How Leaders Can Tamp Down Rumors in Their Organizations

I’ve never known a leader who likes rumors running amok in their organization. They complain about them while totally unaware that, frequently, it is their poor communication skills that may actually be causing many of the rumors.

The good news is that if they are the cause, they can also be the solution.

Rumors are like wildfires, and most often, firefighters use water to stop the spread of the fire. Water is the enemy of fires. Authentic leaders know that one of the fastest ways to stop the spread of rumors is with information. Information is the enemy of rumors.

Absent real information, rumors spread quickly, causing damage, often before anyone realizes, and are difficult to fully extinguish once they take hold. In any organization, rumors can erode trust, lower morale, and distract people from their real work. For leaders, allowing rumors to run unchecked can quietly undermine credibility and culture.

But proactive leadership can prevent most rumors from spreading and limit the impact of those that do. Here’s how authentic leaders can tamp down rumors before they damage the organization.

Before tackling rumors, leaders need to understand why they arise in the first place. Most workplace rumors don’t begin with malicious intent — they’re often the result of uncertainty, poor communication, or a lack of trust.

When people don’t have access to accurate information, they fill in the blanks themselves. If leadership doesn’t provide clarity, the rumor mill will. In other words, rumors thrive in silence.

Common triggers include:

Organizational changes such as layoffs, promotions, or restructuring.

Leadership turnover, which creates anxiety about direction and stability.

Perceived unfairness, when team members feel decisions aren’t transparent or consistent.

Lack of information, when communication from leadership is sparse or confusing.

Understanding these roots helps leaders attack the real problem — not just the symptom.

The best way to stop rumors is to prevent them from starting. Consistent, transparent communication is the most powerful rumor deterrent a leader has.

When people are informed, they have less need to speculate. Even if the news isn’t great, sharing it honestly builds trust and reduces the chances of misinformation spreading.

Leaders should:

Share updates promptly. Don’t wait until you have every detail. A simple message like, “We’re still gathering information, but here’s what we know so far,” shows openness.

Establish regular communication rhythms. Weekly emails, team huddles, or Q&A sessions can help employees feel “in the loop.”

Clarify the ‘why.’ People are less likely to invent their own stories when they understand the reasoning behind decisions.

It’s not about overcommunicating — it’s about creating an environment where team members know leadership will tell them the truth, even when the truth is incomplete.

Leaders who stay distant or hidden create a vacuum where rumors can grow. Visibility, both physical and emotional, is a quiet but powerful rumor suppressant.

When the team regularly sees and interacts with leaders, they’re less likely to believe or spread unverified information. It’s easier to trust someone you actually know.

Ways to be more visible include:

Walk the floor or check in virtually to maintain informal contact.

Encourage open-door conversations. Make it easy for employees to ask questions directly.

Show genuine curiosity about how people are doing and what they are hearing.

Leaders who are approachable often hear rumors early, when they’re still small and easier to address.

Ignoring a rumor doesn’t make it go away. Once misinformation starts to spread, leaders must address it quickly and directly—but without defensiveness.

If you hear a rumor gaining traction, calmly set the record straight. Be factual, brief, and professional. Overreacting can draw more attention to the issue, while underreacting allows it to persist.

A good response might sound like:

“I’ve heard some speculation about possible layoffs. Let me be clear—no layoffs are planned at this time. If that changes, you will hear it directly from me.”

This approach reassures the organization and shows that leadership is aware, in control, and committed to honesty.

Rumors can only thrive where trust is weak. In environments built on integrity and respect, employees are far less likely to believe or spread unverified information.

Leaders build that trust through consistent behavior over time.

Keep promises. When you say you will share updates, do it.

Treat people fairly. Perceived favoritism fuels resentment—and rumors.

Admit mistakes. Owning errors shows authenticity and sets a powerful example.

When team members trust leadership, they naturally give leaders the benefit of the doubt—even when information is incomplete.

Leadership can’t monitor every hallway conversation or Slack thread. That’s why building a culture of responsibility is essential.

Encourage your team to verify information before repeating it. Remind them that spreading unverified stories hurts everyone, including the organization’s reputation and morale.

You can model this behavior by saying things like:

“I don’t know if that’s accurate — let’s confirm it before sharing.”

When leaders use this kind of language consistently, it becomes part of the organizational culture. People learn to pause, check, and think before passing along gossip.

Sometimes the best way to tamp down rumors isn’t by talking — it’s by listening.

