Tag People Skills

The Trouble With I

Steve Keating 8 Comments

Abraham Lincoln, who served as the 16th President of the United States was known as a man who seldom used the word I. He had the ability to give entire speeches without using that one letter word.

There was a more recent President of the United States who used the word I over 200 times in a relatively short speech. Surprising new research from the University of Texas suggests that people who often say “I” are less powerful and less sure of themselves than those who limit their use of the word. Frequent “I” users subconsciously believe they are subordinate to the person to whom they are talking.

Using the word “I” excessively in speech or writing can also reveal a few other things about someone. It may suggest a self-centered or egocentric perspective, a lack of consideration for others’ viewpoints, or a tendency to dominate conversations.

Here’s the point: over using the word I is not good. It makes you seem very self-centered. It makes you sound like a jerk. It is not an effective way to communicate. It turns people off.

A leader who is constantly using “I” as in “I want” or “I need” or “I expect” is likely doing great harm to the morale of their team. They are in fact tearing at the fabric of the team. Not intentionally mind you, but they are damaging the team nonetheless.

Let me give you a recent example. I was on a call with a sales team and there were some tactics they needed to be executed on in a short period of time. The sales manager laid out a laundry list of things “he” needed his team to do. It was a long list of “I” need everyone doing this and “I” need everyone doing that. “I” want this level of effort and the only reason you need for doing any of that is “I want” it done.

It was a teams call so I could see the demoralized faces of the team.

After the call I suggested to the sales manager that the call may have gone better if he had just replaced each “I” with “we”. For example, “we have some ground to make up.” “We need to pull together.” “We need to do this and we need to do that.” “We need to do it together, for each other, because it’s how a true team functions.”

The sales manager was undeterred. He not so politely told me “the team” belonged to him. It’s not their team, “it’s mine.” I knew from previous conversations that this manager was basically uncoachable but I gave it a shot because the overuse of “I” in his conversations was so immensely glaring.

But maybe you’re more open to coaching and would like your conversations to be more inclusive and collaborative. The kind of conversations where both parties feel heard and valued. To do that you’ll need to limit your use of the word “I.”

If that sounds like you then here are a few quick ideas that may help.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of starting sentences with “I think” or “I feel,” ask questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and experiences.

• Use Statements: Instead of saying “I believe,” state your opinion or perspective without explicitly referring to yourself. For example, say “This seems to be a good approach” instead of “I believe this is a good approach.”

• Active Listening: Show that you’re engaged in the conversation by actively listening to the other person. Respond to what they say rather than steering the conversation back to yourself.

• Empathize: When expressing understanding or empathy, focus on the other person’s feelings or experiences. For instance, say “It must be challenging for you” instead of “I understand how you feel.”

• Share Experiences Tactfully: If you need to share your experiences, do so in a way that is relevant and adds value to the conversation. Avoid dominating the discussion with personal anecdotes.

• Use “We” or “You” Instead: Instead of saying “I think we should,” consider using “Maybe we could” or “Have you considered?” This shifts the focus from your perspective to a collaborative or the other person’s viewpoint.

• Be Mindful of Tone: Pay attention to your tone to avoid sounding self-centered. Be open and inclusive in your language.

While it’s natural to use “I” at times, be conscious of overusing it. Balance your statements with a mix of inclusive language. It’ll help keep you from sounding like a jerk.

Remember, the goal is to foster a more collaborative and open conversation where both parties feel heard and valued.

Why Customer Service Is So Bad

Steve Keating 4 Comments

If I were King I’d make a rule that whenever Customer Service was written out it would say Customer SERVICE. That rule would also require that when spoken special emphasis would have to be given to the word SERVICE. Maybe they would have to say SERVICE louder or slowly so they would have an extra millisecond to realize what the word SERVICE actually means. 

 

That assumes of course that you could get them to utter the word service. 

 

This post is admittedly more of a rant against the ghastly customer service that has been in the news lately but seriously folks a rant seems to be required. It’s required because I know where at least part of that horrific service is coming from. 

 

Sadly it’s coming from huckster training organizations offering terrible Customer Service training. I see brochures and emails cross my desk constantly offering the latest skills in Handling Customers, on how to “convince your customers they are satisfied.” On how to remove the “baggage” of customer interactions. (by the way the only real way to convince your customers that they are satisfied is to satisfy them)

 

The tone and word choices of these so called training programs are just atrocious. I absolutely guarantee that if you were to put your people through these programs your customers would notice a difference and that difference will cause them to  become someone else’s customer as soon as they possibly can.

 

These so called training organizations go to great lengths to avoid using the word SERVICE after the word customer. They strain to come up with any word that can possibly be substituted for that dreaded word which might indicate that the person who PAID YOU MONEY for your product or service is in fact be a very important person. It all seems to be an attempt to dehumanize the customer so dragging them off your damn plane will seem perfectly okay.

 

Congratulations United, it worked! You received exactly the outcome that you trained and rewarded your people to provide. Sadly, so did your customer. (It should be noted here that United didn’t drag a human being off the plane, they removed a randomly selected seat number. The whole process was completely dehumanized. Or so they thought.)

 

These programs offer the latest “tricks” for dealing with customers. Well guess what? There are no new tricks because there are no old tricks. If you’re tricking your customer then you’re not SERVING them. Oh and by the way, you don’t “deal” with customers either, you help them, you solve their problems, you SERVE them. 

 

Any customer service training that doesn’t focus plainly and transparently on SERVING the customer is not worthy to be called Customer SERVICE training. When you see training companies offering junk called “Engineering Customer Experiences,” “Reducing Customer Dissatisfaction,” Low Effort Customer Experiences” or any other buzzword loaded titles, RUN. 

 

Authentic Customer SERVICE involves truly caring about the customer. It means doing whatever is required to make the situation right for them…and the customer determines what is right. When your customer determines that you have a genuine interest in solving their issue they very very seldom have unreasonable demands. Customers get unreasonable when they determine you are trying to “engineer” their situation, when you are trying to trick them into thinking you’re saying yes when you’re saying no. When your customer figures out you really don’t care and are just trying to make them go away they can get “unreasonable” in a hurry. 

 

Your poor SERVICE caused that, not the customer.

 

At the core of horrible customer service is this simple fact. Businesses have forgotten that whatever business they are in they are in the people business first. United Airlines might fly planes but they are in the people business. Cable companies might provide entertainment but that entertainment is created for people. Cable companies have forgotten that they are in the people business. Cell phone companies provide cellular service to people, they too are in the people business. I could go on and on, every business is in the people business in one way or another. 

 

If you don’t enjoy interacting with your fellow human beings, in any circumstance, then don’t go into business. 

 

Customers are people and you don’t handle, deal with, trick, fool, ignore, manipulate, or otherwise abuse people. If you’re in business you SERVE them. 

 

SERVING your customers does not make you a servant, it is not, or should not be, beneath anyone in business. Caring for your customers is not a weakness, it is in fact a tremendous strength. 


We need to put the SERVICE back in customer service. It’s people who put the SERVICE in Customer Service; train your people in basic human relations principles and leave the tricks behind.