Tag Stress Management

Surviving the Toxic Throne

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the sad realities of working for a living is that not all bosses are a joy to work for. Some are downright miserable. It almost feels like some of these terrible bosses hate the world and are determined to make the people who work for them hate it too.

They are truly bosses from hell.

A job should be a place where your skills are valued, your efforts are recognized, and your professional growth is nurtured. But if you’re working for a boss from hell, it’s most definitely not that kind of place. Because rather than supporting you, your boss is an emotional drain, a professional bully, or simply a jerk who makes every workday a chore.

Working for a cruel and uncaring boss is one of the most stressful professional situations you can face. It erodes your confidence, impacts your mental health, and can even compromise your physical well-being. If you find yourself reporting to a “toxic throne,” you need a strategic plan to protect your sanity, your career, and your future.

Here’s a plan that might work for you.

Step 1: Establish an Emotional Barrier

The first, and perhaps most crucial, step is to stop taking it personally. Cruel and uncaring behavior in a boss is rarely about you as an individual; it is a reflection of their own insecurities, poor management skills, or personal issues.

View Them as a Problem to Be Managed: Shift your perspective. Instead of viewing your boss as a mentor or leader, treat them like a difficult variable in a professional equation. Your goal is not to gain their approval or affection, but to deliver the required output while minimizing contact and emotional injury.

The Gray Rock Method: This is a technique where you become as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible when dealing with a difficult person. Your responses should be brief, factual, and emotionally flat. Do not share personal details, do not react to their barbs, and do not offer them any “supply” for their drama.

Step 2: Document, Document, Document

In a high-stakes, toxic environment, documentation is your greatest defense. When an uncaring boss’s actions or words could have a negative impact on your performance review, promotion, or even employment, you need a meticulous record.

Keep a Log: Maintain a private, detailed log (outside of company servers, such as a secure cloud document or physical notebook). Record dates, times, and specific details of incidents. Use direct quotes if possible. Note any witnesses.

Example: “Nov 15, 2:30 PM: Boss publicly criticized the budget report as ‘third-rate and amateurish’ in the team meeting, despite the numbers being correct. Witnesses: Sarah K. and Tom V.”

Insist on Email: When receiving assignments or performance feedback, try to get it in writing. This prevents them from later denying instructions or shifting goalposts. If they give a verbal instruction, follow up with an email: “Just confirming the instruction we discussed: you want me to prioritize Project X and delay Project Y until Friday. Please let me know if I misunderstood.”

Step 3: Master the Transactional Relationship

Cruel bosses often thrive on making others feel inadequate or stressed. Your goal is to become impeccably professional and strictly transactional.

Focus on Measurable Results: Concentrate 100% on delivering on your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and job duties. An uncaring boss has a harder time criticizing quantifiable success. Make sure your output is pristine.

Create Distance: Where possible, communicate in ways that are less personal, such as email or collaborative documents, rather than face-to-face meetings. If you must meet, keep the conversation focused only on work tasks. If they deviate into personal or unprofessional territory, gently steer the conversation back: “I appreciate that, but regarding the Q4 report…”

Step 4: Seek Support and Plan Your Exit

You cannot sustain a toxic work environment indefinitely. While you are implementing the survival strategies above, you must also be actively planning your exit and seeking the necessary support.

Rely on Your Network: Talk to trusted colleagues (outside of the office, if necessary), friends, and family. External perspective is vital to remind you that the problem lies with your boss, not with you. Consider speaking with an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) counselor if your company offers one.

Explore Internal Options (With Caution): If your boss is truly crossing the line (harassment, ethical violations, discrimination), you may need to go to HR or a higher-level manager. Proceed with extreme caution. HR’s primary goal is to protect the company, and reporting a high-ranking toxic boss can sometimes backfire. Only take this route if your documentation is solid and you are prepared for the potential fallout.

The Grand Escape: Ultimately, the best way to deal with a cruel and uncaring boss is to leave them behind. While documenting and protecting yourself, dedicate energy to updating your resume, networking, and applying for new roles. A toxic environment is a catalyst—it’s a clear sign that you deserve a better place to use your talent. Make your survival strategy a waiting game until you can close that final chapter and move to a healthier professional environment.

