Tag Feeding an Ego

Keeping Your Ego in Check

Steve Keating 1 Comment

If you’re human then you have an ego. It’s healthy to feed it from time to time with positive affirmations and careful, honest introspection. If you’re a leader then one of your responsibilities is to also feed the ego of your people. Small portions are definitely recommended here. Positive, thoughtful recognition will help your people stay engaged in your organization. It also motivates them to consistently give their best effort.

The problem with an ego begins when it’s over fed. Even a little too much “ego food” can cause us to look like a boring braggart. It can make you seem like a person who thinks they are better than anyone around them. It’s a good idea to periodically, or even frequently, get on the ego scale.  You need to make certain yours isn’t getting a little too big. 

Here’s a few thoughts on keeping your ego in check.

  1. Become aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This will help you recognize when your ego is taking over and when you need to take a step back from the ego buffet table.
  1. Humility is the opposite of ego. Practice humility by acknowledging your weaknesses. Always be open to feedback. Invest time to show appreciation for others. If you find it difficult to be humble I’d suggest you refer back to point #1. 
  1. Be mindful of your actions and words. Pay attention to the way you interact with others. Avoid dominating conversations, belittling others, or boasting about your accomplishments. If you need to constantly tell people how good you are at something it’s most likely that you’re actually not all that good. If you’re actually good at something other people will tell you, you won’t have to tell them.
  1. Adopt a growth mindset. Focus on learning and improving rather than proving yourself or being right all the time. If by some small chance, you actually are the smartest person in the room then you may want to consider finding yourself a different room. 
  1. Practice empathy: Empathy allows you to understand and relate to others, which can help you keep your ego in check. When you practice empathy, you are less likely to put your needs and desires above those of others.
  1. Surround yourself with people who challenge you. Being around people who have different perspectives and skills can help you stay humble and open-minded. When you are frequently around incredibly smart people it’s like being on an ego diet. 
  1. Start each day by considering what you have to be grateful for. Cultivating a sense of gratitude can help you appreciate the contributions of others. It will help you reduce the need to constantly prove yourself. And by the way, never miss an opportunity to tell people why you’re grateful to have them in your life. You may make their day and it’s highly likely you’ll make your own as well.

When you put these ideas into practice you can keep your ego in check and develop stronger relationships with others. And that is always a good thing!

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Are You Hot Stuff?

Steve Keating 4 Comments

If you’ve recently been promoted to a leadership position then congratulations. It likely came with an important sounding title and you might be tempted to think you’re pretty hot stuff as a result. 

 

You’re not. You’re not because no one is. Your skills in some areas may be better than someone else’s and you may as a result been able to acquire more “stuff.” But you have to know that doesn’t make you a more valuable human being. No title, no position, and no amount of money can do that. Every person you’ve ever met or ever will meet is worthy of the same level of respect as you, regardless of your or their level of accomplishments. 

 

The danger in thinking you’re hot stuff is that it artificially inflates your ego. Egos need to be fed and when a person’s ego gets too big they invariably steal another person’s ego food. A healthy well balanced ego is the mark of an Authentic Leader. They need no more than their own share of ego food so they have plenty left over to provide recognition and support to their people. 

 

One of the key responsibilities of a leader is to help their people know, without a doubt, that they matter. That they matter to the organization as both an employee and as a person. 

 

The effort required to do that must be intentional and consistent. Helping others understand their worth is not a chore for an Authentic Leader, it is a privilege. 

 

When you forget that, even for a short time, you put all other aspects of your leadership at risk. Large egos tend to make leaders pretty forgetful when it comes recognizing other people.

 

I can’t close this post without at least a short discussion on ego. Many people reading this will be perplexed by my comments about “feeding” egos. They are perplexed because like many people they have always been told that having an ego is a bad thing. Well that’s like saying sleeping is a bad thing. You have to sleep in order to recharge your batteries for the next day. 

 

You must also have an ego to motivate yourself. Having an ego is a normal as having a nose. Having an ego is not a problem unless it gets so big that you lose sight of the fact that everyone else has one too.


