Tag Self Esteem

Embracing Yourself: How to Be More Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Steve Keating Leave a comment

In a world bombarded with filtered images and unrealistic standards, feeling truly at ease with who you are can seem downright impossible. Being “comfortable in your own skin” means accepting yourself—flaws, strengths, quirks, and all—without constant self-judgment.

Embracing yourself is not about perfection; it’s about self-acceptance, which research links to better mental health, reduced stress, lower depression risk, and greater overall well-being.

Self-acceptance isn’t innate for most of us; it’s a skill we build over time.

The good news? There are practical, evidence-backed steps to get there. Here are some powerful ways to start your journey.

1. Practice Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a common barrier. Start by noticing it—then challenge it. Replace harsh thoughts with kinder ones, as you would for a friend. Positive affirmations in front of the mirror can literally rewire your mindset. Try daily affirmations like: “I am worthy just as I am” or “I deserve respect.”

The daily part is key here. You want to make this a habit, a daily habit. This I can assure you will be life-changing. Daily affirmations are like body armor against the negativity that is thrown your way all too often. Don’t leave home without your body armor!

2. Curate Your Environment and Influences

Surround yourself with positive people and media. Unfollow social media accounts that trigger comparison. One of the most destructive things you can do to yourself is compare yourself to others. If you must compare, then compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Compare the current version of yourself to your ideal version of yourself and then take steps to close whatever gaps there may be. Surround yourself with people who accept you as you are and will help you become the very best version of yourself that you can be.

3. Focus on Function Over Appearance

Appreciate your body for what it allows you to do—hug loved ones, explore the world, experience joy. Focus on who you are becoming rather than what you look like. Every day, take a few moments to appreciate the incredible miracle of you! That mindset helps you build a deep level of self-respect.

4. Laugh, Express Yourself, and Seek Support if Needed

Humor lightens the load—laugh at imperfections. Express your true self through style or hobbies. If past experiences or deep insecurities linger, you may want to consider therapy that can provide tools to help you be more accepting of yourself.

Here are two additional pieces of advice that have served me exceptionally well. First, remind yourself, frequently, that other people’s opinion of you are their probe, not yours. They have never walked in your shoes; they likely have no idea what your goals and challenges are. Few people really, really, know you. So don’t put much weight on what they say or think.

Second, never accept criticism from someone who you would not accept advice from. If their advice is meaningless to your life, then so is their criticism. Pay it zero attention. Do not allow it a moment of consideration.

Remember, fully accepting yourself is a practice, not a destination. Some days will be harder, but consistency compounds. By embracing self-acceptance, you’ll not only feel more comfortable in your skin but also live with greater freedom and joy.

What small step will you take today? Start with one affirmation, one mindful moment, or one kind thought. You deserve it; never forget that everlasting fact.

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Dealing with Being Taken for Granted: Reclaiming Your Value

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s a really crappy feeling we all know at one time or another: the realization that your efforts, kindness, or presence are being treated as the default rather than appreciated as the gift they are. Being taken for granted can be exhausting, frustrating, and deeply hurtful, whether it’s by a partner, family member, friend, or even a colleague or boss. For me personally, being taken for granted by anyone just pisses me off.

The good news? YOU have the power to change this dynamic. It starts with recognizing your worth and taking active steps to shift the balance. Here’s a practical guide on how to reclaim your value and put an end to being taken for granted.

Recognize the Signs and Acknowledge the Hurt

Before you can change the situation, you need to fully acknowledge it. Being taken for granted often looks like this:

Zero or minimal thanks: Your contributions are expected, not appreciated.

A lack of reciprocity: You’re always the one giving, reaching out, or initiating plans.

Only being called upon for favors: You feel like a resource, not a person.

Disregard for your time or needs: Your boundaries are consistently ignored.

Action Step: Don’t minimize your feelings. Tell yourself, “My feelings are valid, and I deserve respect and appreciation.” This mental shift is the foundation for everything else.

Communicate, Don’t Accuse

Many people who take others for granted aren’t doing it out of malice—they’ve simply fallen into a comfortable, unconscious routine. A calm, non-accusatory conversation can be a powerful first step.

Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel, not on what they did wrong.

Instead of: “You never thank me for anything.”

Try: “I’ve been feeling unappreciated lately when I do X, Y, and Z. It would mean a lot to me if you could occasionally acknowledge my efforts.”

Be specific: Give clear examples of what makes you feel unappreciated and what specific changes you want to see.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries

Boundaries are the bedrock of respect. If you don’t clearly define where your responsibilities end and your personal time begins, people will naturally fill that void.

Say “No” (and mean it): You don’t have to agree to every request, favor, or social invitation. Start small. Decline a minor request without over-explaining.

