Tag Control Your Life

How to Be Less Judgmental: A Practical Guide to More Peace and Connection

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Are you judgmental? Whether you think you are or not the answer to that question for all of us is yes. At least sometimes. We ALL do it. That quick mental label when someone cuts in line, posts something we find ridiculous, or makes a choice we’d never make. “They’re so rude,” “lazy,” “selfish,” or worse. These snap judgments feel automatic, even protective sometimes. But over time, being habitually judgmental drains our energy, strains relationships, and keeps us stuck in negativity.

The good news? Judgment is a habit, not a fixed personality trait. With awareness and practice, you can dial it down significantly. Becoming less judgmental doesn’t mean you stop having opinions or values—it means separating discerning evaluations from automatic, harsh character attacks. Here’s why it’s worth the effort and how to actually do it.

Why Being Less Judgmental Matters

Constant judgment creates a low-grade stress loop. It fuels negativity bias, reduces empathy, and makes us feel isolated even in a crowd. On the flip side, research and psychological insights show that shifting toward non-judgmental awareness brings real benefits:

• Greater emotional peace and positivity

• Stronger, more compassionate relationships

• Reduced reactivity and rumination

A more open, curious mindset

Letting go of excess judgment isn’t about becoming naive or passive—it’s about freeing mental space for understanding, growth, and actual influence when it matters.

Practical Steps to Become Less Judgmental

1. Build Awareness: Catch Yourself in the Act
Judgment usually happens on autopilot. The first (and most powerful) step is simply noticing it.

When a critical thought arises, pause and mentally label it: “That’s a judgment.”

No need to fight it—just observe like you’re watching clouds pass.
Over a week or two, this simple noticing rewires the habit. You’ll start catching judgments faster, often before they turn into full stories or words.

2. Question the Story: What Do I Actually Know?
Most judgments fill in huge blanks with assumptions. Combat this with curiosity.
Ask yourself:

What do I really know about this person’s full situation, history, or pressures?

Am I falling into the fundamental attribution error—blaming character instead of circumstances?

What might be going on for them that I can’t see? (Traffic, exhaustion, grief, a bad day…)
Reminding yourself “I don’t have the full story” creates instant space between impulse and reaction.

3. Separate Actions from People
It’s healthy and necessary to evaluate behaviors (“Cutting in line disrupts fairness”). It’s far less helpful to leap to global character attacks (“They’re an entitled jerk”).
Practice: Judge the action, not the soul. This keeps your discernment sharp while reducing personal hostility.

4. Flip the Script: Balance or Reframe
When you catch a harsh judgment, deliberately follow it with something neutral or kind.
Examples:

“They’re so inconsiderate” → “They’re so inconsiderate… and maybe they’re rushing because of an emergency.”

“What a mess they are” → “Their life looks chaotic right now… I’ve had messy seasons too.”
This doesn’t mean excusing harm—it balances negativity with humanity.

5. Practice Empathy and Perspective-Taking
Actively imagine the other person’s inner world.

How might they be feeling in this moment?

What fears, insecurities, or past experiences might be driving their behavior?

How would I want someone to interpret my worst moment?
Even brief mental role-reversal softens the heart and reduces black-and-white thinking.

6. Reflect on How It Feels to Be Judged
Recall a time someone judged you harshly. How did it feel? Did it motivate positive change, or did it make you defensive and closed off?
Most of us soften when we remember the sting. Ask: “Do I want to add to someone else’s pain today?”

7. Notice the Cost to Yourself
Pay attention to how judgment affects you. Does it leave you energized or drained? Happier or more bitter? Connected or isolated?
Seeing the personal downside often motivates change more than any moral lecture.

Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection

You’ll still judge—everyone does. The goal isn’t zero judgment; it’s fewer automatic, harsh, unnecessary ones. Celebrate small wins: noticing a judgment before speaking it, choosing curiosity over criticism, feeling lighter after letting one go.

Over time, this practice doesn’t just change how you see others—it changes how you see yourself. Less inner criticism. More grace. More room for real connection in a world that desperately needs it.

Start today with one thing: the next time a judgy thought pops up, pause and whisper to yourself, “That’s a judgment.” Then take a breath. That single moment of awareness is where transformation begins.

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The Power of Perspective: How to Keep Life’s Challenges in Check

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that everything seems to set us off. A tough critique at work, a spat with a friend, a never-ending to-do list—suddenly, the world can feel like it’s crashing down. But the truth is, most of what stresses us out are just small pieces of a much larger, more complex puzzle.

