Tag Do the right thing

How to Be Less Judgmental: A Practical Guide to More Peace and Connection

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Are you judgmental? Whether you think you are or not the answer to that question for all of us is yes. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. That quick mental label when someone cuts in line, posts something we find ridiculous, or makes a choice we’d never make. “They’re so rude,” “lazy,” “selfish,” or worse. These snap judgments feel automatic, even protective sometimes. But over time, being habitually judgmental drains our energy, strains relationships, and keeps us stuck in negativity.

The good news? Judgment is a habit, not a fixed personality trait. With awareness and practice, you can dial it down significantly. Becoming less judgmental doesn’t mean you stop having opinions or values—it means separating discerning evaluations from automatic, harsh character attacks. Here’s why it’s worth the effort and how to actually do it.

Why Being Less Judgmental Matters

Constant judgment creates a low-grade stress loop. It fuels negativity bias, reduces empathy, and makes us feel isolated even in a crowd. On the flip side, research and psychological insights show that shifting toward non-judgmental awareness brings real benefits:

• Greater emotional peace and positivity

• Stronger, more compassionate relationships

• Reduced reactivity and rumination

A more open, curious mindset

Letting go of excess judgment isn’t about becoming naive or passive—it’s about freeing mental space for understanding, growth, and actual influence when it matters.

Practical Steps to Become Less Judgmental

1. Build Awareness: Catch Yourself in the Act
Judgment usually happens on autopilot. The first (and most powerful) step is simply noticing it.

When a critical thought arises, pause and mentally label it: “That’s a judgment.”

No need to fight it—just observe like you’re watching clouds pass.
Over a week or two, this simple noticing rewires the habit. You’ll start catching judgments faster, often before they turn into full stories or words.

2. Question the Story: What Do I Actually Know?
Most judgments fill in huge blanks with assumptions. Combat this with curiosity.
Ask yourself:

What do I really know about this person’s full situation, history, or pressures?

Am I falling into the fundamental attribution error—blaming character instead of circumstances?

What might be going on for them that I can’t see? (Traffic, exhaustion, grief, a bad day…)
Reminding yourself “I don’t have the full story” creates instant space between impulse and reaction.

3. Separate Actions from People
It’s healthy and necessary to evaluate behaviors (“Cutting in line disrupts fairness”). It’s far less helpful to leap to global character attacks (“They’re an entitled jerk”).
Practice: Judge the action, not the soul. This keeps your discernment sharp while reducing personal hostility.

4. Flip the Script: Balance or Reframe
When you catch a harsh judgment, deliberately follow it with something neutral or kind.
Examples:

“They’re so inconsiderate” → “They’re so inconsiderate… and maybe they’re rushing because of an emergency.”

“What a mess they are” → “Their life looks chaotic right now… I’ve had messy seasons too.”
This doesn’t mean excusing harm—it balances negativity with humanity.

5. Practice Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Actively imagine the other person’s inner world.

How might they be feeling in this moment?

What fears, insecurities, or past experiences might be driving their behavior?

How would I want someone to interpret my worst moment?
Even brief mental role-reversal softens the heart and reduces black-and-white thinking.

6. Reflect on How It Feels to Be Judged
Recall a time someone judged you harshly. How did it feel? Did it motivate positive change, or did it make you defensive and closed off?
Most of us soften when we remember the sting. Ask: “Do I want to add to someone else’s pain today?”

7. Notice the Cost to Yourself
Pay attention to how judgment affects you. Does it leave you energized or drained? Happier or more bitter? Connected or isolated?
Seeing the personal downside often motivates change more than any moral lecture.

Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection

You’ll still judge—everyone does. The goal isn’t zero judgment; it’s fewer automatic, harsh, unnecessary ones. Celebrate small wins: noticing a judgment before speaking it, choosing curiosity over criticism, feeling lighter after letting one go.

Over time, this practice doesn’t just change how you see others—it changes how you see yourself. Less inner criticism. More grace. More room for real connection in a world that desperately needs it.

Start today with one thing: the next time a judgy thought pops up, pause and whisper to yourself, “That’s a judgment.” Then take a breath. That single moment of awareness is where transformation begins.

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You Only Might be Wrong

Steve Keating 5 Comments

I love the story about the guy who gets a phone call from his wife while he’s driving himself home from work. His wife tells him to be extra careful because there are reports of someone driving on the wrong side of the road on his route home. 

 

He thanks her for the call but then says it’s not just one person driving the wrong way, it’s everyone but him.

 

I guess you could say he was a little over confident in his driving abilities. 

 

If you’re in a room with 100 people and 99 of them believe something different than you then you must come to grips with the reality that you could possibly be wrong. 

 

Possibly.

 

Okay, so it is very likely but I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt depending on how you came to the conclusion that everyone else was wrong. 

 

If your conclusion is based on something you’ve “heard” or heaven forbid, something you’ve read on the internet or seen on TV then you need better facts to base your conclusions on. 

 

But if, if your conclusion is based upon your core values then I’m with you 100%. 

 

If your core values are based on doing what’s right, for yourself and all other people, then stand firm. If your core values are based on honesty, equality and doing what’s right then don’t be moved one inch. Not even by 99 other people. 

 

Authentic Leaders know that doing what’s right and doing what’s fair are often two different things. They do what’s right!

 

Authentic Leaders don’t assume they are right because of some title or position they hold. They don’t say wrong is right to be popular or to get someone’s vote.

 

Authentic Leaders know that wrong is wrong no matter how many people believe it or do it.


Whether you’re a leader or someone who wants to lead one day never succumb to pressure from others to sacrifice your core values. In fact if you do, I’d say they weren’t truly core values in the first place. 

