Tag Giving

Beware of the Takers

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I love giving people. Givers are those who freely give of themselves without expecting a thing in return. They simply love being helpful to others. In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we had more pure givers in it. Unfortunately, we also have people who are predominantly takers.

Truth be told, there are people who both give and take. This post isn’t about them. This post is about people who take, take, and take some more. They use people. They get what they can from other people and then leave them in their dust. They ghost people with not a care in the world for any emotional damage they may have caused. They take advantage of anyone they can.

Being taken advantage of can feel frustrating and disempowering. Takers can make you feel insignificant, and they can rob you of your self-respect. The good news is that there are steps you can take to set boundaries and protect yourself from them.

Here are some ideas to help you make sure the takers of the world don’t take too much from you.

1. Recognize the Signs

Over-commitment: Constantly saying “yes” to favors, even when it’s inconvenient.

Unfair exchanges: Others benefiting more from your kindness or work than you do.

Feeling resentment: Regularly feeling drained, unappreciated, or obligated.

2. Build Self-Awareness

Understand your patterns: Reflect on why you allow people to take advantage of you. It might stem from a desire to be liked, fear of conflict, or people-pleasing habits.

Know your worth: Recognize that your time, effort, and feelings are valuable. When you value yourself, it becomes easier to say no.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

Define limits: Decide what is and isn’t acceptable for you in terms of time, effort, and emotional energy.

Be firm and direct: When someone asks for too much, say “no” without guilt. You don’t need to explain yourself excessively; a simple, respectful refusal works.

Example: “I’m sorry, I can’t help with that right now.”

4. Practice Assertiveness

Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when I have too many responsibilities” is a non-confrontational way to set boundaries.

Stick to your decisions: If you’ve said no, stand by it. Some people might push your limits, but consistency is key.

5. Stop Apologizing Excessively

Avoid guilt-tripping yourself: Don’t feel the need to over-apologize when you set boundaries. You have the right to prioritize your needs and time.

6. Know When to Distance Yourself

Reduce contact with chronic takers: If someone continues to disregard your boundaries or exploit your kindness, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them.

7. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Seek mutually respectful relationships: Focus on building relationships where there is a healthy balance of give and take. People who respect your boundaries will support you in your growth.

8. Learn to Delegate or Say “No”

Prioritize your commitments: Not everything requires your involvement. Delegate tasks when appropriate, or say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or well-being.

9. Develop Emotional Resilience

Recognize emotional manipulation: Stay alert for guilt trips, pressure tactics, or emotional blackmail. Recognizing these strategies helps you resist them.

Stay calm in conflict: Emotional resilience allows you to assert yourself without feeling overwhelmed by others’ reactions.

Don’t become a victim of a taker. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow them to. I realize sometimes it’s very hard to say no; sometimes it is very hard to stand up for yourself. Takers are very good at making it hard to say and do what’s necessary to protect yourself. But you can stop them. You may need to work on your self-respect, practice your assertiveness, and make conscious decisions about how you allow others to treat you.

But all of that is within your control IF YOU make the decision to control it. Take control of those areas of your life, and the takers of the world will take a whole lot less joy from your life.

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How to Be More Generous

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It is better to give than to receive. If you’re tempted to disagree with that, then let me remind you that’s straight out of the Bible, Acts 20:35. What the Bible doesn’t mention is this interesting phenomenon; the more you give, the more you tend to receive.

But just to be clear, true “givers” don’t give to get something in return. They give because they have a generous spirit. They enjoy helping other people. They enjoy sharing what they have. They enjoy making someone else’s day. And they enjoy all that whether they get anything in return or not.

If you’re not as generous as you’d like to be, don’t worry. You can develop the “giving habit” and learn to enjoy doing for others… just because you can.

Becoming more generous is a mindset and behavior shift that involves empathy, self-awareness, and intentional actions. Here are several practical ways to cultivate a spirit of generosity in your life.

1. Practice Empathy

• Understand Others’ Needs: Try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. By understanding the struggles and needs of others, you’re more likely to feel compassion and offer help.

