Tag Negative Thoughts

How to Be Less Judgmental: A Practical Guide to More Peace and Connection

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Are you judgmental? Whether you think you are or not the answer to that question for all of us is yes. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. That quick mental label when someone cuts in line, posts something we find ridiculous, or makes a choice we’d never make. “They’re so rude,” “lazy,” “selfish,” or worse. These snap judgments feel automatic, even protective sometimes. But over time, being habitually judgmental drains our energy, strains relationships, and keeps us stuck in negativity.

The good news? Judgment is a habit, not a fixed personality trait. With awareness and practice, you can dial it down significantly. Becoming less judgmental doesn’t mean you stop having opinions or values—it means separating discerning evaluations from automatic, harsh character attacks. Here’s why it’s worth the effort and how to actually do it.

Why Being Less Judgmental Matters

Constant judgment creates a low-grade stress loop. It fuels negativity bias, reduces empathy, and makes us feel isolated even in a crowd. On the flip side, research and psychological insights show that shifting toward non-judgmental awareness brings real benefits:

• Greater emotional peace and positivity

• Stronger, more compassionate relationships

• Reduced reactivity and rumination

A more open, curious mindset

Letting go of excess judgment isn’t about becoming naive or passive—it’s about freeing mental space for understanding, growth, and actual influence when it matters.

Practical Steps to Become Less Judgmental

1. Build Awareness: Catch Yourself in the Act
Judgment usually happens on autopilot. The first (and most powerful) step is simply noticing it.

When a critical thought arises, pause and mentally label it: “That’s a judgment.”

No need to fight it—just observe like you’re watching clouds pass.
Over a week or two, this simple noticing rewires the habit. You’ll start catching judgments faster, often before they turn into full stories or words.

2. Question the Story: What Do I Actually Know?
Most judgments fill in huge blanks with assumptions. Combat this with curiosity.
Ask yourself:

What do I really know about this person’s full situation, history, or pressures?

Am I falling into the fundamental attribution error—blaming character instead of circumstances?

What might be going on for them that I can’t see? (Traffic, exhaustion, grief, a bad day…)
Reminding yourself “I don’t have the full story” creates instant space between impulse and reaction.

3. Separate Actions from People
It’s healthy and necessary to evaluate behaviors (“Cutting in line disrupts fairness”). It’s far less helpful to leap to global character attacks (“They’re an entitled jerk”).
Practice: Judge the action, not the soul. This keeps your discernment sharp while reducing personal hostility.

4. Flip the Script: Balance or Reframe
When you catch a harsh judgment, deliberately follow it with something neutral or kind.
Examples:

“They’re so inconsiderate” → “They’re so inconsiderate… and maybe they’re rushing because of an emergency.”

“What a mess they are” → “Their life looks chaotic right now… I’ve had messy seasons too.”
This doesn’t mean excusing harm—it balances negativity with humanity.

5. Practice Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Actively imagine the other person’s inner world.

How might they be feeling in this moment?

What fears, insecurities, or past experiences might be driving their behavior?

How would I want someone to interpret my worst moment?
Even brief mental role-reversal softens the heart and reduces black-and-white thinking.

6. Reflect on How It Feels to Be Judged
Recall a time someone judged you harshly. How did it feel? Did it motivate positive change, or did it make you defensive and closed off?
Most of us soften when we remember the sting. Ask: “Do I want to add to someone else’s pain today?”

7. Notice the Cost to Yourself
Pay attention to how judgment affects you. Does it leave you energized or drained? Happier or more bitter? Connected or isolated?
Seeing the personal downside often motivates change more than any moral lecture.

Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection

You’ll still judge—everyone does. The goal isn’t zero judgment; it’s fewer automatic, harsh, unnecessary ones. Celebrate small wins: noticing a judgment before speaking it, choosing curiosity over criticism, feeling lighter after letting one go.

Over time, this practice doesn’t just change how you see others—it changes how you see yourself. Less inner criticism. More grace. More room for real connection in a world that desperately needs it.

