Tag Communication

The Art of Diplomacy

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Life will always include some amount of conflict. Many people, including people in leadership positions, will go to great lengths to avoid engaging in conflict. Anything that is, except engaging in diplomacy.

Diplomacy makes it possible to resolve a conflict by working with people to find an outcome acceptable to all sides.

You may not believe that you are diplomatic enough to find middle ground with people of differing opinions. But it’s entirely possible you could be. Diplomacy is a skill and as I’ve written many times, skills can be developed through effort.

Being diplomatic involves managing communication and relationships well. It’s about navigating sensitive or contentious situations with tact, empathy, and consideration for others’ perspectives. If you’re interested in improving your diplomacy skills, here are some tips on how to make it happen.

Listen attentively. Understand the concerns, views, and feelings of others. Do so by actively listening without interruption. Show empathy and validate their feelings. Most importantly, listen with an open mind.

Choose words carefully. Use language that is neutral, respectful, and non-confrontational. Avoid inflammatory or accusatory language that could escalate tensions. It’s completely acceptable to have a few moments of silence in a conversation as you think about what you’re about to say. Never forget, once it’s said it can’t be unsaid. I’d rather people think I’m a slow thinking, slow talking individual than to say something I can’t unsay.

Focus on common ground. Find areas of agreement or shared goals. They will build rapport and a positive foundation for discussion. Even the smallest point of agreement can be a building block for a future resolution.

Acknowledge differences. Respectfully acknowledge differing viewpoints without dismissing or belittling them. Validate others’ perspectives even if you disagree. Remember, if you were them, with an identical upbringing and background, you would likely think exactly as they do. It’s not that they are necessary wrong, it’s just that they think different, based on their different upbringing.

Stay calm and composed. Maintain a calm demeanor, even in challenging situations. Avoid reacting impulsively or emotionally, as this can escalate conflicts. Think of it this way, if you lose control of your emotions, you lose.

Seek understanding. Ask clarifying questions to understand others’ concerns and motivations. This demonstrates your willingness to listen and collaborate.

Avoid blame and criticism. Instead of blaming or criticizing others, focus on solving problems and finding solutions.

Offer solutions. Propose compromises that address everyone’s concerns. Be open to negotiation and flexible in finding mutually beneficial outcomes.

Consider timing and context. Be mindful of when and where discussions take place. Choose appropriate settings and timing to have sensitive conversations. If someone doesn’t have time to talk then it’s best not to try and make them talk.

Maintain confidentiality. Respect confidentiality when discussing sensitive matters. Avoid sharing private information without permission. As they saying goes, two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. So when you’re told something in confidence, keep it confidential.

Build trust. Show truth, honor, and reliability in your actions. This will build trust over time.

After reaching agreements, follow up. Check that commitments are honored and that any issues are addressed.

By practicing these diplomatic strategies you can use diplomacy to resolve issues without starting a war. You can handle tough situations well. You can also build better relationships. This will create a more positive and productive environment.

It’ll build a happier you and in all likelihood, a happier “them” as well.

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and living your best life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday

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Listen to the Whispers

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Many CEOs around the world would be shocked to learn what is really going on in their organizations. Most know only what their direct reports want them to know. They receive “sanitized” reports on what’s happening around the organization. Those reports are rarely lies. But, they also lack the “color” that would greatly impact how the CEO receives the report.

The bigger the organization the less likely it is that the CEO will truly know everything that’s going on. It’s also likely that they don’t need to know absolutely everything that’s going on. But they would benefit greatly from knowing what’s being whispered in the hallways of their organization. In fact, it’s been said that if we listen to the whispers we’ll never have to hear the yelling. That’s because in organizations where the whispers are heard there is no yelling.

But hearing the whispers requires a connection that many people in senior leadership positions don’t have with their people.

Senior leaders can stay connected to their people through many strategies. These strategies aim to foster communication, understanding, and alignment within the organization. Here are some of the ways the most informed senior leaders stay connected to their people.

Regular Communication. Senior leaders should talk to employees often. They can use many channels such as team meetings, town halls, emails, blogs, and videos. This helps keep employees informed about company goals, strategies, and changes. It also gives a platform for feedback and questions. Just so we’re clear on this, “regular” doesn’t mean once a year during the holidays. When thinking “regular” also think frequent. Some form of communication weekly is not overdoing it.

