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How to Be More Professionally Assertive (Without Becoming “That Person”)

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Most people fall into one of two unhappy camps at work: they’re either too passive (ideas ignored, credit stolen, workload dumped) or too aggressive (labeled difficult, excluded from opportunities). I’ve been in both camps at one time or another. I was unhappy in both.

But there is another camp, an unfortunately small camp, but one filled with happy, successful campers. It’s the professionally assertive camp.

Professional assertiveness is the narrow, high-reward path between those first two extremes. It’s speaking up respectfully, defending your boundaries, and asking for what you know you deserve—while still being someone people want on their team.

Here’s how to build that skill without turning into a workplace knucklehead.

Understand the Difference: Passive → Assertive → Aggressive

• Passive: “Sure, I can take on three more projects this week.” (Then quietly resent everyone.)

• Assertive: “I want to support the team, but my current bandwidth is full until the Miller report is submitted on Friday. Which of these new tasks is the highest priority?”

• Aggressive: “I’m already doing everyone else’s job—figure it out yourselves.”

Assertiveness protects your time and mental health while showing you are a problem-solver, not a subtle but massive reputation upgrade.

Master the Assertive Mindset First

Before you change your words, change your thinking:

• Your needs, time, and opinions are legitimate by default. You do not need extraordinary justification to state them.

• “No” is a complete sentence, but a polite “No, thank you” is usually smarter politics.

• Disagreement is not a personal attack; it’s data. Separate ideas from egos (yours and theirs).

Repeat those internally until they feel boringly obvious.

Use the Magic Assertive Formula: Observation + Feeling + Need + Request

Psychologists call this “nonviolent communication” or “I-statements.” In practice, it sounds like:

“Yesterday, when the deadline for the deck was moved up 24 hours without discussion (observation), I felt blindsided and stressed (feeling) because I had already blocked my calendar for the client presentation prep (need). Going forward, can we give at least 48 hours’ notice on deadline shifts unless it’s an emergency? (request)”

It’s almost impossible to argue with because you’re only reporting your own experience.

Script the Most Common Scenarios

Have go-to phrases ready so your brain doesn’t freeze in the moment:

When someone interrupts you constantly.

→ “I’d like to finish my thought—then I’m happy to hear yours.”

When you’re volunteered for work you don’t want.

→ “That sounds like an important initiative. Unfortunately, I’m at capacity until mid-month. Sarah’s skill set might actually be a stronger fit—she crushed the last analytics project.”

When you’re being undervalued in salary/review conversations.

→ “Based on market data for this role in our region, and given the 40% revenue growth my projects drove last year, I’m targeting $X. What would it take to get there?”

Practice them out loud. Yes, literally in the mirror or on voice memos. The first time you use a new script should not be in front of your intimidating boss.

Perfect Your Delivery

Tone and body language trump words. Record yourself or get honest feedback. Aim for:

• Lower, slower vocal pitch (authority lives in the lower register).

• Brief pauses instead of filler words.

• Steady eye contact

• Relaxed shoulders and open palms (closed fists are read as aggressive)

A calm, warm tone with firm content is the assertiveness sweet spot.

Start Small—Build the Muscle

Assertiveness is a skill, not a personality trait. Begin in low-stakes environments:

• Ask the barista to remake the drink that they got wrong.

• Tell the restaurant server you would like a different table.

• Politely correct someone who calls you by the wrong name.

Each tiny win rewires your nervous system to expect positive (or at least neutral) outcomes when you speak up.

Handle Pushback Gracefully

Some people are threatened by newly assertive colleagues. Common responses:

• Guilt trips (“But we’re all working weekends…”)

• Dismissal (“You’re being too sensitive”)

• Aggression

Your counter-move is almost always the same: calm repetition of your boundaries.

Example:

Them: “Can’t you just stay late this once?”

You: “I understand the urgency, and I’m not available after 6 p.m. tonight. I can jump on it first thing tomorrow, or we can pull in Alex, who’s free this evening.”

Repeat as needed. The broken-record technique works because most people back down after two or three rounds.