Learning how to keep things in perspective isn’t about ignoring problems; it’s about developing a mindset that prevents minor setbacks from hijacking your overall well-being.

I’m a big believer in living in what Dale Carnegie called, “Day-Tight Compartments.” Living each day in its own 24 hours. That means not allowing yesterday’s “stuff” to impact today’s efforts. It means not over-worrying about tomorrow’s events at the cost of today’s happiness and productivity.

Living in Day-Tight Compartments is the superpower that lets you navigate storms without sinking your entire ship.

Here are a few practical strategies you can use to zoom out and regain your footing when life feels too big and your Day-Tight Compartment starts to get a little leaky.

1. The 10/10/10 Rule

When you’re facing a stressful decision or a major upset, try asking yourself these three simple questions:

How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? (Immediate impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 months? (Mid-term impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 years? (Long-term impact)

Most of the things that cause immediate distress—that awkward email, a spilled coffee, a missed deadline—will have zero emotional weight in 10 months or 10 years. This exercise instantly shifts your focus from the current drama to the long-term reality, often shrinking the problem down to its true, manageable size.

2. The “Worst-Case Scenario” Check

Our minds are masters of catastrophizing. When we feel anxious, we often jump straight to the most dramatic, scary outcomes without checking the facts.

Next time you feel a worry spiraling, take a moment to define the absolute worst-case scenario. Write it down. Then, ask yourself two more questions:

How likely is this truly to happen? (Be honest, not fearful.)

If it did happen, what is the absolute minimum I could do to recover?

By confronting the “worst” and creating a fallback plan, you strip away its power. You realize that even if the worst happens, you would be okay, and you have the resourcefulness to handle it. You move from panic to planning. This will take a ton of weight off your shoulders.

3. Embrace the “Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence”

This concept, popularized by Stephen Covey, is critical for reducing stress over things you cannot control.

Circle of Concern: Everything you worry about—the economy, the weather, what others think of you, a coworker’s bad mood.

Circle of Influence: The things you can actually do something about—your effort, your attitude, your boundaries, and how you spend your time.

When stress hits, identify what part of the problem falls into your Circle of Influence. Don’t waste energy fretting over the weather (Concern); focus on bringing an umbrella (Influence). By dedicating your time and energy only to what you can control, you become more effective and less burdened.

4. Practice Gratitude Daily

It sounds almost silly, but a consistent gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools for perspective. When you focus on what you lack or what went wrong, you narrow your vision. Gratitude forces you to widen it.

Take three minutes every morning or evening to list three specific things you are genuinely grateful for. It could be your morning coffee, a good night’s sleep, or the support of a friend.

This simple act reminds you that even on a bad day, your life is filled with existing good things—and the minor setback you’re currently facing doesn’t invalidate any of them. It puts your troubles into a richer, fuller context, which tends to shrink them.

A Final Thought: You Are More Than Your Problems

Remember that you are not your immediate circumstances. Hope is the understanding that our current circumstances are very unlikely to be our permanent circumstances. A bad day is a single data point, not a complete picture of your life. That means we always have hope. When you feel trapped by a current challenge, step back, breathe, and use one of these tools to zoom out.

The ability to keep things in perspective isn’t a trait you’re born with; it’s a skill you build, day by day, worry by worry. Start practicing today, and watch how much smaller and easier to manage your challenges become.

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How to Know You’re on the Path to Success

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I had an interesting question from a young salesperson the other day. He asked me how he would know he was doing the right things. The things he needs to do in order to be a successful salesperson.

My almost automatic response was that a mentor would be a huge help to him. A mentor could not only explain to him when he was on the right path but maybe even more importantly, when he wasn’t. I explained that a mentor would likely see things that he couldn’t see for himself.

His response caught me a little off guard. He said a mentor would be good but that HE wanted to be able to know for himself. He asked, “What are the ‘signs’ of success? How could he know at all times whether or not he was on the path to success?”

That really got me to thinking. I wondered if there were indeed definitive signs to look for on the journey to success. After a great deal of thinking, here are some of the signs or guideposts to look for. When you “see” these, you’ll know you’re heading in the right direction.

1. You Have Clear Goals and Progress

• Set objectives: You have defined short-term and long-term goals.

• Consistent progress: You’re steadily working toward those goals and can see measurable improvement.

• Small wins: Achieving milestones, even if they’re small, boosts your confidence and motivation.

2. You’re Learning from Your Failures

• Resilience: You view setbacks as learning opportunities rather than reasons to quit.

