Tag Mental Health

Embracing Yourself: How to Be More Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Steve Keating Leave a comment

In a world bombarded with filtered images and unrealistic standards, feeling truly at ease with who you are can seem downright impossible. Being “comfortable in your own skin” means accepting yourself—flaws, strengths, quirks, and all—without constant self-judgment.

Embracing yourself is not about perfection; it’s about self-acceptance, which research links to better mental health, reduced stress, lower depression risk, and greater overall well-being.

Self-acceptance isn’t innate for most of us; it’s a skill we build over time.

The good news? There are practical, evidence-backed steps to get there. Here are some powerful ways to start your journey.

1. Practice Self-Compassion and Positive Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is a common barrier. Start by noticing it—then challenge it. Replace harsh thoughts with kinder ones, as you would for a friend. Positive affirmations in front of the mirror can literally rewire your mindset. Try daily affirmations like: “I am worthy just as I am” or “I deserve respect.”

The daily part is key here. You want to make this a habit, a daily habit. This I can assure you will be life-changing. Daily affirmations are like body armor against the negativity that is thrown your way all too often. Don’t leave home without your body armor!

2. Curate Your Environment and Influences

Surround yourself with positive people and media. Unfollow social media accounts that trigger comparison. One of the most destructive things you can do to yourself is compare yourself to others. If you must compare, then compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Compare the current version of yourself to your ideal version of yourself and then take steps to close whatever gaps there may be. Surround yourself with people who accept you as you are and will help you become the very best version of yourself that you can be.

3. Focus on Function Over Appearance

Appreciate your body for what it allows you to do—hug loved ones, explore the world, experience joy. Focus on who you are becoming rather than what you look like. Every day, take a few moments to appreciate the incredible miracle of you! That mindset helps you build a deep level of self-respect.

4. Laugh, Express Yourself, and Seek Support if Needed

Humor lightens the load—laugh at imperfections. Express your true self through style or hobbies. If past experiences or deep insecurities linger, you may want to consider therapy that can provide tools to help you be more accepting of yourself.

Here are two additional pieces of advice that have served me exceptionally well. First, remind yourself, frequently, that other people’s opinion of you are their probe, not yours. They have never walked in your shoes; they likely have no idea what your goals and challenges are. Few people really, really, know you. So don’t put much weight on what they say or think.

Second, never accept criticism from someone who you would not accept advice from. If their advice is meaningless to your life, then so is their criticism. Pay it zero attention. Do not allow it a moment of consideration.

Remember, fully accepting yourself is a practice, not a destination. Some days will be harder, but consistency compounds. By embracing self-acceptance, you’ll not only feel more comfortable in your skin but also live with greater freedom and joy.

What small step will you take today? Start with one affirmation, one mindful moment, or one kind thought. You deserve it; never forget that everlasting fact.

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Surviving the Toxic Throne

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the sad realities of working for a living is that not all bosses are a joy to work for. Some are downright miserable. It almost feels like some of these terrible bosses hate the world and are determined to make the people who work for them hate it too.

They are truly bosses from hell.

A job should be a place where your skills are valued, your efforts are recognized, and your professional growth is nurtured. But if you’re working for a boss from hell, it’s most definitely not that kind of place. Because rather than supporting you, your boss is an emotional drain, a professional bully, or simply a jerk who makes every workday a chore.

Working for a cruel and uncaring boss is one of the most stressful professional situations you can face. It erodes your confidence, impacts your mental health, and can even compromise your physical well-being. If you find yourself reporting to a “toxic throne,” you need a strategic plan to protect your sanity, your career, and your future.

Here’s a plan that might work for you.

Step 1: Establish an Emotional Barrier

The first, and perhaps most crucial, step is to stop taking it personally. Cruel and uncaring behavior in a boss is rarely about you as an individual; it is a reflection of their own insecurities, poor management skills, or personal issues.

View Them as a Problem to Be Managed: Shift your perspective. Instead of viewing your boss as a mentor or leader, treat them like a difficult variable in a professional equation. Your goal is not to gain their approval or affection, but to deliver the required output while minimizing contact and emotional injury.

The Gray Rock Method: This is a technique where you become as uninteresting and unresponsive as possible when dealing with a difficult person. Your responses should be brief, factual, and emotionally flat. Do not share personal details, do not react to their barbs, and do not offer them any “supply” for their drama.

Step 2: Document, Document, Document

In a high-stakes, toxic environment, documentation is your greatest defense. When an uncaring boss’s actions or words could have a negative impact on your performance review, promotion, or even employment, you need a meticulous record.

Keep a Log: Maintain a private, detailed log (outside of company servers, such as a secure cloud document or physical notebook). Record dates, times, and specific details of incidents. Use direct quotes if possible. Note any witnesses.