If a rumor is circulating, it often signals underlying fear, confusion, or dissatisfaction. Leaders who take the time to listen can uncover what’s really bothering people and address it directly.

Ask questions such as:

“What are you hearing that concerns you?”

“What’s making people uneasy right now?”

“What information do you wish you had?”

By listening deeply, leaders turn potential rumor-fueled chaos into an opportunity for better understanding and connection.

Finally, leaders must model the behavior they want to see. If leaders speculate, share half-truths, or discuss confidential matters casually, they send the message that gossip is acceptable.

Demonstrate discretion. Share only verified information, and be clear about what is still unknown. Over time, team members will mirror this disciplined approach.

Final Thoughts

Rumors are inevitable in any organization — but their power isn’t. With consistent communication, visible leadership, and a culture built on trust, leaders can prevent most rumors from ever taking hold.

The key is to remember that rumors don’t just reflect poor communication; they reflect unmet emotional needs for clarity, security, and trust. When leaders meet those needs through openness and empathy, they don’t just tamp down rumors — they build stronger, more resilient organizations where truth travels faster than gossip.

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How to Evaluate Yourself as a Leader: A Practical Guide to Self-Assessment

Leadership is a never-ending journey of growth. It requires self-awareness, adaptability, and a commitment to continuous improvement. That’s why evaluating yourself as a leader is so crucial to your long-term success. Self-evaluation is a powerful way to identify your strengths, uncover areas for development, and ensure you’re effectively guiding your team toward success. In this post, we’ll look at practical steps to assess your leadership skills, reflect on your impact, and set a course for growth.

Why Self-Evaluation Matters for Leaders

Self-evaluation is more than just a personal check-in; it’s a proactive step to align your actions with your values and goals. By regularly assessing your leadership, you can:

Gain Clarity: Understand how your behaviors and decisions impact your team.

Build Trust: Demonstrate accountability by recognizing and addressing your weaknesses.

Drive Growth: Identify opportunities to enhance your skills and leadership style.

Inspire Others: Model self-reflection, encouraging your team to grow alongside you.

Let’s dive into a step-by-step guide to evaluating yourself as a leader.

Step 1: Define Your Leadership Values and Goals

Before you can evaluate your performance, you need a clear benchmark. Start by reflecting on your core leadership values and goals:

What kind of leader do you want to be? Are you aiming to be collaborative, decisive, empathetic, or innovative? Perhaps all of the above? Write down 3-5 core values that define your leadership philosophy.

What are your goals? Consider both short-term objectives (e.g., improving team communication) and long-term aspirations (e.g., fostering a culture of innovation).

How do these align with your organization’s mission? Ensure your personal leadership goals support the broader vision of your team or company.

Action Tip: Create a “Leadership Mission Statement” that encapsulates your values and goals. For example: “I strive to lead with empathy and clarity, empowering my team to achieve excellence while fostering a culture of trust and collaboration.” Post your mission statement where others can see it. That will help create accountability and build a bridge to step 2.

Self-evaluation is incomplete without external perspectives. Others can provide insights into how your leadership is perceived and its impact on the team. Here’s how to gather meaningful feedback:

Ask for 360-degree feedback: Collect input from peers, direct reports, and supervisors. Use anonymous surveys or one-on-one conversations to encourage honesty.

Ask specific questions: Instead of vague prompts like “How am I doing?”, ask targeted questions such as:

• “What’s one thing I do well as a leader?”

• “What’s one area where I could improve my support for the team?”

Listen without defensiveness: Approach feedback with an open mind, focusing on growth rather than justification.

Action Tip: Use a tool like Google Forms or a platform like SurveyMonkey to create a simple, anonymous feedback survey. Schedule follow-up discussions with your team to clarify feedback and show your commitment to acting on it.

I’m really close to saying that EQ is even more important for a leader than IQ. That’s because emotional intelligence is a cornerstone of effective leadership. It involves self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and relationship management. To evaluate your EQ:

Self-Awareness: Reflect on how well you understand your emotions and their impact on your decisions. Do you recognize when stress or frustration affects your leadership?

Self-Regulation: Consider how you handle challenges. Do you stay calm under pressure, or do you react impulsively?

Empathy: Ask yourself how well you understand and respond to your team’s needs. Do you actively listen and show genuine care for their perspectives?

Relationship Management: Evaluate your ability to build trust, resolve conflicts, and inspire collaboration.