Don’t over-function: If you find yourself consistently picking up the slack for others (e.g., always doing the chores, planning every event, managing a colleague’s mistakes), stop. Allow them the space to step up and own their responsibilities.

Guard your time: If you are used to being available 24/7, start setting limits. For example, “I can help with that project, but only until 5 PM today,” or “I’m busy this weekend, but I’m free to chat on Tuesday.”

Create Space and Shift the Focus

When you’re consistently available and putting others’ needs first, you create a dynamic where your efforts are expected. Stepping back is the most immediate way to disrupt this pattern.

Reduce your efforts: Do less for the person or people who are taking you for granted. Let the chore go undone, don’t initiate the weekend plan, or wait for them to contact you first.

Focus on yourself: Redirect the energy you spend on others back into your own life. Invest in a hobby, spend time with people who do appreciate you, or simply enjoy some quality solitude. When your life is full and vibrant outside of that relationship, you are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly within it.

Be Prepared for Pushback

When you change the rules of a relationship, the other party often resists. They may become confused, annoyed, or even try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Stay strong and stick to your boundaries. Remember: Your discomfort is not a reason to abandon your self-respect. If someone truly values you, they will eventually adjust and respect the new dynamic. If they refuse and the situation worsens, you may need to reassess the long-term health and benefits of that relationship and adjust accordingly.

Final Thought: You are the Standard

You teach people how to treat you. By drawing a line and demanding to be valued, you are not being selfish; you are being self-respecting. The people who truly belong in your life will meet you at that level.

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Unleash Your Inner Power: Simple Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence 💪

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Many of the most successful people possess terrific self-confidence. They manage to demonstrate that self-confidence to themselves and others without crossing the line into arrogance.

Their self-confidence isn’t an inherited trait; it’s much like a muscle that they have developed and strengthened over time. If you’re going to strengthen your own self-confidence “muscle,” you’ll need to trust your own judgment, feel worthy, and have the courage to face challenges.

If you’re ready to ditch the self-doubt, here are some practical, actionable steps to start building the strong, steady confidence you deserve.

Know Yourself (and Your Victories) 🏆

The foundation of confidence is self-awareness.

Identify Your Strengths: Less successful people often focus on what they can’t do. The most successful people focus on what they can do. Take five minutes and genuinely list your talents, skills, and positive qualities. Are you a great listener? A problem solver? Creative? A reliable friend? Acknowledge these truths.

Keep a “Win” Journal: Start writing down everything you achieve, no matter how small. Finishing a tough project at work, running an extra mile, successfully cooking a new recipe, or handling a difficult conversation with grace—these are all wins. Reviewing this list is powerful evidence of your competence.

Tame the Inner Critic 🤫

That little voice telling you you’re not good enough is often based on irrational fears, not facts.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: When a negative thought pops up (“I’m going to fail”), don’t accept it. Ask yourself: “Is this 100% true? What is the evidence for and against this thought?” Usually, the evidence against it is overwhelming.

Reframe Your Language: Switch from defeatist talk to encouraging self-talk. Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is challenging, but I can definitely learn how to do it.”

Practice Small Acts of Bravery 👣

Confidence grows not from wishing, but from doing.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone: Don’t wait until you feel confident to act; act to create confidence. Start small. Speak up in a meeting, introduce yourself to a new person, or take on a task you’ve been avoiding. Each successful attempt widens your comfort zone.

Embrace Imperfection: Fear of failure paralyzes confidence. Understand that failure is just feedback—a critical part of learning and growth. Highly confident people don’t avoid mistakes; they learn from them and move on quickly.

Upgrade Your Appearance and Body Language 🧍

How you carry yourself deeply affects how you feel and how others perceive you.

Dress the Part: You don’t need a new wardrobe, but choose clothes that fit well and make you feel capable and prepared for the day. Feeling good about your appearance is an easy, immediate confidence boost.

Adopt Power Poses: Research shows that standing or sitting in an open, expansive posture (shoulders back, head up, taking up space) for just a couple of minutes can reduce stress and increase feelings of power. Stop slouching!

Make Eye Contact: This simple non-verbal cue communicates engagement, sincerity, and self-assurance.

Prioritize Self-Care and Health 🍎

Your physical and mental well-being are inextricably linked to your confidence.

Move Your Body: Regular exercise improves your mood and energy. Feeling physically strong translates directly into feeling mentally strong.

Sleep Well: Chronic tiredness erodes focus and resilience, making you more vulnerable to self-doubt. Prioritize getting enough restful sleep.

Learn a New Skill: Competence breeds confidence. Taking a course, learning a new language, or mastering a kitchen skill gives you tangible proof that you can learn and achieve.

