Tag Frustrating

Dealing with Frustration

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Lots of “stuff” can cause frustration. But only if we let it. People can frustrate us too. But only if we allow them to. Frustration is a natural reaction to circumstances when we believe those circumstances to be beyond our control.

But to some extent being frustrated really is a choice. We can allow frustrating circumstances to get the better of us or we can choose to get the better of those same circumstances. It’s an important choice because frustration can have various damaging effects on a person. Both mentally and physically.

Mentally, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even depression over time. Physically, it may manifest as headaches, muscle tension, or even chronic health issues like high blood pressure. Frustration can also impair decision-making abilities and strain relationships. Overall, it can significantly impact your well-being and quality of life.

So it pays to make an effort to minimize frustration in your life. Making the effort to deal with frustrating circumstances involves specific steps.

1. Acknowledge your emotions. Recognize and accept your feelings of frustration. You can deny frustration all you want but it is what it is. Denying that your frustrated will not eliminate the negative consequences.

2. Take a step back. Pause and take a deep breath to calm yourself. It’s amazing what separating yourself from the source of your frustration, even if only for 30 seconds, can do for you.

3. Analyze the situation. Identify the specific cause of frustration and assess if it’s within your control.

4. Focus on what you can control. Direct your energy towards factors you can influence or change. Trying to control the uncontrollable only adds to your frustration, it does nothing to minimize it.

5. Seek solutions. Brainstorm possible solutions or ways to improve the situation. Just the process of brainstorming can lessen the stress of dealing with frustration.

6. Take action. Implement the best solution and adapt as needed. Nothing kills frustration like doing something about it. Taking action gives you back a feeling of control. Control and frustration cannot coexist. The more control you exercise over your circumstances, the less room there is for frustration in your life.

7. Practice self-care. Engage in activities that help you relax and recharge. This is the same concept as “put your own oxygen mask on first.” You’re not helping anyone or anything if you’re so stressed out you can barely think.

8. Seek support. Talk to friends, family, or a colleague if needed for guidance and encouragement. I’m not necessarily a big fan of “venting” but sometimes blowing off a little steam takes the pressure of frustration off too.

It’s normal to encounter frustrating circumstances. It’s how you choose to respond to the frustrating circumstances that will make all the difference. Choose well!

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Overcoming the Frustration Challenge

Steve Keating 1 Comment

It’s a fact that sometimes people are promoted into leadership positions when they have, shall we say, some shortcomings. At least some perceived shortcomings. 

How you react under those circumstances says a lot more about you than it says about the person in the leadership position. It is common for a person being “led” by someone they feel is unqualified to hold a leadership position to “resist” that person. 

Resisting the person means at best they become a disengaged employee. At worst they become actively disengaged. 

A disengaged employee is someone who does the bare minimum required to keep their job. They make the determination that doing more than the bare minimum isn’t going to be rewarded. So they put forth a “why bother” level of effort. 

An actively disengaged employee is actually putting forth more effort. The problem is that much of that effort is focusing on being a disruption to the the organization. And a disruption to their “leader” in particular. 

I have been very fortunate to nearly always work for leaders who actually led. Yes, some were more effective than others but I learned good stuff from all of them. They each, in their own way, made me better. 

But my first “leader” right out of college might have taught me the most. Unfortunately, I learned it years after he was no longer leading me. It didn’t take very long in my first job out of college to realize that my “leader” wasn’t the smartest guy in the room. In fact, to my absolute surprise I figured out quickly that he was illiterate. He could not read or write. 

Yet he was the boss of a team of people with Electrical Engineering degrees. I was 22 years old and I had no idea what to make of this situation. Most people I told found it hard to believe that someone at his level could be illiterate. But he was. 

I found it more than challenging to take any kind of direction from this guy. I assumed that his inability to read and write made him an idiot. Then I decided, for reasons I still don’t completely understand, to make his life a living hell. I must say I was pretty good at it. 

So good in fact that it didn’t take long to find myself sitting in a conference room with an HR Rep, my boss and his boss. They told us to “work it out” and get back to work. But the way I worked it out was to leave the company and head for greener pastures. 

Over the years I thought about that boss and what I had learned from that experience. The big thing I learned was that I was a terrible team member. I might have been the best engineer on the team but I was the worst team member. I disrupted everyone with my shenanigans which were all focused on proving how much smarter I was than the boss. 

One of the other big things I learned from that experience was that just because I failed to see the strengths of my boss it didn’t mean others couldn’t see them. He had worked his way up through the company and earned the respect of the owners. They were very loyal to him. He understood their goals and worked tirelessly to help them achieve each one. He was a good “people person,” even if I didn’t realize that until it was much too late. 