Action Tip: Take an online EQ assessment, such as the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal by TalentSmart, or journal about a recent leadership challenge to analyze how your emotions influenced your actions.

Leadership is often judged by outcomes. Evaluate your decision-making process and the results of your leadership:

Decision-Making Process: Are your decisions informed, inclusive, and aligned with your values? Do you seek different perspectives before acting?

Impact on Team Performance: Look at measurable outcomes, such as team productivity, morale, or project success. Have your actions led to positive results?

Adaptability: Reflect on how you handle change or uncertainty. Do you pivot effectively when faced with challenges?

Action Tip: Review a recent project or initiative you led. Write down what went well, what didn’t, and one decision you would approach differently next time. Use this to identify patterns in your leadership style.

Effective communication is critical for leadership success. Assess how well you convey ideas, listen, and encourage open dialogue.

Clarity: Do you articulate goals and expectations clearly? Are your instructions easy to understand?

Active Listening: Do you genuinely listen to your team’s ideas and concerns, or do you dominate conversations?

Feedback Delivery: Are you constructive and specific when providing feedback? Do you balance praise with areas for improvement?

Action Tip: Record a team meeting (with permission) or ask a trusted colleague to observe your communication style. Note areas where you excel or could improve, such as body language or tone.

A leader’s success is tied to their team’s growth and motivation. Evaluate how you are fostering a positive and productive environment:

Team Development: Are you providing opportunities for your team to learn and grow? Do you delegate effectively to build their skills?

Engagement: Are team members motivated and committed? Do they feel valued and empowered?

Culture: What kind of culture are you creating? Is it inclusive, collaborative, and aligned with your values?

Action Tip: Conduct a “stay interview” with team members to understand what keeps them engaged and what could improve their experience. Use their insights to assess your impact as a leader.

Self-evaluation is only effective if it leads to action. Based on your reflections and feedback, identify 1-3 areas for improvement and create a plan:

Be Specific: Instead of “I’ll be a better communicator,” aim for “I’ll practice active listening by summarizing team members’ points in meetings.”

Set Measurable Goals: For example, “I will implement monthly one-on-one check-ins with my team to improve engagement.”

Seek Resources: Consider leadership training, books (e.g., The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni), or a mentor to support your growth.

Action Tip: Create a 30-60-90-day plan outlining specific actions you will take to improve. Review your progress regularly to stay accountable.

Leadership evaluation isn’t a one-time task—it’s an ongoing practice. Build self-reflection into your routine:

Daily Reflection: Spend 5 minutes at the end of each day journaling about a leadership moment—what went well and what could be better.

Monthly Check-Ins: Revisit your leadership mission statement and goals to ensure you’re on track.

Annual Deep Dive: Conduct a comprehensive self-assessment, including 360-degree feedback, to measure your growth over time.

Action Tip: Use a journal or app like Evernote to track your reflections and progress. Set calendar reminders for monthly and annual check-ins.

Final Thoughts

Evaluating yourself as a leader requires honesty, humility, and a commitment to growth. By defining your values, seeking feedback, assessing your emotional intelligence, and reflecting on your impact, you can gain a clear picture of your strengths and areas for improvement.

The goal isn’t perfection but progress—each step you take toward becoming a better leader inspires your team and drives meaningful results. As you become a more effective leader, your team becomes more effective as well. And never forget, not even for a moment, that your leadership is not about you; it’s ALL about the people you lead.

So, take the first step today: carve out 15 minutes to reflect on one aspect of your leadership, such as how you handled a recent challenge. Then, commit to one small action to improve. Your team—and your future self—will thank you for it.

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How to Take Control of Your Life

It’s easy to get stuck in the floaty trap. You know the one, the one that feels like you’re just floating along, letting life happen to you instead of making things happen yourself.

It can be a pretty comfortable feeling until it’s not. Eventually, we get frustrated with floating because, while it feels pretty good, we have little to no control over where we end up.

When we “float” we are subject to the whims of other people and circumstances that we’ve chosen to not control. Floating is a pretty common feeling, and it is easy to stay there way longer than you should. But floating does not have to be a permanent condition.

YOU can take control of your life!

Taking control of your life is about making a conscious decision to be the driver, not the passenger in your life’s journey. It’s about being intentional with your choices and actions, big and small.

Here’s how to start taking control of your life.