• Listen More: Being generous isn’t just about giving material things; it also means being present for others. Listen without interrupting, giving people the space to share their thoughts and feelings.

2. Start Small

• Give Time: Offer help to friends, family, or neighbors with simple tasks like running errands, babysitting, or even listening when they need support. Time is one of the most valuable things you can offer because it is something you can never get back.

• Be Kind Daily: Small acts of kindness, like holding a door open or offering a genuine compliment, create a habit of generosity. These moments of thoughtfulness add up.

3. Give Without Expectation

• Detach from Recognition: True generosity comes from giving without expecting anything in return—whether that’s a thank-you or something more tangible. This helps to cultivate a spirit of selflessness. Remember, if you’re only giving to get someone in return, you’re not really giving; you’re making a trade.

• Anonymous Giving: If you’re finding it hard to detach from recognition, try giving anonymously. This removes the pressure of receiving praise or acknowledgment.

4. Donate to Causes You Believe In

• Monetary Donations: If you have the financial means, consider donating to a charity or cause you care deeply about. Choose organizations that resonate with your values and align with the kind of impact you want to see in the world.

• Non-monetary Contributions: If financial giving isn’t possible, donate items you no longer use, such as clothes, food, or books. Volunteer your skills or time to a cause.

5. Be Generous with Praise and Gratitude

• Acknowledge Others’ Efforts: Generosity can be as simple as acknowledging someone’s hard work or kindness. Offering praise boosts morale and encourages others.

• Express Gratitude: Show appreciation for what others do for you. By doing this regularly, you’re spreading positivity and encouraging a culture of mutual generosity.

6. Build Generosity into Your Routine

• Make Generosity a Habit: Schedule regular times to give—whether it’s volunteering once a month, donating a percentage of your income, or committing to daily acts of kindness.

• Set Goals: Set personal goals around generosity. This could be helping a certain number of people in a month or donating a specific amount to charity.

7. Let Go of Scarcity Mindset

• Adopt an Abundance Mentality: People who feel they have enough in life, whether it’s time, money, or love, are more likely to give freely. Trust that by being generous, you won’t end up with less; in many ways, you’ll feel more fulfilled.

• Recognize What You Have: Be mindful of the privileges or advantages you possess. Recognizing your abundance fosters a mindset of sharing what you can.

8. Be Generous with Forgiveness

• Let Go of Grudges: Offering forgiveness to those who’ve wronged you is a generous act that benefits both parties. It promotes healing and reduces negativity.

• Be Kind to Yourself: Forgive yourself for past mistakes. When you’re more compassionate toward yourself, it becomes easier to extend that compassion to others.

9. Share Knowledge and Skills

• Mentor Someone: Share your expertise with someone who can benefit from it. Mentorship, advice, and coaching are invaluable gifts that help others grow.

• Teach What You Know: Offer to teach a skill to someone who wants to learn, whether it’s cooking, budgeting, or a professional skill. Sharing knowledge empowers others.

10. Be Open-Hearted and Vulnerable

• Give Emotional Support: Generosity doesn’t always require material gifts. Being emotionally available and sharing your feelings and thoughts with others can foster deep connections.

• Offer Encouragement: Uplift those around you by offering words of encouragement, especially during difficult times.

If you’ve read each one of those bullets thoughtfully, I’ll bet you’re a little surprised at how much you have to give. No matter what your bank account tells you, it’s possible for you to give and give generously. You only have to decide that you will.

Generosity is a continuous practice that becomes easier and more fulfilling the more you engage in it. By giving more freely—whether it’s your time, resources, or kindness—you contribute to making the world a more compassionate place, a better place. You, yes you, can make the world a better place; see, it truly is better to give than to receive.

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Consider supporting my efforts with a donation!
I put a significant amount of time and effort into writing a couple of blog posts each week. My primary goal is simple, to help other people. That doesn’t mean a little financial support isn’t appreciated. If you’ve benefited from my efforts and think my posts are valuable, I’d certainly appreciate whatever support you might be able to offer.
But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

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Your contribution is appreciated.