Start today with one thing: the next time a judgy thought pops up, pause and whisper to yourself, “That’s a judgment.” Then take a breath. That single moment of awareness is where transformation begins.

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Forget About It

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Many years ago, okay, many many years ago, I was making cold calls with my Sales Manager. We had a solid process (at the time) for cold calling. We would walk into a company and ask to leave some literature with the receptionist. We would then ask the receptionist for the name of the person they would be passing the literature to so we could follow up directly. It was an effective way to learn the name of the decision maker. 

We were part way through a full day of prospecting when we made a call on a paper company. I greeted the receptionist and asked if I could drop off some literature for the person who made training decisions. She cheerfully said sure and I handed her the first piece of literature I was planning to leave behind. As I was taking the second piece of literature out of my folder I noticed the receptionist putting the first piece beneath the desk. 

I handed the second brochure over and the receptionist again placed it beneath the desk. I asked what she was doing with the literature and she said she was “speeding up the process.” I asked what that meant and she said that her boss would throw the “crap” away so she was speeding up the process. 

I was not exactly happy with her answer. So I asked if she thought that was an appropriate way to treat people. She said she would never treat people that way but it was fine for salespeople. 

Before I could “discuss” this any further my Sales Manager thanked her for her time and guided me to the door. 

When we got back to our car I asked my manager if he could believe what just happened. He said he didn’t see anything unusual and I should just “forget about it” because we had lots more calls to make. It wouldn’t be productive to let a poor call affect my effectiveness on the next call. 

As I said earlier that was many many years ago so I haven’t exactly forgotten about it. But I also haven’t forgotten the point my Sales Manager was making. 

The point was do not let one bad customer experience allow the next customer interaction to be negatively affected. The idea was to sell in “call tight compartments” so that each call was “fresh.”

Selling one call at a time protects you from becoming overconfident when things were going well. It also keeps you from bringing disappointment and maybe even anger into your next call. 

That’s not only good advice for a salesperson, it’s good advice for everyone. Do not let a poor interaction with one person carry over to the interaction you have with the next person. This is particularly important for leaders to keep in mind. 

Everyone will have negative experiences involving other people. No one has to allow that to make them negative. Staying positive in the face of negativity is a choice. It’s a choice we should all make everyday.

The Jail You Build

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Everyone faces obstacles. Everyone has challenges to overcome. While everyone is created equal the environments they are born into are far from equal.

Some people ignore those inequalities and go on to accomplish great things. Some people use them as an excuse to not succeed. Some people who are born with “built in” advantages have to invent excuses to not succeed. The more excuses they invent the better they become at it. They also become very good at not succeeding.

From time to time everyone invents excuses for why they fail at something or why it’s not even worth making the effort to try. This is dangerous because the excuses you invent are addicting. If you make excuses long enough you’ll even start making excuses for making excuses.

These invented excuses are created from negative thoughts and self-talk. If you’re wondering if you talk to yourself you just did, when you asked yourself if you talk to yourself. It doesn’t make you crazy, it makes you human.

Your negative thoughts and self-talk become limiting beliefs. You tell yourself something is impossible and presto, it’s impossible. One thing you and I have in common is that we are the most credible person we know. If we say we can’t do something then we absolutely can’t do it.

You don’t have to say you “can’t” very many times before it becomes fact. You have built a jail around yourself and that jail is keeping you from success.

So here’s a life changing jailbreak for you. Humor me and do this even if you never tell yourself that you can’t do something.

Immediately start paying attention to your self-talk. Write down every limiting thing you say to yourself. You only need to do this for a day to be shocked by how often you say something to yourself, about yourself, that is very unflattering. It’s also most likely not true. But because you thought it you’ll believe it. That negative thought quickly becomes your reality.

Once you get a few limiting thoughts on paper pick one. If the thought includes the word can’t this will be easy….just get rid of the “t.” Change the can’t into can and put that thought back into your brain. The next time you think that thought replace the can’t with the can.

