Tag Building Confidence

Wishers and Wanters

Steve Keating Leave a comment

A whole bunch of years ago I was attending a Dale Carnegie Convention. I was surrounded by hundreds of amazing people from all around the world. A large majority of the people attending were excellent speakers and the best of the best presented to the entire audience.

I remember one particularly incredible presentation where the speaker was playing the harp WHILE giving a presentation on an entirely different subject. I mentioned to the person sitting next to me that I really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument.

I had never met this person before so I was a little surprised by their response. They said “No you don’t.” I reiterated that I really really wanted to learn to play a musical instrument. They again said that I didn’t.

They explained that while I apparently “wished” I could play a musical instrument I obviously didn’t really want to. He went on to say if I truly wanted to I likely would already be able to. I understood what he was getting at but I was still a little miffed at some guy telling me what I did and didn’t want.

It would be a long time before I truly understood the profound psychological and practical gap between a wish and a want. While they often start in the same place—a spark of desire—they travel in completely different directions.

One lives in the imagination; the other lives in the calendar.

The Nature of Wishing: Passive and Painless

A wish is essentially a fantasy without a price tag. When we wish for something, we are focusing entirely on the outcome without considering the process.

Direction: Inward. It’s a daydream that provides a temporary hit of dopamine.

The Cost: Zero. Wishing doesn’t require sacrifice, change, or risk of failure.

The Language: “I hope,” “If only,” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if…”

The Trap: Wishing can actually become a form of procrastination. We feel a sense of accomplishment just by thinking about the goal, which can trick our brains into feeling satisfied without ever taking the first step. 

The Nature of Wanting: Active and Costly

“Wanting it enough to earn it” transforms a passive desire into a commitment. At this stage, you aren’t just in love with the trophy; you have accepted the sweat, the early mornings, and the inevitable setbacks.

Direction: Outward. It moves from the mind into physical action.

The Cost: High. It requires trading your most valuable resources: time, energy, and comfort.

The Language: “I will,” “I am,” and “What is the next step?”

The Filter: This is where most people drop off. As the saying goes, “Everyone wants the prize, but few want the process.”

The Pivot Point: The “Decision”

The difference between the two usually boils down to a single moment of honesty. To move from wishing to earning, you have to ask yourself: “Am I willing to endure the ‘boring’ parts of this goal?”

If you wish to be a writer, you enjoy the idea of a finished book.

If you want to earn the title of writer, you enjoy (or at least tolerate) the act of sitting in a chair and typing when you’d rather be doing anything else.

“A goal without a plan is just a wish.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Wishing is a great starting point—it’s the “why.” But earning is the “how.” The world is full of people who wish for change; it is moved by the people who decide to pay the price for it.

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Unleash Your Inner Power: Simple Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence 💪

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Many of the most successful people possess terrific self-confidence. They manage to demonstrate that self-confidence to themselves and others without crossing the line into arrogance.

Their self-confidence isn’t an inherited trait; it’s much like a muscle that they have developed and strengthened over time. If you’re going to strengthen your own self-confidence “muscle,” you’ll need to trust your own judgment, feel worthy, and have the courage to face challenges.

If you’re ready to ditch the self-doubt, here are some practical, actionable steps to start building the strong, steady confidence you deserve.

Know Yourself (and Your Victories) 🏆

The foundation of confidence is self-awareness.

Identify Your Strengths: Less successful people often focus on what they can’t do. The most successful people focus on what they can do. Take five minutes and genuinely list your talents, skills, and positive qualities. Are you a great listener? A problem solver? Creative? A reliable friend? Acknowledge these truths.

Keep a “Win” Journal: Start writing down everything you achieve, no matter how small. Finishing a tough project at work, running an extra mile, successfully cooking a new recipe, or handling a difficult conversation with grace—these are all wins. Reviewing this list is powerful evidence of your competence.

Tame the Inner Critic 🤫

That little voice telling you you’re not good enough is often based on irrational fears, not facts.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: When a negative thought pops up (“I’m going to fail”), don’t accept it. Ask yourself: “Is this 100% true? What is the evidence for and against this thought?” Usually, the evidence against it is overwhelming.

Reframe Your Language: Switch from defeatist talk to encouraging self-talk. Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is challenging, but I can definitely learn how to do it.”

Practice Small Acts of Bravery 👣

Confidence grows not from wishing, but from doing.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone: Don’t wait until you feel confident to act; act to create confidence. Start small. Speak up in a meeting, introduce yourself to a new person, or take on a task you’ve been avoiding. Each successful attempt widens your comfort zone.