Define What “Control” Means to You

First, you need to understand what taking control looks like for you personally. It’s absolutely not the same for everyone. When you get married, for instance, you are willingly and lovingly giving up at least some control to your partner.

So for you, is control about your career? Your health? Your relationships? Your finances? It’s likely a combination of these things and maybe more, but identifying the key areas that feel out of whack is the first step. Grab a notebook, iPad, or whatever, and jot down the parts of your life that feel most chaotic or uncontrolled. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about clarity.

Set Intentional Goals

Once you’ve identified the areas you want to work on, it’s time to set some goals. These shouldn’t be vague wishes. A good goal is SMART:

Specific: What exactly do you want to achieve?

Measurable: How will you track your progress?

Achievable: Is this goal realistic for you right now?

Relevant: Does this goal align with your values and what you want for your life?

Time-bound: When do you want to achieve this by?

For example, instead of “I want to get healthy,” try “I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week for the next month.”

Embrace Small Actions

The idea of “taking control” can feel overwhelming. The key is to start small. A big change is just a series of small, consistent actions. If your goal is to save more money, start by packing your lunch once a week instead of buying it. If you want to learn a new skill, commit to 15 minutes of practice a day. These small wins build momentum and confidence, proving to yourself that you are capable of making a change.

Practice Self-Awareness

One of the most powerful tools for taking control is self-awareness. It’s about understanding your habits, triggers, and emotions. Why do you procrastinate? What makes you feel stressed? What are you truly passionate about? The more you understand yourself, the better you can navigate your life’s challenges. Journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few minutes each day to reflect can help you develop this awareness.

Take Responsibility (Without Blame)

This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Taking control means taking responsibility for your choices, ALL your choices, and their outcomes. This is not about blaming yourself for past mistakes. Instead, it’s about acknowledging your role in your current situation. For example, if you’re not happy with your job, instead of blaming your boss or the company, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this situation?” Maybe it’s updating your resume, networking, or taking a course to learn new skills. This shift in perspective is incredibly empowering.

Taking control of your life isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous practice. It’s about being proactive, not reactive. By defining your goals, starting with small actions, practicing self-awareness, and taking responsibility, you can begin to steer your life in the direction you want to go.

Things still will not always go your way, but YOU have the power to change directions as many times as are required to put yourself exactly where you want to be. Now that’s control!

So, where will you start?

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How to Be More Valuable to Your Employer

I’m a little surprised by how often I’m asked by people how to ask for a raise. I don’t normally answer a question with a question, but in this circumstance, I do it anyway. The question I ask is, “Do you deserve a raise?”

I get a variety of answers to that question. Many people say, “well, I need one.” This is where the frustration begins to set in for them. Because my reply is that if I’m your employer, I could care less that you think you need a raise.

I then ask them to explain to me, with a pretty good level of specificity, why they deserve a raise. I want them to tell me what they have done to make themselves more valuable to their employer.

It is my belief that no one is entitled to a raise they didn’t earn just because they have been with a company for a certain period of time.

Consistently increasing the value you bring to your employer is the fastest way to earn a raise. Increasing your value helps you stand out from your colleagues and coworkers. Standing out as a valuable employee not only helps you earn a raise, it can open doors to career growth, job security, and personal fulfillment. Becoming indispensable to your employer isn’t about working harder—it’s about working smarter, aligning your efforts with the company’s goals, and consistently demonstrating your worth.

Here’s a practical guide to increasing your value at work, with actionable steps you can start implementing today.

Understand Your Company’s Goals and Priorities

To be truly valuable, you need to align your work with what matters most to your employer. Take time to understand your company’s mission, vision, and current objectives. Are they focused on increasing revenue, improving customer satisfaction, or streamlining operations? Knowing this helps you prioritize tasks that directly contribute to those goals.

Actionable Steps:

Ask questions: In team meetings or one-on-ones, inquire about the company’s short- and long-term priorities.

Read up: Review company reports, strategic plans, or public communications (e.g., investor updates or press releases) to grasp the bigger picture.

Align your work: Frame your contributions in terms of how they support key objectives. For example, if customer retention is a priority, focus on delivering exceptional service or suggesting process improvements.

Example: If your company is pushing for digital transformation, volunteer to learn a new tool or platform that supports that initiative, like mastering a CRM system or analyzing data to improve decision-making.