Open-Door Policy. Senior leaders should keep an open-door policy. Employees should feel comfortable approaching them with concerns, ideas, or feedback. This accessibility fosters trust and transparency within the organization. A CEO’s door can’t always be open but scheduled open doors can be very useful. When people know their CEO is available to anyone from 1:00 – 4:00pm one day a week for example, it fosters a transparency that leads to truly open communication.

Employee Feedback Mechanisms. Implementing formal feedback mechanisms such as employee surveys, suggestion boxes, or regular one-on-one meetings allows employees to provide feedback directly to senior leadership. Actively listening to and acting upon that feedback demonstrates that their opinions are valued.

Employee Recognition Programs. Recognizing and celebrating employee achievements and milestones can help senior leadership connect with employees on a personal level. This can include shout-outs in meetings, awards, or personalized notes of appreciation.

Regular Check-ins. Senior leaders should check in with employees often. They should discuss the employees’ goals, challenges, and career aspirations. And I don’t just mean with their direct reports. An occasional random pop-in visit with lower level team members can be very eye opening for a CEO or senior leader. But understand it may take some time for team members to open up and give senior leaders the true “color” that’s often missing from their regular reports.

Transparency. Transparency about company decisions, performance, and challenges builds trust. It also fosters a sense of shared purpose among employees. Senior leaders should share relevant information. They should do so openly and honestly, even if it involves tough topics. Some information can’t be shared, especially in public companies. But, there is much more that can be shared than not. The best senior leaders share a much information as is possible.

Lead by Example. Senior leadership leads by example, whether they intend to or not. Their example should embody the values and behaviors they expect from their people. This includes demonstrating empathy, active listening, and a commitment to continuous improvement.

Invest in People Development. Supporting people development through training, mentoring, and coaching programs demonstrates a commitment to growth and career progression. It also helps senior leadership stay connected with employees by understanding their skills, aspirations, and challenges.

Empower Middle Leaders. Senior leaders should empower middle leaders. They will serve as conduits between the senior leaders and frontline team members. Middle leaders can provide valuable insights into employee feelings and concerns. They also help spread strategic messages throughout the organization.

Social Events and Team Building Activities. Organizing social events and team-building activities creates chances for senior leaders to interact with staff. This happens in a less formal setting. This can help break down barriers and foster stronger relationships within the organization.

Above all remain visible. I know it’s super easy to fall into the trap called the “tyranny of the urgent.” We want to get the seemingly urgent tasks out of the way but we often do that at the expense of the important ones. As a leader, nothing is more important than the people you lead. When a leader forgets that, chaos ensues and yelling soon follows.

Put yourself in a position to hear the whispers and you’ll avoid the chaos and the yelling that goes with it.

Want more LeadToday? Many of you know I’m very active on X, the social media platform formerly known as Twitter. I post a lot of free content there but I also post 6-10 minute videos two or three times a week. These videos are focused on principles of leadership and living your best life. They are “uncommon” common sense topics designed to help people push themselves to their full potential. Every video is available to subscribers who invest $4.99 a month for their future success. If you’re willing to push yourself towards the life you want and deserve my videos may just be the extra nudge you need to get there. Find your way over to X using a browser and follow me there. Once you’ve followed me you can subscribe on a month by month basis just by clicking the subscribe button. Remember, an investment in yourself ALWAYS pays dividends! You’ll find my timeline here: twitter.com/leadtoday

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How to Read People

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Reading people involves observing their behavior, body language, verbal cues, and emotions to understand their thoughts, feelings, and intentions. The greatest advantage to possessing the skill of reading people is that it immensely improves our ability to communicate with them.

Many people believe they possess this skill but many of those would be wrong. Most people typically overestimate their ability in this area. That causes miscommunication and oftentimes false assumptions.

Fortunately, reading people is a skill and that means we can become more effective with it through effort and practice. Here’s a bit of a primer to help you develop the skill of reading people more effectively.

• Observe body language. Pay attention to gestures, facial expressions, posture, and eye movements. For example, crossed arms might indicate defensiveness or discomfort, while leaning forward could signal interest or engagement.

• Listen actively. Focus not only on what someone says but also on how they say it. Tone of voice, speed of speech, and emphasis can convey underlying emotions and attitudes.

• Notice patterns. Look for consistent behaviors or reactions across different situations. These patterns can reveal someone’s habitual responses and personality traits.

• Consider context. Understand the context in which the person is communicating. Cultural norms, environment, and past experiences can influence behavior and communication style.

• Pay attention to non-verbal cues. In addition to body language, consider other non-verbal cues such as breathing rate, sweating, and fidgeting. These signals can provide insights into someone’s emotional state.

