Tag Regrets

How to Let Go of the Past

Steve Keating Leave a comment

My “past” is pretty ordinary. There are good times and not-so-good times. I have a few regrets, things I wish I could do differently, and things I wish I had done more often.

But overall, I wouldn’t change a thing. Every decision, good or bad, has shaped me into who I am, and I’m grateful for all of them. I’ve learned what I could, kept my good memories close, and let go of the rest.

What I don’t do is dwell on the past. I especially don’t think about the not-so-great parts of my past.

Dwelling on the past can feel like carrying a heavy weight filled with regrets, mistakes, and “what ifs.” It’s tempting to replay old memories or fixate on things we can’t change, but staying stuck in the past keeps us from living fully in the present.

Letting go isn’t about forgetting memories—it’s about freeing yourself to move forward with clarity and purpose.

If you feel like you’re spending too much time in the past, here’s a guide to help you start spending more time in today and tomorrow.

1. Acknowledge the Past Without Judgment

The first step to moving on is recognizing what’s holding you back. Take a moment to think about the specific memories or events you’re stuck on. Write them down if it helps. The key is to observe these thoughts without judging yourself. You’re not weak for feeling this way—you’re human. Acknowledging the past validates your emotions and gives you space to release them.

Try this: Journal for 10 minutes about what’s lingering in your mind. Ask, “Why does this still matter to me?” Be honest, but don’t dwell. Once it’s on paper, you can start to let it go.

2. Reframe Your Story

The way you tell your story shapes how you feel about it. Instead of seeing the past as a series of failures or losses, reframe it as a chapter of growth. Every mistake teaches you something. Every heartbreak builds resilience. By changing your perspective, you turn the past into a tool for empowerment rather than a source of pain.

3. Reflect on Past Experiences

Think about a time when something didn’t go as planned. Instead of dwelling on the negative, try to learn from it. What did you gain from that experience? What can you do differently next time?

4. Stay Present

Getting lost in the past can make it hard to enjoy the present moment. Try to focus on the here and now. Engage your senses—smell your coffee, feel your clothes, listen to the sounds around you. These little things can help you stay grounded and remind you that life is happening right now.

5. Take Action

Ruminating on the past can be like spinning your wheels in mud. You’re busy, but you’re not making any progress. Instead of dwelling on the past, take small, intentional actions toward your goals. Action creates momentum, and momentum shifts your focus to the future. It doesn’t have to be big; even tiny steps count.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Beating yourself up over past mistakes only makes them worse. Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean ignoring the past; it means choosing to stop punishing yourself for it.

7. Limit Triggers

Certain things can pull you back into the past. Try to limit your exposure to those triggers. If something triggers you, take a step back and focus on the present moment. Pay attention to what, or who, makes you feel like you’re stuck in the past. It could be scrolling through old photos, revisiting certain social media profiles, or hanging out with negative people. Set boundaries to protect your mental space.

8. Create a Vision for the Future

The past can feel heavy when you don’t have something exciting to look forward to. Make a vision for your future that makes you feel happy and fulfilled. It could be a new hobby, a career goal, or simply a commitment to being more present with loved ones. Having a purpose can help you stay focused and motivated.

9. Don’t Hesitate to Ask for Help

Sometimes, the past feels too heavy to handle alone. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process and release what’s holding you back. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

Final Thoughts

Letting go of the past is a journey, not a destination. Some days, you’ll feel free and happy; others, old memories might creep in. That’s okay. What matters is choosing to show up for the present, one step at a time. You can’t change what happened, but you can change how you carry it. By acknowledging, reframing, and acting, you’ll find that the past loses its grip, leaving room for a brighter, more intentional today.

What’s one small step you can take right now to focus on the present? Start there and let the rest follow.

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The Space Opportunity 

Steve Keating 1 Comment

We all have a tremendous amount of power over our lives. That is true even for people who don’t believe it. People who do believe it, and use that power, are happier and often more successful. In fact, I’d say being happier is in itself a great success. 

One important area where that power exists is the space between something that happens to us and our response to it. The incredible author Viktor Frankl describes that power like this: Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. 

Think about that. That power gives us the opportunity to grow from whatever it was that happened to us. That power can give us freedom over a set of circumstances that may well imprison other people who don’t realize that power exists.  

To make that power work for you the space between the stimulus and your response must be as large as possible. That means you should not react instantly to the stimulus. 

That stimulus could be anything from someone insulting you or causing you harm, either emotionally or physically. The key to growing from that situation is taking a few moments to collect your thoughts and not say or do something that you will regret. 

