Tag Principles

How to Determine Your Core Values

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Our last post focused on setting and achieving real goals. But we didn’t invest a lot of time in an essential step in the goal setting process. That step is determining your core values.

Your core values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions, actions, and ultimately, your life. They reflect what truly matters to you—your priorities, beliefs, and what you stand for. But how do you find these values, especially when life’s noise can make it hard to hear your inner voice? This post will guide you through a practical, introspective process to determine your core values and start living in alignment with them.

Why Core Values Matter

Core values act like a compass. They help you navigate tough choices, set boundaries, and pursue goals that feel meaningful. Without clarity on your values, you might feel lost, unfulfilled, or pulled in directions that don’t resonate with who you are. Knowing your core values empowers you to live YOUR LIFE and make decisions with confidence.

Step-by-Step Process to Identify Your Core Values

Here’s a clear, actionable approach to uncovering your core values. Grab a notebook, set aside some quiet time, likely lots of quiet time. Determining your core values is serious business, give it the time it deserves. Now, let’s dive in.

1. Reflect on Peak Experiences

Think about moments in your life when you felt truly alive, fulfilled, or proud. These could be personal achievements, meaningful relationships, or even small, quiet moments that left a lasting impact.

• Questions to ask:

• What was happening during those moments?

• Why did they feel so significant?

• What about these experiences made you feel aligned or “at home”?

Example: If you felt most alive while volunteering, values like service, compassion, or community might be at play.

Write down 3-5 peak experiences and jot down the feelings or themes that stand out.

2. Identify Moments of Discomfort or Conflict

Sometimes, your values become clear when they’re tested. Think about times when you felt frustrated, angry, or out of sorts—moments when something just didn’t sit right.

• Questions to ask:

• What was happening that felt “off”?

• What boundary or belief felt violated?

• What would have made the situation feel right?

Imagine you felt uneasy when someone pressured you to compromise your principles at work. What are your core values? Integrity, honesty, or something else?

List a few situations that bothered you and note the underlying issues.

3. Explore Your Role Models

Think about people you admire—family, friends, public figures, or even fictional characters. What draws you to them?

• What qualities or behaviors do they embody?

• Why do these traits resonate with you?

• How do their actions reflect what you want to stand for?

Example: If you admire someone’s courage to speak their truth, values like authenticity or bravery might be important to you. Write down 2-3 role models and the qualities you respect in them.

4. Brainstorm a Values List

Now, start creating a list of potential values. Here’s a short sample of common ones: honesty, freedom, growth, family, creativity, justice, adventure, security, kindness, respect, achievement, balance.

Look at your notes from steps 1-3. What words or themes keep popping up?

Don’t overthink it—write down any value that feels relevant, even if it’s vague.

Aim for a list of 10-20 values to start. You’ll narrow it down later.

5. Narrow Down to Your Top 3-5 Values

A long list of values can feel overwhelming, so let’s refine it. Your core values are the ones you’d fight for—the non-negotiables that define you.

Group similar values: For example, if you wrote “honesty,” “truth,” and “integrity,” combine them into one.

Prioritize: Ask yourself, “If I could only choose one value to live by, what would it be?” Then the next, and so on.

Test them: Imagine a scenario where you have to choose between two values (e.g., security vs. adventure). Which one feels more “you”?

Aim for 3-5 core values that feel deeply true. For each, write a sentence explaining what it means to you.

Example:

• Value: Growth

• Meaning: I’m all about learning, growing, and stepping out of my comfort zone to become the best version of myself.

6. Check in with Your Life

Take a look at your current life—your relationships, career, hobbies, and daily choices. Do they match your chosen values? If not, where’s the disconnect?

• Questions to ask:

• Where do I feel most connected to these values?

• Where am I compromising them?

• What small changes could bring me closer to living these values fully?

This step isn’t about judgment—it’s about clarity. When things don’t align, it often means there are areas where you can make intentional changes.

Putting Your Values into Action

Once you’ve figured out your core values, they become a guide for making decisions and growing. Here are a few ways to live them out:

• Set goals aligned with your values: If “connection” is a value, make sure to spend quality time with loved ones or build new relationships.

