Tag Confrontational Conversation

Leading With Courage

Steve Keating 1 Comment

The rewards that come with Authentically Leading people are many. While the tangible rewards are good it’s the intangible rewards that are great. The potential to have a life-long positive impact on the life of another person drives Authentic Leaders to expend a part of themselves in service to others. 

But Authentic Leadership is not without it’s challenges. 

Helping another person reach their full potential means Authentic Leaders will sometimes need to instigate difficult conversations. They cannot hide from occasional confrontations. They do not dump tough decisions on to other people. 

Many people in leadership positions lack the courage required to have those confrontational conversations. They believe they can hide from the consequences of tough decisions by not making them. 

Authentic Leaders possess the steadfast courage to have compassionate confrontational conversations. They do not shirk from their responsibility for making the tough decisions. The type of decisions that lessor leaders fail to make. 

So do you have the courage to Authentically Lead? Keep in mind that courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is possessing the mental and morale strength to persevere. It’s taking action despite that fear. 

Authentic Leaders see their people as individuals, not mere assets or resources. They see them as people who they want to invest their time with. They do not see them as employees that they must spend time on developing. 

It is that “investment in people” mindset that helps them summon their courage when the need for difficult conversations arise. It is the knowledge that nearly every decision will have some type of impact on the people they lead. That is what pushes them to make and act on decisions as soon as they can. They know that not making a decision IS a decision and it’s almost always the wrong one. 

If your goal is to be an Authentic Leader then you must be willing to make wrong decisions at times. Every leader gets some decisions wrong. The most effective leaders get more decisions right than wrong. You must be willing to confront an underperforming team member. Allowing them to underutilize their strengths is a disservice to them. It can negatively impact your entire organization. When you think about it that way it may be a little easier to realize that you do in fact possess the courage to lead authentically. 

The only question that remains at that point is are you willing to invest your time and talents for the betterment of other people. If you are nothing can stop you. If you aren’t then you’ll never truly be a leader. 

How to Avoid Every Confrontation

Steve Keating 7 Comments

Most people hate confrontation. Most people who don’t hate confrontations go into them with the worst of motives. They want to “win” the confrontation at all costs. 

When someone needs to be confronted Authentic Leaders confront them. But they do it with empathy and compassion. Their goal isn’t to “win” a confrontation. Their goals are for both sides to maintain their self esteem, better understand their situation and to build a stronger relationship. 

Those goals are achievable but only if the confrontation actually takes place. 

Avoiding a confrontation comes with great costs, to both sides. The person not being confronted may have no idea what they are doing or saying is an issue for anyone. The cost for them of not being confronted is they lose the opportunity to improve. They lose the opportunity for a closer relationship. They may lose an opportunity for promotion at work or potentially, even their job. 

The cost for the individual who refuses to confront them can be even greater. Their lack of courage to confront someone can result in never ending frustration, poor mental health, damaged relationships and if they are in a leadership position, poor performance on the part of the people they lead.

All confrontations can be avoided by simply not confronting anyone. It’s easy, just do nothing. You do need to realize however that the consequences of avoiding confrontations cannot be avoided. You may think you’re better off not confronting someone but you would be wrong. 

There are ways to make the confrontation beneficial to both parties, but it takes a bit of effort. To confront in the right way pay attention to these key points:

Stick to the facts. Do you understand the facts? How you asked enough questions to understand the situation from all sides? Are you confronting in anger with raw emotion or are you prepared to confront with compassion built on a desire to help? Is there an upside to the confrontation that is measurable? Keep in mind if nothing can change then nothing will change. If you’re confronting someone over a situation that cannot change then you’re actually just “venting.” Venting is very one sided because while you may feel better for a short time it doesn’t help anyone else. 

Know the person you’re confronting. How much do you know about the person you’re about to confront? Unless you know the person well it’s best to begin your conversation with questions. If you begin with a tone of confrontation you risk shutting the other person down. That stalls most progress that may have been possible. If you want the other person to change something about their behavior then don’t start with criticism. Keep in mind, it will be very difficult for you to help someone see a benefit to changing their behavior if you don’t understand why they behave the way they do.

Make the fault seem easy to correct. Never make a situation worse than it is. Do not exaggerate. Your confrontation must be based on documented facts, not opinions. You MUST approach a confrontation with an open mind and be willing to admit that you may be a part of the reason for the confrontation. No matter your title, your role or your level of success, always consider the possibility that the real source of the problem stares back at you from the mirror every morning. 

Move forward towards improvement. Once you laid out your “case” then allow some time for the message to sink in. Ask the other person if they can restate what you’ve said to make certain what you said was understood. Then move forward. An effective confrontation need not be a lengthy conversation. You don’t need to bury the other person with examples, especially old examples from years past. Finish with a compliment. If you can’t think of a compliment then you’re not yet ready for a confrontation. Refer to the second thing to keep in mind. Get to know and understand the person before you confront them.

Above all, don’t think of confrontation in terms of winning and losing. It’s about caring enough to confront with compassion and helping another human being become the best possible version of themselves.