• Growth mindset: You learn from experiences, feedback, and challenges. You adapt and improve over time.

3. You’re Noticing Increased Focus and Productivity

• Efficiency: You’re able to focus on what truly matters, cutting out distractions.

• Better time management: You prioritize tasks that move you closer to your goals and eliminate time-wasting activities.

4. You Feel a Genuine Sense of Purpose

• Aligned with values: Your work or efforts align with your personal values and passions.

• Fulfillment: You’re excited and energized by what you’re doing, which gives you a deeper sense of meaning in your journey.

5. Your Skills and Knowledge are Continuously Improving

• Continuous growth: You’re constantly developing new skills or deepening your knowledge in areas that contribute to your success.

• Competency: You’re becoming increasingly proficient in your field or area of interest.

6. You have Positive Relationships and Growing Network

• Support system: You have a network of mentors, peers, or colleagues who support and encourage you.

• Value exchange: You contribute to others’ success, and in return, people are eager to help you as well.

7. Your Confidence and Self-Belief are Consistently Multiplying

• Inner confidence: You trust in your abilities and decisions, even in the face of uncertainty.

• Self-awareness: You understand your strengths and weaknesses, and you’re comfortable with both.

8. Your Financial Stability is Increasing

• Income growth: You’re either seeing financial returns or are on the way to achieving them.

• Sustainable progress: You’re able to invest in yourself or your business without feeling financially stretched.

9. You’re Receiving Positive Recognition from Others

• Respect and acknowledgment: Others recognize and respect your work or contributions, whether through feedback, awards, promotions, or opportunities.

10. You Willingly Accept and Adapt to Change

• Flexibility: You’re open to new opportunities, shifts in direction, and adjustments to your plan. You don’t feel derailed by them.

• Problem-solving ability: You can navigate unforeseen challenges with creative solutions.

11. You Have a Solid Work-Life Balance and Strong Mental Health

• Health and happiness: You’re maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life.

• Less stress: While challenges may arise, you handle stress better and remain mentally and emotionally stable.

12. You’re Excited About the Future

• Vision: You have a clear and inspiring vision of what success looks like, and it excites you.

• Optimism: You’re motivated and feel positive about your future, despite the challenges ahead.

If you’re noticing some, or hopefully many of these signs, it’s likely you’re on a path toward success. If not, you at least know what to look for and you know that you have some work to do. I’d suggest that work begin with a review of your core principles. From there you can set goals for your career, your personal life, your financial life, and whatever other areas of your life that you want to focus on.

Those goals will become your guideposts to success.

Ultimately, your success, and the path you choose to get there, are completely up to you. But you must choose a path. Wandering around waiting for success to find you is like hoping to win the lottery without buying a ticket.

So get to work and get yourself on the path to phenomenal success.

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How to Get What You Want

Steve Keating 2 Comments

There is actually more than one way to get what you want. Some people steal it. Some people luck into it. Some people have it handed to them. But there are “problems” with all of those. You’ve likely heard the saying that crime doesn’t pay. Well sometimes it does pay, but it never pays for very long. People who get what they want by stealing it will eventually lose it, it’s only a question of time. 

Even the luckiest people in the world aren’t lucky all the time. So if you have what you want and got it by being lucky then you too are merely borrowing what you want. Sooner or later, the bill from Lady Luck will come calling. 

The people who have what they want handed to them most often don’t appreciate it enough to possess it for very long. They have no “skin in the game” so when they lose what they have they assume someone will replace it with something else they want. They are shocked when they discover it doesn’t work that way all the time. 

But there is a way to get what you want. It’s also the only way to be certain you’ll get to keep it. To get what you want and keep it, you have to deserve what you want. 

In other words, you have to earn it. 

People who earn what they want would tell you that the world is actually a pretty fair place. There is no dark force that works against anyone to prevent them from succeeding. Everyone faces challenges and roadblocks. People who earn what they want figure out a way to get past them. 

One big way they do that is by controlling what they can control so well that they minimize the things that they can’t control. 

They have complete control over their character. They understand that there are no circumstances that can prevent them from living with integrity. That understanding helps them build solid relationships with people who can help them overcome life’s challenges. Only you can decide whether or not you’ll live a life of good character. Will you act, think and feel in a way that demonstrates respect for others, displays honesty, is consistently responsible, caring and fair?

Those are all choices you get to make every day. People who earn what they want make great choices. 

They also have a great work ethic. They know better than to put in 50% of their possible effort and expect a 100% return. They simply outwork the people who steal, luck into or hope to get what they want. 