Bad bosses suck. That doesn’t mean your life has to suck because of them. Stay strong, stay focused, stay yourself. By establishing boundaries, meticulous documentation, and a clear exit strategy, you can minimize the damage and emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient, ready for a respectful and supportive workplace.

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Finding Balance: How to Maintain a Healthy Work–Life Rhythm

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I am always unimpressed by leaders who, in an effort to impress me, tell me they are the hardest-working person in their organization. They say they often work 18-20 hours a day.

I must have a strange or skeptical look on my face when they are telling me that, because they immediately try to justify why working nonstop is a good thing.

It is not a good thing.

It’s darn expensive. It costs a fortune in lost personal relationships. Especially with people who should matter more than anything in your life. It adds stress and potential health problems to your life. Even if you love your job, working nonstop robs you of the boundless joy of a well-balanced life.

But despite the challenges of an “always on” lifestyle, many people tell me that they have no choice. And in today’s highly competitive workplaces, maintaining a healthy work–life balance can truly feel nearly impossible. Between emails that never stop, constant notifications, and the pressure to stay productive, it’s easy to let work spill into every corner of your life. Yet true success—and happiness—comes not just from what we accomplish, but from how we live along the way.

Why Work–Life Balance Matters

Work–life balance isn’t about splitting your time evenly between your job and your personal life. It’s about creating a rhythm that allows you to perform well at work without sacrificing your well-being, relationships, or sense of purpose. When that balance tips too far, burnout, stress, and even health problems can follow. When it’s in sync, productivity, creativity, and overall satisfaction thrive.

Set Clear Boundaries

Start by setting realistic boundaries between work and personal time. This might mean:

Logging off at a set time each evening.

Turning off email notifications after hours.

Avoiding work-related tasks during the weekends.

These small acts send a powerful message—to yourself and others—that your personal time matters. This is often easier said than done, I get that, but almost everything worth doing is easier said than done. Even if you can only maintain your boundaries once in a while, you’ll be better off than if you have no boundaries at all.

Prioritize What Truly Matters

We often fill our days with “urgent” tasks that aren’t actually important. Instead, focus on what creates the most value. Tools like the Eisenhower Matrix (dividing tasks into urgent/important categories) can help you stay focused and avoid busy work. Remember: saying “no” to something unimportant is really saying “yes” to what matters most.

Schedule Rest and Recreation

You wouldn’t run a car without refueling, yet many of us push ourselves without a break. Schedule time for activities that recharge you—exercise, reading, hobbies, or simply doing nothing. Even short breaks throughout your day can reset your mind and improve focus. For instance, DO NOT eat lunch at your desk. Even a 15-minute lunch break, with no work interruptions, recharges you. Research shows that short breaks can make you 25% more productive later in the day.

Nurture Your Relationships

Strong relationships are one of the best buffers against stress. Make time for the people who lift you up—family, friends, and colleagues. Share a meal, take a walk, or just check in. These moments aren’t distractions from work; they’re the fuel that helps you bring your best self to it.

Redefine “Success”

Finally, remember that success isn’t just about climbing the career ladder or hitting financial goals. It’s about living a life you don’t need a vacation from—one filled with purpose, connection, and peace. The healthiest professionals are those who work hard, rest deeply, and stay grounded in what truly matters.

Final Thoughts
Work–life balance isn’t a static destination—it’s a continual adjustment. Some days, work will take center stage; other days, life outside the office will need your full attention. The key is awareness. By setting boundaries, prioritizing what matters, and protecting your well-being, you can create a life that is both productive and fulfilling.

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The Power of Perspective: How to Keep Life’s Challenges in Check

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Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that everything seems to set us off. A tough critique at work, a spat with a friend, a never-ending to-do list—suddenly, the world can feel like it’s crashing down. But the truth is, most of what stresses us out are just small pieces of a much larger, more complex puzzle.