Document Everything

Quietly professional assertiveness includes a paper trail. After verbal agreements or boundary conversations, send a short follow-up email:

“Just confirming our discussion—new deadline is now Friday COB and I’ll own sections 1–3. Let me know if I’ve misunderstood anything.”

This isn’t paranoia; it’s professionalism. It protects you, and paradoxically, makes you look more competent.

Know When to Escalate

Assertiveness doesn’t mean fighting every battle alone. If someone repeatedly ignores reasonable boundaries, loop in your manager with facts, not emotions. Example:

“Over the past three months I’ve asked Alex four times (emails attached) to stop assigning me last-minute tasks after 5 p.m. because of prior commitments. It’s still happening and affecting my deliverables. I would appreciate guidance on how to handle this.”

The Payoff

Within 6–12 months of consistent, respectful assertiveness, you’ll notice:

• People stop dumping work on you.

• Your ideas get heard in meetings.

• Your stress level drops.

Your perceived competence rises—ironically—because you value yourself, others start to as well.

The best part? You won’t become “difficult.” You’ll become the colleague everyone wishes they had more of: clear, reliable, and unafraid to speak the truth kindly.

Start with one small, assertive act this week. Then another. The compound interest on courage is extraordinary.

The Next Shot

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I play some golf. When I’m playing well, I hit a shot and then, if it’s a bad shot, I forget about it. I forget about it because in golf, the last shot doesn’t matter; it’s the next shot that could make or break your round.

When I’m not playing well, I can’t seem to let go of even one bad shot. I ruminate on each one and let them build on each other. Pretty quickly, almost every shot becomes a bad one. My focus moves from only the next shot matters to do not hit another bad shot.

I literally think myself into a bad shot by focusing on what has happened instead of what I want to happen. And once I start down that road, it seems darn near impossible to turn off.

Life can be a lot like that too. When we hit a tough patch, we tend to forget about the good times. We focus on what’s gone wrong in the past, sometimes even the distant past, at the expense of seeing the good things happening today and the awesome things that are possible in the future.

If you find yourself in that situation and you’re losing focus on your next opportunity for success, here are a few things to keep in mind.

The past is unchangeable, but the present is your launchpad: Every second spent ruminating on yesterday’s mistakes robs energy from today’s decisions; channeling your focus forward turns regrets into lessons and wins into momentum.

Future-oriented thinking drives growth: Neuroscience shows that visualizing positive outcomes activates the same brain pathways as real achievement—shifting from “what was” to “what could be” sparks creativity, resilience, and measurable progress.

Living in the present boosts health and happiness: Studies from Harvard and the American Psychological Association link mindfulness (fully engaging now) to lower stress, better immune function, and stronger relationships—while dwelling on the past correlates with anxiety and depression.

Opportunity compounds in real time: Markets, careers, and personal goals reward consistent daily action; obsessing over historical “what-ifs” misses compounding and potential opportunities that could lead to massive success.

My golf game is proof that these thoughts don’t always clear my mind of past shortcomings. But keeping these four thoughts top of mind does give me a chance to turn away from negativity and onto the path of success.

I’m confident they will do the same for you if you give them a shot. Just remember, the last opportunity is gone and whether it worked out or not, the next opportunity is ten times more important than the last one.

Finding Balance: How to Maintain a Healthy Work–Life Rhythm

Steve Keating Leave a comment

I am always unimpressed by leaders who, in an effort to impress me, tell me they are the hardest-working person in their organization. They say they often work 18-20 hours a day.

I must have a strange or skeptical look on my face when they are telling me that, because they immediately try to justify why working nonstop is a good thing.

It is not a good thing.

It’s darn expensive. It costs a fortune in lost personal relationships. Especially with people who should matter more than anything in your life. It adds stress and potential health problems to your life. Even if you love your job, working nonstop robs you of the boundless joy of a well-balanced life.

But despite the challenges of an “always on” lifestyle, many people tell me that they have no choice. And in today’s highly competitive workplaces, maintaining a healthy work–life balance can truly feel nearly impossible. Between emails that never stop, constant notifications, and the pressure to stay productive, it’s easy to let work spill into every corner of your life. Yet true success—and happiness—comes not just from what we accomplish, but from how we live along the way.

