Tag Controlling Emotions

How to Lift Your Spirits

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I think everyone feels a little blue from time to time. Some people simply hide it better than others. There are lots of reasons why that happens and all of them are associated with this thing we call life.

Most of the time, we get past the blues without taking any specific action. Something good happens, and we snap out of it. But sometimes, the blues hang around a little longer than they should. Long enough in fact, that they start to cause us problems.

Problems with our attitudes. Problems with our productivity and creativity. We might procrastinate more than normal. We might even start to have relationship issues.

If any of those things are happening to you, then it may be time to proactively pull yourself back towards your peak performance. Here’s a handful of suggestions to make that happen.

1. Physical Activity: Exercise isn’t just good for your body; it’s a proven mood booster. Go for a run, lift some weights, or even dance like nobody’s watching. Endorphins are your friends, so do something, anything to get yourself moving. Sitting on the couch just ain’t gonna get it done.

2. Sunlight: Get some natural light. It helps regulate your serotonin levels, which can significantly improve your mood. Even if it’s cloudy, just being outside can help.

3. Connect with Others: Humans are social creatures. Call a friend, have a real conversation, or, better yet, meet up if you can. Social interaction can be incredibly uplifting.

4. Gratitude Practice: This might sound cliché, but writing down three things you’re grateful for each day can shift your focus from what’s missing to what’s already there. This is a bigger deal than you may think. An “attitude of gratitude” can “fix” a whole lot of problems in your life; in fact, it can eliminate them altogether.

5. Limit News and Social Media: Sometimes, the world’s chaos can seep into your psyche. Take breaks from news cycles and the endless scroll of social media. Despite what you may see, hear, and read, the world isn’t ending today. I know that for a fact because it’s already tomorrow in Australia, so the rest of us “non-Aussies” have at least one more day. Let’s all make the most of it.

6. Creative Expression: Whether it’s drawing, writing, music, or any form of art, creating something can be therapeutic. It doesn’t have to be good; it just has to be done.

7. Set Small Goals: Achieving something, no matter how small, can give you a sense of accomplishment. Clean your room, cook a meal, or finish a chapter of a book. A surprisingly simple way to get your day off to a great start is to make your bed. Yep, start your day by making your bed and you’ve accomplished something before you even left the house.

8. Help Someone Else: Sometimes, lifting others can lift you. Volunteer, help a neighbor, or just do something kind for someone else. If you really want to boost your mood, do that something kind for someone else without them finding out it was you who did it. That’s harder than you think because we all like credit for doing something good. But it makes a huge difference for you if you just did it because it was the right thing to do.

These 8 suggestions are easy to do and they work. But here’s the thing, they are short-term solutions. If you find yourself constantly down in the dumps, that is not a good thing. It may be considerably more serious and if that’s the case, these ideas are much less likely to help. It’s entirely possible that you would benefit from professional help. If you’re really struggling, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. No shame at all, NONE. I’d even say it’s an incredibly courageous thing to do. Therapists are trained to help you navigate through tough times; it’s silly not to use their expertise when they are available to help you.

Remember, it’s okay to not be okay; it’s a sure sign you’re human. But it’s also okay to take active steps to feel better. Life’s a bit like a roller coaster; sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down, but with any luck, the ride’s not over yet.

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Letting Go of Anger

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Human beings are emotional creatures. While many emotions are beneficial, think happiness and excitement for example, some are not helpful at all. Envy and jealousy are two “negative” emotions that come to mind right away.

But I can’t think of any emotion as damaging to our well-being as anger. One of the biggest challenges with anger is its staying power. Some of our positive emotions fade quickly unless we work at maintaining them. Anger seems to hang around, eating away at our positive emotions. It negatively impacts our wellbeing and ability to fully appreciate the positives in our life.

The sooner we learn to let go of the debilitating effects of anger, the better our life will be. But it takes effort and intentionality to rid yourself of the scourge that is anger. Some people will attempt to fool themselves into believing they can use anger as a source of motivation. Any motivation someone receives from anger will be short-lived when compared to the lasting negative energy.

Dealing with anger issues involves a combination of self-awareness, coping strategies, and sometimes even professional help. Here are some effective approaches to manage and reduce, and perhaps eliminate anger.

Know the source of your anger

1. Identify Triggers: Recognize what situations, people, or events trigger your anger. Keeping a journal can help track these triggers and patterns. Knowing you’re going to be in the presence of someone who sets you off can help you prepare mentally to maintain control of your emotions.

2. Recognize Physical Signs: Pay attention to the physical signs of anger, such as increased heart rate, tension, or feeling hot. Early recognition can help you manage your response before it escalates.

Immediate coping strategies

1. Pause and Breathe: When you start feeling angry, take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This helps calm your nervous system and gives you time to think. Consider who you want to rule your emotions, yourself or someone or something else.

2. Count to Ten: Counting to ten (or higher) before reacting can give you time to cool down and think more clearly. If you’ve never tried this, you may be skeptical about its effectiveness. But it really works and has the side benefit of making the person who has made you mad wonder if you’re about to attack. 🙂

3. Walk Away: If possible, remove yourself from the situation that’s causing anger. A brief walk or time-out can help you gain perspective.

Long-term strategies

1. Exercise Regularly: Physical activity can help reduce stress and improve one’s mood, which in turn can help manage anger.

2. Develop Healthy Communication Skills: Learn to express your feelings calmly and constructively. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel frustrated when…”) instead of blaming others.

Cognitive strategies

1. Reframe Thoughts: Challenge and change negative thought patterns. Instead of thinking “This is unfair,” try to reframe it to “This is frustrating, but I can handle it.”