• Empathize. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine how they might be feeling or thinking. Empathy can help you better understand their perspective and motivations.

• Ask open-ended questions. Encourage the person to share more about themselves and their experiences. Open-ended questions prompt deeper reflection and reveal more about their thoughts and feelings.

• Trust your instincts. Intuition can be a powerful tool in reading people. If something feels off or inconsistent, don’t ignore it. Trust your gut instincts but also verify your observations through further interaction and communication.

• Be mindful of biases. Be aware of your own biases and preconceptions, which can influence how you interpret someone’s behavior. Try to approach each interaction with an open mind and without judgment.

• Seek clarification. If you’re unsure about someone’s intentions or emotions, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. Direct communication can help resolve misunderstandings and deepen your understanding of the other person.

Reading people is not about making assumptions or jumping to conclusions. It is not a skill that should be used to manipulate people. It is about gathering information and understanding others more deeply. It’s a skill that requires practice, empathy, and open-mindedness.

It’s a skill that YOU can develop!

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How to be a More Effective Listener

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Many people who claim to want to be better communicators focus almost entirely on speaking more clearly. But effective speaking and effective communicating are two very different things. You cannot communicate effectively if you can’t listen effectively. Truly great communicators know that’s a fact.

The benefits of being a more effective listener cannot be overstated. Not only do effective listeners learn more, they build deeper and longer-lasting relationships. Being a better listener involves both active engagement and a willingness to understand others.

If you’re truly interested in being a better communicator here are some ideas to improve your listening skills.

• Give your full attention. When someone is speaking to you, put away distractions like your phone or other devices. Make eye contact and show that you’re fully present. The person you’re speaking with should be your only focus. They should feel as if they are the most important person in the world to you…because in that moment they truly should be.

• Listen without interrupting. Allow the speaker to express their thoughts without interrupting them. Interrupting can disrupt the flow of conversation and make the speaker feel unheard. If your response to what the speaker has just said is any version of “yes, but…” I can guarantee that you were not fully listening to them. You were figuring out your response before they finished talking.

• Practice empathy. Try to understand the speaker’s perspective and feelings. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine how you would feel in their situation. As I’ve written before, empathy is a super power that allows you to listen to and connect with someone else in a way that takes communication to a new, much more powerful level.

• Ask clarifying questions. If you’re unsure about something the speaker said, ask for clarification. This shows that you’re actively listening and trying to understand their point of view. Asking a clarifying question does NOT make you look or sound stupid. It demonstrates that you care about what the other person is saying.

• Paraphrase what you heard. After the speaker has finished talking, summarize what they said in your own words. This not only shows that you were listening but also helps clarify any misunderstandings.

• Avoid judgment. Suspend judgment while listening to others. Everyone has their own experiences and perspectives. It’s important to respect that even if you disagree. Remember, if you’re judging what they are saying while they are still saying it then you are not fully listening to their words and their meaning.

• Be patient. Sometimes, people need time to gather their thoughts or express themselves. Be patient and give them the time they need without rushing them. A few moments of silence can be a powerful communication tool. Learn to embrace the pauses and use them to understand what was just said and what you should say next.

• Show non-verbal cues. Use non-verbal cues like nodding your head or making affirmative sounds to show that you’re listening and engaged.

• Practice active listening. Actively engage with the speaker by nodding, smiling, or providing verbal cues like “I see” or “That makes sense.” This encourages the speaker to continue sharing.

• Reflect on your own listening habits. Take time to reflect on your listening habits and identify areas for improvement. Are there times when you tend to zone out or interrupt? Being aware of these tendencies can help you become a better listener.

• Ask three people who know you well what you can do to be a better listener. Then, and this is key, DO WHAT THEY SUGGEST YOU DO. Do not argue, do not dismiss, just do it. If you’ve asked the right people their input will be invaluable. And…you might not like this one…if you are married, one of those three people should be your spouse. And remember the “do not argue, do not dismiss part. 🙂

Listening is a skill and by definition skills can be developed through effort and practice. Your life will change for the better when you become a more effective listener. It is highly likely you’ll also improve the lives of those around you when they realize how much you value what they have to say.

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The Trouble With I

Steve Keating 8 Comments

Abraham Lincoln, who served as the 16th President of the United States was known as a man who seldom used the word I. He had the ability to give entire speeches without using that one letter word.