It would be years before I understood one of my roles in an organization was to make the people around me better. That included the people above me in the organization. It was never going to be my place to expose any weaknesses of the people above me. My role was to identify any gaps they may have and fill those gaps with my own experience and skills. And that was regardless of whether or not I received any credit for it. It was also my role whether or not they knew I was doing it. 

It would be several more years before I would realize that in the most successful organizations everyone has that same role. That role is to find and fill the gaps of the people around and above you. That role is also in addition to everything else in your job description, not instead of. The role is not to expose gaps for the sole purpose of complaining about them. 

If you’re currently working for a leader who frustrates you the first thing you need to realize is that being frustrated is a choice. You can choose to be frustrated or you can choose to be fascinated. I’d recommend you be fascinated and curious about how a seemingly unqualified person achieved a leadership position in the first place. By working to understand that person you may discover the strengths that earned them that position. 

It’s when you identify a person’s strengths that it becomes much more rewarding to fill their gaps. Filling the gaps of the people around you also makes you a much more valuable employee…and a great team member.

Do not allow anyone with shortcomings in your organization to frustrate you. You can’t control their actions or their weaknesses. So control what you can and that’s your attitude and the level of effort you’ll put forth to be the very best version of yourself. 

And one last thing…before you even think about criticizing someone else for their shortcomings you’d better be darn sure you don’t have any of your own.

Frustrating Leaders

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Sometimes people get the mistaken impression that the person they work for is not the brightest bulb on the tree. They think their boss may be a card or two short of a full deck. Perhaps they are not the sharpest knife in the set. 

Whatever clichéd insult they choose to use they are almost certainly mistaken. 

When we’re frustrated by the leaders above us in our organization we need to realize that somebody saw something in them. That is why they are in a leadership position. We need to look (sometimes we need to look hard) to discover for ourselves what their strengths are. Then we need to help them maximize their strengths. 

The best way to do that is to use our strengths to fill their gaps. You’re likely already well aware of those gaps. You’ve been complaining about them to anyone who would listen. You allow the gaps of the people above you to ruin your productivity and wreck your attitude. 

You let the shortcomings, both real and imagined, of the people above you in your organization have way more influence on your life than you should. You allow your frustrations to carry over to your personal life and impact those people most important to you. 

Stop that. Stop that because stopping that is completely within your control. When you decide to stop allowing other people’s possible shortcomings to frustrate you then you also decide to have a happier, more productive life. And career. 

When you use your strengths and skills to close some of the gaps of the people above you then you allow them to use their strengths to the best of their ability. Imagine the difference that can make for your organization, for your boss, and especially for you. 

I’m not as naïve as some of you might think. I know that sometimes people get promoted into leadership positions despite having some substantial gaps. Maybe it was nepotism, maybe it was knee pads, but whatever the case they are where they are at so deal with it. Professionally!

You were hired to do a job. You agreed to do that job for a certain level of compensation. If that level of compensation is being met then you have an obligation to do your job and to do it to the best of your ability. 

Allowing yourself to be frustrated by the leader above you negatively impacts your ability to do your job. Sharing those frustrations with co-workers negatively impacts their ability to do their jobs. 

None of that helps anyone. If you have a boss you struggle with then talk to them about it. Ask how you can help them eliminate the source of your frustration. As United States President John F. Kennedy once said, “Ask not what your company can do for you, ask what you can do for your company.” (Okay, I know he said country instead of company but you get the point)

Understand that your level of frustration is not determined by how frustrating someone else may be. It is determined but how much frustration you’re willing to allow into your life. 

I’d suggest you allow none!

On a completely different subject…I’m trying something new out over on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month people can follow a part of my Twitter steam that is for subscribers only. It features primarily short videos of me talking about the kind of things I tweet and blog about. But the best part is I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than regular followers. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page. http://twitter.com/leadtoday (You may need to refresh the page to see the Super Follow Button) Give it a try if you’re so inclined, I can’t promise it will last for a long time but I can promise the content will be helpful as long as it does. 

Not Every Leader Leads – Part Two

Steve Keating 1 Comment

In my last post we talked about following an ineffective leader. We also discussed working through the frustration that comes with that situation. 

 

If you can manage to work through the frustration and lead yourself you are way ahead of most people. Too many people spend their days wallowing in their lack of leadership. They should be focused on leading themselves to success. 

 

If you have the leadership skills to deal with the frustration of following a leader who doesn’t lead then it’s likely you also have the leadership skills to “lead up” in your organization.