Doesn’t that sound ridiculous? It’s so corny I can hardly believe I’d write it. It’s sounds so simple that it’s stupid.

Except for one little thing…it works. It unlocks the jail door and opens it wide enough to drive a truck through.

We humans are funny creatures. We all claim to want success but most of us tell ourselves something every day that puts us in failure jail. No one can talk themselves into success. It will always require sustained effort to achieve lasting success. But everyone can talk themselves out of success just by telling themselves they can’t have it.

Change your thoughts from “I can’t” to “I can,” it doesn’t guarantee success but it makes it a whole lot more likely.

The Nattering Nabobs of Negativism

Steve Keating 4 Comments

The iPhone just turned 10. Happy Birthday iPhone! 

Lots of people, actually lots and lots of people, who supposedly are experts, or were experts, on technology kind of stuff said the iPhone wouldn’t see one year much less ten. 

There were a wide variety of reasons including touch screens don’t work, multi-use gadgets will NEVER be popular, and of course it fills a need that doesn’t exist. 

Until the articles starting showing up recently in conjunction with Apple’s big anniversary I had forgotten just how negative many people were about the new technology. Some of the experts just clearly didn’t have the vision of a Steve Jobs and some I think didn’t like Apple. Some were just negative about anything new. 

Some people are just negative period. 

So be careful when sharing your plans and ideas with others. Apple had the courage of their convictions to press on with the unheard of idea. Many of us do not. We are too easily talked out of doing what we believe in by negative people who see our success as a threat to their negative views. 

If we succeed at doing something that they could have done but choose not to do then they think that makes them look bad. Negative people would prefer we fail because that supports their tormented view of life. 

The heck with them! 

Do not let negative people talk you out of trying to improve. Whether it’s improving the world, improving your workplace or even and perhaps most importantly, improving yourself. 

Most of what we take for granted today the nattering nabobs of negativism at one time said couldn’t be done. Negative people think in terms of “can’t” while positive people, who also happen to be the most successful people, think in terms of “can.” 

You can, you can, you can and don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different!

Negative Voices

Steve Keating 11 Comments

Stephen Curry is a professional basketball player for the Golden State Warriors. He was recently selected as the 2016 Most Valuable Player of the National Basketball Association (NBA). With his selection he became the first player in NBA history to be selected unanimously for this very prestigious award. 

Most of his fellow professionals were effusive in their praise of his abilities and agreed with his selection for the award.

Most.

One fellow NBA player said that while Curry was unquestionably a great player whether or not he was of MVP caliber was a little more debatable. 

Curry’s response was …. nothing. He did tell one reporter that he had learned long ago to pay no attention to the negative voices all around him. He added that their only goal was to “mess” with his head. You kind of get the feeling that one trait contributing to Curry’s success is that he controls the thoughts that go into his brain.

Friends, colleagues, co-workers, and even family members will sometimes tell you that you cannot succeed. They will say “that” was tried years before and didn’t work. They will say “don’t reinvent the wheel” or “if it ain’t broke don’t fit it,” and even more negative type statements. Some may have your best interests in mind but many, even most, will not.

You need to be very careful when listening to those comments because you may start to believe them if you’re not.

There will always be people who think you can’t succeed but here is an absolute key to your success; make sure you’re never one of them. Do not, never ever, talk negatively about yourself to yourself. Never never never tell yourself that you cannot succeed.

Always, always, always believe in the incredible power of you!

It’s easy to focus on the negative because negativity can seem to be everywhere. It requires discipline to see what’s good. Virtually every problem brings with it an opportunity and successful people find that opportunity. Successful people know that just because something “ain’t broke” doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be broke and rebuilt…. better.

All that matters at the end of the day… well nothing really matters at the end of the day so long as you have another day to do better, to be better, and to appreciate all that you have received, both the bad you’ve learned from and the good you’ve been able to share.