While our responses frequently happen in the moment the consequences of those responses can be long lasting. Some of those responses can even lead to permanent regret. People are frequently imprisoned by those regrets. If they had slowed down a bit to grow that space between the stimulus event and their response there may not have been any regrets to worry about. 

When you think of it like that you can see that Viktor Frankl is exactly right in his statement about the power that exists in that space. 

Creating space between a stimulus event and your response requires discipline. Discipline to “hold your fire” and not necessarily say or do the first thing that comes to mind. It requires the knowledge and understanding that not everything that happens to you, or around you, even requires a response from you. 

The space between what happens to you and how you respond gives you the opportunity to consider the consequences of the consequences of the consequences to any response you may have. It even gives you the opportunity to decide if any response is required. 

Highly successful people make use of those opportunities. That’s something to consider the next time you’re about to blurt out something you will later regret. 

On a another note… Everyone can use a “nudge” towards success. I’m trying something new on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day, people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than the million or so people who regularly follow me on Twitter. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

My goal with SuperFollowers is to build a better connection, one where I can help more and have a greater impact. I’m hoping it gives me a chance to mentor to a wider audience. It’s still new, we’ll see how it works. It’s a $5 dollar investment that may be the extra “push” you need to get to where you want to be. I’d be honored to be able to help get you there. 

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, and if you are, be sure to let me know how I’m doing and how I can be of even more help.

You’ll Never Know Unless…

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Twenty years ago my wife, Vicki, and I lost 9 immediate family members in a 6 week period. We each lost a parent along with aunts and uncles. It got to the point we were almost terrified to answer the phone. Vicki’s mom was in Hospice Care for a short time and we went to visit everyday. She was in a wonderful place and they allowed us to bring our dog Amanda in with us. Amanda was a huge hit with all the residents. 

She had no training in being a comfort dog but she seemed to have a sense about people who needed her. She would sit forever and let them pet her and just brighten their day a bit. 

We continued to visit the residents after Vicki’s mom had passed and the residents looked forward to seeing us. Well, okay, they likely didn’t care if we showed up or not but they certainly looked forward to seeing Amanda. 

But they did let us talk with them and that turned out to be an amazing experience. I asked things like what was the greatest invention in their lifetimes. Almost all of the residents, most of whom were in the 70’s and 80’s said there were many. But one “invention” changed almost everything about how they lived their lives. That invention was the telephone. I suspect almost all of us take our phones for granted but imagine life without it. Actually, imagine a day without it. 

The conversations were amazing. I also asked about regrets they had and as you might expect the answers varied a lot. But there was a consistent theme with all of the answers. That theme was that they had very few regrets about things they had said or done in their lives. Their regrets centered around the things they wish they had said or done. 

With all that my family had been going through those regrets really rang true with me. I had meant, many many times, to tell my mother-in-law just how grateful I was for how she raised the women who had become the center of my universe. I never got around to actually saying the words cause there was always tomorrow. Even in hospice care I stupidly figured there was always tomorrow. I’ll always regret that. 

We eventually had to stop going for visits because after walking past the bird aviary day after day Amanda finally noticed it one day. It’s a long story but let’s just say there was more action in a few minutes than most residents had seen in the last year. 

But the lessons I learned have stuck with me through the years. The biggest one is to stop worrying about the stupid things you’ve done because you won’t remember them in your 70’s and 80’s. What you will remember are things you thought about doing but for one reason or another you didn’t do. 

I say more now and do more now than I would have if I hadn’t met those wonderful people. When I asked for their best piece of advice they said; “don’t get to our age still wondering “what if.” I’ve tried to take that advice to heart. 

You’ll never know, none of us can ever know, how things will turn out, unless we try. Unless we actually do the things we’re thinking we should do and unless we actually say the things we know need to be said our lives will be a “what if” life. 

Later in our lives “what if” will be the saddest words we’ll ever speak. So do or say “that thing” today and you won’t be among the people speaking them. 

On a another subject…I’m trying something new on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day, people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than the million or so people who regularly follow me on Twitter. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

My goal with SuperFollowers is to build a better connection, one where I can perhaps help more and have a greater impact. I’m hoping it gives me a chance to mentor to a wider audience. It’s still new, we’ll see how it works. It’s a $5 dollar investment that may be the extra “push” you need to get to where you want to be. I’d be honored to be able to help get you there. 

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, and if you are, be sure to let me know how I’m doing and how I can be of even more help.