There was a more recent President of the United States who used the word I over 200 times in a relatively short speech. Surprising new research from the University of Texas suggests that people who often say “I” are less powerful and less sure of themselves than those who limit their use of the word. Frequent “I” users subconsciously believe they are subordinate to the person to whom they are talking.

Using the word “I” excessively in speech or writing can also reveal a few other things about someone. It may suggest a self-centered or egocentric perspective, a lack of consideration for others’ viewpoints, or a tendency to dominate conversations.

Here’s the point: over using the word I is not good. It makes you seem very self-centered. It makes you sound like a jerk. It is not an effective way to communicate. It turns people off.

A leader who is constantly using “I” as in “I want” or “I need” or “I expect” is likely doing great harm to the morale of their team. They are in fact tearing at the fabric of the team. Not intentionally mind you, but they are damaging the team nonetheless.

Let me give you a recent example. I was on a call with a sales team and there were some tactics they needed to be executed on in a short period of time. The sales manager laid out a laundry list of things “he” needed his team to do. It was a long list of “I” need everyone doing this and “I” need everyone doing that. “I” want this level of effort and the only reason you need for doing any of that is “I want” it done.

It was a teams call so I could see the demoralized faces of the team.

After the call I suggested to the sales manager that the call may have gone better if he had just replaced each “I” with “we”. For example, “we have some ground to make up.” “We need to pull together.” “We need to do this and we need to do that.” “We need to do it together, for each other, because it’s how a true team functions.”

The sales manager was undeterred. He not so politely told me “the team” belonged to him. It’s not their team, “it’s mine.” I knew from previous conversations that this manager was basically uncoachable but I gave it a shot because the overuse of “I” in his conversations was so immensely glaring.

But maybe you’re more open to coaching and would like your conversations to be more inclusive and collaborative. The kind of conversations where both parties feel heard and valued. To do that you’ll need to limit your use of the word “I.”

If that sounds like you then here are a few quick ideas that may help.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of starting sentences with “I think” or “I feel,” ask questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and experiences.

• Use Statements: Instead of saying “I believe,” state your opinion or perspective without explicitly referring to yourself. For example, say “This seems to be a good approach” instead of “I believe this is a good approach.”

• Active Listening: Show that you’re engaged in the conversation by actively listening to the other person. Respond to what they say rather than steering the conversation back to yourself.

• Empathize: When expressing understanding or empathy, focus on the other person’s feelings or experiences. For instance, say “It must be challenging for you” instead of “I understand how you feel.”

• Share Experiences Tactfully: If you need to share your experiences, do so in a way that is relevant and adds value to the conversation. Avoid dominating the discussion with personal anecdotes.

• Use “We” or “You” Instead: Instead of saying “I think we should,” consider using “Maybe we could” or “Have you considered?” This shifts the focus from your perspective to a collaborative or the other person’s viewpoint.

• Be Mindful of Tone: Pay attention to your tone to avoid sounding self-centered. Be open and inclusive in your language.

While it’s natural to use “I” at times, be conscious of overusing it. Balance your statements with a mix of inclusive language. It’ll help keep you from sounding like a jerk.

Remember, the goal is to foster a more collaborative and open conversation where both parties feel heard and valued.

How to Communicate More Effectively

Steve Keating 2 Comments

There are so many challenges in life that have their origins tied to poor communication that it would be almost impossible to list them all. Wars have literally been started as the result of miscommunication. Relationships have ended and businesses destroyed by misunderstandings caused by poor communication skills.

If you only have the opportunity to develop one skill then 100% of the time I’d recommend that skill be communication. Absent effective communication you will also struggle to make a meaningful connection with other people. Every relationship you have will be stronger when you improve your communication skills.

Like all skills if you stop working to further develop your communication skills they begin to decline. So even if you believe yourself to be an excellent communicator today that’s no guarantee you’ll continue to be an effective communicator tomorrow… unless you continue to hone your skills.

Here are some key principles and tips to help you communicate more effectively.

Active Listening

• We can’t discuss communication without beginning with a look at listening. ALL successful communication begins with focused listening. Pay full attention to the speaker, listen as if at that moment they are the most important person in the world because in the moment they are speaking to you, they are.

• Never interrupt the person speaking with you and do not begin formulating your response until AFTER they have finished speaking. It’s okay to have a moment of silence while you contemplate your response. A thoughtful response is always better than a fast one.

• “Show” your listening skills through non-verbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact.

• Summarize or paraphrase what the speaker has said to ensure understanding.

Clarity and Conciseness

• Be clear and concise in your communication.

