Tag Self Respect

Dealing with Being Taken for Granted: Reclaiming Your Value

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s a really crappy feeling we all know at one time or another: the realization that your efforts, kindness, or presence are being treated as the default rather than appreciated as the gift they are. Being taken for granted can be exhausting, frustrating, and deeply hurtful, whether it’s by a partner, family member, friend, or even a colleague or boss. For me personally, being taken for granted by anyone just pisses me off.

The good news? YOU have the power to change this dynamic. It starts with recognizing your worth and taking active steps to shift the balance. Here’s a practical guide on how to reclaim your value and put an end to being taken for granted.

Recognize the Signs and Acknowledge the Hurt

Before you can change the situation, you need to fully acknowledge it. Being taken for granted often looks like this:

Zero or minimal thanks: Your contributions are expected, not appreciated.

A lack of reciprocity: You’re always the one giving, reaching out, or initiating plans.

Only being called upon for favors: You feel like a resource, not a person.

Disregard for your time or needs: Your boundaries are consistently ignored.

Action Step: Don’t minimize your feelings. Tell yourself, “My feelings are valid, and I deserve respect and appreciation.” This mental shift is the foundation for everything else.

Communicate, Don’t Accuse

Many people who take others for granted aren’t doing it out of malice—they’ve simply fallen into a comfortable, unconscious routine. A calm, non-accusatory conversation can be a powerful first step.

Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel, not on what they did wrong.

Instead of: “You never thank me for anything.”

Try: “I’ve been feeling unappreciated lately when I do X, Y, and Z. It would mean a lot to me if you could occasionally acknowledge my efforts.”

Be specific: Give clear examples of what makes you feel unappreciated and what specific changes you want to see.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries

Boundaries are the bedrock of respect. If you don’t clearly define where your responsibilities end and your personal time begins, people will naturally fill that void.

Say “No” (and mean it): You don’t have to agree to every request, favor, or social invitation. Start small. Decline a minor request without over-explaining.

Don’t over-function: If you find yourself consistently picking up the slack for others (e.g., always doing the chores, planning every event, managing a colleague’s mistakes), stop. Allow them the space to step up and own their responsibilities.

Guard your time: If you are used to being available 24/7, start setting limits. For example, “I can help with that project, but only until 5 PM today,” or “I’m busy this weekend, but I’m free to chat on Tuesday.”

Create Space and Shift the Focus

When you’re consistently available and putting others’ needs first, you create a dynamic where your efforts are expected. Stepping back is the most immediate way to disrupt this pattern.

Reduce your efforts: Do less for the person or people who are taking you for granted. Let the chore go undone, don’t initiate the weekend plan, or wait for them to contact you first.

Focus on yourself: Redirect the energy you spend on others back into your own life. Invest in a hobby, spend time with people who do appreciate you, or simply enjoy some quality solitude. When your life is full and vibrant outside of that relationship, you are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly within it.

Be Prepared for Pushback

When you change the rules of a relationship, the other party often resists. They may become confused, annoyed, or even try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Stay strong and stick to your boundaries. Remember: Your discomfort is not a reason to abandon your self-respect. If someone truly values you, they will eventually adjust and respect the new dynamic. If they refuse and the situation worsens, you may need to reassess the long-term health and benefits of that relationship and adjust accordingly.

Final Thought: You are the Standard

You teach people how to treat you. By drawing a line and demanding to be valued, you are not being selfish; you are being self-respecting. The people who truly belong in your life will meet you at that level.

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How to Take Control of Your Life

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It’s easy to get stuck in the floaty trap. You know the one, the one that feels like you’re just floating along, letting life happen to you instead of making things happen yourself.

It can be a pretty comfortable feeling until it’s not. Eventually, we get frustrated with floating because, while it feels pretty good, we have little to no control over where we end up.

When we “float” we are subject to the whims of other people and circumstances that we’ve chosen to not control. Floating is a pretty common feeling, and it is easy to stay there way longer than you should. But floating does not have to be a permanent condition.