Develop In-Demand Skills

Employers value employees who bring expertise that is relevant to the company’s needs. Stay ahead by continuously developing skills that are in demand, both within your role and in the broader industry. This could mean technical skills (e.g., data analysis, coding) or soft skills (e.g., communication, leadership).

Actionable Steps:

Identify skill gaps: Look at job descriptions for roles similar to yours or ask your manager which skills would make you more effective.

Invest in learning: Take online courses (platforms like Coursera, LinkedIn Learning, or Udemy are great), attend workshops, or earn certifications relevant to your field.

Apply your skills: Find opportunities to use your new skills on the job, whether through a special project or by improving an existing process.

Example: If your company uses data to drive decisions, learning basic Excel functions or a tool like Tableau can make you a go-to person for insights, increasing your value.

Take Initiative and Solve Problems

Valuable employees don’t wait for instructions—they proactively identify challenges and propose solutions. Being a problem-solver shows you are invested in the company’s success and can be trusted to handle responsibilities.

Actionable Steps:

Spot inefficiencies: Look for processes, tools, or workflows that could be improved and suggest actionable fixes.

Volunteer for challenges: Offer to lead a project, tackle a tough client issue, or streamline a task that others avoid.

Think ahead: Anticipate potential roadblocks in your team’s work and propose ways to address them before they become problems.

Example: If your team struggles with meeting deadlines due to poor task tracking, propose adopting a project management tool like Trello, or Asana and offer to set it up.

Build Strong Relationships

Your value isn’t just about what you do but how you work with others. Building strong relationships with colleagues, managers, and stakeholders fosters collaboration and makes you a trusted team member.

Actionable Steps:

Communicate effectively: Be clear, concise, and respectful in emails, meetings, and conversations.

Support your team: Offer help to colleagues, share credit for successes, and foster a positive work environment.

Network internally: Get to know people in other departments to understand their roles and how you can support cross-functional goals.

Example: If a coworker is overwhelmed, offer to take on a small task or share a resource that could help them, building goodwill and strengthening team dynamics.

Deliver Consistent, High-Quality Work

Reliability is a cornerstone of value. Employers prize employees who consistently meet or exceed expectations, deliver on time, and maintain high standards.

Actionable Steps:

Set clear goals: Break down large tasks into manageable steps and track your progress to stay on target.

Pay attention to detail: Double-check your work to avoid errors that could cost time or resources.

Seek feedback: Regularly ask for constructive feedback from your manager or peers to improve your performance.

Example: If you’re tasked with preparing a report, ensure it’s error-free, visually clear, and submitted early, demonstrating reliability and professionalism.

Be Adaptable and Embrace Change

Workplaces evolve—new technologies, strategies, or market conditions can shift priorities overnight. Employees who adapt quickly and embrace change are invaluable because they help the company stay agile.

Actionable Steps:

Stay open-minded: Approach new processes or tools with curiosity rather than resistance.

Learn quickly: Take the lead in mastering new systems or workflows, and share your knowledge with others.

Show resilience: Handle setbacks or unexpected changes with a positive attitude and focus on solutions.

Example: If your company adopts a new software platform, take the initiative to learn it early and help train your team, positioning yourself as a resource.

Communicate Your Value

It’s not enough to do great work—you need to make sure your contributions are visible (without being boastful). Employers often notice employees who can articulate their impact.

Actionable Steps:

Track your achievements: Keep a record of your accomplishments, such as projects completed, savings generated, or positive feedback received.

Share updates: In performance reviews or check-ins, highlight specific ways you have contributed to team or company goals.

Be proactive in meetings: Share ideas, insights, or progress updates to demonstrate your engagement.

Example: During a performance review, say, “I streamlined our reporting process, which saved the team 5 hours a week and improved data accuracy by 20%,” to quantify your impact.

Stay Positive and Professional

A positive attitude and professional demeanor make you a pleasure to work with, which enhances your value. Employers appreciate employees who inspire others and maintain composure under pressure.

Actionable Steps:

Stay solution-focused: Even when challenges arise, focus on what can be done rather than dwell on problems.

Show gratitude: Acknowledge others’ contributions and express appreciation for opportunities.

Handle conflict gracefully: Address disagreements calmly and constructively to maintain a positive work environment.

Example: If a project hits a snag, instead of complaining, say, “Let’s brainstorm a few ways to get this back on track,” showing leadership and optimism.

Mentor and Support Others

Helping your colleagues grow not only strengthens the team but also positions you as a leader, even if you’re not in a formal leadership role. Employers value employees who elevate those around them.

