Tag Self-reflection

How to be Honest with Yourself…Honestly

Steve Keating 11 Comments

Oh no, what are you going to do now? You told yourself, and likely others, that you would do “it” next year. You said to yourself, “next year will be the year I take control of my future.” You told yourself that “next year will be different.”

Well now you, and anyone else you told, are about to find out if you were being honest with them…and yourself. You see that’s one of the biggest problems with lying to yourself, it causes you to lie to other people too. Even if you don’t intend to.

Self-improvement begins with you being 100% honest with yourself. No hedging, no compromises, no BS. Until you are completely honest with yourself you’re very unlikely to have the life that you want and deserve.

Being honest with yourself is a crucial aspect of personal growth and self-awareness. It involves acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, and actions without self-deception or rationalization. Here are some steps to help you be more honest with yourself.

Self-reflection

• Set aside time regularly to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

• Consider keeping a journal to document your experiences and insights. I’ve said this before but the journaling app on the iPhone is a great tool. It’s perfect for self-reflection.

Identify your values

• Understand your core values and principles. This will serve as a foundation for evaluating your actions and decisions. If you’re not sure what core values are then Google it. Don’t think for a minute that you don’t have core values because you certainly do. It just takes time to identify them and bring them to the top of your mind so you can live accordingly.

Acceptance

• Embrace all aspects of yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses. Avoid judgment and self-criticism.

• Accept that everyone makes mistakes, and view them as opportunities for learning and growth. No one has ever learned from a mistake they refuse to admit… don’t be a no one.

Challenge your beliefs

• Question your assumptions, beliefs, and preconceived notions. Are they based on evidence, or are they influenced by bias or wishful thinking? The most successful know better than to believe everything they think.

Seek feedback

• Ask for honest feedback from trusted friends, family members, or mentors. They may provide valuable perspectives you might not have considered.

Be accountable

• Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Avoid blaming external factors or other people for your circumstances. If you’re good at making excuses it will be highly likely that you’re not good at making anything else.

Set realistic goals

• Establish achievable and meaningful goals for yourself. Regularly assess your progress and adjust your goals as needed. It is okay to occasionally set a big stretch goal, just don’t do it so often that it prevents you from achieving more realistic goals.

Listen to your intuition

• Pay attention to your gut feelings and instincts. These can provide valuable insights into your true thoughts and emotions.

Admit when you’re wrong

• Be open to admitting mistakes and learning from them. This requires humility and a willingness to grow.

Learn from failures

• View failures as opportunities to learn and improve. Analyze what went wrong, and use that knowledge to make better choices in the future.

Practice self-compassion

• Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Understand that nobody is perfect, and self-improvement is a continuous journey.

Being honest with yourself is an ongoing process. It requires self-awareness and a commitment to personal growth. Regularly reassess your thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs to ensure alignment with your values and goals.

That creates an easy, constructive and completely honest conversation with yourself and that’s the beginning of honest conversations with everyone.

Time to Debrief

Steve Keating 1 Comment

When a United States Air Force Squadron undertakes a mission they invest time to plan the mission down to the smallest detail. They then execute the mission according to the plan. Upon their return to base they meet again to debrief. They discuss what worked, they discuss what didn’t and they discuss what they could do better next time. 

These are brutally honest meetings, rank and friendships are set aside. The goal is to learn from every mission. Every mission must be better and safer than the mission that came before it. 

Many of the pilots would tell you that other than hitting the target itself the most critical part of the entire operation is the debrief. All future success comes from those vital debrief meetings. 

As we approach the end of the 12 month period we call 2021 it’s time to think about debriefing the year. 

2021 was another unpredictable and challenging year. But if you’re reading this then it’s likely you’ll survive it to tackle 2022. It would be foolish for any of us to expect a return to the old normal so we need to learn as much as possible from the year that is coming to a close.

How you choose to reflect on 2021 is a personal choice but here are some of the things I’ll be considering. Keep in mind, the goal of my personal debrief is a better 2022.

The first thing I need to consider is who I choose to associate with. I alone can control the content I allow into my mind. The people I associate with put thoughts into my head. There is nothing I can humanly do to change that. But I can decide who I will and won’t associate with. So one of my biggest questions for my debrief is, “did I associate with enough positive people?” Are you allowing too many negative thoughts to creep into your head or are you focusing on the positive? 

You get to make the final decision on whether or not you’ll have a positive attitude but other people influence your decision. Make sure it’s the right people influencing your decision .

I always start with attitude because once you get your attitude right everything else, and I do mean everything, becomes much much easier. 

My other questions are what worked? What didn’t? What did I learn? What will I do stop doing in the coming year? What will I begin? How will I use what I’ve learned to be a better resource for my customers and colleagues? Most important, how will I use what I have learned in this still challenging year to be a better husband, parent, sibling or friend?

Once this year is passed whatever you’ve accomplished or failed to accomplish will be behind you. Guess that’s why it’s called the past. Because it’s in the past it’s far less important than what’s in front of you. 

Even if 2021 wasn’t all you hoped for you can use it to ensure a better 2022 and remember it’s YOUR future, only YOU get to define what better is for you. 

Reflect on that and then reflect on your year. 2022 is fast approaching and how you start the year is a great predictor of how you’ll finish it. 

Decisions Decisions

Steve Keating

If you’re a leader then you make many decisions during a year. Some are big and some not so big. But every decision changes something, assuming of course that the decision was acted on. 

I don’t often suggest taking long looks in the rear view mirror but every now and then it serves a purpose. This is the time of year for looking back. A little self-reflection can help you remember some of the lessons of the past year that you may have forgotten.

So while you’re in reflection mode ask yourself, “What decisions that I made in the last year would I like to take back?”

It’s probably not a lot of fun to rehash decisions that didn’t turn out as planned but it can be a valuable exercise. You’ll want to look at the information you used to make the decision. It’s worth noting where the information came from and if you were alone in the decision or if your team agreed with you.

You want to pay particular attention as to whether the actual decision was flawed or if the mistake was in the execution. By the way, the biggest mistake of all is making a decision and then not acting on it…just sayin’.

Reflections on past decisions should be a learning experience. It’s not an opportunity to assign blame to anyone, it’s an opportunity to learn and to avoid the same mistake in the future.

If you discover that there are too many decisions that you would make differently then you know you’ve really grown throughout the year. Your short time of self-reflection should give you the opportunity to use that growth to have an even more successful 2017. 

But remember, you have to first acknowledge a poor decision before you can possibly learn from it.

Think about that too!