

When we think of someone who is indifferent we tend to think of a disengaged person. Someone who doesn’t care, who is uncommitted and dispassionate. None of that sounds good. But there is a time for indifference in our lives and successful, happy people know when to use it.

They’ve mastered the discipline of being indifferent to the things, circumstances, and situations in life that make no difference. They burn no time or energy on “stuff” that doesn’t matter.

Indifference to unimportant things involves cultivating a mindset. It lets you focus on what matters and let go of unnecessary concerns. Here are some strategies to help you achieve this.

Identify What Matters

• Set Priorities: Determine what is most important to you in terms of your core values, goals, and relationships. If you have no core or can’t readily identify your core values, then it will be hard for you to know what matters. So begin by setting goals based on your core values.

• Assess Impact: Evaluate the impact of various things on your life. If something has minimal or no impact, it’s easier to be indifferent to it. Be honest here, I mean really, how much difference does it actually make if the donut shop starts putting 3 less sprinkles on their donuts.

Mindfulness and Awareness

• Practice Mindfulness: Being present in the moment helps you recognize when you’re getting caught up in things that don’t matter. Check yourself for a moment and ask “Will I even care about this in 30 days?” Your answer may help you let go of the “junk” that isn’t all that important.

• Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your thoughts and actions to ensure they align with your priorities. The key word there is regularly.

Develop Emotional Resilience

• Emotional Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions. Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or cognitive-behavioral strategies can help. The reality is that most of us are bombarded daily with less than intelligent ideas and suggestions. If you give all the silliness in the world the opportunity, it will eventually wear you down to the point where you can no longer focus on the important things.

• Detachment: Practice emotional detachment by not allowing external events to overly influence your emotional state. Go ahead and run the risk of having people say you just don’t care. The reality is that’s just fine because in many circumstances, you just shouldn’t care.

Simplify Your Life

• Declutter: Reduce physical and mental clutter by eliminating unnecessary possessions and distractions. I’m an American. While I hope for nothing less than an absolute full recovery for the wonderful Princess Kate, whether or not she ever returns to all her royal duties doesn’t matter one bit to me. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it won’t have much impact on any American. So wish her well, pray for her and her family and move the heck along. Whatever is going on with the Royal Family is simply “mental clutter” to Americans.

• Simplify Decisions: Create routines and systems to minimize decision fatigue and focus on what’s essential. The smaller, less impactful a decision is on your life, the faster you should make it. Don’t allow needed decisions to pile up. Make them quickly and efficiently. It saves “brain space” for the decisions that really matter.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset

• Embrace Change: Understand that not everything is within your control and be open to adapting to new circumstances. Quit trying to control the things you can’t so that you have the stamina, mental and physical, to control the things you can.

• Learn from Experiences: Use experiences, whether positive or negative, as opportunities for growth rather than sources of stress.

Positive Focus

• Gratitude Practice: Regularly practice gratitude to shift your focus towards positive aspects of your life. I’ve said this before but the discipline of using the first 30 seconds of your day to focus on what you’re grateful for is life-changing.

• Positive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who support and uplift you. Eliminate the nattering nabobs of negativism from your life, and you’ll be well on your way to focusing on what really matters.

When you integrate these practices into your life, you can develop a mindset that prioritizes what truly matters. They will help you remain indifferent to things that don’t make a significant difference. You’ll be more productive, happier, and much closer to living your very best life.

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Consider buying my next Diet Coke(s)
Yes, I know it’s not the healthiest beverage but I kind of sort of live on the stuff… and the stuff is getting as expensive as gold. 😋
I’d appreciate any support but seriously, support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Living According to Your Core Values

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Many people struggle with setting meaningful goals for their life. Many of those same people find it difficult to make decisions, especially big, life altering decisions. A good number of those same people have relationship issues throughout their lives. They can’t quite seem to find their “match.”

All of those challenges have one underlying cause. That cause is Core Values.

Just to be clear, it is not a lack of Core Values. It is a lack of understanding exactly what their Core Values are. I believe everyone has Core Values, those values that are life defining. Values that are worth fighting for. Even values that are worth dying for.

But through the years I’ve come to realize that most people, perhaps even the vast majority of people, have invested scant time thinking and reflecting on what their Core Values actually are. Those Core Values are buried deep within them but not so deep that they don’t impact their thinking. Their ever present Core Values inform their thinking but they do so subconsciously.