Developing rock-solid self-confidence isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a continuous journey of self-improvement and self-acceptance. Start with one of these steps today, be patient with yourself, and soon you will feel your self-confidence begin to grow. You’ve got this! ✨

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How to Take Control of Your Life

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s easy to get stuck in the floaty trap. You know the one, the one that feels like you’re just floating along, letting life happen to you instead of making things happen yourself.

It can be a pretty comfortable feeling until it’s not. Eventually, we get frustrated with floating because, while it feels pretty good, we have little to no control over where we end up.

When we “float” we are subject to the whims of other people and circumstances that we’ve chosen to not control. Floating is a pretty common feeling, and it is easy to stay there way longer than you should. But floating does not have to be a permanent condition.

YOU can take control of your life!

Taking control of your life is about making a conscious decision to be the driver, not the passenger in your life’s journey. It’s about being intentional with your choices and actions, big and small.

Here’s how to start taking control of your life.

Define What “Control” Means to You

First, you need to understand what taking control looks like for you personally. It’s absolutely not the same for everyone. When you get married, for instance, you are willingly and lovingly giving up at least some control to your partner.

So for you, is control about your career? Your health? Your relationships? Your finances? It’s likely a combination of these things and maybe more, but identifying the key areas that feel out of whack is the first step. Grab a notebook, iPad, or whatever, and jot down the parts of your life that feel most chaotic or uncontrolled. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about clarity.

Set Intentional Goals

Once you’ve identified the areas you want to work on, it’s time to set some goals. These shouldn’t be vague wishes. A good goal is SMART:

• Specific: What exactly do you want to achieve?

• Measurable: How will you track your progress?

• Achievable: Is this goal realistic for you right now?

• Relevant: Does this goal align with your values and what you want for your life?

• Time-bound: When do you want to achieve this by?

For example, instead of “I want to get healthy,” try “I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week for the next month.”

Embrace Small Actions

The idea of “taking control” can feel overwhelming. The key is to start small. A big change is just a series of small, consistent actions. If your goal is to save more money, start by packing your lunch once a week instead of buying it. If you want to learn a new skill, commit to 15 minutes of practice a day. These small wins build momentum and confidence, proving to yourself that you are capable of making a change.

Practice Self-Awareness

One of the most powerful tools for taking control is self-awareness. It’s about understanding your habits, triggers, and emotions. Why do you procrastinate? What makes you feel stressed? What are you truly passionate about? The more you understand yourself, the better you can navigate your life’s challenges. Journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few minutes each day to reflect can help you develop this awareness.

Take Responsibility (Without Blame)

This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Taking control means taking responsibility for your choices, ALL your choices, and their outcomes. This is not about blaming yourself for past mistakes. Instead, it’s about acknowledging your role in your current situation. For example, if you’re not happy with your job, instead of blaming your boss or the company, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this situation?” Maybe it’s updating your resume, networking, or taking a course to learn new skills. This shift in perspective is incredibly empowering.

Taking control of your life isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous practice. It’s about being proactive, not reactive. By defining your goals, starting with small actions, practicing self-awareness, and taking responsibility, you can begin to steer your life in the direction you want to go.

Things still will not always go your way, but YOU have the power to change directions as many times as are required to put yourself exactly where you want to be. Now that’s control!

So, where will you start?

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How to Maintain Your Self Esteem

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the greatest First Ladies the United States has ever had, Eleanor Roosevelt, said that “no one can make us feel inferior without our consent.” Sadly, at one time or another it seems we’ve all given our consent.

But the most successful people don’t give it for long. They pick themselves up, look in the mirror and see someone (themselves) with the potential to accomplish anything they want. They believe in themselves, even if no one else does. Especially when no one else does.

Odds are that many of you would tell me that believing in yourself is easier said than done. I’d respond by reminding you that almost everything worth doing is easier said than done and yet, successful people do it anyway.

Maintaining self-esteem is crucial for overall well-being and a positive mindset. It is also vital for your success. If you find yourself sometimes fighting the battle of low self-esteem here are some strategies you might find useful for winning the war.

Practice Self-Compassion:

• Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in difficult times.

• Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s a part of being human.

Positive Self-Talk:

• Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations.

• Focus on your strengths and achievements rather than dwelling on perceived failures.

Set Realistic Goals:

• Break larger goals into smaller, achievable tasks.

• Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, to build a sense of achievement.

Learn from Setbacks:

• View mistakes and failures as opportunities to learn and grow.

• Analyze the situation objectively and identify what you can do differently in the future.

Surround Yourself with Positivity:

• Build a supportive network of friends and family who uplift and encourage you.