Embrace Imperfection: Fear of failure paralyzes confidence. Understand that failure is just feedback—a critical part of learning and growth. Highly confident people don’t avoid mistakes; they learn from them and move on quickly.

Upgrade Your Appearance and Body Language 🧍

How you carry yourself deeply affects how you feel and how others perceive you.

Dress the Part: You don’t need a new wardrobe, but choose clothes that fit well and make you feel capable and prepared for the day. Feeling good about your appearance is an easy, immediate confidence boost.

Adopt Power Poses: Research shows that standing or sitting in an open, expansive posture (shoulders back, head up, taking up space) for just a couple of minutes can reduce stress and increase feelings of power. Stop slouching!

Make Eye Contact: This simple non-verbal cue communicates engagement, sincerity, and self-assurance.

Prioritize Self-Care and Health 🍎

Your physical and mental well-being are inextricably linked to your confidence.

Move Your Body: Regular exercise improves your mood and energy. Feeling physically strong translates directly into feeling mentally strong.

Sleep Well: Chronic tiredness erodes focus and resilience, making you more vulnerable to self-doubt. Prioritize getting enough restful sleep.

Learn a New Skill: Competence breeds confidence. Taking a course, learning a new language, or mastering a kitchen skill gives you tangible proof that you can learn and achieve.

Developing rock-solid self-confidence isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a continuous journey of self-improvement and self-acceptance. Start with one of these steps today, be patient with yourself, and soon you will feel your self-confidence begin to grow. You’ve got this! ✨

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How to be More Confident

Steve Keating 1 Comment

Confidence is often an overlooked characteristic of successful people. That may be because many people believe that confidence comes after you’re successful. The reality is that confidence often comes before success. You would even be safe in saying that success happens because of confidence.

Self-confidence, truly believing in yourself, is a valuable trait that can positively impact every area of your life. Building confidence is a gradual process that varies from person to person. Here are some steps that anyone can take to become more confident today.

• Self-awareness: Understand your strengths, weaknesses, and areas where you lack confidence. Being aware of your capabilities and limitations allows you to set realistic goals and work towards them.

• Positive self-talk: Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, focus on what you can achieve. Be your own biggest supporter rather than your harshest critic. Some people think that the whole positive self-talk stuff is for wimps but here’s the deal…it actually works…bigly.

• Set achievable goals: Start with small, attainable goals that you can consistently accomplish. As you achieve these goals, you’ll gradually build a sense of accomplishment and boost your self-esteem. Your want some goals that stretch you too but not every goal can or should be a stretch goal.

• Preparation: Knowledge and preparation are key to feeling confident. Whether it’s a presentation, interview, or any other task, being well-prepared reduces uncertainty and boosts your confidence. Research and practice extensively beforehand.

• Body language: Your body language can influence how you feel and how others perceive you. Stand tall, maintain good posture, make eye contact, and use open gestures. These nonverbal cues can convey confidence even when you might not feel it internally.

• Dress the part: Wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident can have a positive impact on your self-image. When you feel good about how you look, it often translates into increased self-assurance. This matters in your virtual life as well. Even if you’re doing a Zoom call dress as if you’re live and in person. Others may not see the difference but you will feel it.

• Face your fears: Often, lack of confidence is tied to fear of failure or rejection. By gradually facing your fears and taking calculated risks, you’ll learn that setbacks are a normal part of growth and development. Understand that the only place fear actually exists is in our minds. The fastest way to overcome the illusion of fear is to take action, do something. You’ll forget about your fear soon enough.

• Learn from mistakes: Instead of dwelling on failures, view them as opportunities for growth. Analyze what went wrong, identify lessons learned, and apply those lessons to future endeavors.

• Focus on your strengths: Celebrate your successes and remind yourself of your past achievements. Reflecting on your abilities and accomplishments can help you maintain a positive self-perception.

• Step out of your comfort zone: Growth occurs outside of your comfort zone. By trying new things and challenging yourself, you’ll develop a sense of adaptability and resilience that contributes to confidence.

A couple more thoughts on confidence. Be careful when projecting confidence around others. Less confident people may mistake your confidence for arrogance. It’s even possible that you could allow your new found confidence to turn into arrogance. Neither of those situations is helpful to you or the people around you. So don’t let them happen.

Remember that building confidence is an ongoing journey. It’s normal to have moments of self-doubt, but with consistent effort and a positive mindset, you can develop a strong foundation of self-assurance over time.

Want more of LeadToday? I’ve changed things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. I recently began publishing two or three videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Sometimes a bonus video pops up at other times during the week. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $4.99 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month.

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