Why Work–Life Balance Matters

Work–life balance isn’t about splitting your time evenly between your job and your personal life. It’s about creating a rhythm that allows you to perform well at work without sacrificing your well-being, relationships, or sense of purpose. When that balance tips too far, burnout, stress, and even health problems can follow. When it’s in sync, productivity, creativity, and overall satisfaction thrive.

Set Clear Boundaries

Start by setting realistic boundaries between work and personal time. This might mean:

Logging off at a set time each evening.

Turning off email notifications after hours.

Avoiding work-related tasks during the weekends.

These small acts send a powerful message—to yourself and others—that your personal time matters. This is often easier said than done, I get that, but almost everything worth doing is easier said than done. Even if you can only maintain your boundaries once in a while, you’ll be better off than if you have no boundaries at all.

Prioritize What Truly Matters

We often fill our days with “urgent” tasks that aren’t actually important. Instead, focus on what creates the most value. Tools like the Eisenhower Matrix (dividing tasks into urgent/important categories) can help you stay focused and avoid busy work. Remember: saying “no” to something unimportant is really saying “yes” to what matters most.

Schedule Rest and Recreation

You wouldn’t run a car without refueling, yet many of us push ourselves without a break. Schedule time for activities that recharge you—exercise, reading, hobbies, or simply doing nothing. Even short breaks throughout your day can reset your mind and improve focus. For instance, DO NOT eat lunch at your desk. Even a 15-minute lunch break, with no work interruptions, recharges you. Research shows that short breaks can make you 25% more productive later in the day.

Nurture Your Relationships

Strong relationships are one of the best buffers against stress. Make time for the people who lift you up—family, friends, and colleagues. Share a meal, take a walk, or just check in. These moments aren’t distractions from work; they’re the fuel that helps you bring your best self to it.

Redefine “Success”

Finally, remember that success isn’t just about climbing the career ladder or hitting financial goals. It’s about living a life you don’t need a vacation from—one filled with purpose, connection, and peace. The healthiest professionals are those who work hard, rest deeply, and stay grounded in what truly matters.

Final Thoughts
Work–life balance isn’t a static destination—it’s a continual adjustment. Some days, work will take center stage; other days, life outside the office will need your full attention. The key is awareness. By setting boundaries, prioritizing what matters, and protecting your well-being, you can create a life that is both productive and fulfilling.

Dealing with Being Taken for Granted: Reclaiming Your Value

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s a really crappy feeling we all know at one time or another: the realization that your efforts, kindness, or presence are being treated as the default rather than appreciated as the gift they are. Being taken for granted can be exhausting, frustrating, and deeply hurtful, whether it’s by a partner, family member, friend, or even a colleague or boss. For me personally, being taken for granted by anyone just pisses me off.

The good news? YOU have the power to change this dynamic. It starts with recognizing your worth and taking active steps to shift the balance. Here’s a practical guide on how to reclaim your value and put an end to being taken for granted.

Recognize the Signs and Acknowledge the Hurt

Before you can change the situation, you need to fully acknowledge it. Being taken for granted often looks like this:

Zero or minimal thanks: Your contributions are expected, not appreciated.

A lack of reciprocity: You’re always the one giving, reaching out, or initiating plans.

Only being called upon for favors: You feel like a resource, not a person.

Disregard for your time or needs: Your boundaries are consistently ignored.

Action Step: Don’t minimize your feelings. Tell yourself, “My feelings are valid, and I deserve respect and appreciation.” This mental shift is the foundation for everything else.

Communicate, Don’t Accuse

Many people who take others for granted aren’t doing it out of malice—they’ve simply fallen into a comfortable, unconscious routine. A calm, non-accusatory conversation can be a powerful first step.

Use “I” statements: Focus on how you feel, not on what they did wrong.

Instead of: “You never thank me for anything.”

Try: “I’ve been feeling unappreciated lately when I do X, Y, and Z. It would mean a lot to me if you could occasionally acknowledge my efforts.”

Be specific: Give clear examples of what makes you feel unappreciated and what specific changes you want to see.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries

Boundaries are the bedrock of respect. If you don’t clearly define where your responsibilities end and your personal time begins, people will naturally fill that void.