• Avoid unnecessary jargon or complicated language, especially if your audience may not be familiar with it. Don’t use a bigger word than necessary to get your message across. It’s far more important to be smart than to sound smart.

• Organize your thoughts and choose your words BEFORE speaking or writing to ensure a logical flow.

Body Language

• Non-verbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, and posture can convey a lot.

• Be aware of your own body language and try to interpret others’ cues accurately.

Empathy

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand their perspective. Listen for common ground and try to avoid rejecting their message before they are even done presenting it.

• Acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree.

Feedback

• Provide constructive feedback when necessary, focusing on specific behaviors or actions rather than making personal attacks.

• Be open to receiving feedback and use it as an opportunity for growth. Never simply reject the feedback as wrong or destructive criticism. Remember, an open mind communicates more effectively than a closed mind in every instance.

Be Aware of Tone

• The tone of your voice or the tone conveyed in written communication can significantly impact the message. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask if you were them, how would you receive the message and change your tone if required.

• If the conversation is emotional in nature then adjust your tone to be as empathetic as possible. Remember, it’s your responsibility to make your message easy to hear and understand.

Choose the Right Medium

• Different situations may call for different communication mediums (e.g., face-to-face, email, phone, video call). Don’t “chicken out” and deliver bad news via text or email. Put your grown up pants on and either call the person or deliver the message face-to-face.

Ask Questions

• Seek clarification when needed by asking open-ended questions. This shows interest and helps ensure that you’ve understood the message correctly. If your goal is to truly be an effective communicator then you must accept responsibility for the clarity of both sides of the communication. You must be certain what you said was understood and you must make certain you understand what the other person said.

Remember that effective communication is a skill that can be developed over time. By incorporating these principles into your interactions, you can enhance your ability to communicate more effectively and build stronger connections with others. You’ll avoid misunderstandings, arguments and lost productivity.

Almost every part of your life will be better when you make the effort to communicate effectively. But as with all parts of life, the choice to do so is completely up to you.

How to be a More Effective Public Speaker

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Becoming a better public speaker is a skill that can be developed and refined over time. It takes work but the effort required is worth it in a myriad of ways. Improving your public speaking skills can make you a better communicator, boost your confidence, and help you connect with others.  Here are some tips and strategies to help you become a better public speaker and communicator.

• Practice: The most crucial step in improving your public speaking skills is to practice regularly. Rehearse your presentation multiple times to become more comfortable with the material and your delivery.

• Know your audience: Understand who you will be speaking to and tailor your message to their needs and interests. This will help you connect with your audience on a more personal level.

• Organize your content: Structure your speech or presentation logically, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use transitions to guide your audience through your content.

• Start with a strong opening: Begin your speech with an attention-grabbing introduction. You can use a quote, a story, a surprising fact, or a thought-provoking question to engage your audience from the start.

• Use visual aids: Visual aids, such as slides, can help clarify complex ideas and make your presentation more engaging. Just be sure not to overload your slides with text and avoid reading them word for word. Your slides support your presentation, they are not your presentation. Never turn your back on your audience to read your slides cause when you turn back around they may be gone.

• Practice good body language: Pay attention to your posture, gestures, and facial expressions. Maintain eye contact with your audience, and use your body language to convey confidence and enthusiasm.

• Control your voice: Speak clearly and at a moderate pace. Vary your tone, pitch, and volume to keep your audience’s attention. Avoid speaking too fast or too softly.

• Eliminate filler words: Minimize the use of “um,” “uh,” “like,” and other filler words. Practice pausing instead of using filler words, as this can make your speech sound more confident and polished.

• Know your material: Become an expert on the topic you are speaking about. This will boost your confidence and allow you to handle questions and challenges more effectively. Here’s the reality of public speaking. If you know what you’re talking about you have no need to be nervous. If you don’t know what you’re talking about you have no need to be speaking.

• Engage the audience: Encourage interaction by asking questions, sharing anecdotes, and involving the audience in your presentation. This can make your presentation more interactive and relatable.

• Seek feedback: Record your speeches or presentations and review them to identify areas for improvement. You can also ask for feedback from trusted friends, mentors, or colleagues.

• Learn from others: Watch and learn from skilled public speakers. Analyze their techniques and adapt them to your style.

• Keep learning: Public speaking is a lifelong learning process. Stay updated on effective communication strategies and continually work on enhancing your skills.

Remember that becoming a better public speaker takes time and practice. Don’t get discouraged by occasional setbacks, and keep working on your skills to become a more confident and effective communicator.