• Limit exposure to negative influences and environments.

Take Care of Yourself Physically:

• Exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and maintain a balanced diet.

• Physical well-being can positively impact your mental and emotional state.

Develop and Maintain Boundaries:

• Learn to say no when necessary to avoid overcommitting and feeling overwhelmed.

• Establish and communicate your personal boundaries with others.

Focus on Personal Values:

• Identify and prioritize your core values.

• Align your actions and decisions with these values to foster a sense of authenticity and self-worth.

Learn and Grow:

• Embrace opportunities for personal and professional development.

• Continuous learning and improvement can boost confidence and self-esteem.

Practice Gratitude:

• Regularly reflect on and appreciate the positive aspects of your life.

• Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus toward the good things.

Engage in Activities You Enjoy:

• Pursue hobbies and activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment.

• Doing things you love can enhance your overall sense of well-being.

Remember that building and maintaining self-esteem is an ongoing process. It requires consistent effort and self-reflection. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the progress you make along the way. Above all, when you begin to doubt your ability remember just how incredible you actually are. Remember all you’ve already accomplished. Remember you’re loved. Remember you’re special. Remember that you matter and remember you make a difference in the lives of those around. Never doubt a single one of those absolute facts!

Are You Talking to Yourself?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Even if you don’t realize it you’re likely talking to yourself, all the time. The experts call that self-talk. Self-talk is your inner voice, the one in your head that says stuff you wouldn’t necessarily say out loud. 

 

Most people don’t even realize this running conversation with themselves is happening all day long. But it is a powerful conversation. It can shape your day and even your life. It has as much impact on how you feel about yourself as anything someone else says about you. 

 

The challenge is that there are two kinds of self-talk. Positive self-talk and negative self-talk. Positive self-talk is saying stuff like “I can do this.” “I am prepared to succeed.” “I can make the best of any situation I find myself in.” 

 

Negative self-talk talk is saying things like, “I’ll never be able to do this.” “I am an idiot.” “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” 

 

You get the idea. 

 

Here’s the thing, and this is big… negative self-talk just happens. For most people the cause of negative self-talk is self-doubt. Everyone has self-doubt but if you’re not consciously aware of it the result is negative self-talk. 

 

Positive self-talk only happens as a result of conscious effort. While negative self-talk can pop into your head with no prompting you must intentionally choose positive self-talk. And that’s not easy.

 

To consistently talk to yourself in a positive way you will need to be aware that you’re always having a conversation with yourself. You must also practice to be good at positive self-talk. Stopping a couple of times a day to reflect on what you’ve been saying to yourself is a good start. 

 

If it is not something that is making you feel better about yourself or your situation then look for evidence to determine if it’s true. If you find no proof then it’s likely self-doubt creeping into that conversation in your head. 

 

Shut that negative self-talk down. There is nothing good about it. It doesn’t help in any way. 

 

You may not be able to simply self-talk your way into success but lots of people have self-talked their way to failure. Don’t be one of those!

Where Self-Respect Comes From

Steve Keating 1 Comment

The first thing to know about self-respect is that is doesn’t come from other people…hence the word “self.”

 

Respect is vital to any relationship and that includes the relationship you have with yourself. 

 

Self-respect can be hard to define but it’s really about being the kind of person you are not afraid to show to the world around you. It’s about being the kind of person you, and the people you care about, can be proud of. 

 

Self-respect comes from having a sense of dignity. It comes from maintaining your honor when you’re making life choices and every day decisions about how to live your life. 

 

Self-respect comes from caring more about yourself. To be clear, it is not about caring less for others, it is about caring for yourself too. If you’re not caring for and about yourself eventually you won’t be able to care for others no matter how much you want to. 

 

Self-respect comes from not needing anyone to treat you a certain way. Self-respect comes from appreciating the respect of others but not needing it to validate how you live your life. 

 

Self-respect is vital if you hope to have a positive self-image. Having that positive self-image will influence every other part of your life. Your career, your relationships with other people and most importantly, your own happiness. 

 

Self-respect will give you the courage to walk away from unhealthy relationships and situations. It gives you the courage to speak up for yourself and command the respect of others. 

 

No one, and I mean absolutely no one, can rob you of your self-respect unless you are their accomplice in the crime. Sometimes it requires a major battle to keep from being an unwilling accomplice. You should know it’s a battle worth fighting and it’s a battle you can win. And never, never, never be their willing accomplice. You are way too special for that, you matter way, way too much for that. Do not simply give your self-respect away. 


Self-respect is the cornerstone of a well lived life. Build your foundation of self-respect so strong that no one and nothing can bring you down. Once you’ve done that you can do anything!