Say “No” (and mean it): You don’t have to agree to every request, favor, or social invitation. Start small. Decline a minor request without over-explaining.

Don’t over-function: If you find yourself consistently picking up the slack for others (e.g., always doing the chores, planning every event, managing a colleague’s mistakes), stop. Allow them the space to step up and own their responsibilities.

Guard your time: If you are used to being available 24/7, start setting limits. For example, “I can help with that project, but only until 5 PM today,” or “I’m busy this weekend, but I’m free to chat on Tuesday.”

Create Space and Shift the Focus

When you’re consistently available and putting others’ needs first, you create a dynamic where your efforts are expected. Stepping back is the most immediate way to disrupt this pattern.

Reduce your efforts: Do less for the person or people who are taking you for granted. Let the chore go undone, don’t initiate the weekend plan, or wait for them to contact you first.

Focus on yourself: Redirect the energy you spend on others back into your own life. Invest in a hobby, spend time with people who do appreciate you, or simply enjoy some quality solitude. When your life is full and vibrant outside of that relationship, you are less likely to tolerate being treated poorly within it.

Be Prepared for Pushback

When you change the rules of a relationship, the other party often resists. They may become confused, annoyed, or even try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.

Stay strong and stick to your boundaries. Remember: Your discomfort is not a reason to abandon your self-respect. If someone truly values you, they will eventually adjust and respect the new dynamic. If they refuse and the situation worsens, you may need to reassess the long-term health and benefits of that relationship and adjust accordingly.

Final Thought: You are the Standard

You teach people how to treat you. By drawing a line and demanding to be valued, you are not being selfish; you are being self-respecting. The people who truly belong in your life will meet you at that level.

Unleash Your Inner Power: Simple Steps to Boost Your Self-Confidence 💪

Steve Keating 2 Comments

Many of the most successful people possess terrific self-confidence. They manage to demonstrate that self-confidence to themselves and others without crossing the line into arrogance.

Their self-confidence isn’t an inherited trait; it’s much like a muscle that they have developed and strengthened over time. If you’re going to strengthen your own self-confidence “muscle,” you’ll need to trust your own judgment, feel worthy, and have the courage to face challenges.

If you’re ready to ditch the self-doubt, here are some practical, actionable steps to start building the strong, steady confidence you deserve.

Know Yourself (and Your Victories) 🏆

The foundation of confidence is self-awareness.

Identify Your Strengths: Less successful people often focus on what they can’t do. The most successful people focus on what they can do. Take five minutes and genuinely list your talents, skills, and positive qualities. Are you a great listener? A problem solver? Creative? A reliable friend? Acknowledge these truths.

Keep a “Win” Journal: Start writing down everything you achieve, no matter how small. Finishing a tough project at work, running an extra mile, successfully cooking a new recipe, or handling a difficult conversation with grace—these are all wins. Reviewing this list is powerful evidence of your competence.

Tame the Inner Critic 🤫

That little voice telling you you’re not good enough is often based on irrational fears, not facts.

Challenge Negative Thoughts: When a negative thought pops up (“I’m going to fail”), don’t accept it. Ask yourself: “Is this 100% true? What is the evidence for and against this thought?” Usually, the evidence against it is overwhelming.

Reframe Your Language: Switch from defeatist talk to encouraging self-talk. Instead of “I can’t do this,” try “This is challenging, but I can definitely learn how to do it.”

Practice Small Acts of Bravery 👣

Confidence grows not from wishing, but from doing.

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone: Don’t wait until you feel confident to act; act to create confidence. Start small. Speak up in a meeting, introduce yourself to a new person, or take on a task you’ve been avoiding. Each successful attempt widens your comfort zone.

Embrace Imperfection: Fear of failure paralyzes confidence. Understand that failure is just feedback—a critical part of learning and growth. Highly confident people don’t avoid mistakes; they learn from them and move on quickly.

Upgrade Your Appearance and Body Language 🧍

How you carry yourself deeply affects how you feel and how others perceive you.

