Month April 2023

Prospering from Difficult Conversations

Steve Keating 1 Comment

No one enjoys difficult conversations. But skilled communicators and Authentic Leaders have them anyway. They know that avoiding difficult conversations helps no one.  They know that avoidance makes whatever situation is driving the need for the conversation worse. 

Having difficult conversations is an important skill to develop.  Especially if you want to have healthy relationships with others. Here are some ideas for making difficult conversations a little less difficult. 

  • Choose the right time and place. It’s important to choose a time and place where both you and the other person feel comfortable and safe to have a conversation. Make sure it’s a private space where you won’t be interrupted. But…if you’re in a position of authority the space should be neutral. Just because your office might be comfortable for you it may be anything but for the other person. That desk you sit behind is often an impenetrable wall between you and the person you’re trying to have the conversation with. If the space isn’t safe and comfortable for both parties involved in the conversation then it’s not a safe and comfortable space at all. 
  • Be clear about the issue. Before you start the conversation, take some time to think about what you want to say. Be crystal clear about the issue at hand. Try to focus on the behavior or action that’s causing the problem. Avoid making personal attacks. Be specific. Don’t use “waffle words.” Don’t use a bigger word than you need to make your point. Your goal in the conversation is not to show off your extensive vocabulary, it’s to communicate clearly. 
  • Listen actively. When you’re having a difficult conversation, it’s important to listen actively to the other person’s perspective. Try to understand where they’re coming from and show empathy for their feelings. If your reply to anything the other person says begins with, “yes but,” then it’s likely you’re not fully listening. It’s likely you were preparing your pithy response instead. Check yourself here; effective listening is every bit as important as anything you may say. 
  • Stay calm and respectful. It’s natural to feel emotional during a difficult conversation, but it’s important to stay calm and respectful. Avoid attacking the other person or becoming defensive. Never allow your passion to become an excuse for losing control of your emotions. 
  • Offer solutions. Instead of just pointing out the problem, offer solutions or suggestions for how to move forward. This can help to create a sense of collaboration and can lead to a more positive outcome. The great Dale Carnegie says to “make the fault seem easy to correct.” Never never never make a mountain out of a molehill. 
  • Follow up. After the conversation, it’s important to follow up and check in with the other person to make sure they’re okay and to see if any further action is needed. Very few difficult conversations are a “one and done” type of communication. Stay connected and make sure that all agreements made, no matter who made them, are being followed through on. 

Having difficult conversations takes practice, but it’s a valuable skill to have. With time and experience, you can become more confident in your ability to communicate effectively. You’ll navigate challenging conversations with much less stress.

Authentic Leaders don’t dodge difficult conversations. They use them to help their people and their organizations grow and prosper. Once you can do that there isn’t much that can get in the way your success.

Want more of LeadToday? I’ve changed things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. I recently began publishing two or three videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. Sometimes a bonus video pops up at other times during the week. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $4.99 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month.

If you’re interested in taking a look, head on over to my Twitter profile page. If you’re not a follower yet just hit the follow button. It will change to a subscribe button and once you hit that you’re on your way. You can cancel at any time you’ve decided you have nothing left to learn about leading the people who you count on for your success.

Here’s the link to my Twitter… https://twitter.com/leadtoday

Why Listening Well is Such a Big Deal

Steve Keating 3 Comments

People who listen well do well. They do well in most every area of their life. They do especially well in their relationships. Whether it’s professional or personal relationships you’ll be more approachable when you make the effort to listen to others intently. 

Here are some ways that listening well can help build and maintain relationships.

When you listen well, it shows the other person that you care about their thoughts and feelings. This can help build trust in the relationship, as the other person feels heard and understood. Many times when someone asks for help the only “help” they need is for someone to listen to them. Really listen. 

That’s why focused, active listening is often one of the kindest things you can do for someone. All it takes is an open heart, a good ear, and an investment of time. 

Good listening skills can help prevent misunderstandings by ensuring that you have a clear understanding of what the other person is saying. This can help you avoid jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on incomplete information. If your reply to what another person says is “yes but” then it’s likely you weren’t completely listening to them. It’s probable that you were at least partially planning your reply while they were still talking.

Listening well requires you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see things from their perspective. This can enhance your empathy for them and help you better understand their feelings and experiences. Empathy is a skill that can be developed through practice. Empathy is vital to relationships with people who are different than you because once you understand their emotions and life experiences you’ll find you have far less need to judge them. 

Active listening is an effective tool for resolving conflicts. It allows both parties to express their feelings and concerns in a supportive environment. By listening well, you can work together to find common ground and come up with solutions that meet everyone’s needs.

Good listening skills help deepen your connection with the other person. It shows them that you value their thoughts and feelings. This can lead to a stronger and more meaningful relationship over time.

We all know that listening well is an essential skill for building and maintaining healthy relationships. By taking the time to truly listen to others, you can build trust. You reduce misunderstandings. You enhance empathy. You resolve conflicts, and even stop them before they start. You strengthen your connections with others in very significant ways.

Listening is a skill you can develop over time. Funny thing is, it’s a very challenging skill to learn while holding a cell phone in your hand. It’s almost like a cell phone is Kryptonite to listening skills. So the first two steps to become a better listener are one, find the off button on your cell phone. Two, use it. 

Not only will you be a better listener, you’ll be amazed at how many other positive differences that will make in your life too.

Want more of LeadToday? I’m changing things up on my Twitter feed for subscribers. On March 2nd I began publishing two videos each week focusing on an element of Authentic Leadership. I’ll post these videos each Tuesday and Thursday morning. They will be about 10 minutes long so we can get into the topic in a more meaningful way. The investment for subscribers in still only $5 a month. That’s for at least 80 MINUTES of quality video content on leadership a month. 

If you’re interested in taking a look head on over to my Twitter profile page. If you’re not a follower yet just hit the follow button. It will change to a subscribe button and once you hit that you’re on your way. You can cancel at any time you’ve decided you have nothing left to learn about leading the people who you count on for your success. 🙂

Here’s the link to my Twitter… https://twitter.com/leadtoday