There will always be negative voices trying to mess with your head, make sure you don’t add your own to the noise of negativism. When you control what goes into your brain then you also control what comes out.

Your Most Important Decision of the Day

Steve Keating 5 Comments

If you’re like me, if you’re human, if you have a pulse, then you make lots of decisions everyday. Most of them are tiny decisions, made with barely a conscious thought. Brand of gum to chew, water with lemon or lime, which color of socks should I wear today. Those are easy (I hope) decisions and they have little or no lasting impact on your future.

Some are more consequential, they shape your future and you likely give them a fair amount of thought.

Some are downright huge! The have long-range of even life long impact on your life. You do research, fact check, ask others for advice and struggle to be sure of your decision.

But one, one decision is the biggest of all. It is positively monumental!

It’s a decision you should be making everyday. In fact, it might be wise to make it several times a day. Yet most people never make it at all. Many people don’t even realize it’s a decision that is available for them to make. You may be one of them.

So, what is this monumental decision. It’s the decision on whether or not you’ll have a positive attitude.

YOU get to decide that.

EVERYDAY!

ALL DAY!

If you’re like most people you probably never even give that decision a thought. You just allow your attitude to be determined by the people around you and the events of your day.

If you’re like most people your attitude “reflects.” The attitude of successful people “radiates.”

The most successful people decide that they, and they alone, will control their attitude. Nothing and no one will rob them of the incredible strength, focus, and energy provided by a positive attitude. Sometimes they have to make that choice more than once a day, sometimes many times a day. But make it they do!

Attitude is contagious. It seems as if a negative attitude is the most contagious of all. The best antidote to a negative attitude is a decision. It’s a decision to choose, and choose positive.

It’s a decision that is yours and yours alone. All you have to do is make it!

The Coercion of Whispered Thoughts

Steve Keating 17 Comments

Most people talk to themselves. Just little stuff like “I wonder what the temperature is” and “what should I have for lunch?” Everybody thinks to themselves. Thinking is good, mostly. Positive thoughts are better than negative thoughts, certainly for us but even at times for those around us. 

Negative thoughts can be very damaging to our morale and motivation. But kept to ourselves they mostly just affect us. 

But what happens when when we don’t just keep them to ourselves? What happens when we begin to share?

Negative thoughts are seldom widely broadcast, they are most commonly whispered. They are whispered in those quiet “hallway conversations” between you and a colleague. They are whispered behind someone’s back, not meant for them to ever hear even though they often eventually do.

Whispered thoughts are rarely positive or constructive which is why conversations containing whispered thoughts stop suddenly when a boss or talked about co-worker appears. That’s one of the most coercive things about whispered thoughts, we rarely share them with someone who can help us with them. We share them with the people we believe will agree with them. We share them with people who will buy into them and make them their own.

Our negative thoughts can slow us down and limit our potential but make no mistake, saying them out loud brings them to life, no matter how quietly they are spoken. Once they are spoken it’s impossible to unsay them. They are now more than thoughts, they are productivity and morale killers and they don’t just kill your morale, they can kill the morale of whoever you shared them with AND whoever they share them with. 

Whispered thoughts said even once can destroy in an instant a reputation that took years to build. They can cause a person to doubt themselves or their circumstances. Whispered thoughts can last a lifetime no matter how hard we try to shout them down.

It’s odd but the words we whisper in confidence carry so much more weight than the words we share in public. People tend to believe a whisper more than words said out loud for everyone to hear.

Your thoughts become your actions. Your actions determine the course of your life. The course of your life determines your legacy. That’s big stuff and it gets even bigger when you whisper your negative thoughts to others and begin affecting their thoughts and actions. 

Make certain your whispered thoughts add value. Make certain they build and don’t destroy. Make certain your whispered thoughts cause a smile and not a look of concern. Your whispered thoughts are contagious, be sure what you’re infecting people with is good for them, and good for you.

Remember, if it’s not fit for everyone to hear then maybe, just maybe it’s not fit to be said at all.