YOU can take control of your life!

Taking control of your life is about making a conscious decision to be the driver, not the passenger in your life’s journey. It’s about being intentional with your choices and actions, big and small.

Here’s how to start taking control of your life.

Define What “Control” Means to You

First, you need to understand what taking control looks like for you personally. It’s absolutely not the same for everyone. When you get married, for instance, you are willingly and lovingly giving up at least some control to your partner.

So for you, is control about your career? Your health? Your relationships? Your finances? It’s likely a combination of these things and maybe more, but identifying the key areas that feel out of whack is the first step. Grab a notebook, iPad, or whatever, and jot down the parts of your life that feel most chaotic or uncontrolled. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about clarity.

Set Intentional Goals

Once you’ve identified the areas you want to work on, it’s time to set some goals. These shouldn’t be vague wishes. A good goal is SMART:

• Specific: What exactly do you want to achieve?

• Measurable: How will you track your progress?

• Achievable: Is this goal realistic for you right now?

• Relevant: Does this goal align with your values and what you want for your life?

• Time-bound: When do you want to achieve this by?

For example, instead of “I want to get healthy,” try “I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week for the next month.”

Embrace Small Actions

The idea of “taking control” can feel overwhelming. The key is to start small. A big change is just a series of small, consistent actions. If your goal is to save more money, start by packing your lunch once a week instead of buying it. If you want to learn a new skill, commit to 15 minutes of practice a day. These small wins build momentum and confidence, proving to yourself that you are capable of making a change.

Practice Self-Awareness

One of the most powerful tools for taking control is self-awareness. It’s about understanding your habits, triggers, and emotions. Why do you procrastinate? What makes you feel stressed? What are you truly passionate about? The more you understand yourself, the better you can navigate your life’s challenges. Journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few minutes each day to reflect can help you develop this awareness.

Take Responsibility (Without Blame)

This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Taking control means taking responsibility for your choices, ALL your choices, and their outcomes. This is not about blaming yourself for past mistakes. Instead, it’s about acknowledging your role in your current situation. For example, if you’re not happy with your job, instead of blaming your boss or the company, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this situation?” Maybe it’s updating your resume, networking, or taking a course to learn new skills. This shift in perspective is incredibly empowering.

Taking control of your life isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous practice. It’s about being proactive, not reactive. By defining your goals, starting with small actions, practicing self-awareness, and taking responsibility, you can begin to steer your life in the direction you want to go.

Things still will not always go your way, but YOU have the power to change directions as many times as are required to put yourself exactly where you want to be. Now that’s control!

So, where will you start?

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Embracing You—A Guide to Self-Acceptance

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Life’s a rollercoaster, and we’re constantly being pushed to be better, do better, and achieve more. But let’s be real, accepting yourself as you are feels like a radical act. Just to be clear, self-acceptance isn’t about settling or giving up on growth—it’s about embracing your true self, flaws and all, and being just fine with who you are right now.

But that’s easier said than done, right? So, here’s a practical guide to helping you develop self-acceptance and live more fully as you.

1. Understand What Self-Acceptance Really Means

Self-acceptance is all about recognizing and embracing all parts of yourself—your strengths, weaknesses, quirks, and imperfections—without judgment. It’s not about ignoring areas for improvement or pretending you’re perfect. Instead, it’s about saying, “This is who I am today, and that’s enough for now anyway.”

Try this: Write down what self-acceptance means to you. Is it forgiving past mistakes? Embracing your body? Accepting your unique personality? Defining it helps you to focus.

2. Silence Your Negative Self-Talk

We all have that voice in our heads that points out every flaw or misstep. To accept yourself, you need to challenge this inner critic and replace its harsh words with softer ones.

• Notice the voice: When negative self-talk creeps in (e.g., “I’m not good enough”), pause and acknowledge it without letting it take over.

• Reframe the narrative: Instead of “I failed,” try “I tried, and I learned.” Reframing shifts your perspective from judgment to growth.

• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself as you would a good friend. If your friend made a mistake, would you berate them or offer support? Extend that kindness to yourself.

Try this: For one week, keep a journal of your inner critic’s comments. Next to each, write a compassionate counter-statement. Over time, this rewires your self-talk.

3. Immediately Stop the Comparison Crap

Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough because of what others are doing? Social media, society, and even your friends can make you feel like you’re falling behind. But guess what? Everyone’s journey is different, and someone else’s highlight reel doesn’t make you less worthy.

Here are some tips to help you feel better about yourself:

* Control what you allow in your head: If certain social media accounts or content make you feel bad about yourself, unfollow them or limit how much you see of them. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

* Focus on your path: Celebrate your own achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Your progress is your own journey, and it’s all about you.

Here’s a fun trick to try: When you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, try to focus on one thing you’re proud of about yourself. It could be something you accomplished recently or just how strong you are.

Now, let’s talk about embracing your imperfections. Perfection is an illusion, and chasing it can keep you from appreciating who you truly are. Your imperfections make you human, relatable, and unique.

Here are some ways to embrace your imperfections:

* Reframe flaws as strengths: Maybe your stubbornness is also determination. Your sensitivity might be a gift of empathy.

* Laugh at your quirks: Humor can help you feel less self-conscious. Love the way you snort when you laugh or how you always misplace your keys—it’s all part of what makes you who you are.

Here’s a fun exercise to try: Write a letter to one of your perceived “flaws.” Thank it for what it has taught you or how it has shaped you. This exercise can help you feel more grateful for your whole self. As weird as this sounds, it’s actually a pretty cool thing to do. Have some fun with it; you will likely be surprised by the outcome.

Lastly, let’s look at a few quick tips that you can use whenever you’re not exactly loving who you are. But know that these are not about changing who you are; these are about knowing what you need to do in order to thrive.

1. Let Go of the Past: Holding onto past mistakes or regrets can weigh you down and make self-acceptance feel tough. We know forgiving others is important for our mental health. But guess what? Forgiving yourself is a superpower that can help you move forward and feel more confident.

2. Surround Yourself with Supportive People: The people you spend time with can have a big impact on how you see yourself. Seek out relationships that uplift and validate you, and distance yourself from those who criticize or make you feel bad about yourself.

3. Celebrate Your Growth: Self-acceptance doesn’t mean you stop growing—it means you appreciate where you are and stay open to where you’re going. Reflect on how far you’ve come, and give yourself credit for all the hard work and effort you’ve put in.

Final Thoughts: YOU ARE ENOUGH

Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. You’ll have days when you feel totally at peace with yourself and others, but then doubt will creep in. That’s totally okay! Every step you take towards embracing who you are builds a solid foundation of confidence.

Start small, be patient, and remember: you don’t need to be anyone else to be worthy of love, respect, and happiness. You are enough; you are more than enough, way more than enough, just as you are.

So, what’s one way you’ll practice self-acceptance today? Share it in the comments below.

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Beware of the Takers

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I love giving people. Givers are those who freely give of themselves without expecting a thing in return. They simply love being helpful to others. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we had more pure givers in it. Unfortunately, we also have people who are predominantly takers.

Truth be told, there are people who both give and take. This post isn’t about them. This post is about people who take, take, and take some more. They use people. They get what they can from other people and then leave them in their dust. They ghost people with not a care in the world for any emotional damage they may have caused. They take advantage of anyone they can.

Being taken advantage of can feel frustrating and disempowering. Takers can make you feel insignificant, and they can rob you of your self-respect. The good news is that there are steps you can take to set boundaries and protect yourself from them.

Here are some ideas to help you make sure the takers of the world don’t take too much from you.

1. Recognize the Signs

Over-commitment: Constantly saying “yes” to favors, even when it’s inconvenient.

Unfair exchanges: Others benefiting more from your kindness or work than you do.

Feeling resentment: Regularly feeling drained, unappreciated, or obligated.

