Tag Knowing it All

How to Work With a Know It All

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I had an “interesting” conversation with someone a week or so ago. I’ve known this person for a while and have found them to be difficult to help. I have even described them as virtually uncoachable.

But I’ve kept trying and my effort led us to a conversation that explains why they are so difficult to help. This person is somewhere in their early 50’s, at least that’s my best guess. In talking with them they explained what they called their “learning philosophy.” They said that “all you need to know to be a success you have learned by the time you’re 40.” If you haven’t learned it by then, you’re pretty much out of luck because no one learns anything after 40.

He shared with me that he was one of the fortunate few who had indeed learned all he needed to know by his 40th birthday. I almost felt blessed to be in his presence.

But for me, it was also a very “clarifying” conversation. It explained to me why he was such a challenge to coach. It also told me that he fit the classic definition of a know it all. When I suggested to him by the way that he sounded a bit like a know it all he became very defensive. He fully admitted he didn’t know it all…he just knew all that he needed to know.

That was even more informative for me, it explained why he so aggressively dismissed all my suggestions on what he may want to learn, or do, to be more effective in his work. He didn’t want his brain cluttered with all the worthless information that rolls around in mine.

But frankly, I see little difference between a know it all and someone who believes they already know everything they need to know. So from this point forward both the tone and substance of our conversations will change. I think I can navigate the situation more gracefully and maintain a positive relationship with this person. Ya never know, maybe I can increase my influence with them enough to even help them grow. Here’s how I’m going to move forward. I think you can work with similar individuals in the same manner.

• Acknowledge their knowledge. Recognize their expertise and knowledge in certain areas. This can help in building rapport and showing respect, which might mitigate their need to constantly prove themselves.

• Stay calm and composed. Know-it-alls can be frustrating, but it’s important to remain calm and composed when interacting with them. Getting defensive or confrontational will likely escalate the situation. I’ve discovered calling them an idiot, as tempting as that may be, doesn’t really help either.

• Listen actively. Even if you feel like you’re being bombarded with unnecessary information, try to listen actively. Sometimes, know-it-alls just want to be heard. Acknowledge their points before offering your own perspective.

• Choose your battles. Not every interaction with a know-it-all needs to turn into a debate. Pick your battles wisely and decide when it’s worth challenging their knowledge or when it’s better to let it go.

• Offer constructive feedback. If their behavior is negatively impacting the team or project, offer constructive feedback in a respectful manner. Focus on the impact of their behavior rather than attacking their personality.

• Redirect the conversation. If the know-it-all tends to dominate discussions, find subtle ways to redirect the conversation or involve others. Encourage different perspectives and contributions from everyone involved.

• Set boundaries. If the know-it-all’s behavior becomes too disruptive, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Politely let them know when their behavior is inappropriate or when you need space to express your own ideas.

• Lead by example. Show humility and openness in your own interactions. Lead by example by admitting when you don’t know something and being receptive to learning from others.

• Focus on the task at hand. In group settings, keep the focus on the task or project rather than on individual egos. Remind everyone of the common goal and the importance of collaboration.

The biggest challenge when dealing with a know it all, or their close cousin, “I know all I need to know” is that they have no way of knowing that they do have a lot to learn. That is very frustrating for the people who have to deal with them.

Remember, your interactions with these individuals requires patience, empathy, and tact. By approaching the situation with understanding and professionalism, you can navigate these interactions more smoothly while maintaining a positive working relationship.

I Just Don’t Know

Steve Keating 5 Comments

“I just don’t know” may sound like weak words to many people. But to Authentic Leaders and their followers they are some of the most powerful trust building words that can be spoken.

 

Leadership is not about knowing it all. It’s not even about knowing more than the people you lead. Leadership begins with integrity and at the heart of integrity is honesty. Trying to fool people into believing you know more than you do causes immense damage to your credibility. When your credibility is gone integrity soon follows it out the door and so does your opportunity to authentically lead. 

 

Saying “I just don’t know” is not a sign of weakness in a leader, it is a sign of authenticity, a sign of honesty. It is a sign that the leader has enough confidence in what they do know to admit what they don’t. 

 

In every successful endeavor I’ve undertaken it succeeded because I knew what I didn’t know. But I was able to find people to work with me who could fill in my gaps. In pretty much every endeavor I’ve undertaken that didn’t succeed I either couldn’t find people to fill my gaps or, and this is far more likely, I didn’t know nearly as much as I thought I did. (Or perhaps I was just fooling myself)

 

I’m sure at some point I figured out I didn’t know as much as I thought I did but by that point I could not bring myself to admit it to others. That caused a myriad of problems. Upon reflection everyone of those problems came from the fact that I wasn’t a strong enough leader to say, “I just don’t know.”

 

One thing I’ve learned without a doubt in this: if you’re pretending to know more than you actually do others will see through your charade sooner or later. When that happens you’re not likely to ever lead them again. Trust me, I’ve been on both sides of this, that’s just how it works. 

 

I’ve grown through the years and now I’m almost proud to string the words, “I just don’t know” together. Others may think that makes me weak but I know that makes them something other than an Authentic Leader. 

 

Courage is a basic requirement for Authentic Leadership. It will sometimes take courage to admit when you don’t know something, especially when it’s something that many people think you should know. 

 

Don’t damage your credibility by pretending to know more than you do. Summon the courage of an Authentic Leader and admit your knowledge gap and then find the people who can help you fill it. 


Leaders don’t know it all and there is no requirement that they do. Authentic Leaders know that much for sure!

When You Know It All

Steve Keating 3 Comments

A while back I was meeting with a representative of a company that helped learning organizations measure the effectiveness of their training. We got off track a bit and were discussing various certifications and I mentioned a certification for marketing executives that I had initially earned several years before. I told him that there was a lot of education and testing involved in earning and maintaining that very challenging certification. 

He stated that he wouldn’t need anything like that because he already knew all he needed to know to succeed in his career. I was polite and finished out the meeting but I knew in that moment I would not be using this person or their organization. 

If he already knew everything then it meant that he had nothing left to learn. It may have even become impossible for him to learn. I couldn’t help but wonder how this know it all would ever learn enough about my organization to actually help us. I figured if we used him we would be getting some cookie cutter measuring system that was a “one size fits all” deal. That was not what I was looking for… at all.

Talking with him reminded me of the story about the United Sates Patient Office closing in 1899 because “everything that could be invented, already was.” The office never actually closed but there were “know it alls” at the time who recommended that it should.

Truly successful people will never be a know it all. They know they can’t know it all and they know that they don’t have to. They also know what they don’t know. 

Truly successful people learn something new every day. They are always looking for the newest idea. The best idea doesn’t have to be their idea, they will use and benefit from good ideas no matter where they come from.   

The most successful people are in constant learning mode, they are as far from a know it all as you can get. 

The biggest problem with being a know it all, other than annoying everyone around you, is that once you believe you know it all you see no use in trying to learn anything new. Much like the patient office, you have learned all there is to learn. You’re done!

When you’re done learning you’re done period. Whatever success you’ve had will begin to wane. If you’re not pushing your limits to learn, if you’re not trying new things, if you’re not taking risks then you may be playing life to safe… or you may think you already know everything you need to know. 

Either way, you’re likely seriously limiting your potential. 

You can’t possibly know it all, the good news is, you don’t have to. The great news is you can learn something new this very day. Keep your knowledge base fresh and your success will always be fresh too!