When people know and understand their Core Values they bring them to the surface. Once surfaced their Core Values help them make better and bigger decisions. They inform them as to what goals truly matter long term. Their Core Values help them find and keep a person who will be their partner for the rest of their lives.

Core Values are a very big deal. They are an even bigger deal once you’ve determined your Core Values and decide to consciously live your life accordingly.

Determining your Core Values involves reflecting on what matters most to you in life. Start by considering experiences, beliefs, and principles that have consistently guided your decisions and actions. Ask yourself probing questions about what brings you fulfillment, what you stand for, and what you couldn’t live without. Write down a list of potential values, then narrow it down to the ones that resonate with you the most deeply. Your Core Values should reflect your authentic self and serve as a compass for making choices aligned with your true priorities.

Core Values vary from person to person, but some common examples include:

1. Integrity: Being honest, trustworthy, and acting with moral principles.

2. Respect: Treating others with dignity, empathy, and understanding.

3. Responsibility: Taking ownership of one’s actions and obligations.

4. Excellence: Striving for the highest quality and continuous improvement.

5. Compassion: Showing kindness, empathy, and care towards others.

6. Courage: Facing challenges with bravery and perseverance.

7. Equality: Believing in fairness and justice for all individuals.

8. Gratitude: Appreciating the blessings and expressing thankfulness.

9. Authenticity: Being true to oneself and living with transparency.

10. Collaboration: Working together and valuing teamwork and cooperation.

These are just a few examples, and individuals may prioritize different values based on their personal experiences, beliefs, and aspirations.

Actually living according to your Core Values involves aligning your actions, decisions, and behaviors with the principles that matter most to you. Here’s how you can do it.

Identify your core values. Reflect on what truly matters to you and define your core values. Write them down to have a clear understanding of what they are.

Integrate values into decision-making. When faced with choices or dilemmas, consider how each option aligns with your core values. Choose the path that resonates with your principles, even if it’s challenging.

Set goals aligned with your values. Define short-term and long-term goals that reflect your core values. This ensures that your actions are directed towards what you find meaningful and fulfilling.

Practice self-awareness. Regularly evaluate your thoughts, feelings, and actions to ensure they are consistent with your values. Adjust your behavior if you notice any discrepancies.

Communicate your values. Be open about your core values with others, including friends, family, and colleagues. This helps create authentic connections and fosters mutual understanding.

Stay true to yourself. Resist the temptation to compromise your values for external approval or short-term gains. Stand firm in your beliefs, even in the face of adversity.

Learn and grow. Continuously seek opportunities for personal growth and self-improvement that are in line with your core values. Embrace challenges as opportunities to strengthen your commitment to what matters most to you.

By consciously integrating your Core Values into your daily life, you can lead a more authentic, purposeful, and fulfilling existence. You will make better decisions, choose better friends, and set meaningful goals that motivate you to achieve your full potential. In short, you’ll live your very best life and you’ll know exactly how, and why you’re doing it.

One-Time
Monthly
Yearly

Consider buying my next Diet Coke(s)
Yes, I know it’s not the healthiest beverage but I kind of sort of live on the stuff… and the stuff is getting as expensive as gold. 😋
I’d appreciate any support but seriously, support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains.

Make a monthly donation

Make a yearly donation

Choose an amount

$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00
$5.00
$15.00
$100.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

Your contribution is appreciated.

DonateDonate monthlyDonate yearly

Do You Have Standards?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

The legendary Zig Ziglar said that “Success is a personal standard.” He explained that personal standards are like a personal constitution which are based on life principles and core values. 

 

Those personal standard become, or should become, the basis for making daily decisions. 

 

Do have have  personal standards? Can you articulate them when asked? Do you review them periodically to be certain you’re living up to them? Are you using them to guide yourself to the life you want and deserve?

 

If you answered “no” to some or all of those questions then here is one more…how the heck do you make decisions and choices that benefit you and those around you? 

 

Here are a few examples of what personal standards look like from Richard Templers’ best seller “Rules of Work.” 

 

  • I will not knowingly hurt or hinder another human being in the pursuit of my career.
  • I will not knowingly break any laws in the furtherance of my goals.
  • I will have a moral code that I will follow no matter what.
  • I will endeavor to provide a positive contribution to society by what I do for a living.
  • I will always try to give something back.
  • I will pass on freely and openly any skills, knowledge, or experience to anyone who could use them to benefit themselves.
  • I will not be jealous of anyone else’s success in the same industry.
  • I will question the long-term ramifications of what I do constantly.
  • I will play by the rules at all times.
  • I will carefully think things through before agreeing to do them.