Example: “Nov 15, 2:30 PM: Boss publicly criticized the budget report as ‘third-rate and amateurish’ in the team meeting, despite the numbers being correct. Witnesses: Sarah K. and Tom V.”

Insist on Email: When receiving assignments or performance feedback, try to get it in writing. This prevents them from later denying instructions or shifting goalposts. If they give a verbal instruction, follow up with an email: “Just confirming the instruction we discussed: you want me to prioritize Project X and delay Project Y until Friday. Please let me know if I misunderstood.”

Step 3: Master the Transactional Relationship

Cruel bosses often thrive on making others feel inadequate or stressed. Your goal is to become impeccably professional and strictly transactional.

Focus on Measurable Results: Concentrate 100% on delivering on your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) and job duties. An uncaring boss has a harder time criticizing quantifiable success. Make sure your output is pristine.

Create Distance: Where possible, communicate in ways that are less personal, such as email or collaborative documents, rather than face-to-face meetings. If you must meet, keep the conversation focused only on work tasks. If they deviate into personal or unprofessional territory, gently steer the conversation back: “I appreciate that, but regarding the Q4 report…”

Step 4: Seek Support and Plan Your Exit

You cannot sustain a toxic work environment indefinitely. While you are implementing the survival strategies above, you must also be actively planning your exit and seeking the necessary support.

Rely on Your Network: Talk to trusted colleagues (outside of the office, if necessary), friends, and family. External perspective is vital to remind you that the problem lies with your boss, not with you. Consider speaking with an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) counselor if your company offers one.

Explore Internal Options (With Caution): If your boss is truly crossing the line (harassment, ethical violations, discrimination), you may need to go to HR or a higher-level manager. Proceed with extreme caution. HR’s primary goal is to protect the company, and reporting a high-ranking toxic boss can sometimes backfire. Only take this route if your documentation is solid and you are prepared for the potential fallout.

The Grand Escape: Ultimately, the best way to deal with a cruel and uncaring boss is to leave them behind. While documenting and protecting yourself, dedicate energy to updating your resume, networking, and applying for new roles. A toxic environment is a catalyst—it’s a clear sign that you deserve a better place to use your talent. Make your survival strategy a waiting game until you can close that final chapter and move to a healthier professional environment.

Bad bosses suck. That doesn’t mean your life has to suck because of them. Stay strong, stay focused, stay yourself. By establishing boundaries, meticulous documentation, and a clear exit strategy, you can minimize the damage and emerge from this experience stronger and more resilient, ready for a respectful and supportive workplace.

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How to Manage Life with a Narcissist

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Most people would describe someone with narcissistic tendencies as a basic jerk. But narcissism is much more complex than that. Navigating relationships with a narcissist—whether it’s a family member, partner, friend, or colleague—can be emotionally draining and beyond frustrating.

Narcissists most often exhibit self-centered behavior, a need for constant admiration, and a lack of empathy, which can make interactions feel one-sided or manipulative. While you can’t change a narcissist, you can adopt strategies to protect yourself and manage these relationships effectively. Here’s a few tips on how to deal with a narcissist.

Understand Narcissistic Behavior

The first step in dealing with a narcissist is recognizing their traits. These are not just jerks or self-absorbed people. They are much more difficult, even dangerous, to deal with. Narcissists often:

• Seek excessive admiration and attention.

• Lack empathy for others’ feelings.

• Exaggerate their achievements or importance.

• Manipulate or exploit others to meet their needs.

• React poorly to criticism, often becoming defensive or aggressive.

Understanding that their behavior stems from deep-seated insecurities or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can help you avoid taking their actions personally. This perspective allows you to approach interactions with clarity rather than frustration.

Set Firm Boundaries

Narcissists don’t just push your buttons; they often push limits to maintain control or attention. Setting clear, firm boundaries is essential to protect your emotional health.

• Be specific: Clearly state what behaviors are unacceptable (e.g., “I won’t tolerate being interrupted or belittled in conversations”).

• Stay consistent: Narcissists may test your boundaries, so enforce them calmly and consistently.

• Limit personal disclosures: Narcissists may use personal information against you, so share cautiously.

For example, if a narcissistic coworker constantly takes credit for your work, politely but firmly address it in the moment or involve a supervisor to establish accountability.

Don’t Engage in Power Struggles

Narcissists thrive on drama and control. Engaging in arguments or trying to “win” can escalate conflicts and feed their need for attention.

• Stay calm: Keep your emotions in check, even when provoked. Use neutral responses like, “I hear you, but I don’t agree.”