Actionable Steps:

Share knowledge: Offer to train a new hire or share tips with a struggling colleague.

Be a team player: Celebrate others’ successes and contribute to a collaborative culture.

Lead by example: Model the behaviors and work ethic you want to see in others.

Example: If a new team member is struggling with a task, spend 15 minutes walking them through it or sharing a helpful resource, showing you’re invested in the team’s success.

Stay Committed to Growth

Valuable employees never stop growing. Commit to continuous self-improvement, both in your role and as a professional, to stay relevant and impactful.

Actionable Steps:

Set personal goals: Identify one or two areas for growth each quarter, such as improving public speaking or mastering a new tool.

Seek mentorship: Connect with a mentor or manager who can guide your career development.

Stay curious: Read industry blogs, attend webinars, or follow thought leaders on platforms like X to stay informed about trends.

Example: Follow industry leaders on X to learn about emerging trends in your field, then share a relevant insight with your team to spark discussion.

Final Thoughts

Being more valuable to your employer is about aligning your efforts with their goals, continuously improving yourself, and making a positive impact on your team and organization. By taking initiative, building skills, and developing strong relationships, you’ll not only increase your worth but also create a more rewarding work experience for yourself.

Start small—pick one or two of these steps to focus on this week. Over time, these efforts will compound, making you an indispensable asset to your employer and setting you up for long-term career success.

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Developing Positive Human Interactions

I’m pretty certain there is no such thing as a neutral human interaction. Every time, every single time, we interact with another human being, we leave them feeling either better about themselves or worse. They do the same for, or to, us.

Sometimes it’s a lot better or a lot worse, but most of the time it’s just a little. Very often it’s so little that it’s almost imperceptible. But it’s there. It’s a feeling; after we talk with someone, we feel a little less stress, a tiny bit happier, or a tiny bit more stress or anxious.

But we don’t feel exactly the same as we did before the interaction.

And the interaction doesn’t even have to be a full-fledged conversation; it can simply be a smile, frown, or some kind of gesture. It can be a simple acknowledgment of their presence or intentionally ignoring them.

But if you’re like me, I’ll bet you seldom, if ever, ask yourself what kind of impact you want to have on someone after they interact with you.

If you want to make a positive impact and help others walk away from interactions with you feeling better about themselves, it’s all about intentionality, empathy, and authenticity. Here’s a guide to creating those feel-good moments that linger long after the interaction or conversation ends.

1. Listen Actively and Fully

Nothing makes someone feel valued like being truly heard. Active listening goes beyond nodding along—it’s about engaging with what they’re saying without planning your response while they’re talking.

How to do it: Maintain eye contact (without staring), nod to show understanding, and ask follow-up questions that dig deeper into their thoughts. For example, if someone shares a story about a tough day, say, “That sounds really challenging—how did you handle it?” This shows you are invested in their experience.

Why it works: When people feel heard, they feel validated, which boosts their sense of worth.

2. Offer Genuine Compliments

A sincere compliment can light up someone’s day, but it has to be specific and authentic. Generic praise like “You’re great” doesn’t hit the same as noticing something unique.

How to do it: Pay attention to what stands out about them. Maybe it’s their creativity in solving a problem or the way they always make others laugh. Say something like, “I really admire how you always find a way to make everyone feel included.” Be specific and tie it to something they’ve done or who they are.

Why it works: Genuine compliments affirm someone’s strengths, reinforcing their positive self-image.

3. Practice Empathy, Not Judgment

Empathy is the ability to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings without criticism. When people feel judged, they shrink; when they feel understood, they grow.

How to do it: If someone shares a struggle, resist the urge to offer quick fixes or comparisons like, “Oh, I’ve had it worse.” Instead, validate their emotions with phrases like, “I can see why you’d feel that way—that sounds really tough.” Even if you don’t fully relate, show you’re trying to understand.

Why it works: Empathy creates a safe space where people feel accepted, which naturally boosts their confidence.

4. Encourage Their Strengths

Sometimes, people don’t see their own potential as clearly as others do. Pointing out their strengths or encouraging them to lean into their talents can be a game changer.

How to do it: If you notice someone excels at something, let them know and encourage them to keep going. For example, “You have such a knack for explaining complex ideas—I bet you’d be amazing at teaching or presenting.” Offer to support them, like brainstorming ideas or connecting them with opportunities.