Dress the Part: You don’t need a new wardrobe, but choose clothes that fit well and make you feel capable and prepared for the day. Feeling good about your appearance is an easy, immediate confidence boost.

Adopt Power Poses: Research shows that standing or sitting in an open, expansive posture (shoulders back, head up, taking up space) for just a couple of minutes can reduce stress and increase feelings of power. Stop slouching!

Make Eye Contact: This simple non-verbal cue communicates engagement, sincerity, and self-assurance.

Prioritize Self-Care and Health 🍎

Your physical and mental well-being are inextricably linked to your confidence.

Move Your Body: Regular exercise improves your mood and energy. Feeling physically strong translates directly into feeling mentally strong.

Sleep Well: Chronic tiredness erodes focus and resilience, making you more vulnerable to self-doubt. Prioritize getting enough restful sleep.

Learn a New Skill: Competence breeds confidence. Taking a course, learning a new language, or mastering a kitchen skill gives you tangible proof that you can learn and achieve.

Developing rock-solid self-confidence isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a continuous journey of self-improvement and self-acceptance. Start with one of these steps today, be patient with yourself, and soon you will feel your self-confidence begin to grow. You’ve got this! ✨

The Power of Perspective: How to Keep Life’s Challenges in Check

Steve Keating Leave a comment

Sometimes we get so overwhelmed that everything seems to set us off. A tough critique at work, a spat with a friend, a never-ending to-do list—suddenly, the world can feel like it’s crashing down. But the truth is, most of what stresses us out are just small pieces of a much larger, more complex puzzle.

Learning how to keep things in perspective isn’t about ignoring problems; it’s about developing a mindset that prevents minor setbacks from hijacking your overall well-being.

I’m a big believer in living in what Dale Carnegie called, “Day-Tight Compartments.” Living each day in its own 24 hours. That means not allowing yesterday’s “stuff” to impact today’s efforts. It means not over-worrying about tomorrow’s events at the cost of today’s happiness and productivity.

Living in Day-Tight Compartments is the superpower that lets you navigate storms without sinking your entire ship.

Here are a few practical strategies you can use to zoom out and regain your footing when life feels too big and your Day-Tight Compartment starts to get a little leaky.

1. The 10/10/10 Rule

When you’re facing a stressful decision or a major upset, try asking yourself these three simple questions:

How will I feel about this in 10 minutes? (Immediate impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 months? (Mid-term impact)

How will I feel about this in 10 years? (Long-term impact)

Most of the things that cause immediate distress—that awkward email, a spilled coffee, a missed deadline—will have zero emotional weight in 10 months or 10 years. This exercise instantly shifts your focus from the current drama to the long-term reality, often shrinking the problem down to its true, manageable size.

2. The “Worst-Case Scenario” Check

Our minds are masters of catastrophizing. When we feel anxious, we often jump straight to the most dramatic, scary outcomes without checking the facts.

Next time you feel a worry spiraling, take a moment to define the absolute worst-case scenario. Write it down. Then, ask yourself two more questions:

How likely is this truly to happen? (Be honest, not fearful.)

If it did happen, what is the absolute minimum I could do to recover?

By confronting the “worst” and creating a fallback plan, you strip away its power. You realize that even if the worst happens, you would be okay, and you have the resourcefulness to handle it. You move from panic to planning. This will take a ton of weight off your shoulders.

3. Embrace the “Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Influence”

This concept, popularized by Stephen Covey, is critical for reducing stress over things you cannot control.

Circle of Concern: Everything you worry about—the economy, the weather, what others think of you, a coworker’s bad mood.

Circle of Influence: The things you can actually do something about—your effort, your attitude, your boundaries, and how you spend your time.

When stress hits, identify what part of the problem falls into your Circle of Influence. Don’t waste energy fretting over the weather (Concern); focus on bringing an umbrella (Influence). By dedicating your time and energy only to what you can control, you become more effective and less burdened.

4. Practice Gratitude Daily

It sounds almost silly, but a consistent gratitude practice is one of the most powerful tools for perspective. When you focus on what you lack or what went wrong, you narrow your vision. Gratitude forces you to widen it.

