Tag Self Esteem

Are You Talking to Yourself?

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Even if you don’t realize it you’re likely talking to yourself, all the time. The experts call that self-talk. Self-talk is your inner voice, the one in your head that says stuff you wouldn’t necessarily say out loud. 

 

Most people don’t even realize this running conversation with themselves is happening all day long. But it is a powerful conversation. It can shape your day and even your life. It has as much impact on how you feel about yourself as anything someone else says about you. 

 

The challenge is that there are two kinds of self-talk. Positive self-talk and negative self-talk. Positive self-talk is saying stuff like “I can do this.” “I am prepared to succeed.” “I can make the best of any situation I find myself in.” 

 

Negative self-talk talk is saying things like, “I’ll never be able to do this.” “I am an idiot.” “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.” 

 

You get the idea. 

 

Here’s the thing, and this is big… negative self-talk just happens. For most people the cause of negative self-talk is self-doubt. Everyone has self-doubt but if you’re not consciously aware of it the result is negative self-talk. 

 

Positive self-talk only happens as a result of conscious effort. While negative self-talk can pop into your head with no prompting you must intentionally choose positive self-talk. And that’s not easy.

 

To consistently talk to yourself in a positive way you will need to be aware that you’re always having a conversation with yourself. You must also practice to be good at positive self-talk. Stopping a couple of times a day to reflect on what you’ve been saying to yourself is a good start. 

 

If it is not something that is making you feel better about yourself or your situation then look for evidence to determine if it’s true. If you find no proof then it’s likely self-doubt creeping into that conversation in your head. 

 

Shut that negative self-talk down. There is nothing good about it. It doesn’t help in any way. 

 

You may not be able to simply self-talk your way into success but lots of people have self-talked their way to failure. Don’t be one of those!

Where Self-Respect Comes From

Steve Keating 1 Comment

The first thing to know about self-respect is that is doesn’t come from other people…hence the word “self.”

 

Respect is vital to any relationship and that includes the relationship you have with yourself. 

 

Self-respect can be hard to define but it’s really about being the kind of person you are not afraid to show to the world around you. It’s about being the kind of person you, and the people you care about, can be proud of. 

 

Self-respect comes from having a sense of dignity. It comes from maintaining your honor when you’re making life choices and every day decisions about how to live your life. 

 

Self-respect comes from caring more about yourself. To be clear, it is not about caring less for others, it is about caring for yourself too. If you’re not caring for and about yourself eventually you won’t be able to care for others no matter how much you want to. 

 

Self-respect comes from not needing anyone to treat you a certain way. Self-respect comes from appreciating the respect of others but not needing it to validate how you live your life. 

 

Self-respect is vital if you hope to have a positive self-image. Having that positive self-image will influence every other part of your life. Your career, your relationships with other people and most importantly, your own happiness. 

 

Self-respect will give you the courage to walk away from unhealthy relationships and situations. It gives you the courage to speak up for yourself and command the respect of others. 

 

No one, and I mean absolutely no one, can rob you of your self-respect unless you are their accomplice in the crime. Sometimes it requires a major battle to keep from being an unwilling accomplice. You should know it’s a battle worth fighting and it’s a battle you can win. And never, never, never be their willing accomplice. You are way too special for that, you matter way, way too much for that. Do not simply give your self-respect away. 


Self-respect is the cornerstone of a well lived life. Build your foundation of self-respect so strong that no one and nothing can bring you down. Once you’ve done that you can do anything! 


Everyone Wants to Feel Worthwhile

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Everyone wants to feel worthwhile. There is little doubt about that fact. Everyone knows that. I suppose there is someone who might be surprised by that but they must live in some alternate universe. 

Leaders know that their people want to feel as if they matter. Great leaders know that it goes beyond a want, it is in fact a basic human need. 

But knowing that and doing something about it are two very different things. Knowing your people need to feel worthwhile is useless unless you use that knowledge to actually take specific actions that help them feel worthwhile. 

Specific actions. Strategic actions. Intentional actions. Consistent actions. 

Showing your people that they matter, that what they do makes a difference, is not a once a year, or once in a while activity. Ensuring that your people know that they are worthwhile and demonstrating exactly how they are worthwhile, requires a high level of intentionality. 

I literally recommend that leaders put a reminder in their calendar to stop whatever it is they are doing and at least once a day connect with one or more members of their team to show them how they are worthwhile to the team. To explain to them how their skills and abilities add value to the organization. Human beings need to know that they matter. They need to know that they, and what they do are worthwhile. 

I think almost everyone reading this knows that, the question is what are you as a leader doing about it? 

I’ve spoken about this often enough in front of groups and with individual leaders to know that there is actually some hesitation with revealing a person’s true value to an organization. I’ve had “leaders” tell me that if my people know how much they are really valued by the company they will want to be paid more or they may leave. 

Yep, that’s possible. Here’s what else is possible, actually more than possible, it’s even likely that if your people don’t think they matter, if they don’t know that they are valued, they WILL leave. Often, they will leave for less money. 

But here’s the real reason for helping your people feel worthwhile: it’s the right thing to do. 

If you need a more compelling reason for helping people feel better about themselves and what they do then this isn’t the blog you should be reading. But I wish you luck in your leadership endeavors, you’ll just find them much more challenging than they need to be. 

 

Understanding Success – Part Eight

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Successful people get it. They simply understand some things that less successful people seem to have a hard time grasping. The things they understand are the “it’s” of success. 

This is the eighth and final post on Understanding Success. This is not a complete look at all the “it’s” required to succeed, there are in fact many more and the series could actually go on indefinitely. The goal of this series has not been to get you thinking about success, it was written to help you do the things that successful people do and less successful people don’t.

If you’ve followed this series you will have undoubtedly noticed that one thing I’ve stayed away from is defining “success.” 

I’ve avoided it because truly successful people understand this absolutely undeniable fact: success is personal. 

If I lined up 100 people in a room I’d likely hear 100 different definitions of success. There would be some commonality in the definitions but there would also be widely varied opinions on what success actually is. 

So I’d say this about YOUR success…. the heck with what other people think about YOUR success. If you want to do something with your life then do it. If one of the commonalities of success is high self-esteem, and I think it is, then you should know that no one, absolutely no one, can make you feel inferior without your consent. 

It makes no difference what you do or how much you get paid to do it. What you do and how much you get paid to do it is only about making a living, successful people know it takes more than a job and money to make a life. 

Your success, and what you do to make yourself a success in completely your responsibility. Don’t let other people’s opinions cloud your personal definition of success.

You’re a success if you say you’re a success!

Now the caveat, it comes in three parts.

There is a baseline for success, this baseline must be in place before you should even consider calling yourself a success. The baseline is this: if your success is personal then so is your lack of success. 

You must accept responsibility, full responsibility, for your shortcomings before you accept any credit for your success. If you’ve earned your success then you’ve earned any lack of success too.

Here’s is the second part of the caveat. If your smart enough to use some sort of device to find this post then you’re smart enough to understand that the basic concept of success doesn’t mean sitting around on the couch all day, living off of family, friends, or “the system” while wasting your God-Given talents and gifts. 

To be considered a success you must accomplish something more than simply existing. What that something is can only be determined by you but never fool yourself into thinking that nothing is something. To succeed you must do something tangible.

The final part of the caveat is this: you must achieve success legally and ethically. It is possible to have the appearance of success through illegal and unethical practices but at least according to my personal definition of success that’s not real success….and oh by the way, if you think something might be unethical then it most likely is.

As Stephen Covey said, begin with the end in mind. Focus on what you what to be remembered for, that’s most likely where your efforts toward success should be directed.