Why it works: Highlighting strengths helps people recognize their value and inspires them to pursue their passions.

5. Be Present and Positive

Your energy is contagious. If you’re distracted or negative, it can drag others down. Being fully present and bringing a positive vibe can make someone feel like they matter.

How to do it: Put away distractions like your phone, and focus on the moment. Share a smile, a laugh, or an optimistic perspective. Even small gestures, like saying, “I’m really glad we got to catch up,” can leave them feeling appreciated.

Why it works: Positivity is uplifting, and being present signals that they are worth your time.

6. Avoid One-Upmanship

It’s tempting to share your own stories or achievements when someone else is talking, but this can unintentionally make them feel overshadowed. Keep the focus on them.

How to do it: If they share an accomplishment, celebrate it without pivoting to your own. Instead of, “That’s awesome; I did something similar last year,” try, “That’s incredible! Tell me more about how you pulled that off.” Let them shine.

Why it works: Keeping the spotlight on them reinforces their sense of importance and accomplishment.

7. Follow Up and Show You Care

A quick follow-up after an interaction shows that you genuinely value the connection. It could be a text, a note, or a mention the next time you see them.

How to do it: If they mentioned a big meeting or a personal goal, check in later: “Hey, how did that presentation go? I was thinking about you!” It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just show you remember.

Why it works: Following up makes people feel significant and strengthens their trust in the relationship.

8. Be Authentic

People can sense when you’re being fake or overly performative.

How to do it: Share your thoughts and feelings honestly (while staying kind), and don’t try to impress or exaggerate. If you’re having a rough day, it’s okay to say, “I’m not at my best today, but I’m really glad to see you.” Authenticity builds trust.

Why it works: Authenticity makes others feel comfortable being themselves, which boosts their confidence.

Final Thoughts

Helping others feel better about themselves doesn’t require grand gestures—it’s about small, intentional actions that show you see and value them. Listen deeply, celebrate their uniqueness, and create an environment where they feel safe to shine.

When you make someone feel understood, appreciated, and capable, you’re not just brightening their day—you’re helping them see the best in themselves. And that’s a gift that keeps on giving.

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Why BUT is a Word Best Unused

I have written fairly often on the importance of words. Words matter and most of us could be a little more thoughtful when choosing the words that we use. Our words shape how we think, feel, and connect with others. Words carry weight, subtly influencing conversations and relationships. One word that often sneaks into our sentences, quietly undermining our intentions, is “but.” It’s a small word, just three letters, yet it has a big impact. I believe we should rethink its use—not because it’s inherently bad, but because it often creates barriers where we could build bridges instead.

Let’s start with what “but” does. It’s a conjunction, a pivot point in a sentence. When we say, “I love you, but…” or “That’s a great idea, but…,” everything before the “but” gets overshadowed and frequently forgotten. The listener braces for the negative, and the positive sentiment feels like a setup rather than a standalone truth. Imagine someone saying, “You did a fantastic job on this project, but there’s room for improvement.” The praise evaporates, and the critique takes center stage. Without “but,” the same message could stand as two clear statements: “You did a fantastic job on this project. There’s room for improvement.” Both parts survive, neither diminished.

This isn’t just semantics—it’s psychology. Studies show that people tend to focus on what follows “but” because it signals contrast or contradiction. The brain latches onto the exception, not the rule. When we use “but,” we unintentionally train others to expect disappointment or dismissal, even if that’s not our goal. Over time, this erodes trust. Think about a friend who always softens criticism with a compliment: “You’re so smart, but you’re too quiet.” Eventually, you stop hearing the compliment and start waiting for the sting.

Now, I’m not suggesting we ban “but” entirely. It has its place in logic and debate, where contrasting ideas need a clear marker. “The sky is blue, but it turns orange at sunset” works because it’s a factual shift, not a loaded judgment. The trouble comes in emotional or relational contexts, where “but” feels like a rejection pretending to be balanced. We use it to soften blows or hedge our bets, but it often backfires, leaving the other person defensive or deflated.

So, what’s the alternative? Words like “and” or “also” can transform a sentence. “I appreciate your effort, and we can tweak a few things” keeps the tone collaborative. It’s not about sugarcoating—it’s about clarity. Separating ideas into distinct sentences works too: “I value your input. Let’s adjust the timeline.” These shifts preserve the integrity of both thoughts without pitting them against each other. It’s a small change with a big ripple effect, fostering openness instead of opposition.