Those are just examples. They are not the standards you need to live by but I think a lot of them would be pretty good standards for most anyone. But here is the deal….your standards are just that, YOURS. 

 

YOU have to decide what you will do and what you won’t do. Social norms will play a part. Laws will play a part. But most people know right from wrong without needing society or a judge to tell them. 

 

The bigger question is do you live by your standards? It’s a lot easier to say what your standards are than it is to live by them. But if you can’t even say them then you certainly can’t live by them.


Determining your personal standards takes some real effort and a substantial investment of time. It takes some serious self-reflection. But you’ll discover lifelong value in making that effort. Once you start using those standards to make decisions in your life then people around you will notice that value too.


You Only Might be Wrong

Steve Keating 5 Comments

I love the story about the guy who gets a phone call from his wife while he’s driving himself home from work. His wife tells him to be extra careful because there are reports of someone driving on the wrong side of the road on his route home. 

 

He thanks her for the call but then says it’s not just one person driving the wrong way, it’s everyone but him.

 

I guess you could say he was a little over confident in his driving abilities. 

 

If you’re in a room with 100 people and 99 of them believe something different than you then you must come to grips with the reality that you could possibly be wrong. 

 

Possibly.

 

Okay, so it is very likely but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt depending on how you came to the conclusion that everyone else was wrong. 

 

If your conclusion is based on something you’ve “heard” or heaven forbid, something you’ve read on the internet or seen on TV then you need better facts to base your conclusions on. 

 

But if, if your conclusion is based upon your core values then I’m with you 100%. 

 

If your core values are based on doing what’s right, for yourself and all other people, then stand firm. If your core values are based on honesty, equality and doing what’s right then don’t be moved one inch. Not even by 99 other people. 

 

Authentic Leaders know that doing what’s right and doing what’s fair are often two different things. They do what’s right!

 

Authentic Leaders don’t assume they are right because of some title or position they hold. They don’t say wrong is right to be popular or to get someone’s vote.

 

Authentic Leaders know that wrong is wrong no matter how many people believe it or do it.


Whether you’re a leader or someone who wants to lead one day never succumb to pressure from others to sacrifice your core values. In fact if you do, I’d say they weren’t truly core values in the first place. 

Who Will You be Tomorrow?

Steve Keating 2 Comments

You are changing. You change everyday. The events you’re involved in today change you. The people you associate with today change who you are tomorrow, big time. 

 

You are always in the process of becoming the person you will eventually be. The question is are you becoming that person intentionally or are you just letting that person develop by default? 

 

I guess the experts call what I’m writing about “Living Intentionally.” Since I’m not an expect I’ll just say that you’re a whole lot better off if you’re the one deciding the direction your life takes. 

 

Deciding the direction of your life does not happen by accident. It comes from making choices and decisions that get you closer to being the person you want to be. Step one is of course determining exactly who it is that you want to be. 

 

That sounds easy until you’re asked about your core values. Most people can’t state their core values off the top of their head. Core values are the fundamental beliefs of a person. Core values dictate behavior. They can help you understand the difference between right and wrong. If you’re unaware of your own core values then you kind of jump about from one popular way of thinking and acting to the next one that comes along. 


Some examples of core values include:

 

  • A belief, or lack thereof, in God or an affiliation with a particular religion
  • A belief in being a good steward of resources, both natural and man-made
  • A belief that family is of fundamental importance
  • A belief that honesty is always the best policy and that trust has to be earned
  • A belief in maintaining a healthy work/life balance

Most people pick up these values from their parents or someone else close to them. They might get buried beneath the surface, sometimes deep beneath the surface, but if they are really core values they never completely go away. 

 

The problem is to remain in control of your life you need to keep your core values close at hand. Not in the back of your mind but in the front on your mind where they are readily available to help you with your decision making. 

 

Before every decision you make there is a moment. In that moment, you have the opportunity to pause and think about whether the decision or action you’re about to take is aligned with your core values. A two second pause can be the difference between living in alignment with those values or bouncing from impulse to impulse.

 

Each day is as important as the next in creating the life that you want and deserve. While each day is just a day years later you’ll find that progress was made one small day at a time. One day you’ll realize that how you spent your days is how you spent you life.


To become the person you imagined yourself to be you’ll need to define your life before circumstances do it for you. Knowing your core values takes some serious effort and soul searching but the return on that effort is living your life your way. That’s something that far too few people have the chance to experience. But you can, if you’re willing to make it so!