Tag Loss

Dealing With Sudden Loss

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Dealing with sudden loss, such as the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or any other significant change, can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally distressing experience. Coping with sudden loss requires time, self-care, and support.

You need to be careful with your feelings during times of sudden loss. They are capable and convincing liars. After a job loss for instance they may try to convince you that you’re somehow a diminished person. That you are less than you were before. That’s all BS. You matter as much as ever. You make the world better because you’re in it. You bring value to the people in your life and you should never doubt that for a minute.

But suffering any significant loss is tough. There is no doubt about that. Here are some steps and strategies to help you navigate this difficult period.

• Allow yourself to grieve: It’s important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself permission to grieve. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.

• Seek support: Reach out to friends and family for emotional support. Talking to someone you trust can provide comfort and a sense of connection during this difficult time. You may also consider joining a support group or seeking the help of a therapist or counselor to talk through your feelings. You should know this absolute fact…THERE IS NOT A HINT OF SHAME IN NEEDING SOME ADDITIONAL SUPPORT IN A TIME OF LOSS.

• Take care of your physical health: Grief can take a toll on your body, so it’s important to maintain your physical health. Eat nutritious meals, get enough sleep, and engage in regular physical activity to help manage stress and maintain your overall well-being.

• Create a routine: Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability during a time of upheaval. Having a sense of predictability can be comforting and help you regain a sense of control.

• Avoid major life decisions: During the initial stages of grief, try to avoid making significant life decisions, if possible. You may not be in the best mindset to make clear choices, and your perspective can change as you process your loss over time.

• Write or journal: Expressing your feelings through writing can be therapeutic. Keeping a journal can help you explore your emotions, track your progress, and gain insight into your grief journey.

• Memorialize or commemorate the loss: Find a way to remember and honor the person or thing you’ve lost. This could involve creating a memorial, holding a memorial service, or participating in activities that remind you of positive memories.

• Be patient with yourself: Grieving is a unique and individual process, and there is no set timeline for when you should “get over” your loss. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace and don’t rush the process.

• Seek professional help if needed: If your grief becomes overwhelming, persistent, or disrupts your ability to function in daily life, it’s important to consider speaking to a mental health professional who can offer guidance and support.

Remember that healing from a sudden loss is a gradual and ongoing process. If you have people in your life who tell you to “just get over it” then it might be time to be over them. They may be well meaning but they clearly don’t understand significant loss. I’d advise against taking advice from the “just get over it” types.

Over time, the intensity of your grief may lessen, but it’s common for waves of sadness to resurface, especially on anniversaries or other significant dates. By taking the time to address your emotions and seeking support when needed, you can work through your grief and eventually find a sense of peace and acceptance.

Overcoming Major Disappointments

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Overcoming major disappointments can be a challenging and emotionally taxing process, but it is essential for personal growth and well-being. Here’s a bit of a news flash for some people reading this post… men are emotionally affected by disappointments every bit as much as women. They think they have to “man up” and hide the emotions.

That’s not only silly, therapists would tell you it can be dangerous. It’s definitely unhealthy. Sooner or later everyone will face a significant disappointment in their life. Especially if you’re a New York Jets fan. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope with and move past major disappointments.

• It’s important to acknowledge and accept your feelings. Yes fellas, you too. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, or frustrated. Give yourself permission to grieve the loss or setback. Suppressing your emotions can lead to long-term issues.

• Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist about what you’re going through. Sharing your feelings with someone you trust can provide emotional relief and offer different perspectives on the situation.

• Take time to reflect on the disappointment and try to understand the root causes. What led to this outcome? What were your expectations, and were they realistic? This self-reflection can help you gain insights and learn from the experience. Its important in this step to keep in mind the difference between “reflect” and “dwell.” “Reflect” comes with some healthy time limits. “Dwell” can become a trap that’s very hard to escape.

• Some disappointments result from circumstances beyond your control. Accept that there are certain things you cannot change. Focus on what you can control and work on adapting to the new reality.

