Tag Understanding

Hating Isn’t Good For Anyone

Steve Keating 4 Comments

I have more followers than most people on the social media platform now known as X. I use it to post leadership content, motivation, and sales tips. On Saturdays, I post weird little “Fun Facts.”

Sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, I’ll even post a comment about a current event in the news. That was the case a few days ago when the current occupant of the White House announced he would no longer be seeking reelection.

I simply wondered in a post if anyone had yet told the President that he wasn’t still running for reelection. Seemed like kind of a fun little light-hearted question to me. But of course I was wrong about that. It was neither fun nor light-hearted to many of the people who follow me.

Now, I’m 100% okay with people expressing different opinions from mine. I understand that there are a whole lot of people who, because of varying life experiences, think differently than I do. I appreciate their opinions and their willingness to share them.

What I struggle with is the level of hate that comes with some of their opinions. The personal attacks on me do not strengthen their viewpoint in any way. Many of them literally hate anyone who disagrees with them and are willing to express it. People who follow me on X expressed a level of hate for me personally that I was shocking. It was suggested that I eat… well that I eat stuff that humans don’t normally eat. I was advised to do things that are, as far as I know, anatomically impossible.

It was one short sentence, and the hate just came pouring out.

By the way, I don’t think that has anything to do with which political party they might be a part of. I’ve occasionally taken a fun little jab at former President Trump and received similar results.

The level of hate in the world today makes it virtually impossible to make progress… on anything.

By the way again, this isn’t only a problem in the United States; this is a problem pretty much everywhere.

Until “we the people” learn how to return to a time when civil discourse is again possible, there will be no reason for the people we elect to do so either.

Abraham Lincoln once famously said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” He knew that much of the dislike we have for people comes from simply not understanding them. Their “crazy” viewpoints are a product of their life experiences. If we understand their life experiences, their viewpoints won’t seem so crazy after all.

But that understanding takes effort and unfortunately, today, it seems like it’s just easier to hate than to understand. But hate robs the hater of so many of life’s pleasures. It destroys attitudes, it negatively impacts relationships, even with those we love. Nothing, nothing, nothing good comes from hating, and we all know that. Yet we hate.

So maybe you and I can work together to do something about that. We’ll likely never eliminate hate, even from our own lives, but perhaps we can dial it down a bit. Here are a handful of ideas to help manage and reduce feelings of hate.

1. Self-Awareness

• Identify Triggers: Recognize what specifically triggers your feelings of hate. Understanding the root cause can help you address it more effectively.

• Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques to become aware of your emotions as they arise. This can help you respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

2. Cognitive Techniques

• Challenge Negative Thoughts: Analyze and question the validity of your negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions? Reframe them in a more positive or neutral light.

• Perspective-Taking: Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Understanding their motivations and struggles can reduce feelings of animosity.

3. Emotional Control

• Breathing Exercises: Deep breathing can help calm your mind and body, reducing intense emotions.

• Physical Activity: Exercise can be an effective way to release built-up tension and stress.

4. Communication

• Express Yourself: Find healthy ways to express your feelings, whether through talking to a trusted friend or writing in a journal.

• Constructive Dialogue: Engage in open and respectful conversations with those you have conflicts with. Aim to understand and resolve differences rather than to win arguments.

5. Empathy and Compassion

• Practice Empathy: Actively try to understand and share the feelings of others. This can build a sense of connection and reduce feelings of hatred.

• Acts of Kindness: Engaging in acts of kindness towards others can shift your focus from negative emotions to positive actions.

6. Self-Care

• Healthy Lifestyle: Ensure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking care of your physical health. A healthy body can support a healthy mind.

• Relaxation Techniques: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as meditation or hobbies you enjoy.

7. Forgiveness

• Forgive: Forgiving others doesn’t mean condoning their actions, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of carrying negative emotions.

8. Boundaries

• Set Boundaries: Protect yourself from situations or people that continuously provoke feelings of hate. It’s okay, and in fact, necessary to distance yourself from toxic environments.

9. Education and Awareness

• Educate Yourself: Learning about the underlying causes of hate and prejudice, such as cultural, social, or psychological factors, can increase your understanding and reduce your own biases. And by the way, if you’re like me, some of your biases may be subconscious. So consider that possibility as well.

