Tag Human Relations Skills

How to Remember the Names of People You’ve Just Met

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I’ve known many a person who claims to having a poor memory. They use that as an excuse for not remembering the names of people they’ve recently met. Then you ask them about an event from their childhood and they have amazing recall. They can tell who was present, what the weather was like, what they were wearing, what others were wearing, all kinds of amazing details. From an event that took place years and years ago. That’s because the event made an impression on them.

The reality is that very few people have a poor memory, even when it comes to names. What they do have is poor listening skills. The most likely reason, by far, that they can’t remember someone’s name after just meeting them is that they didn’t hear it to begin with.

They were too busy thinking about what they were going to say. They were also too busy forming an “instant opinion” about the person. The only thing we should be busy doing when first meeting someone is focusing on listening to them, especially when they tell us their name.

Remembering names of people you’ve just met can be challenging, but there are several techniques that can help make it easier:

Pay Attention and Be Present: When you first hear the name, focus on it. Make a conscious effort to listen and remember.

Repeat the Name: Use the person’s name immediately in conversation. For example, “Nice to meet you, John.” Try to use the name several times during the conversation.

Association: Associate the name with a mental image or something familiar. For example, if you meet someone named Rose, you might picture a rose flower.

Ask for the Spelling or Meaning: If the name is uncommon, ask how it’s spelled or if it has a particular meaning. This can create a deeper connection and make it more memorable.

Write It Down: If possible, jot down the name soon after meeting the person. Writing helps reinforce memory.

Visualize the Name: Visualize the person’s name written on their forehead. This mental image can help solidify the name in your memory.

Use Mnemonics: Create a mnemonic device or a rhyme to help remember the name. For example, “Jack who likes to pack.”

Link to Someone You Know: Connect the new person’s name with someone you already know with the same name. For example, “Sarah, like my cousin Sarah.”

Engage in Conversation: Engage the person in a meaningful conversation. The more you talk to them, the more likely you are to remember their name.

Introduce Them to Others: Introduce the person to someone else you know. This forces you to recall and use the name again.

These techniques have been proven to help people remember names. If…if they really want to. Early in my career with the Dale Carnegie organization, I met a man named George. He would attend a meeting with 40-50 people, and after meeting each one, he knew everyone’s name. 12 months later, when attending the same meeting with the same attendees, he still knew all their names. That was amazing to me. So I asked George what his secret was.

It wasn’t his intent, but his sincere answer embarrassed me. He said there was no secret. He simply said that remembering names was important to him, so he worked hard at it. It was then that I realized that not only did I not work hard at it, I didn’t really work at it period.

I’ve worked on that through the years and I’m a ton better at it now. Not as good as George was, but maybe someday. The ability to remember names is one of the most powerful human relations skills you can possess. If you’re interested in improving in this area, then these techniques can help you over time.

But you gotta want it or you’ll never have it.

Saying Thank You is Not a Weakness

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Isn’t that a ridiculous title for a post on leadership? I mean why would anyone think that thanking someone could ever make you look weak?

Except for too many people in leadership positions, that is exactly what they think. I often encourage leaders to thank their people for a job well done. Most of them see the wisdom in committing to that basic human relations principle. Most, but not all. 

The response I get from a surprising number of people who occupy leadership positions is that their people get a paycheck, that’s enough thanks. I also hear that when you start thanking people for doing their job they begin to expect it. But perhaps worst of all is the “I’m not their mommy, they do their job and we pay them…that’s where it ends.” 

Even though I’ve written about this before and even though I’ve said it a thousand times, let me say it again. If you don’t possess the most basic ability to be nice to the people you’re supposed to be leading then whoever elevated you to a leadership position made a mistake. 

Sometimes even the best leaders get busy. So busy that they “forget” that basic principle of of saying thanks to their team members. It is important to note here that “forgetting” to show appreciation for your team causes the same lack of engagement issues as choosing not to appreciate them.

Being nice costs you nothing but it can mean so much when it comes to keeping your people engaged and motivation. Being nice is the fastest, easiest way to demonstrate that you see the people you lead as actual human beings. It shows you care about them as people and not just an “asset” that fills some role or does a job. 

It’s probably a good idea if we look for a second at the difference between being nice and being kind…yes, there is a difference. Being kind to someone means doing something for them. It likely has a cost to you associated with it. Most often that cost is in terms of time but it can also be financial. Helping someone with a project at work when there is no benefit to you is an example of being kind. Going out of your way to give someone a ride home is another example. 

Saying hello to someone, holding the door for them, and yes, saying thank you, are all examples of being nice. It’s that simple.

If you want to be an actual leader, rather than merely occupy a leadership position, then you must realize that truly leading comes with a lot of responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is earning the commitment of your people. If your people think you don’t care about them as human beings they cannot commit to you. 

Many times being nice, which includes saying thank you from time to time, is all it takes to show you care. If you can’t even do that then you can’t actually lead either.

On a different subject…I’m trying something new out over on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month, that’s 17 cents a day,  people can follow a part of my Twitter stream that is for subscribers only. It features short videos of me discussing leadership topics, sales tips and ideas for better overall relationships. I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than regular Twitter followers. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page IN THE TWITTER APP. http://twitter.com/leadtoday Give it a try if you’re so inclined, I can’t promise it will last for a long time but I can promise the content will be helpful as long as it does.