2. Build Self-Awareness

Understand your patterns: Reflect on why you allow people to take advantage of you. It might stem from a desire to be liked, fear of conflict, or people-pleasing habits.

Know your worth: Recognize that your time, effort, and feelings are valuable. When you value yourself, it becomes easier to say no.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Define limits: Decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you in terms of time, effort, and emotional energy.

Be firm and direct: When someone asks for too much, say “no” without guilt. You don’t need to explain yourself excessively; a simple, respectful refusal works.

Example: “I’m sorry, I can’t help with that right now.”

4. Practice Assertiveness

Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too many responsibilities” is a non-confrontational way to set boundaries.

Stick to your decisions: If you’ve said no, stand by it. Some people might push your limits, but consistency is key.

5. Stop Apologizing Excessively

Avoid guilt-tripping yourself: Don’t feel the need to over-apologize when you set boundaries. You have the right to prioritize your needs and time.

6. Know When to Distance Yourself

Reduce contact with chronic takers: If someone continues to disregard your boundaries or exploit your kindness, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them.

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Seek mutually respectful relationships: Focus on building relationships where there is a healthy balance of give and take. People who respect your boundaries will support you in your growth.

8. Learn to Delegate or Say “No”

Prioritize your commitments: Not everything requires your involvement. Delegate tasks when appropriate, or say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or well-being.

9. Develop Emotional Resilience

Recognize emotional manipulation: Stay alert for guilt trips, pressure tactics, or emotional blackmail. Recognizing these strategies helps you resist them.

Stay calm in conflict: Emotional resilience allows you to assert yourself without feeling overwhelmed by others’ reactions.

Don’t become a victim of a taker. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to. I realize sometimes it’s very hard to say no; sometimes it is very hard to stand up for yourself. Takers are very good at making it hard to say and do what’s necessary to protect yourself. But you can stop them. You may need to work on your self-respect, practice your assertiveness, and make conscious decisions about how you allow others to treat you.

But all of that is within your control IF YOU make the decision to control it. Take control of those areas of your life, and the takers of the world will take a whole lot less joy from your life.

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How to Deal with Cruel People

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I’ve been very blessed to seldom find myself in a situation where I have to interact with a truly cruel person. You know the type. Those people who actually take pleasure in causing pain and anguish in someone else’s life.

Whether it’s mental anguish, physical pain, or just wreaking havoc in someone’s life, they delight in seeing other people struggling. And if they are truly a cruel person they are pretty darn good at making life miserable for others.

But like it or not, there will likely be a time when we will have to interact with that type of individual. I think dealing with cruel people will always be challenging. That’s because, hopefully, we never get enough practice to get good at it.

But when we do come across a cruel person, here are some strategies that might help you deal with them a little more effectively.

1. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Don’t be afraid to enforce these boundaries. Limit contact or walk away from toxic, cruel people and the situations they create.

2. Stay Calm: Cruel people often try to provoke a reaction. By staying calm and composed, you maintain control of the situation and avoid giving them the satisfaction of seeing you upset.

3. Don’t Take It Personally: Often, cruelty stems from the other person’s issues rather than anything you’ve done. Remember that their behavior reflects their character, not yours.

4. Respond with Empathy: Sometimes, responding with kindness can disarm a cruel person. It may not change their behavior, but it can help you maintain your integrity and avoid escalating the situation.

5. Avoid Retaliation: Responding with cruelty can perpetuate a cycle of negativity. Instead, focus on constructive ways to address the situation or remove yourself from it.

6. Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about what you’re experiencing. Sometimes an outside perspective can help you navigate difficult situations more effectively.

7. Protect Your Well-being: Prioritize your mental and emotional health. If the cruelty is persistent and affecting you deeply, consider seeking professional help to cope.

8. Know When to Walk Away: Sometimes the best response is to remove yourself from the situation entirely. If someone is consistently cruel, it may be best to distance yourself and focus on healthier relationships.