Do This….When You Don’t Know What to Do

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Most people, maybe all people, certainly me, experience times in their life where they don’t know what to do. That doesn’t make them weak people. That doesn’t make them dumb people. It also doesn’t make them less likely to succeed…. unless they do nothing because they don’t know what to do. 

 

Hopefully you have someone in your life that you can bounce ideas and problems off of. It could be a coach or a mentor. Possibly a close friend or family member. The importance of having someone in your life that you trust enough to share anything with cannot be overstated. If you don’t have that person or even better, people, then you need to find one. 

 

But sometimes, even with help, your next move can be hard to determine. You’re not sure what to do next. 

 

Because that’s happened to me from time to time I’ve received lots of advice on the subject. One time when I had to choose between two options and deciding seemed hopeless, one of my mentors told me to flip a coin. I said that the decision was too important for something as frivolous as flipping a coin. 

 

He told me that it wasn’t at all frivolous because when that coin was in the air I’d know exactly which way I wanted it to land. I still wanted to dismiss his suggestion but somehow I knew he was right…and he was. So I flipped the coin and said if it was heads I’d do this and if it was tails I’d do that. It came up tails and I didn’t want that so I decided that it was such a big decision I should do two-outta-three. It was then that I knew exactly which way I wanted to go. 

 

As clever as that was I still find it a little ridiculous to make a major life decision on a coin flip. So I sometimes use advice from Benjamin Franklin. 

 

When the very wise Ben Franklin was asked for advice he would tell people he couldn’t decide for them but he did share his own decision making “tool.” He advised people to take a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side of the paper he said to list the reasons for doing something and on the other side of the paper list the reasons for not doing it. 

 

Then he said, and this is the key advice, he said to NOT count the things on either side, he said to weigh them instead. Seeing the reasons on paper made them more concrete and real. You could have 12 reasons on the “do not” side verses 2 on the “do” side but if the 2 outweighed, or mattered more, than the 12, you knew your decision was to “do.” 

 

When I share how to use Ben’s tool today I let people know it’s okay to take several days to list your reasons on that paper. As you ruminate over a decision keep that paper nearby and track your reasons for and against, you’ll have your answer in relatively short order.

 

But sometimes even when using that tool the “weight” of the decision is equal and you just won’t know what to do. 

 

So do this.

 

Do the next right thing. You may not know completely what to do or what not to do but somewhere in you the knowledge of the next right thing to do exists. Doing the next right thing may not get you to where you need to be but it will get you closer. 

 

I can tell you from personal experience that doing the next right thing is a lot harder than it sounds. I’ve often convinced myself that I didn’t know the next right thing to do because I just didn’t want to do it. I wanted to do the easier thing. 

 

Right leads to success. Easy leads to…well it doesn’t lead to success, at least not real, lasting success. 


The knowledge of the next right thing to do lives inside of you. The only question is do you have the courage that is often required to do it. 

Are You the “Right” Kind of Leader?

Steve Keating 2 Comments

One of the many challenges of leadership is this little gem: doing what’s right and doing what’s popular are very often two different things. 

 

Authentic leaders do what’s right. They do what’s right even when it isn’t easy and they do what’s right even when it isn’t popular.  They lead by principle not by poll. They gather facts and information and then they decide. Once they decide they act. It’s pretty much always in that order.

 

There are many people in leadership positions who don’t actually lead. Instead they put a finger in the air to determine which way the wind is blowing and then they go with the flow. These imitation leaders have a need to be liked and that need is so strong that they refuse to risk upsetting anyone by doing what needs to be done. 

 

So sadly, right often loses out to popular or easy.

 

If you want to be a leader then buck up and trade-up from popular to respected. Do the right thing whether it’s popular or not! 

 

If you’re not sure what’s “right” then consult with trusted resources, ask your mentor, ask other Authentic Leaders what they have done in similar situations. Determine what’s right and once you do then act. 

 

Here’s the thing for those of you who still worry about your popularity: doing the easy thing may make you popular in the short-term but doing the right thing, while it may take some time, will make you a leader in the long-term. 


Leading isn’t always fun, it isn’t always easy and leaders aren’t always popular but true leadership is always rewarding. Reward yourself, always do the right thing.

Do the Right Thing

Steve Keating Leave a comment

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is this: when you don’t know what to do just do the next right thing. 

It might be a small thing, it might not get you far and it might seem like it doesn’t matter. But it does!

Doing the right thing, however small very often leads directly to doing the next right thing and a few “right things” in a row can add up to something very good, very very good.

Even when we can’t see the big picture, even when we don’t know exactly what to do, we can almost almost find some little “right thing” and that’s the thing to do. It’s called progress; sometimes we make progress in big steps and sometimes in small steps but this much is clear; successful people are almost always making some sort of progress.

If you truly don’t know what the next right thing is then ask. This is where having a mentor in your life can make a huge difference. Ask your mentor for their opinion on the next right thing. 

You need, yes NEED, a mentor who cares enough about you to be honest. Your mentor should have no ulterior motive for helping you. The best mentors help people because for them, it’s the next right thing to do.

If you don’t have a mentor then ask someone who you trust, someone you see as successful, someone who you see yourself becoming, to be your mentor today.

I know that doing the next right thing sounds very simplistic but all too often it is anything but easy. Doing the right thing can be very hard, especially when compared to doing the easy thing. 

The easy way seldom brings any real value into your life but the right thing almost always does. Doing the right thing is always better then doing nothing and it is way better than doing the wrong thing. 

Do the next right thing, do it for the right reasons and you’ll soon discover that you can never go wrong by doing right.