Learning how to keep things in perspective isn’t about ignoring problems; it’s about developing a mindset that prevents minor setbacks from hijacking your overall well-being.

I’m a big believer in living in what Dale Carnegie called, “Day-Tight Compartments.” Living each day in its own 24 hours. That means not allowing yesterday’s “stuff” to impact today’s efforts. It means not over-worrying about tomorrow’s events at the cost of today’s happiness and productivity.

Living in Day-Tight Compartments is the superpower that lets you navigate storms without sinking your entire ship.

Here are a few practical strategies you can use to zoom out and regain your footing when life feels too big and your Day-Tight Compartment starts to get a little leaky.

1. The 10/10/10 Rule

When you’re facing a stressful decision or a major upset, try asking yourself these three simple questions:

How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? (Immediate impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 months? (Mid-term impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 years? (Long-term impact)

Most of the things that cause immediate distress—that awkward email, a spilled coffee, a missed deadline—will have zero emotional weight in 10 months or 10 years. This exercise instantly shifts your focus from the current drama to the long-term reality, often shrinking the problem down to its true, manageable size.

2. The “Worst-Case Scenario” Check

Our minds are masters of catastrophizing. When we feel anxious, we often jump straight to the most dramatic, scary outcomes without checking the facts.

Next time you feel a worry spiraling, take a moment to define the absolute worst-case scenario. Write it down. Then, ask yourself two more questions:

How likely is this truly to happen? (Be honest, not fearful.)

If it did happen, what is the absolute minimum I could do to recover?

By confronting the “worst” and creating a fallback plan, you strip away its power. You realize that even if the worst happens, you would be okay, and you have the resourcefulness to handle it. You move from panic to planning. This will take a ton of weight off your shoulders.

3. Embrace the “Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence”

This concept, popularized by Stephen Covey, is critical for reducing stress over things you cannot control.

Circle of Concern: Everything you worry about—the economy, the weather, what others think of you, a coworker’s bad mood.

Circle of Influence: The things you can actually do something about—your effort, your attitude, your boundaries, and how you spend your time.

When stress hits, identify what part of the problem falls into your Circle of Influence. Don’t waste energy fretting over the weather (Concern); focus on bringing an umbrella (Influence). By dedicating your time and energy only to what you can control, you become more effective and less burdened.

4. Practice Gratitude Daily

It sounds almost silly, but a consistent gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools for perspective. When you focus on what you lack or what went wrong, you narrow your vision. Gratitude forces you to widen it.

Take three minutes every morning or evening to list three specific things you are genuinely grateful for. It could be your morning coffee, a good night’s sleep, or the support of a friend.

This simple act reminds you that even on a bad day, your life is filled with existing good things—and the minor setback you’re currently facing doesn’t invalidate any of them. It puts your troubles into a richer, fuller context, which tends to shrink them.

A Final Thought: You Are More Than Your Problems

Remember that you are not your immediate circumstances. Hope is the understanding that our current circumstances are very unlikely to be our permanent circumstances. A bad day is a single data point, not a complete picture of your life. That means we always have hope. When you feel trapped by a current challenge, step back, breathe, and use one of these tools to zoom out.

The ability to keep things in perspective isn’t a trait you’re born with; it’s a skill you build, day by day, worry by worry. Start practicing today, and watch how much smaller and easier to manage your challenges become.

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Lowering Stress in Turbulent Times

Steve Keating Leave a comment

The exit polls from last year’s presidential election in the United States showed a large majority of people voting for change. And not just change, substantial, radical change. People were beyond tired of the status quo and wanted something different, and they wanted it immediately.

I am not sure that in the emotionally charged environment of the last election, they thought through that “immediate” part. Immediate change almost invites chaos. And chaos, across much of the government, is exactly what we have. The amount of change from day to day is staggering.

While I certainly agree with many of the changes, I’m thinking they didn’t all need to happen overnight. I also understand the theory behind the “ripping off the bandaid” philosophy. I suppose either way the substantial changes were going to bring chaos. So it was a “deal with it all now” and get it over with or have a drip, drip, drip of chaos over a long period of time. It’s a kind of “pick your poison” decision.

