Tag Earning What you Want

Wishers and Wanters

Steve Keating Leave a comment

A whole bunch of years ago I was attending a Dale Carnegie Convention. I was surrounded by hundreds of amazing people from all around the world. A large majority of the people attending were excellent speakers and the best of the best presented to the entire audience.

I remember one particularly incredible presentation where the speaker was playing the harp WHILE giving a presentation on an entirely different subject. I mentioned to the person sitting next to me that I really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument.

I had never met this person before so I was a little surprised by their response. They said “No you don’t.” I reiterated that I really really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument. They again said that I didn’t.

They explained that while I apparently “wished” I could play a musical instrument I obviously didn’t really want to. He went on to say if I truly wanted to I likely would already be able to. I understood what he was getting at but I was still a little miffed at some guy telling me what I did and didn’t want.

It would be a long time before I truly understood the profound psychological and practical gap between a wish and a want. While they often start in the same place—a spark of desire—they travel in completely different directions.

One lives in the imagination; the other lives in the calendar.

The Nature of Wishing: Passive and Painless

A wish is essentially a fantasy without a price tag. When we wish for something, we are focusing entirely on the outcome without considering the process.

Direction: Inward. It’s a daydream that provides a temporary hit of dopamine.

The Cost: Zero. Wishing doesn’t require sacrifice, change, or risk of failure.

The Language: “I hope,” “If only,” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”

The Trap: Wishing can actually become a form of procrastination. We feel a sense of accomplishment just by thinking about the goal, which can trick our brains into feeling satisfied without ever taking the first step. 

The Nature of Wanting: Active and Costly

“Wanting it enough to earn it” transforms a passive desire into a commitment. At this stage, you aren’t just in love with the trophy; you have accepted the sweat, the early mornings, and the inevitable setbacks.

Direction: Outward. It moves from the mind into physical action.

The Cost: High. It requires trading your most valuable resources: time, energy, and comfort.

The Language: “I will,” “I am,” and “What is the next step?”

The Filter: This is where most people drop off. As the saying goes, “Everyone wants the prize, but few want the process.”

The Pivot Point: The “Decision”

The difference between the two usually boils down to a single moment of honesty. To move from wishing to earning, you have to ask yourself: “Am I willing to endure the ‘boring’ parts of this goal?”

If you wish to be a writer, you enjoy the idea of a finished book.

If you want to earn the title of writer, you enjoy (or at least tolerate) the act of sitting in a chair and typing when you’d rather be doing anything else.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Wishing is a great starting point—it’s the “why.” But earning is the “how.” The world is full of people who wish for change; it is moved by the people who decide to pay the price for it.

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How to Get What You Want

Steve Keating 2 Comments

There is actually more than one way to get what you want. Some people steal it. Some people luck into it. Some people have it handed to them. But there are “problems” with all of those. You’ve likely heard the saying that crime doesn’t pay. Well sometimes it does pay, but it never pays for very long. People who get what they want by stealing it will eventually lose it, it’s only a question of time. 

Even the luckiest people in the world aren’t lucky all the time. So if you have what you want and got it by being lucky then you too are merely borrowing what you want. Sooner or later, the bill from Lady Luck will come calling. 

The people who have what they want handed to them most often don’t appreciate it enough to possess it for very long. They have no “skin in the game” so when they lose what they have they assume someone will replace it with something else they want. They are shocked when they discover it doesn’t work that way all the time. 

But there is a way to get what you want. It’s also the only way to be certain you’ll get to keep it. To get what you want and keep it, you have to deserve what you want. 

In other words, you have to earn it. 

People who earn what they want would tell you that the world is actually a pretty fair place. There is no dark force that works against anyone to prevent them from succeeding. Everyone faces challenges and roadblocks. People who earn what they want figure out a way to get past them. 

One big way they do that is by controlling what they can control so well that they minimize the things that they can’t control. 

They have complete control over their character. They understand that there are no circumstances that can prevent them from living with integrity. That understanding helps them build solid relationships with people who can help them overcome life’s challenges. Only you can decide whether or not you’ll live a life of good character. Will you act, think and feel in a way that demonstrates respect for others, displays honesty, is consistently responsible, caring and fair?

Those are all choices you get to make every day. People who earn what they want make great choices. 

They also have a great work ethic. They know better than to put in 50% of their possible effort and expect a 100% return. They simply outwork the people who steal, luck into or hope to get what they want. 

So be honest with yourself and evaluate what percentage of days are you giving less than a 100% effort. I don’t suppose anyone can give 100% all the time but people who earn what they want give 100% almost all the time. If you want to increase your chances to earn what you want then get started by increasing your level of effort. That is also a choice completely within your control. 

Here is one more thing that people who earn what they want do. They learn. Always. Every single day. I would equate much of whatever success I’ve had not to the fact that I’m smart, which is completely debatable, but to the fact that I’ve mostly avoided being stupid. Which is not debatable. 

It is far easier to avoid stupidity than it is to be smart. All you need to do is constantly be learning. You can do that by opening yourself up to learn from anyone. Even people you don’t particularly like. Even your competitors. There is no one on the world that doesn’t know something you don’t and when you learn that you can learn anything. 

Learning is also a choice that is also completely within your control. If you’re willing to learn no one can stop you. If you’re not willing to learn no one can help you. So learn.

What is it that you want? Are you willing to earn it? 

If you can answer that first question then you are ahead of many people. If you can answer that second question with a yes then you are ahead of most.