2. Problem-Solving: Focus on finding solutions to problems rather than focusing on the problems themselves.

Lifestyle adjustments

1. Ensure Adequate Sleep: Lack of sleep can increase irritability and reduce your ability to handle stress.

2. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine: Getting hammered can lower your tolerance for frustration and make anger management more difficult. Caffeine just keeps you awake longer, allowing your anger stay awake with you.

Practice empathy and forgiveness

1. Empathy: Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Understanding their point of view can reduce feelings of anger.

2. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and practicing forgiveness can reduce long-term anger and resentment.

Anger hurts the angry person far more than anyone else. By combining these strategies, you can develop better control over your anger and improve your overall emotional well-being.

You do not have to live with anger. If it’s a big problem, you may want to consider getting a little assist from a mental health professional. And know this without a doubt… asking for help is not a weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength and courage.

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What Do YOU Control?

Steve Keating 5 Comments

I was in a meeting with a team of high performing Sales Professionals and the discussion turned to all the things that frustrate salespeople. The list of frustrations for people who make their living selling has never been longer. Kinda like the list of frustrations for everyone. 

Most of the things that frustrated this group were things that they couldn’t control. Some of those things directly affected their paycheck and therefore their standard of living. Kinda like everyone else these days. 

Once we determined most of frustrations shared by these Sales Professionals were beyond their control we changed directions. We starting looking at the list of things they could control. They were a little surprised, maybe a lot surprised, that the list of what they had 100% control over was much longer than their list of frustrations. 

Kinda like the rest of us.  

It also became abundantly clear that this group of usually capable, well disciplined professionals were allowing the things they couldn’t control to prevent them from controlling the things they could. 

That happens to all of us sometimes, perhaps more than sometimes. Perhaps way more. 

But it’s so much easier to focus on the things we don’t control because we don’t have to expend any effort to correct them. What we don’t realize is that we’re still expending energy. It’s just wasted energy that we use to complain about the stuff we’re not expending energy on correcting. 

Yes, we are often forced to deal with things that we can’t control. Things that frustrate us immensely. But that doesn’t mean they have to control our life. 

You’ll be more successful if you use your energy to focus on the things YOU can control. You’ll also have a happier life. You’ll have a better attitude. You’ll be more productive. You’ll feel more in control. Actually, you won’t just feel more in control, you’ll have taken back control of your life. Even in these incredibly frustrating times. 

If you want control over your life then make yourself a list of all the things that you have control over in your life. I promise if you think this through it will be a long list. 

Some examples from my list include:

  • My attitude
  • My appearance (I dress exactly as I would if I was going to the office or meeting customers. The only difference is instead of a left turn to go into the garage I take three additional steps forward into my home office.) 
  • My level of productivity 
  • My response to the people I have contact with (despite what you may have heard there is no requirement that you allow someone else’s poor planning to become your problem)
  • My level of kindness towards others (there is never a reason to add to another person’s bad day)
  • My level of effort I put towards whatever I’m doing
  • My decisions
  • My level of commitment to earning what I’m paid (there is not and never will be any obstacle that can prevent you from giving your best effort…unless you allow it to)
  • My level of desire to help others succeed
  • My level of respect for people who I may disagree with or people who have very different viewpoints than my own
  • My level of empathy for people who are frustrated by the things they can’t control and haven’t learned to focus on the things they can

And the list could go on and on. 

Make your own list and share it for others in the comments section. Maybe we can help each other focus on the things we can control and decrease our level of frustration at the same time. 

Those would seem to be to be pretty good things to do. 

Is “Passion” Just an Excuse?

Steve Keating 10 Comments

Would you describe yourself as a passionate person? Passionate about your business, your industry, your job, or your people?

If you are, that is a good thing…. maybe.

I say maybe because too often people in leadership positions use “passion” as an excuse for losing control of their emotions. If you’ve never used the excuse you have certainly heard it, you know, the “sorry about losing my temper, but I’m “passionate” about this. Or, “sorry I called you an idiot but my “passion” for the project got the best of me.”

I’m going to say this as cleary as I can; Authentic Servant Leaders do not use passion as an excuse for losing control of their emotions.

When you lose control of your emotions you lose. You lose credibility, you lose trust, you lose productivity, you lose time, you lose respect. You may not lose them all but you lose at least some. If you lose them often enough you will also lose the ability to lead.

Let’s look at a very high level definition of passion and emotion. On the surface you are passionate about something; you get emotional about someone. But there’s a more fundamental difference between the two. Passion involves the mind; emotion, by definition, excludes mental judgments, at least sound mental judgments.

Passion drives people to action. A passionate football fan will be driven to study statistics, learn rosters, follow players on social media. They will devote significance time to knowing and understanding the game. Someone who is emotional about football might throw their beer at the TV when the quarterback for “their” team is intercepted late in a game.

Later, when shopping for a replacement TV it will be obvious that throwing the beer was a bad idea. However, at the emotional moment that it happened, practicing good judgment wasn’t even a thought. The guy explains the “unfortunate moment” to his wife by saying he is just a passionate fan.

It’s perfectly okay to be emotional, in fact, we have to be emotional to lead a full life. You need to be aware however that emotions often block your critical thinking skills. When you’re in a highly emotional state you’re thinking differently than when you’re not so emotional. That does not make you a weak leader, it makes you a human being.

The most effective leaders have passion. They also work to maintain control of their emotions when people around them are losing control of theirs. They allow a bit of time to come between their emotions and their decisions.

Authentic Servant Leaders do not make rash emotional decisions. Yes, they will allow emotions to “inform” their decisions but that is far different than making a raw emotional decision.

When you understand the difference between mindful passion and mindless emotion you will be more likely to positively influence the people you lead.

So go ahead, be passionate, be emotional and especially be aware of the difference between the two!