But either way, whether you support Team Trump or not, we are all living in some of the most turbulent times in many years.

And with turbulence comes stress. The good news is that you can lower your stress level by making some simple changes in your daily routine. Lowering stress levels during turbulent times requires a combination of mindset shifts, practical strategies, and self-care habits. Here are some key ways to manage stress effectively.

1. Control What You Can, Let Go of What You Can’t

Focus on what is within your power—your actions, attitude, and response to challenges.

Accept uncertainty instead of resisting it; adaptability reduces stress. This is really hard, one of those “easier said than done” things. Try anyway; hard to do does not mean impossible to do.

2. Set Boundaries with News and Social Media

Limit exposure to negative news that heightens anxiety.

Consume information intentionally rather than reactively.

3. Maintain Healthy Routines

Prioritize sleep, exercise, and a balanced diet.

Keep a daily schedule to create structure and stability. Maintaining control over your calendar has a surprisingly calming, stress-reducing effect on your life.

4. Stay Connected to Supportive People

Talk to friends, family, or mentors who uplift you. You definitely want to avoid nattering nabobs of negativism if at all possible.

Social connections act as a buffer against stress. The more time you spend alone, the more likely you are to create stress by focusing on the negative stuff in life.

5. Use Physical Movement to Reset Your Mind

Walk, stretch, or engage in activities like yoga to release tension. I even know people who run, like A LOT. They say it’s good for them, but I’m thinking they just haven’t figured out the Uber app.

Physical movement helps regulate emotions; this is well known and proven. When you feel the stress building up, get moving.

6. Reframe Challenges as Opportunities

Ask: “What can I learn from this?” rather than “Why is this happening to me?” Avoid the victim mentality. I can assure you, the world is really NOT out to get you, no matter how rough it is treating you at the moment.

Shifting perspective creates resilience.

7. Practice Gratitude

Focus on what’s good in your life, even amidst difficulty. It takes a bit of effort, especially on particularly tough days, but there is ALWAYS something good happening to you.

Writing down a few things you’re grateful for can shift your mindset. I especially recommend doing this very early in the morning.

8. Take Breaks and Breathe

Step away from work or stressful situations to clear your mind. Do NOT eat lunch at your desk; get away from work, even if it’s only for 15 minutes.

Use breathing techniques like the 4-7-8 method to calm your nervous system.

9. Seek Guidance if Needed

Coaches and mentors can provide valuable tools and perspectives. Find one that you trust and who cares about you, and they can change your life.

There’s no shame in seeking help when stress becomes overwhelming. Everyone—and I mean EVERYONE,—can use a little help now and then.

We’re living in disruptive times; no one likes uncertainty, and most of us are at least somewhat prone to worry. But most of us have also survived and even prospered in times like this in the past. So we know we can do it.

Keep your head about you; failing to do so could mean losing your head, and that might mean losing your a—. And nobody wants that to happen.

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How to Worry Less

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Worrying is worthless! So don’t worry. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were that simple?

Controlling worry and the stress that accompanies it is anything but easy. If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re human. That means you worry, at least sometimes.

The more you can control worry in your life, the better your life will be. As hard as it is, it is possible to reduce the amount of worry we allow into our lives. First, you must understand that you are not powerless over worry. You can make a conscious decision to limit its impact on your life.

To worry less, you’ll likely have to change your mindset and develop some new habits. The kind of habits that help you manage stress and anxiety more effectively. Here are some strategies you can use to accomplish that and live a less stressful life as a result.

1. Focus on What You Can Control

• Identify what you can and cannot control: Worry often comes from focusing on things beyond your control. Shift your energy toward what you can actually change or influence.

• Let go of what you can’t control: Accepting uncertainty helps reduce stress and keeps your attention on practical actions.

2. Take Action

• Problem-solve: Instead of dwelling on problems, take action where possible. Break tasks into smaller steps and address one issue at a time.