• Use the disappointment as an opportunity to reassess your goals and priorities. What do you truly want to achieve in the long term? Set new, achievable goals if necessary and create a plan to work towards them.

• Disappointments can be valuable learning experiences. Consider what lessons you can take away from the situation. How can you use this knowledge to make better decisions in the future?

• Maintain a positive mindset as much as possible. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more optimistic ones. Surround yourself with positive influences and focus on the things that make you happy.

• Be kind to yourself and avoid placing blame solely on yourself or others. Disappointments often involve a combination of factors, and it’s rarely one person’s fault. Self-blame can hinder your ability to move forward.

• Overcoming major disappointments may take time. Break down your recovery into smaller, manageable steps. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small it may seem.

• Healing and moving on from a major disappointment is a process that varies from person to person. Be patient with yourself, and understand that it may take time to fully recover. People who tell you to “just get over it” may mean well but they probably aren’t helping.

• If you find it challenging to cope with a major disappointment, consider consulting a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance, support, and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation. There is absolutely, positively no shame in asking for help, if fact when you do you’re showing strength and courage that other people will envy.

Remember that everyone faces disappointments at some point in life, and it’s how you respond to them that matters most. I encourage you to use these strategies to build resilience and come out of the experience stronger and wiser. You’ll be glad you did.

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Sudden Change

Steve Keating 3 Comments

Change can come out of nowhere. As prepared as you think you may be for the unexpected when it arrives it’s still unexpected. But it’s vital that even in the swirl of unknowns you know this one irrefutable fact… you matter.

That means that you must embrace the unknowns and see the incredible world of opportunities before you. Even if at first glance it may look to others as if the rug has been pulled out from under you, always know that you can make the choice to use that rug as a flying carpet to your future.

All change brings with it a sense of loss. That’s perfectly normal. Grab on to that sense of loss, look at it from all directions, become good friends with it, get very very comfortable with it, and then discard it. There are just too many possibilities in the future for you to be concerned about what was in the past.

The world can be a very unfriendly place right now. So make certain that you remain kind. Kind to others of course but also kind to yourself. When sudden, unwanted change comes your way pay particular attention to how you’re talking to yourself. It is far easier to get past the hurtful things others say about you than it is to get over the hurtful things you say about yourself. So do not say them to begin with.

Be kind to yourself. Always.

Whatever you do don’t be mad at the change or the circumstances (or person) that thrust it upon you. Anger is an emotion that burns the precious energy you’ll need for whatever comes next. There is zero return on anger, it is an expensive emotion that no one can afford.

Make thoughtful decisions. Depending on the change you find yourself going through you may be tempted to make quick decisions. Quick does not mean rash. Be thoughtful in your decision making, the future is a long time so try to make your decisions for the long-term. Think things through, the better your decisions today the better all of your tomorrows will be.

Don’t blame others for the circumstances you’re in. Blaming others only slows down your transition to what will be. Change experts describe the time between what was and what will be as the transition phase of change. This is where the rubber meets the road. You will either slip into the past and risk living there or charge eagerly into the future, that choice is entirely yours.

The past presents the opportunity to wallow in a vast pity party. The future presents limitless opportunities for growth and prosperity. I would urge you to seek the future because your next success can only be found there, you’ll never find what’s next by looking behind you.

Many people won’t like to hear this but more than anything else, more than a person, more than circumstances, more then a deadly virus, it’s your past choices, good or bad, that put you in whatever situation you’re in at this very moment. It is the acceptance of that basic fact that will help you make sound choices for your future.

My Grandfather always told me that the most successful people find a way to make a good hand out of whatever cards they are dealt. Play the cards you have whether you like them or not because well, because they are the cards you have. Remember, a pair of threes can beat a pair of Aces if the person with the Aces is afraid to play them.

Now there are some of you who will say “all that’s easy for you to say.” To you I would say nope, not a single word of this is easy for me to say. I would also say listen to what I say but focus on YOU, focus on what YOU think and what YOU do. Remember how this post started…YOU matter.

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself because if you’re not taking care of yourself you can’t take care of anyone else. That reality will never change.