Think of it like this, self-respect comes from having an ego; lack of respect for others comes from having an ego that has grown too large. If your ego has gotten a little too large then put it on a diet by giving your ego food to someone who needs it more than you. 


How to Feed Your Ego

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Do you have an ego? If you’re reading this then it’s likely you have a pulse and if you have a pulse then you most certainly have an ego. 

That’s not a problem, the problem comes from not understanding that having an ego is as normal as breathing. 

As a leader you must remember that your people have egos and their ego needs to be fed with recognition and feedback. Hungry egos lead to unproductive, disengaged followers and no leader can afford that. Consider feeding your people’s egos to be an investment in them and your organization.

While feeding your people’s ego you must also remember that you have an ego too. Just like everyone else’s it must be fed. You may be working for a limited leader who doesn’t offer recognition or feedback. Maybe you’re leading from the middle of the organization where your efforts are largely hidden. 

In either case, it may be necessary for you to feed your own ego. Having a hungry ego does not make you weak, it doesn’t make you selfish and it doesn’t make you an egomaniac. It simply makes you human.

Here are a few ideas on how you may feed your own ego.

Discover satisfaction wherever and whenever you can. Be satisfied knowing the real reason for the success of your team or the success of a project. If you know the reason it’s a safe bet others do as well, whether they acknowledge it or not. 

Accept the compliments, wherever they come from. You may not be receiving compliments from your boss or leader but hey, a compliment is a compliment. Accept them graciously because if you’re hungry enough it doesn’t really matter where the food is coming from.

Understand the value of what you do. Oftentimes people aren’t appreciated until they are gone. That happens when their value isn’t understood. Whether others understand the value that you bring to the organization or not you always have the ability to understand it yourself.

Now… a couple of caveats. 

A healthy ego is a lean ego. Your ego needs to be fed but it doesn’t need to be stuffed. Never eat more ego food than you need to be healthy. While having an ego is not a problem having a great big fat ego certainly is!

Make sure what you’re ego is eating is actually ego food and not waste from a bull. If you lie to yourself about the value you bring to the organization or your accomplishments then your ego begins to smell like the bull. That’s no way to lead!

Keep your ego well fed and your career and relationships will be healthy too.

The Importance of Recognition

Steve Keating 6 Comments

People crave recognition. They crave recognition almost as much as they crave air to breath or water to drink. In fact people NEED recognition to carry them through the difficult times that all humans will eventually face.

Needing recognition is not a weakness, it is just a part of life.

I know lots of people who say they don’t need recognition. They are “self-fulfilled.” Well they may need a bit less recognition than other people but they are kidding themselves if they don’t think they need any recognition from anyone ever. 

Humans have this thing known as an ego. If you have a pulse then you have an ego. It’s not bad to have an ego so long as you keep it under control but it is a problem when we fail to recognize that everyone else has an ego too. 

What many people forget is that an ego sometimes needs to be fed in order to stay healthy. One of a leader’s primary responsibilities is to feed the ego of their people. Just like with a real human diet, small consistent “feedings” are far more healthy than binge feeding once in a great while and then starving for nourishment in between. 

Those small consistent feedings are called compliments, feedback, and coaching. If you’re a leader who starves your people of ego food then you are missing a big piece of leading. 

None of this is new for experienced leaders; they know their people need recognition and feedback. The mistake they make is believing they can provide that recognition and feedback when “they have an extra moment” or in their “free time.” 

Look at your calendar, go ahead, look right now. Exactly when is that “extra moment” or “free time” on your calendar?

Most leaders don’t have extra time or free time in their day. That means the time required to provide recognition and feedback must be baked into their schedule. It must be planned and intentional. It needs to be more than “once in a while” because a “while” can be a very long time when you’re a busy leader.

If you really desire to grow your people then you need to give them the recognition they NEED in order to  grow. When was the last time you purposely stopped what you were doing to give well deserved recognition or feedback. If you don’t know the date and time then I would submit to you that it’s been too long. 

Your team’s collective ego is hungry… feed them!