• Create a plan: Having a plan can make worries seem less overwhelming. Write down possible solutions and steps you can take to mitigate your concerns.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts

• Recognize distorted thinking: Worry often stems from irrational thoughts. Notice patterns like catastrophizing (assuming the worst will happen) or all-or-nothing thinking (seeing things as only good or bad).

• Reframe negative thoughts: Replace exaggerated worries with balanced, realistic thinking. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “What’s the worst that could happen, and how likely is that?”

4. Set Time Limits for Worry

• Create a “worry time”: Set aside a specific time each day to worry. When anxious thoughts arise outside that time, remind yourself to deal with them later.

• Limit the duration: Give yourself 10-15 minutes to focus on your concerns. Once the time is up, move on to something productive.

5. Develop Healthy Habits

• Exercise: Physical activity is a great stress reliever. Regular exercise helps to lower anxiety and boost your mood.

• Get enough sleep: Lack of sleep increases worry and stress. Prioritize good sleep practices by establishing a bedtime routine and creating a restful environment.

6. Limit Overthinking

• Distract yourself with positive activities: Try hobbies, spend time with loved ones, or focus on meaningful tasks. These will shift your mind away from negative thoughts.

• Practice gratitude: Regularly reflect on what you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus away from worry and help you see the good in your life.

7. Seek Support

• Talk to someone: Sharing your worries with a trusted friend or family member can offer perspective and reduce your burden.

• Join support groups: Connecting with others can provide comfort and useful coping strategies.

There will always be some worry in your life. But by practicing these techniques, you can train yourself to worry less and handle stress more effectively. This will take some effort, but consider all of life’s joys that worry steals from you.

You can recapture all of that and protect it in the future by deciding that YOU will control the worry you allow into your life, not other people or random circumstances.

The only question is… will you make that choice?

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How to Be More Patient

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I was going to title this post how to be more patient when dealing with lazy, slow minded, uncaring people who hate their job and want you to hate dealing with them too. But the title seemed a little long. I still might have used that title but I wasn’t sure anyone would have the patience to read the whole thing.

We live in an incredibly fast changing world. I’m not sure everyone agrees that all those changes are helpful. Dealing with ChatBots, PhoneBots or people who are robotic in how they “help” us requires tremendous patience. We see signs in restaurants asking us not to yell at the poor souls who actually showed up for work. That would seem to indicate that many customers don’t have the patience required to wait an hour or two for dinner.

It seems our patience in constantly being tested. And it feels like we’re failing the test way too often. But being more patient is a valuable skill. One that can contribute to better relationships, reduced stress, and improved decision-making. So here some strategies to help you cultivate patience in your life.

• Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness involves staying present and fully engaging with the current moment. By focusing on the present rather than worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, you can reduce feelings of impatience.

• Set Realistic Expectations: Unrealistic expectations often lead to impatience. Assess situations realistically and set achievable goals. Understand that not everything can happen instantly or according to your desired timeline.

• Understand the Importance of Patience: Reflect on the benefits of patience. Consider how impatience may negatively impact your well-being or relationships. Understanding the importance of patience can motivate you to develop this skill.

• Take a Deep Breath: When faced with a challenging situation, take a moment to breathe deeply. Deep breathing can help calm your nervous system and give you the space to think more clearly before reacting impulsively.

• Practice Empathy: Put yourself in the shoes of others. Understanding different perspectives and appreciating the challenges others may be facing can increase your tolerance and patience.

• Develop a Positive Outlook: Cultivate a positive mindset. Instead of focusing on what’s going wrong or what you lack, look for the positive aspects of a situation. This shift in perspective can make waiting more bearable.

• Distract Yourself: Engage in activities that distract you from the source of your impatience. This could be reading a book, listening to music, or doing something enjoyable to pass the time.

• Learn from Waiting: Use waiting periods as an opportunity for personal growth. Whether it’s waiting in line or for a response, consider it a chance to practice patience and self-control.

• Practice Delayed Gratification: Train yourself to wait for rewards. Delayed gratification involves resisting the temptation for immediate rewards in favor of larger, more meaningful outcomes.