Critics might argue that avoiding “but” makes us less direct, even wishy-washy. I get that. Straight talk matters, especially when stakes are high. Yet directness doesn’t require “but” as a crutch. “This plan won’t work because it’s underfunded” is sharper and cleaner than “This plan is solid, but it’s underfunded.” The former owns the critique; the latter muddies it with faint praise. Dropping “but” forces us to say what we mean without hiding behind qualifiers.

In relationships, the stakes are even higher. “I’m sorry, but you upset me first” doesn’t heal—it deflects. Replace it with “I’m sorry. I felt upset by what happened,” and the apology stands taller, inviting real dialogue. Over time, cutting “but” trains us to own our words and listen better. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present.

Language evolves with intent. If we want connection over conflict, we can start by rethinking “but.” It’s not the villain of vocabulary, just a habit we’ve leaned on too long. Swap it out, try different alternatives, and watch how conversations shift. We might find we don’t need it as much as we thought—and that’s a win worth going after.

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Becoming a More Persuasive Communicator

There is a basic fact that people who actually like arguing fail to grasp. That fact is that a person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

That’s why it is nearly impossible to truly “win” an argument. People may give up the fight by agreeing with you, or perhaps attempt to stop the argument by simply agreeing to disagree. But it’s very likely that the “winner” of the argument has done nothing to actually change the “losers” thinking.

The only way to change another person’s opinion is through persuasion. They must fully believe what you’re saying if they are to replace their thinking with yours. But like all things worth doing, persuading others towards your thinking is easier said than done.

Becoming a more persuasive communicator involves mastering techniques that help you influence others effectively while at the same time building trust and respect.

Here’s a handful of ideas to help you improve your persuasive communication skills.

1. Understand Your Audience

Know their needs: Understand the values, concerns, and priorities of the person or group you’re addressing.

Empathize: Put yourself in their shoes to connect emotionally and demonstrate genuine understanding.

2. Build Credibility

Demonstrate expertise: Show that you are knowledgeable and credible on the topic.

Be trustworthy: Be honest, consistent, and fair in your communication. Do not exaggerate.

Use confident body language: Maintain eye contact, stand tall, and avoid fidgeting.

3. Appeal to Emotions

Tell stories: Use anecdotes and narratives that evoke emotions and make your message memorable.

Show enthusiasm: Let your passion for the topic come through.

Use imagery and metaphors: Paint vivid pictures with words to create an emotional connection.

4. Use Logic and Reason

Present clear arguments: Structure your points logically and use data or evidence to support your claims.

Anticipate objections: Address potential counterarguments proactively.

Be specific: Use precise details rather than vague generalizations.

5. Master the Art of Listening

Active listening: Show genuine interest in others’ perspectives by nodding, asking clarifying questions, and summarizing their points.

Pause and reflect: Give people time to process your message and respond thoughtfully.

6. Adapt Your Communication Style

Match their tone: Adjust your language, tone, and pace to align with the audience’s preferences.

Choose the right medium: Consider whether face-to-face, email, or a presentation is most appropriate for your message.

Simplify complex ideas: Make your message accessible and easy to understand.

7. Practice Nonverbal Communication

Body language: Align gestures, facial expressions, and posture with your words.

Tone of voice: Use variations in pitch, speed, and volume to emphasize key points.

Eye contact: Maintain a balance to show confidence and build rapport.

8. Call to Action

Be clear and direct: Clearly outline the action you want your audience to take.

Highlight benefits: Explain how following your suggestion benefits them.

Use urgency: Encourage prompt action with time-sensitive reasons.

9. Practice, Reflect, and Improve

Seek feedback: Ask trusted peers or mentors for constructive feedback on your communication style.

Record yourself: Practice speeches or presentations and review them to identify areas for improvement.

Learn from others: Study skilled communicators and incorporate their techniques.

Whether you’re speaking to one person or a large group, by combining empathy, credibility, logical arguments, and emotional appeal, you can become a more persuasive communicator. You won’t have to argue to win people over to your way of thinking. You won’t have to lose their respect and trust. In fact, it’s just the opposite; persuasive communication will build trust and respect.

And you won’t have to wonder if the people you’re speaking with are of the same opinion still.

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But whether you can offer support or not, I’ll continue to try and write a blog that gives back, informs and sometimes even entertains. I hope you enjoy it!

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