Take three minutes every morning or evening to list three specific things you are genuinely grateful for. It could be your morning coffee, a good night’s sleep, or the support of a friend.

This simple act reminds you that even on a bad day, your life is filled with existing good things—and the minor setback you’re currently facing doesn’t invalidate any of them. It puts your troubles into a richer, fuller context, which tends to shrink them.

A Final Thought: You Are More Than Your Problems

Remember that you are not your immediate circumstances. Hope is the understanding that our current circumstances are very unlikely to be our permanent circumstances. A bad day is a single data point, not a complete picture of your life. That means we always have hope. When you feel trapped by a current challenge, step back, breathe, and use one of these tools to zoom out.

The ability to keep things in perspective isn’t a trait you’re born with; it’s a skill you build, day by day, worry by worry. Start practicing today, and watch how much smaller and easier to manage your challenges become.

How to Take Control of Your Life

Steve Keating Leave a comment

It’s easy to get stuck in the floaty trap. You know the one, the one that feels like you’re just floating along, letting life happen to you instead of making things happen yourself.

It can be a pretty comfortable feeling until it’s not. Eventually, we get frustrated with floating because, while it feels pretty good, we have little to no control over where we end up.

When we “float” we are subject to the whims of other people and circumstances that we’ve chosen to not control. Floating is a pretty common feeling, and it is easy to stay there way longer than you should. But floating does not have to be a permanent condition.

YOU can take control of your life!

Taking control of your life is about making a conscious decision to be the driver, not the passenger in your life’s journey. It’s about being intentional with your choices and actions, big and small.

Here’s how to start taking control of your life.

Define What “Control” Means to You

First, you need to understand what taking control looks like for you personally. It’s absolutely not the same for everyone. When you get married, for instance, you are willingly and lovingly giving up at least some control to your partner.

So for you, is control about your career? Your health? Your relationships? Your finances? It’s likely a combination of these things and maybe more, but identifying the key areas that feel out of whack is the first step. Grab a notebook, iPad, or whatever, and jot down the parts of your life that feel most chaotic or uncontrolled. This isn’t about judgment; it’s about clarity.

Set Intentional Goals

Once you’ve identified the areas you want to work on, it’s time to set some goals. These shouldn’t be vague wishes. A good goal is SMART:

• Specific: What exactly do you want to achieve?

• Measurable: How will you track your progress?

• Achievable: Is this goal realistic for you right now?

• Relevant: Does this goal align with your values and what you want for your life?

• Time-bound: When do you want to achieve this by?

For example, instead of “I want to get healthy,” try “I will walk for 30 minutes three times a week for the next month.”

Embrace Small Actions

The idea of “taking control” can feel overwhelming. The key is to start small. A big change is just a series of small, consistent actions. If your goal is to save more money, start by packing your lunch once a week instead of buying it. If you want to learn a new skill, commit to 15 minutes of practice a day. These small wins build momentum and confidence, proving to yourself that you are capable of making a change.

Practice Self-Awareness

One of the most powerful tools for taking control is self-awareness. It’s about understanding your habits, triggers, and emotions. Why do you procrastinate? What makes you feel stressed? What are you truly passionate about? The more you understand yourself, the better you can navigate your life’s challenges. Journaling, meditation, or simply taking a few minutes each day to reflect can help you develop this awareness.

Take Responsibility (Without Blame)

This is a tough one, but it’s essential. Taking control means taking responsibility for your choices, ALL your choices, and their outcomes. This is not about blaming yourself for past mistakes. Instead, it’s about acknowledging your role in your current situation. For example, if you’re not happy with your job, instead of blaming your boss or the company, ask yourself, “What can I do to change this situation?” Maybe it’s updating your resume, networking, or taking a course to learn new skills. This shift in perspective is incredibly empowering.

Taking control of your life isn’t a one-time event; it’s a continuous practice. It’s about being proactive, not reactive. By defining your goals, starting with small actions, practicing self-awareness, and taking responsibility, you can begin to steer your life in the direction you want to go.

Things still will not always go your way, but YOU have the power to change directions as many times as are required to put yourself exactly where you want to be. Now that’s control!

So, where will you start?