• Avoid flattery or criticism: Praising them excessively fuels their ego, while criticism may trigger defensiveness or retaliation.

• Use the “gray rock” method: Be as emotionally unresponsive as possible, like a dull, uninteresting rock. This reduces their incentive to engage with you manipulatively.

For instance, if a narcissistic family member tries to bait you into an argument, respond with brief, neutral statements and redirect the conversation.

Focus on Your Own Needs

Narcissists often demand that others prioritize their needs, which can leave you feeling depleted. Reclaim your energy by:

• Practicing self-care: Engage in activities that boost your mental and emotional health, like exercise, journaling, or spending time with supportive people.

• Seeking validation internally: Don’t rely on a narcissist for approval, as they are unlikely to provide it genuinely.

• Building a support network: Surround yourself with empathetic friends, family, or a mentor who can validate your experiences and offer perspective.

If you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner, for example, carve out time for hobbies or friendships that remind you of your worth outside of the relationship.

Communicate Strategically

When you must interact with a narcissist, tailor your communication to minimize conflict and maintain control:

• Use “I” statements: Frame your needs in terms of your feelings (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when conversations focus only on one topic.”)

• Keep it brief: Narcissists may twist long explanations, so be concise and clear.

• Appeal to their self-interest: If you need their cooperation, frame requests in a way that benefits them (e.g., “If we finish this project early, it will make you look great to the team”).

For example, if a narcissistic boss demands constant updates, propose a streamlined reporting system that saves them time while meeting your needs for autonomy.

Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the healthiest option is to limit or end contact with a narcissist, especially if their behavior becomes toxic or abusive.

• Assess the relationship: If the narcissist consistently undermines your mental health or self-esteem, consider distancing yourself.

• Plan your exit: If it’s a romantic or professional relationship, prepare emotionally and logistically (e.g., securing finances or documenting workplace issues).

• Go no-contact if necessary: In extreme cases, cutting off communication entirely may be the best way to protect yourself.

For instance, if a narcissistic friend repeatedly dismisses your feelings, reducing contact or politely declining invitations can help you regain peace.

Seek Professional Support

Dealing with a narcissist can be isolating and confusing. A therapist or counselor can provide:

• Tools to cope with emotional manipulation.

• Validation of your experiences.

• Strategies to rebuild self-esteem and set boundaries.

If you suspect the narcissist in your life has NPD, a mental health professional can help you understand the condition and its impact on your relationship.

Educate Yourself Continuously

Knowledge is power when dealing with a narcissist. Books, reputable online resources, or support groups can offer insights and strategies. Some recommended reads include:

• Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary

• The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists by Eleanor Payson

Additionally, forums or communities (like those on X) can connect you with others who have faced similar challenges, offering practical tips and emotional support.

Final Thoughts

People with narcissistic tendencies seem to be somewhat common, so sooner or later you’re going to run into one. Successfully interacting with that narcissist requires patience, strategy, and a commitment to your own well-being. By setting boundaries, staying in control of your emotions, and knowing when to step back, you can navigate these relationships without losing your self-respect, temper, or control.

Remember that you can’t change a narcissist, but you can decide how you will respond and protect your peace.

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How to Deal With Worry and Stress

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Dealing with worry and stress is essential for maintaining mental and physical well-being. While it’s natural to experience these emotions from time to time, chronic worry and stress can have a ton of adverse effects on your health. You likely won’t like hearing this but the truth is, most of the stress in our lives is self-inflected. We over commit, we allow others easy access to our time, and we struggle mightily to say the one little word that is a proven stress killer…no.

But sometimes no just isn’t appropriate, like when the boss “encourages” you to say yes. So here are some other ideas that can help you manage and reduce worry and stress.

• Start by pinpointing the specific causes of your worry and stress. Knowing what’s triggering these feelings can help you address the root of the problem. Looking in the mirror is a great place to start. Before anything else, make certain it’s not you who holds the unrealistic expectations of what you can and cannot do.

• Get away from the source. Even a short break from the source of the stress can make a ton of difference. That’s why it’s so important to NOT eat lunch at your desk. It may seem to be productive but it’s often the most counterproductive thing you can do. You need to recharge, even if it’s only for 15-30 minutes. You’ll finish the day with more energy and less stress.

• So, I don’t have a lot of credibility here but people who know about this stuff swear that physical activity can release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. They say regular exercise also helps reduce stress hormones in your body. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week.

• I’m getting better at this and can vouch for the fact that a well-balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can positively impact your mood and stress levels. Avoid excessive caffeine and sugar, which can exacerbate anxiety.

• Prioritize getting enough sleep each night (typically 7-9 hours for adults). Lack of sleep can make stress worse, so establish a regular sleep schedule and create a relaxing bedtime routine.