• Use them to say “no”: If something—like a job or commitment—goes against your values, give yourself permission to say no.

• Check in regularly: Revisit this process every year or during big changes to stay true to yourself.

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

• Choosing “should” values: Don’t pick values because society, family, or culture expects them. Choose what feels authentic to you.

• Being too vague: If a value like “happiness” feels too broad, dig deeper. What kind of happiness? Joy through creativity? Peace through balance?

• Ignoring trade-offs: Living by your values can mean tough choices, like leaving a comfortable but unfulfilling job. Be ready to prioritize what matters most.

Final Thoughts

Determining your core values is a personal journey, but it’s one of the most rewarding steps you can take toward a meaningful life. By reflecting on your experiences, narrowing down what truly matters, and aligning your choices with those truths, you’ll build a foundation for authenticity and purpose.

Remember, take your time with this process. The key is to start, trust yourself, and let your inner compass guide you.

What’s one value you think might be at your core? Share in the comments—I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I once had the opportunity to hear Steve Jobs speak. He was talking about focus and said, “When fishermen cannot go out to sea, they repair their nets.” He also said, “In simple terms, even when you can’t do your main thing, always do something that relates to your main thing.”

I thought, and still think, that it is amazing advice. But through the years I’ve discovered one major problem with that. The problem is most people, and I do mean most, have almost no conscious idea what their main thing is.

That means, of course, that they have no way of knowing if what they are doing at any given time relates to their main thing. It’s that lack of focus on their main thing that prevents them from reaching their full potential and living their best life possible.

So how can someone determine their main thing? Well, it requires knowing the purpose or priority that drives you. Discovering that purpose most often involves a good bit of self-reflection and focused attention to your natural inclinations. Here are some things to pay attention to as you seek your own “main thing.”

Alignment with Core Values: Your “main thing” usually aligns closely with your deepest values. If you value creativity, your main thing might involve artistic expression. For those who value service, it could be about helping others.

What Energizes You: When you’re doing your main thing, you tend to feel a unique kind of energy or flow, even if the work is hard. It might feel like time flies by or that you’re at your most effective.

Recurring Interest or Skill: Sometimes, a consistent theme in your interests, talents, or natural skills is a clue. If you find yourself drawn to similar projects, activities, or areas of study over and over, that could be pointing you toward your main thing.

What You Prioritize: Even if life demands a lot from you, notice what you naturally protect in your schedule. If there’s something you prioritize despite being busy or tired, it likely matters deeply.

Internal Reward: Your main thing tends to feel rewarding internally rather than because of external validation or rewards. You may not need a lot of external encouragement to keep at it.

Feedback from Others: Sometimes, those close to you can see patterns that you don’t. They may recognize your main thing in ways you haven’t yet, especially if they see how it impacts you or how often it comes up in your life.

Long-Term Fulfillment: If you think about the future, does it feel satisfying to picture yourself doing this for a long time? Your main thing typically offers fulfillment over the years rather than moments.

People who focus on their main thing are more successful. That’s good, but what’s even better is that they are happier, more confident, more fulfilled, and less stressed out.

But there can be no focus on the main thing until you know the main thing. Put some effort into determining your main thing, and it will pay great dividends. Not only for you but for the people in your life.

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I put a significant amount of time and effort into writing a couple of blog posts each week. My primary goal is simple, to help other people. That doesn’t mean a little financial support isn’t appreciated. If you’ve benefited from my efforts and think my posts are valuable, I’d certainly appreciate whatever support you might be able to offer.
But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

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Living in Alignment With Your Core Values

Steve Keating 6 Comments

Most people have three “versions” of themselves. There’s the version of themselves that they allow other people to see. There’s also a version of themselves that they show themselves when looking in the mirror. Then there’s the authentic version of themselves that they rarely allow anyone, sometimes including themselves, to see. 

One thing that separates less successful people from more successful people is that the most successful people show themselves, and other people, their authentic version far more often than less successful people. 

Some people don’t show themselves their authentic version because they have never contemplated what that version looks like. For instance, when asked to state your core values, those values that make you the person you are, how quickly can you identify them? Core values are your guideposts in life that guide, or should guide, every decision you make in your life. 