• Communicate Effectively: If you’re feeling impatient in a situation, communicate your feelings calmly and assertively. Expressing your emotions can help prevent frustration from building up.

• Set Goals and Break Them Down: Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. This can make the overall process seem less overwhelming and help you appreciate progress along the way.

• Reflect and Learn: After a challenging situation, reflect on how you handled it. Identify what triggered impatience and consider alternative ways to respond in the future. Learning from experiences can contribute to personal growth.

Developing patience is a gradual process, and it’s okay to encounter setbacks along the way. Always remember that your “emergency” isn’t necessary the other person’s emergency too. Be kind to yourself as you work on cultivating this valuable skill. You’ll be glad you did.

Negative Stress Has No Benefits

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Everyone experiences stress in their lives from time to time. Some of that stress is forced upon them and some of it they create themselves. But no matter where it originates from it is likely not good for them.

I say likely because some stress is actually positive, although it may not feel like it at the time. Some stress pushes you out of your comfort zone and drives you to take action. You would accomplish much less if there were absolutely no stress in your life. 

But the fact is that much of the stress in people’s lives is negative stress. The kind that has zero benefit. The negative stress that is piled on people by bosses, uncontrollable circumstances and the like is the toughest to deal with. But if you can think about the stress in your life with a clear head you may discover that much of the uncontrollable stress in actually controllable. 

When you continuously allow people into your life who do nothing but add stress to it then that’s on you. That’s something you can control. You only have to decide that you will.

Many times people manufacture their own stress. There are a few ways people do that. 

One is they become mind readers. Here’s a typical example. You’re in a big meeting and you see your boss leave the room with his boss. Now there’s only one thing they could be talking about out in that hallway…it must be you. You wonder what you did. You wonder if there’s any chance it’s a conversation about something you’ve done right. But you quickly decide it is not. And presto, just like that you start stressing. The amazing thing is that there are likely other people in the room stressing like you. Stop reading minds because it is highly unlikely you’re any good at it. You’re only manufacturing stress that does you no good.

The second way to manufacture stress out of thin air is to mistake feelings for facts. People, like me for instance, often mistake their feelings for reality. If you want to see how that works just watch a Hallmark movie. At some point, usually with about 20 minutes left there will be a huge misunderstanding and someone’s feelings will be hurt. The person assumes what they feel is based on facts but low and behold, with mere seconds left in the movie it’s all straightened out and two people live happily ever after. 

The problem is life isn’t a Hallmark movie. The misunderstanding often doesn’t get straightened out and the stress we manufacture has huge consequences, sometimes those consequences last a very long time. If you’re not CERTAIN about the FACTS of a situation ask for clarification. Even if you run the risk of looking stupid it’s better than being stupid by creating unnecessary stress in your life. 

And then there’s this…people turn molehills into mountains. That do that by catastrophizing. They turn every little problem into a catastrophe. Every mistake is the end of the world. Every problem becomes an insurmountable obstacle. They are doomed. This kind of manufactured stress increases day by day until the person is paralyzed into inactivity. All this because of what is essentially an over active imagination. 

You can eliminate much of the stress in your life by understanding it’s origins. A whole bunch of it likely is self-created. When you feel that happening the best thing you can do is disconnect from the situation, even if only for a few minutes. Talk a walk, call a friend. Ask for help. Or do what I do, eat some ice cream. You’ll find that to be particularly effective. 

There will be circumstances outside of your control that add stress to your life. Don’t add to it by creating more of your own. 

On a different subject… Everyone can use a “nudge” towards success. I’m trying something new on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day, people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than the million or so people who regularly follow me on Twitter. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

My goal with SuperFollowers is to build a better connection, one where I can help more and have a greater impact. I’m hoping it gives me a chance to mentor to a wider audience. It’s still new, we’ll see how it works. It’s a $5 dollar investment that may be the extra “push” you need to get to where you want to be. I’d be honored to be able to help get you there. 

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, and if you are, be sure to let me know how I’m doing and how I can be of even more help.