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The Benefits of a Generous Spirit

Steve Keating 5 Comments

Sir Winston Churchill said “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.”

No matter how much or how little you have, you have something that you can share with others. That something has the potential to change someone’s life for the better. IF you’re willing to share.

There are many logical reasons to give. It has been proven that giving can lower your blood pressure. It reduces the stress in your life. You will experience less anxiety and giving helps keep depression at bay. It also increases self-esteem.

But here is the best reason to make a difference in the life of someone else…because you can.

Some of you reading this are saying to yourself I’d give if only I had something to give. But as I said before, you absolutely have something to give. You only need to broaden your perspective about what you have that is valuable.

During this particular time in history there are many people experiencing profound loneliness. They would love for someone to talk with. If you have a willing ear and a mouth that works then that someone could be you.

I’ll bet there is an organization in your community that is matching up willing “givers” with people who could use a bit of conversation to brighten their day. If you Google it you can find that organization. 5 or 10 minutes a day to do a little good, maybe a lot of good, maybe even save a life.

That’s just one of a million ways you can give back this very day!

Still some of you are saying I’d do that if only I had the time. As anyone who has ever heard me do a Webinar on “Using Your Time Effectively” time is just an excuse for people too busy…or lazy, to make a real excuse.

You have plenty of time to do everything that is a priority in your life. And this is a bit off topic but if you have more than a small handful of priorities in your life then you probably don’t have any real priorities.

You might be thinking I can’t “spend” time giving back because I have kids, work, homeschooling, plus tons of stuff. So DON’T SPEND time on anyone, instead “INVEST TIME” with everyone in your life.

That change of mindset will improve every relationship in your life.

The benefits of giving far outweigh whatever perceived “costs” there may be. You don’t need money to give, you don’t need some special gift or skill to give. You don’t need more time in the day to give.

You just need a willing heart and a desire to help.

Giving to others is one of the nicest things you can do….for yourself. I think you deserve it, don’t you agree?

How We Give

Steve Keating 2 Comments

How we give is even more important than what we give. We, myself included, too often forget the actual definition of the word give. That definition says that to give means to “freely transfer the possession of something to someone.”

The key word there is “freely.” To me that means to expect nothing in return. Absolutely nothing.

That’s a lot harder to do than it sounds. You may think differently. You may think that you always give without expecting anything in return. But then you don’t send a holiday card to someone next year because they didn’t send you one this year.

Maybe you make a mental note of the value of the graduation gift your son or daughter received from one of your close friends. That determines the approximate value of the gift you’ll give to the kids of that friend.

In cases like that you’re not “freely” giving. You’re making a trade. Your “giving nature” is impacted by what you receive in return.

But maybe you don’t expect anything in return. Except for a bit of recognition or attention for your generous nature. If you expect to be recognized as a giver then you’re expecting something in return.

If you’re expecting something in return it’s not truly giving. Whatever you’ve given it’s certainly not “freely transferred.”

Here’s a little test for you. Do something extra for someone today. Do not let them or anyone else know you did it for them. If you’re like most people, including me, you’ll find the first half of that test far easier to accomplish than the second part. That’s because we have egos and those egos need to be fed. They are hungry little critters.

Give and then forget about it. Give and expect a healthy dose of INGRATITUDE in return. When no one acknowledges your giving then give some more.

If you’re giving solely for the purpose of giving you’ll have no problem with that. If you’re giving with the hope or intent of getting something, anything, in return then you’ll stop giving before long.

I love to think of myself as a giving person but I hate to think of myself as being taken advantage of. It seems to me as if those two thoughts are in conflict with each other.

That conflict prevents me from giving all that I could.

I’ve always heard that people who can forgive and forget have a happy life. I suspect that people who give and forget have an even happier life. So I’m going to try that. I’m guessing it won’t be easy but most things worth doing are not easy to do.

Care to join me?