I don’t want anyone to feel as if they can’t fully express themselves. I’m just hoping we can get a few more people to understand that insulting people with different opinions doesn’t make their arguments stronger. It doesn’t help them feel better about themselves; it might in the moment, but in your quiet moments, tearing someone else down catches up to you.

These ideas can help you gain better control over your feelings of hate. They will help you cultivate a more positive and compassionate outlook on life. You may even be able to persuade people to your way of thinking. You may even discover a new way of thinking for yourself.

Or, you may agree to disagree. But you’ll be doing it in a way where no one loses their self-respect. Now wouldn’t that be something!

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See More Success

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Some people see more in a walk around the block than others see in a trip around the world. That first group of people also tend to be far more successful than the second group. 

 

The more you see the more you”ll know and the more you know the more you’ll understand. Understanding allows you to change the things you can and accept the things you can’t. 

 

The more you see the more you’ll see things that less successful people will never notice. You’ll see things from angles that most people didn’t even know existed. You’re perspective will change, sometimes frequently.

 

Seeing things from different perspectives brings them to life. It creates the curiosity needed to understand them. 

 

But here’s the thing about “seeing” more, it has very little to do with your eyes. Seeing more starts from your heart. It comes from being genuinely interested in other people and other things, even when those people are very different than you. Even when you initially believed those “things” would never be of interest to you. 

 

If you only associate with people who have similar beliefs as you, people who look like you, people who dress like you, then you will likely fall into the trap of thinking you’re always right. You could even believe you know enough that you don’t need to know anything more. 

 

You would be wrong on both counts. 

 

When you make the decision to consciously choose to “see” with your eyes, your ears, your heart, your brain, your experience and your compassion then you’ll begin to see many things differently and many more things for the very first time. 

 

You might notice people who you’ve “seen” many times but now you’ll actually see them. 

 

The more things you see, the more places you see, and the more people you see, the more success you’ll see as well. It takes a bit of practice and a lot of focus but once once you fully develop your “eyesight” it’ll be almost like you have x-ray vision. 


There will be no limit to what you can learn and that will almost certainly lead to greater success.


You Have No Right to Judge

Steve Keating 11 Comments

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No matter where we are in life, no matter our station in life, no matter where we live or where we were born, you and I have this much in common: We have no right to judge anyone else.

There’s a story, which I’m told is a true story, about a man who gets on a subway early one morning in New York City with three kids. There’s no mom in sight and dad appears as though he couldn’t care less what the kids were up to.

As the dad sits on the subway, the kids basically terrorize the other passengers. They run up and down the aisle, knocking people’s newspapers from their hands and spilling their coffee in all directions. All this as the dad sits there staring into space.

After a short time one of the passengers has had enough, and finally shouts at the dad. He yells that the dad should get his kids under control, and asks what’s wrong with him. (If I had been on the subway I might not have been that shouting passenger but I sure wouldn’t have had a problem with what they was saying)

The dad awakens from his stupor and begins to apologize profusely. He tells the passenger that he and his kids are just on their way home from the hospital, where the kids mother and his wife passed away earlier that morning.

Wow!

So, what do you think of the dad now? How many of you were just like me? How many of you judged the man, to be a poor father or an irresponsible father? I did! I’ll bet if you’re honest about it, many of you did too.

Here’s the worst part, I’ve heard or told that story dozens of times, and I still judge. Even though I know how the story ends, I still judge. I say well maybe that father has an excuse but that doesn’t excuse everyone else that takes their kids to a public place and just turns them loose. Don’t you just hate that when people let their kids interrupt your day and disrupt what you’re doing?

I judge with little or no evidence on which to evaluate the person, I judge by applying my beliefs and values to the person I’m judging. My built in bias says if they don’t share those beliefs then there is something “off” about them. I’ll bet there are a ton of people reading this post that are just like me.

It’s taken me many years and it’s still a BIG work in progress but here’s what I know for sure. When I judge someone I almost always get it wrong. When I seek to understand someone, I almost always get it right. Here’s something else that’s almost always true; when I understand, there is no longer a need to judge.

This week let’s first seek to understand. Let’s talk and think in terms of the other person’s interest. Let’s value their differences, let’s see what we might learn from them.

You just might be surprised at how “un” different people are when you really get to know them.

So no judging, let’s leave that to the people in the robes!