So be honest with yourself and evaluate what percentage of days are you giving less than a 100% effort. I don’t suppose anyone can give 100% all the time but people who earn what they want give 100% almost all the time. If you want to increase your chances to earn what you want then get started by increasing your level of effort. That is also a choice completely within your control. 

Here is one more thing that people who earn what they want do. They learn. Always. Every single day. I would equate much of whatever success I’ve had not to the fact that I’m smart, which is completely debatable, but to the fact that I’ve mostly avoided being stupid. Which is not debatable. 

It is far easier to avoid stupidity than it is to be smart. All you need to do is constantly be learning. You can do that by opening yourself up to learn from anyone. Even people you don’t particularly like. Even your competitors. There is no one on the world that doesn’t know something you don’t and when you learn that you can learn anything. 

Learning is also a choice that is also completely within your control. If you’re willing to learn no one can stop you. If you’re not willing to learn no one can help you. So learn.

What is it that you want? Are you willing to earn it? 

If you can answer that first question then you are ahead of many people. If you can answer that second question with a yes then you are ahead of most.

Frustrating Leaders

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Sometimes people get the mistaken impression that the person they work for is not the brightest bulb on the tree. They think their boss may be a card or two short of a full deck. Perhaps they are not the sharpest knife in the set. 

Whatever clichéd insult they choose to use they are almost certainly mistaken. 

When we’re frustrated by the leaders above us in our organization we need to realize that somebody saw something in them. That is why they are in a leadership position. We need to look (sometimes we need to look hard) to discover for ourselves what their strengths are. Then we need to help them maximize their strengths. 

The best way to do that is to use our strengths to fill their gaps. You’re likely already well aware of those gaps. You’ve been complaining about them to anyone who would listen. You allow the gaps of the people above you to ruin your productivity and wreck your attitude. 

You let the shortcomings, both real and imagined, of the people above you in your organization have way more influence on your life than you should. You allow your frustrations to carry over to your personal life and impact those people most important to you. 

Stop that. Stop that because stopping that is completely within your control. When you decide to stop allowing other people’s possible shortcomings to frustrate you then you also decide to have a happier, more productive life. And career. 

When you use your strengths and skills to close some of the gaps of the people above you then you allow them to use their strengths to the best of their ability. Imagine the difference that can make for your organization, for your boss, and especially for you. 

I’m not as naïve as some of you might think. I know that sometimes people get promoted into leadership positions despite having some substantial gaps. Maybe it was nepotism, maybe it was knee pads, but whatever the case they are where they are at so deal with it. Professionally!

You were hired to do a job. You agreed to do that job for a certain level of compensation. If that level of compensation is being met then you have an obligation to do your job and to do it to the best of your ability. 

Allowing yourself to be frustrated by the leader above you negatively impacts your ability to do your job. Sharing those frustrations with co-workers negatively impacts their ability to do their jobs. 

None of that helps anyone. If you have a boss you struggle with then talk to them about it. Ask how you can help them eliminate the source of your frustration. As United States President John F. Kennedy once said, “Ask not what your company can do for you, ask what you can do for your company.” (Okay, I know he said country instead of company but you get the point)

Understand that your level of frustration is not determined by how frustrating someone else may be. It is determined but how much frustration you’re willing to allow into your life. 

I’d suggest you allow none!

On a completely different subject…I’m trying something new out over on Twitter. It’s called “Super Followers.” For $5 a month people can follow a part of my Twitter steam that is for subscribers only. It features primarily short videos of me talking about the kind of things I tweet and blog about. But the best part is I’m assuming there will be far fewer Super Followers than regular followers. That will give me the opportunity to answer questions more throughly than I can on regular Twitter. Most of the answers will come in the evening cause we all have day jobs, right? Think of it as ”mentoring on demand!”

You can find more information by clicking the Super Follow button on my Twitter profile page. http://twitter.com/leadtoday (You may need to refresh the page to see the Super Follow Button) Give it a try if you’re so inclined, I can’t promise it will last for a long time but I can promise the content will be helpful as long as it does. 

Powerful Thoughts 

Steve Keating 4 Comments

It’s likely that the most powerful thing you possess are your thoughts. You may believe that you are in control of your life but that’s not exactly true. Your thoughts are in control of your life and it is anything but certain that you’re in control of your thoughts. 

Most people don’t give their thoughts a thought. Most people never think about what they are thinking. Almost no one stops long enough to think about where their thoughts originate. 