More than anything, the decisions you make in life will determine the life you get to live. When you know your core values it is far easier to make even the biggest decisions. If you have not taken the time to identify your core values you could end up living a life of contradictions and indecision. 

Core values are those values you will fight for. Your core values are qualities or standards that govern your behavior. Your principles are rules or beliefs that guide your actions. Whether you can state your core values or not, your principles are based on those values. Your core values are the foundation for your principles. Your core values are your deeply deeply deeply held beliefs that you carry with you regardless of who you are with.  Regardless of what you are doing or where you are doing it. 

People who tell you that holding on to anything thing that tightly makes you inflexible have not yet invested the time to identify their own core values. 

I am not a Bernie Sanders fan. At all. But I admire him. Anyone who is fine with being on the losing side of a 99-1 vote in the United States Senate has clearly identified their core values. They are also living them. 

One of the reasons there are so few Authentic Leaders is that very few people in leadership positions have ever taken the time to identify their core values. They can’t show their authentic self to others because they can’t even show it to themselves. They attempt to live the life of the person they see in the mirror. 

A mentor, one who is truly invested in your success, can help you bring your core values to the surface so you can see the real you. So you can live a life in alignment with your core values. That alignment is a big big deal. When your thoughts, words, and actions all align you’ll understand why you do what you do and why you respond to others the way you do. 

Living a life aligned with who you really are guarantees a life well lived. It ensures a life lived on purpose for a purpose. And this much I can promise you…there is no better way to live. 

Do Ethics Matter?

Steve Keating 8 Comments

I don’t like starting posts with a disclaimer but for this post I think I have to. So here is the disclaimer: I am not as ethical as I think I am. Just for the record it’s highly likely that you aren’t as ethical as you think you are either. 

My personal battle to always be ethical is never-ending but at least I try…. or at least I try to convince myself that I try. I also sometimes try to convince myself that something that I think might not be ethical actually is. That way I don’t have to feel bad when I do it. More people than not are just like me in that regard.

Despite all that “baggage” I’m going to now write about the importance of ethics. 

There are really three levels of ethics to consider. The first is known as “pre conventional.” At this level a person acts almost solely in their own best interests. This causes them to follow rules only to avoid punishment or to receive rewards. At this level a person will willingly break moral or legal laws if they feel there is no chance of being caught.

The second level of ethics is the “conventional” level. At this level a person conforms to the expectations of others in society. They are very likely to try hard to uphold all morale and legal laws. 

The highest level of ethics is call the “principled” level. At this level a person lives by an internal set of morals, values and ethics. They uphold these morales, values and ethics regardless of any consequences or majority opinion. 

Researchers say that about 75% of people operate at the conventional level and that fewer than 20% of people live at the principled level. The other 5% appear to be running for President of the United States…oh geez, did I really just write that. 😉

The 75% of people at the conventional level clearly know right from wrong. They struggle with ethics because instead of finding ways to always do the right thing they invest too much of their time trying to justify why the wrong thing they want to do is actually the right thing to do. 

They convince themselves “it’s okay” and then they do it. Then they work their butts off trying to make sure nobody finds out what they did. Here’s a clue for those of us who one day hope to fully live at the principled level: if you wouldn’t want anyone to know that you did “it” then you also know that “it” isn’t ethical. 

If you invest even one moment trying to hide your actions from view then your actions were almost certainly unethical. 

Many of the people at the conventional level slip into the pre conventional level because they are willing, at times anyway, to trade their integrity and ethics for the appearance of success. 

That is a very very poor trade. 

We make it because in the moment that we make the trade it seems “worth it,” but in the moments after the trade the person we really are, the one who lives at the conventional level, feels almost immediate regret. That trade, it turns out, is NEVER really worth it.

Staying ethical can be a challenge for a whole lot of people but it’s vital that we never stop trying. When we slip down a notch we must regroup and try harder next time. We must try harder because ethics really do matter. They matter because without them society becomes unruly, unmanageable, and unsustainable.

We cannot let that happen so our goal should always be the principled level of ethics. We should never compromise on our ethics because a successful, happy life is not built on a compromising our principles, it is built on living them. 

Live your principles, no matter the cost and you’ll live the life you deserve.