There will certainly be people reading this who would take a different approach than any of these. Those are the “fight fire with fire” kinds of individuals. I know those kinds of people because at my core I’m one of them. I’d seriously just as soon nuke a cruel person into oblivion, but time and experience have taught me that’s a losing proposition.

Being the bigger, kinder, smarter person is a much better approach. So I take a breath and remind myself that when the fire department fights fires, they typically use water, not more fire.

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Are You Talking to Yourself?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Even if you don’t realize it you’re likely talking to yourself, all the time. The experts call that self-talk. Self-talk is your inner voice, the one in your head that says stuff you wouldn’t necessarily say out loud. 

 

Most people don’t even realize this running conversation with themselves is happening all day long. But it is a powerful conversation. It can shape your day and even your life. It has as much impact on how you feel about yourself as anything someone else says about you. 

 

The challenge is that there are two kinds of self-talk. Positive self-talk and negative self-talk. Positive self-talk is saying stuff like “I can do this.” “I am prepared to succeed.” “I can make the best of any situation I find myself in.” 

 

Negative self-talk talk is saying things like, “I’ll never be able to do this.” “I am an idiot.” “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” 

 

You get the idea. 

 

Here’s the thing, and this is big… negative self-talk just happens. For most people the cause of negative self-talk is self-doubt. Everyone has self-doubt but if you’re not consciously aware of it the result is negative self-talk. 

 

Positive self-talk only happens as a result of conscious effort. While negative self-talk can pop into your head with no prompting you must intentionally choose positive self-talk. And that’s not easy.

 

To consistently talk to yourself in a positive way you will need to be aware that you’re always having a conversation with yourself. You must also practice to be good at positive self-talk. Stopping a couple of times a day to reflect on what you’ve been saying to yourself is a good start. 

 

If it is not something that is making you feel better about yourself or your situation then look for evidence to determine if it’s true. If you find no proof then it’s likely self-doubt creeping into that conversation in your head. 

 

Shut that negative self-talk down. There is nothing good about it. It doesn’t help in any way. 

 

You may not be able to simply self-talk your way into success but lots of people have self-talked their way to failure. Don’t be one of those!

Are You Hot Stuff?

Steve Keating 4 Comments

If you’ve recently been promoted to a leadership position then congratulations. It likely came with an important sounding title and you might be tempted to think you’re pretty hot stuff as a result. 

 

You’re not. You’re not because no one is. Your skills in some areas may be better than someone else’s and you may as a result been able to acquire more “stuff.” But you have to know that doesn’t make you a more valuable human being. No title, no position, and no amount of money can do that. Every person you’ve ever met or ever will meet is worthy of the same level of respect as you, regardless of your or their level of accomplishments. 

 

The danger in thinking you’re hot stuff is that it artificially inflates your ego. Egos need to be fed and when a person’s ego gets too big they invariably steal another person’s ego food. A healthy well balanced ego is the mark of an Authentic Leader. They need no more than their own share of ego food so they have plenty left over to provide recognition and support to their people. 

 

One of the key responsibilities of a leader is to help their people know, without a doubt, that they matter. That they matter to the organization as both an employee and as a person. 

 

The effort required to do that must be intentional and consistent. Helping others understand their worth is not a chore for an Authentic Leader, it is a privilege. 

 

When you forget that, even for a short time, you put all other aspects of your leadership at risk. Large egos tend to make leaders pretty forgetful when it comes recognizing other people.

 

I can’t close this post without at least a short discussion on ego. Many people reading this will be perplexed by my comments about “feeding” egos. They are perplexed because like many people they have always been told that having an ego is a bad thing. Well that’s like saying sleeping is a bad thing. You have to sleep in order to recharge your batteries for the next day. 

 

You must also have an ego to motivate yourself. Having an ego is a normal as having a nose. Having an ego is not a problem unless it gets so big that you lose sight of the fact that everyone else has one too.


Think of it like this, self-respect comes from having an ego; lack of respect for others comes from having an ego that has grown too large. If your ego has gotten a little too large then put it on a diet by giving your ego food to someone who needs it more than you.