If you really want to be in control of your life then you need to be in control of your thoughts. You can’t do that until you understand that your thoughts originate with what you allow to enter your brain. 

What are your information sources? Who are you hanging around with and listening to? 

As I write this post I’ve just “learned” that it’s not actually Russian forces that are attacking Ukraine. The Russian government is allowing US Military forces to invade Ukraine so they can destroy the evidence that Joe Biden blackmailed the Ukrainian President. 

There are people who actually believe that crap. Now I’m no psychologist (no fan of Joe Biden either) but if you’re one of the people who believe stuff like that then you’re either a wacko (not an official medical term) or you’ve allowed so much garbage to enter your brain that you can no longer separate fact from fiction. 

The thoughts you allow into your head will shape the outcomes of your life. Yes, you need to know that there is misinformation out there. The only way to know that is to allow it into your head. BUT, you need a balance of information. You need to listen to things that you agree with and things that you don’t. 

Then you need to do something that appears to be increasingly difficult…you need to apply logic to the information you’ve heard. 

Matthew Taylor Coleman was unable to do that. He was just a typical dad with a loving wife and two adorable kids. He began listening to a bunch of conspiracy podcasts, filling his head with more garbage everyday. He listened long enough that he became convinced that he must kill his kids to rid the world of their “serpent DNA.” 

He was a normal guy, an average American who completely lost control of his thoughts. 

Clearly, that is an extreme case. Most of us will never come anywhere near that. But most of us will allow our thoughts, created by who knows what information, to shape our lives without giving those thoughts a second thought. 

Who and what are you allowing to influence your thoughts? Are you allowing a balance of information? Are you making sure the negative stuff doesn’t outweigh the positive stuff? Do you have a source of truth in your life that you can use to filter the information that your brain is exposed to? 

The most successful, happiest and healthiest people consider the origins of their thoughts. Think about that and then think about that. 

What Do YOU Control?

Steve Keating 5 Comments

I was in a meeting with a team of high performing Sales Professionals and the discussion turned to all the things that frustrate salespeople. The list of frustrations for people who make their living selling has never been longer. Kinda like the list of frustrations for everyone. 

Most of the things that frustrated this group were things that they couldn’t control. Some of those things directly affected their paycheck and therefore their standard of living. Kinda like everyone else these days. 

Once we determined most of frustrations shared by these Sales Professionals were beyond their control we changed directions. We starting looking at the list of things they could control. They were a little surprised, maybe a lot surprised, that the list of what they had 100% control over was much longer than their list of frustrations. 

Kinda like the rest of us.  

It also became abundantly clear that this group of usually capable, well disciplined professionals were allowing the things they couldn’t control to prevent them from controlling the things they could. 

That happens to all of us sometimes, perhaps more than sometimes. Perhaps way more. 

But it’s so much easier to focus on the things we don’t control because we don’t have to expend any effort to correct them. What we don’t realize is that we’re still expending energy. It’s just wasted energy that we use to complain about the stuff we’re not expending energy on correcting. 

Yes, we are often forced to deal with things that we can’t control. Things that frustrate us immensely. But that doesn’t mean they have to control our life. 

You’ll be more successful if you use your energy to focus on the things YOU can control. You’ll also have a happier life. You’ll have a better attitude. You’ll be more productive. You’ll feel more in control. Actually, you won’t just feel more in control, you’ll have taken back control of your life. Even in these incredibly frustrating times. 

If you want control over your life then make yourself a list of all the things that you have control over in your life. I promise if you think this through it will be a long list. 

Some examples from my list include:

  • My attitude
  • My appearance (I dress exactly as I would if I was going to the office or meeting customers. The only difference is instead of a left turn to go into the garage I take three additional steps forward into my home office.) 
  • My level of productivity 
  • My response to the people I have contact with (despite what you may have heard there is no requirement that you allow someone else’s poor planning to become your problem)
  • My level of kindness towards others (there is never a reason to add to another person’s bad day)
  • My level of effort I put towards whatever I’m doing
  • My decisions
  • My level of commitment to earning what I’m paid (there is not and never will be any obstacle that can prevent you from giving your best effort…unless you allow it to)
  • My level of desire to help others succeed
  • My level of respect for people who I may disagree with or people who have very different viewpoints than my own
  • My level of empathy for people who are frustrated by the things they can’t control and haven’t learned to focus on the things they can

And the list could go on and on. 

Make your own list and share it for others in the comments section. Maybe we can help each other focus on the things we can control and decrease our level of frustration at the same time. 

Those would seem to be to be pretty good things to do.