• Organize your tasks and prioritize them. No one has more time than you. But if you’re constantly stressed out it’s likely because you don’t have well defined priorities. Create a to-do list and break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Do them in order of importance…this is why you NEED priorities. This can prevent feeling overwhelmed.

• Some goals need to stretch you to your limits. If they don’t you’ll never know what your limits truly are. But don’t set yourself up for failure by making every goal overly ambitious. Be realistic about what you can accomplish in a given timeframe.

• I once went to Urgent Care with a sore arm. The doctor asked me when the arm hurt. I said whenever I move it like this. He said, “okay, don’t move it like that.” I wanted my copay back. But I got his point, if something is causing pain then stop doing it. The source of the pain might fix itself in short order. It works that way for stress too. If possible, avoid or limit exposure to situations, or environments that consistently cause stress. This might involve setting boundaries or making lifestyle changes. If you’ve identified certain people around you as a source of your stress limit your time around those people as much as possible.

• I have a personal “rule” that there must be some fun in everyday. It’s a top top priority for me. It should be for you too. So invest some time doing activities you enjoy and that help you relax, whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or listening to music. These can serve as healthy distractions.

• Regularly remind yourself of the things you’re grateful for. Keeping a gratitude journal can help shift your focus from negative thoughts to positive ones. The new iPhone operating system makes it incredibly easy to keep track of what you’re grateful for. This is unscientific but I’m pretty darn sure stress can’t find its way into a grateful heart.

• Sorry friends but booze might hide stress for a little while but it doesn’t do a thing to eliminate it. In fact, excessive use of stimulants like caffeine and alcohol can exacerbate stress and anxiety. Moderation is key, and reducing or eliminating these substances may be best.

Remember that managing worry and stress is an ongoing process. It requires a fair amount of intentionality. What works for one person may not work for another, so experiment with different strategies to find what suits you best. Consistency and patience are key to long-term stress management.

Want more of LeadToday? I’ve changed things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. I recently began publishing two or three videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Sometimes a bonus video pops up at other times during the week. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $4.99 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month.

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Protecting Your Mental Health

Steve Keating 3 Comments

I don’t recommend starting a blog post with a disclaimer. That said, here’s my disclaimer: this is one of those blog posts I’m going to write even though I’m not actually qualified to speak, or write, on the subject. 

It’s about protecting your mental health. Now, I’m not exactly a touchy sensitive kinda guy. When I’d see or hear of someone needing a mental health day or time away to “recharge” I used to scoff at the idea. 

My thoughts were that the person needed to toughen up. You know, put on their big boy or big girl pants and get back at it. I figured that people who couldn’t do that were somehow weaker than those who could. 

But I’m coming around to the idea that I’ve been wrong about all that. Imagine my surprise as it began to dawn on me that it was needing to put on big boy pants to look invincible that actually made me weaker. 

I still struggle with the whole idea of mental health days and needing “down time” once in a while. There’s a part of me that says there are some people simply milking the whole mental health focus to get out of work. I still marvel at the ease with which some people say “I won’t be working tomorrow, I need a mental health day.” 

As certain as I am that some people are abusing the privilege of protecting their mental health I’m equally convinced that protecting our mental health is vital to our overall quality of life. 

So…how do we actually go about protecting our mental health? Well personally I’ve began setting rather firm boundaries. The people who add stress to my life are no longer allowed to be a part of my life. And yes, this is causing a difference kind of stress but it’s a far more temporary stress. Some of those people are even family so I’m forced to be in their presence from time to time, but that’s different from letting them be an actual part of my life. When I listen to them talk or interact with other people it’s like I’m watching a reality television show. 

I can think to myself that they are kinda knuckleheads but they don’t have any impact on my life so who cares. I’m a work in progress on setting these boundaries but it has made a difference for me already. 

Make no mistake, there will be people who are downright mad about you setting boundaries. Those will likely be the people you most need to be setting boundaries with. The people who truly care about you will be excited about seeing you take control of your life. 

As you fight against the people who would destroy your boundaries you’ll realize how important boundaries really are. Your mental health will improve rather quickly. You’ll discover how your mental health is directly connected to your physical health. It’s not an overstatement to say that in many ways you’ll feel like a new person. 

Now a note to the guys reading this. As hard as it may be for you to accept, mental health is not a woman thing. It is a human thing. Protecting your mental health does not make you weak. It might even be one of the most manly damn things you can do. 

Again, I’m not at all qualified to write about this. I’m no doctor. I’m just a guy who is beginning to realize that my physical performance is affected by my mental performance. I’m also beginning to understand that just like I can control how I perform physically, I can also control how I perform mentally. 

So can you!