 

Leading up is the second part of the process for overcoming the lack of leadership when you’re working with a leader who doesn’t lead. Here’s the thing about “leading up” in your organization; while it is absolutely necessary when your leader isn’t leading it is also beneficial when your leader is already an effective leader.

 

If you’re a leader at any level in your organization then you should be adding value to everything and everyone you have contact with. I know it can seem counterintuitive to help people succeed at some cost to your own success but that’s Authentic Leadership. If you can help anyone then you should help them. It is the right thing to do. While it may feel as if you’re potentially costing yourself a promotion or raise by helping other people look good you’re not.  

 

Doing the right thing is never wrong. 

 

So, let’s talk about the “how to” of leading up. First before you can lead anyone else you must lead yourself. Allowing the frustrations of your position or job to dominate your thoughts and actions is not leading yourself. 

 

You must maintain control over your emotions because failing to do so will have a huge negative affect over your attitude. When it comes to influencing those around you, especially those above you in your organization, attitude is everything. If you can’t control your emotions then you won’t control your attitude. 

 

To lead up in your organization you need to remove as much work as possible from your leader. That will inevitably mean doing more than what’s in your job description. It will frequently mean doing it will little or no recognition, at least for you. Trust the fact that someone notices your effort. Even in the very unlikely event that no one does you can take pride in your efforts because you will have done what’s right. 

 

Leading up requires that you have the ability to say no to your leader. Whether your leader is an effective leader or something less than effective they need someone in their sphere of influence who has the courage to tell them the truth. Sometimes that will mean telling them what they don’t what to hear. If you’re going to lead up you’ll need to find a tactful way to do that. 

 

Leading up also means doing the things that others are unwilling to do. Anyone can do the easy stuff; leaders who lead up tackle the tough jobs that other people avoid. Making a difference for the people above you, or anywhere in your organization, will sometimes mean sacrificing your personal objectives for the sake of others. It may mean working with people you would prefer not to work with. But leading up teaches you tenacity and resiliency that people unwilling to lead up with never know. 

 

The reality is that there are people in leadership positions all around the world who don’t actually lead. If you find yourself being “led” by one of those don’t allow your attitude to be impacted by the lack of leadership.

 

Choose to control your emotions. Choose to lead up in your organization. Make the choice to have a positive impact on those who could have a negative impact on you. 


All is takes is a decision to LeadToday!


When Your Boss is a Knucklehead

Steve Keating 8 Comments

I, like many people have had the great misfortune of working for someone who just wasn’t very smart. 

Or so I thought. 

The truth is, I had the great misfortune of thinking I was working for someone who wasn’t very smart. It took me longer than it should have to realize that someone higher up in the organization had the ability to see my boss’s strengths, an ability that I had yet to develop.

The thought that you are working for someone who is not as smart, skilled or as effective as you are only leads to frustration and it’s not the boss who is frustrated, it’s you.

So stop frustrating yourself by focusing on your boss’s weakness. Understand that so long as your boss is human they will have their share of shortcomings. Understand as well that so long as your boss is human they will likely possess unique strengths that add value to your organization. 

To limit your frustration find and focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses. 

It could also be that you are in fact smarter than your boss but they may possess a quality or characteristic that you lack. Be honest with yourself; it’s unlikely that you are truly perfect and completely devoid of skill or ability gaps. It’s possible that you’re missing a quality or characteristic that your boss’s boss believes is vital for your organization. Learn what you can from your boss to determine your personal development opportunities. It’s nice to have a boss that helps you develop but it’s actually your responsibility to develop yourself, don’t expect others to do it for you.

Lead up! If your boss indeed has “gaps” then accept it as your responsibility to fill those gaps. It could be that you were hired for that very purpose. If your boss is a good leader they likely identified their own gaps and hired you to do what they couldn’t. If that’s the case then being frustrated with your boss’s inability to do everything you can is just counterproductive and downright silly.

If none of this makes any sense to you then it’s possible that your boss is truly a knucklehead. If that’s the case perhaps you should consider making a move to greener pastures. But don’t consider it for long, either move or be quiet and do your job. Don’t, do not, not today, not tomorrow, not ever, hang around and become a disruptive negative force in your organization by constantly complaining about your boss. Move along, you can do better.

One more thing….if you at your third or fourth job and in every case your boss is a knucklehead then perhaps you should take a look at what (or who) all those jobs have in common. I’d suggest you start by looking in the mirror. 

You may not like what you see but at least you will see the real source of most knucklehead bosses. I know that’s harsh but one hard look could make every other look a whole lot easier.