Tag Respect

Dealing with Being Taken for Granted: Reclaiming Your Value

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s a really crappy feeling we all know at one time or another: the realization that your efforts, kindness, or presence are being treated as the default rather than appreciated as the gift they are. Being taken for granted can be exhausting, frustrating, and deeply hurtful, whether it’s by a partner, family member, friend, or even a colleague or boss. For me personally, being taken for granted by anyone just pisses me off.

The good news? YOU have the power to change this dynamic. It starts with recognizing your worth and taking active steps to shift the balance. Here’s a practical guide on how to reclaim your value and put an end to being taken for granted.

Recognize the Signs and Acknowledge the Hurt

Before you can change the situation, you need to fully acknowledge it. Being taken for granted often looks like this:

Zero or minimal thanks: Your contributions are expected, not appreciated.

A lack of reciprocity: You’re always the one giving, reaching out, or initiating plans.

Only being called upon for favors: You feel like a resource, not a person.

Disregard for your time or needs: Your boundaries are consistently ignored.

Action Step: Don’t minimize your feelings. Tell yourself, “My feelings are valid, and I deserve respect and appreciation.” This mental shift is the foundation for everything else.

Communicate, Don’t Accuse

Many people who take others for granted aren’t doing it out of malice—they’ve simply fallen into a comfortable, unconscious routine. A calm, non-accusatory conversation can be a powerful first step.

Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel, not on what they did wrong.

Instead of: “You never thank me for anything.”

Try: “I’ve been feeling unappreciated lately when I do X, Y, and Z. It would mean a lot to me if you could occasionally acknowledge my efforts.”

Be specific: Give clear examples of what makes you feel unappreciated and what specific changes you want to see.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries

Boundaries are the bedrock of respect. If you don’t clearly define where your responsibilities end and your personal time begins, people will naturally fill that void.

Say “No” (and mean it): You don’t have to agree to every request, favor, or social invitation. Start small. Decline a minor request without over-explaining.

Don’t over-function: If you find yourself consistently picking up the slack for others (e.g., always doing the chores, planning every event, managing a colleague’s mistakes), stop. Allow them the space to step up and own their responsibilities.

Guard your time: If you are used to being available 24/7, start setting limits. For example, “I can help with that project, but only until 5 PM today,” or “I’m busy this weekend, but I’m free to chat on Tuesday.”

Create Space and Shift the Focus

When you’re consistently available and putting others’ needs first, you create a dynamic where your efforts are expected. Stepping back is the most immediate way to disrupt this pattern.

Reduce your efforts: Do less for the person or people who are taking you for granted. Let the chore go undone, don’t initiate the weekend plan, or wait for them to contact you first.

Focus on yourself: Redirect the energy you spend on others back into your own life. Invest in a hobby, spend time with people who do appreciate you, or simply enjoy some quality solitude. When your life is full and vibrant outside of that relationship, you are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly within it.

Be Prepared for Pushback

When you change the rules of a relationship, the other party often resists. They may become confused, annoyed, or even try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Stay strong and stick to your boundaries. Remember: Your discomfort is not a reason to abandon your self-respect. If someone truly values you, they will eventually adjust and respect the new dynamic. If they refuse and the situation worsens, you may need to reassess the long-term health and benefits of that relationship and adjust accordingly.

Final Thought: You are the Standard

You teach people how to treat you. By drawing a line and demanding to be valued, you are not being selfish; you are being self-respecting. The people who truly belong in your life will meet you at that level.

The Line Between Respect and Fear

Steve Keating 5 Comments

A leader needs the respect of their people. But do they also need their people to fear them? At least a little? 

 

It wasn’t too many years ago that one of the world’s largest manufacturing companies sent all of their new managers through what they called “Fear School.” It was designed to teach the new managers methods for instilling fear into their employees. 

 

That company believed that while respected leaders were a “nice to have” feared leaders were a “must have.” They knew that fear was a powerful motivator and it worked for them. Or at least it appeared to work. 

 

What they succeeded in doing was forcing the compliance of their people. Compliant people can produce immediate results that sometimes leads to short-term progress. Fear appears to create a sense of urgency in people but it’s not really urgency, it’s anxiety. That anxiety creates a lot of activity but very little productivity. 

 

People who are led by fear tend to live in survival mode. They aren’t interested in what’s best for the company or it’s customers. They are concerned with their own well-being and not making waves that could swamp them. Their focus is on themselves not the organization and that is not a recipe for success. 

 

Fear kills! It kills trust. It kills creativity. It kills communication. It kills good decision making. It kills action. 

 

Lead on fear long enough and you’ll kill your organization. 

 

While fear can force at least temporary compliance only respect can earn the commitment of your people. 

 

Leaders who earn the respect of their people have the opportunity to make them better. Respected leaders inspire their people to do more, be more and accomplish more. People who respect their leaders don’t feel the need to watch their backs. Instead they focus on the customer to make sure they are taken care of as well.

 

Earning respect comes from showing respect so Authentic Leaders put their people first. They build the trust necessary to create clear, open and effective communication. These leaders are not afraid to admit when they are wrong and they never dump the blame for their mistake on someone else. 

 

Respected leaders have to opportunity to build more leaders. Fear-based leaders can only hope to hang onto the followers they have. While respected leaders grow, fear-based leaders eventually just go. Go away that is. 

 

And yet the temptation for many a leader is to believe that they still need their people to fear them at least a little bit. If you’re one of those leaders I’d say to you to make certain that your fear-based leadership is not just a cover up for your own fear and insecurity. You may think you’re hiding beneath layers of intimidation and authority but eventually you’ll be discovered to be just another person with a leadership position who doesn’t lead at all.


If you’re going to truly lead you’ll need to risk allowing your people to see you fail from time to time. So stop with the fear tactics. Begin developing a strategy for building the trust of your people. You’ll soon discover that respect grows best when fertilized with that very same trust.